It never ceases to amaze me how so many people just don't live up to our expectations. Nor does it ever cease to amaze me how often I put unrealistic expectations on people. And, by unrealistic, I mean pretty much any expectation...
But, it also never ceases to amaze me how little people are capable of showing love.
For those who haven't been privy to my updates, and occasional emotional outbursts, and my occasional lack of emotion, in the past couple weeks - these past 10 days or so have been emotionally, spiritually, physically draining. They've been beyond draining. Each day has gotten progressively worse... even now with the knowledge that the emergency is over. I should be happy. And while yes, I am relieved, I'm far from ok.
I have had some people who've been here for me in the limited capacity they're able. They've responded to emails or commented on statuses on Facebook and Google+. They've let me know they're praying for me. And don't get me wrong - I truly do appreciate it. But, it is so sad when most of these people are online friends. Yes, a couple people from the community have commented, or stopped me in the middle of the road to see how I'm doing. But most people? The people I expected to reach out a hand, or a kind word, or even a "I'm praying for you"? Those I expected to call, or check in on me in some fashion?
When I switched churches, I thought I found a place of caring, loving people who'd be here for me and my family. I thought I'd found a place that understood love. When I started going to a Bible Study with some wonderful women, I thought I'd found a group of people who'd be here for me and my family. I thought I'd found a place that understood love.
Do you know how many people called to ask how I'm doing? One. How many of these people reached out to me online? Two.
It got me thinking. Am I this careless in showing love? Am I so wrapped up in my own little world that I don't bother to reach out a hand, an ear, a kind word, to those in need? Yes. I am. And I truly apologize to anyone who needed someone and I didn't hear their silent cries. No one should ever feel like their problems don't matter. No one should ever feel as alone as I have felt.
1 John 3:18 says "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." To me, this doesn't mean you can't offer words... it means don't offer cheap wordrs. Actually mean what you say. And, of course, also back up those words (or replace them) with actions when you can. Do you know how sad it is that someone a thousand miles away can offer more comfort and love with a few typed words than someone who is only a couple houses away? Do you know how much that hurts?
Has love become so obsolete in our lives? Are we all just too busy, too numb to others, too unfeeling, that we can't reach out to someone? I know it seems to be a silly and overused phrase, but seriously... what would Jesus do? Jesus was about love. Jesus is love. And we're all just too busy to care. Or we just don't think that other person is worth it. (Is that all it is? My family wasn't worth it?)
Again, I apologize to anyone who's pain I've overlooked. It wasn't intentional (not that this is much comfort) and I will be more aware in the future.
Good night and God bless.
Brandi you are precious and I love this post. It so horrifyingly true. We don't take the time to love and reach out. We live in isolated cushions with little to no thought of the surrounding world. I really try to reach out not just online but to those around me. Mind you I'm not perfect by any means. But, I have known from painful experience what is to be left alone in the darkest of hours. To feel the suffocating ache of silence in a world gone nuts around me. So I know perfectly everything you have said here is true. I wish you lived close to me and went to church with me, you would have me as a friend for sure. The best I can do right now is send you a big old Texas hug and tell you that you are loved by God with all of His heart! Stand on God's promises and lean on His everlasting arms, He is always there cheering you on!
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Shawn
Thank you for your kind words, Shawn. And for the big old Texas hug. I am honored to consider you a friend, and a sister. God bless.
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