Shame and guilt are two emotions most of us have experienced at one point or another. Guilt is what we feel when we do something wrong to someone else, hurting others through our words or actions. It's when we go against others' moral standards. Basically, it's "I did something bad."
Shame, on the other hand, is what we feel when we go against our own personal standards and values. Instead of "I did something bad," shame takes it much deeper - "I AM bad." It's self-defeating and often harmful.
It amazes me how easy it is for me to feel guilt and shame. For years, I blamed myself, in part, for my brothers' deaths. I blamed myself for the abuse we all endured. I blamed myself for things that happened to others, which I really had no part of.
And shame? I was molested as a young girl... and the shame that came from these few years is something that I'm not sure I have ever entirely rid myself of. Tack on that the "deserved" shame I've taken on - the shame caused by my own sin - and you've got someone so deeply bound, love is always just out of reach.
It's like being chained to concrete blocks and thrown overboard. But being chained to shame has a lot of negative effects - namely, it keeps you from being able to have a relationship with God. It keeps you from feeling God's grace and love, and in believing in Him and His promises. It keeps you from love - from believing you deserve a healthy, happy, loving relationship with anyone. It leads you to self-destructive habits.
God doesn't want us to feel shame. He wants us to let go of our shame and turn to him. If this shame is brought on by your own sin, feel comfort in the Lord's forgiveness. If it is caused by others, release yourself from that shame and trust in God.
Amen! Shame and guilt are a tool that Satan uses to keep us from God! It is a hard process for us to release these feelings, but it is necessary to be able to draw closer to God. Thanks
ReplyDeleteBrandi,
ReplyDeleteYour honesty is evident and I thank you for that. Incredibly, I just read something on this topic. I blog book reviews and I am going through Dr. John Piper's Future Grace. In chapter ten: Faith in Future Grace vs. Misplaced Shame, he defines shame as a painful emotion caused by a consciousness of guilt or shortcomings or impropriety. The pain is from our own failings and the fact that others see them. He believes there are two kinds of shame: well-placed shame and misplaced shame. Well placed shame is when we feel bad about something that dishonors God (our attitude or actions). Misplaced shame is when we are made to feel bad about something for which we shouldn't feel shame. What happened to you shouldn't bring shame to you because it wasn't something you did or an attitude that you had. Yet, you feel shame.
The Bible also speaks of guilt that is constructive and good (it's because of sin and turning from it leads to repentance and life). Yet it speaks of destructive guilt also (the kind Satan would have you to have) that leads to death (2 Corinthians 7:9-11). You shouldn't feel guilt for what happened to you nor shame. You did nothing wrong. You were victimized and the best you can do is to seek to forgive, allow God to deal with the abuser as He sees fit and live in light of what God's Word says about you rather than what you may feel.
I know, sounds so easy and I get it that it's not. I pray that you may experience the joy of God's presence, His healing and that He will help you to love in light of His love. There are plenty of people out there who are seeking to be like Him that you can have a relationship with that is good and wholesome and constructive (and nothing like the abuse you suffered).
I am very sorry to hear about the abuse and the loss of your brothers.