Easter - and Loved Ones Not Here

Holidays are always difficult when there is someone missing. At least, they are for me. Last summer, I lost my father-in-law - a man who was more a dad to me than my own father has been, and whose home we've been to almost every year for Easter since I first got married 21 years ago. A couple years ago, I lost my Grandma - a woman who, when I was growing up, was always at our house on Easter Sunday.

Six years ago, I lost my baby brother. Fourteen years ago, I lost my eldest brother. I remember holidays with these boys when we were all kids. Easter egg hunts, helping my parents put together their Easter baskets, loving the expressions on their faces when they saw the Easter bunny had been here. I truly don't think there is any joy much greater than watching a child's face light up.

Except one joy....

Easter is about the resurrection of our Lord. It's about the salvation we have through His death and resurrection. It's about the knowledge that He lives on, and so do those we have lost. It's about the faith and hope that they are forgiven and saved and we will see them again. Tonight, I hold tight to that hope. I hold tight to the blessings God has given. I hold tight to the knowledge that Christ is Risen! Christ is risen, indeed!

Alleluia!

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

This post isn't about the fun little nursery rhyme many of us grew up chanting with our friends. But it is about ashes, and about falling down.

Today is Ash Wednesday... it marks the beginning of the Lent season, and as I did last year (not too successfully) and promised again to do this year, I will be writing a post every day during this season. These posts are for myself (even though I share them publicly and welcome/encourage comments)... they're a chance for me to reflect on God and with God. A chance for me to strengthen my relationship with Him, and let go of my relationship with sin. A time for me to cleanse my heart and prepare a place for Him there. A time for me to renew my spirit in Christ Jesus.

Today, I fall on bended knee before the Lord in repentance. Today, I fall on bended knee before the Lord in servitude. Today, I fall on bended knee before the Lord, recognizing that I am but dust, and to dust I shall return, but that forever I want my soul to be more than dust or ash... I want it to be with the Lord and for the Lord.

May God bless each of you today and through the Lenten season as we spend the next 40 (46) days reflecting on Christ, and preparing for the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior.

Wait... What? Easter MEANS Something?!?

Every Easter, the kids and I (and occasionally the husband) go to Easter service with my in-laws. It's just like Christmas - candlelight service. It's just something we do. It's a tradition. And, up until the past year, these two holidays were generally the only time you'd catch me in church.

I went to Sunday School and several years of confirmation. I know the Easter story. Jesus died for us... Jesus rose from the dead... blah blah blah. Now, pass the chocolate. Ohhh, and the ham please! And dear Lord please pass the wine.

I am a bit ashamed to admit that I have always been a little dismissive of Easter, and Christmas, and every other religious holiday and event. And, well, religion in general. It isn't that I didn't believe - I did. I just really didn't care... or, not even so much that. I just was too busy with other "important" things to bother taking the time to care. And I definitely didn't pay attention to what it all means.

This year has been different. This year, it truly hit me that this time of year has a purpose. There's a real story behind Easter. A story which affects me, and all of us. There have been many moments this Lent and Easter season which have touched me. Lent especially has been a season I have never paid attention to. Heck, I didn't even know what it was or what the point of it was until this year. Palm Sunday? Never even bothered going to church that Sunday in previous years - I only knew my kids came home from church with their Grandparents with palm leaves in their hands. Maundy Thursday? What the heck is that? (I must say, the stripping of the alter that night was incredibly moving).

Anyway, this year I offered to help out with the Sunrise Service. Our teenagers at the church have apparently done this service for the past several years (we just became members in December of this year, so my kids have never taken part). I was a bit hesitant at the whole 7am service idea (I have to get up when!!?!!?!!???). But, I did want to help. So, I helped come up with ideas, prayers, etc, and met with the pastor, and typed up the bulletin, and found the music online (we lost our piano players at the last minute), and burned the CD, and helped with the run-through of the service, and was at the church at 6:30 this morning, where I was blessed with the fun task of running the music.

I watched a group of 12 teenagers put on a church service incredibly beautifully. They all did a wonderful job. The all had a part to speak and did so clearly. Four of them (my daughter included) did a little skit, which told such a beautiful story (the Easter story as told from the perspectives of Peter, Mary Magdalene, Pontius Pilate, and the Centurion). My daughter also sang a solo. All I did was sit in the corner, hitting the play button when needed, and watching in awe as these crazy kids acted in reverence, respect, and love.

When all was said and done, and the kids were in the fellowship hall serving breakfast, I found a moment to sneak back into the sanctuary. It had suddenly hit me during that service that I have a lot to be thankful for. I found myself crying as I sat there in silence... for the fact that God loves me so much he has accepted me as I am, for the fact that one person has taken the time to help lead me back to God and has taken the time to help me understand that I am beloved, for the fact that God has given us all this wonderful gift of salvation, for all those God has sent to me - and for those God has taken back (I love and miss you Brandon and Matthew - Happy Easter), for the family I have been blessed with, and the list goes on.

I'm not going to pretend to understand it all... I'm not going to pretend that everything about Easter is suddenly clear in my eyes and heart. But, I will gladly admit that it does mean something, and I have been truly touched today, and this year, as I have allowed myself to have a closer relationship with my Lord.

God bless each of you.