TJNS: Thou Shalt Never Be Horny

 I think it's time we all have a serious conversation about sex. Our Christian communities seem to consider sexuality sinful and wrong. Sexual attraction is wrong. Waking up in the morning "in the mood" is evil. Reading a sex novel is sin. Watching a movie with two people kissing is bad. Dressing in a way that might attact the opposite sex is evil.

Why are we, as Christians, so afraid of sexual excitement? We want to wipe out anything in society that could, potentially, cause that sexual stir within us - romance/erotic books and movies, clothing on women that shows a little too much skin, music and dance, and well, basically anything that has the potential of making us... well... horny.

Perhaps, it's because we don't truly understand what is a sin and what is not when it comes to sex.

There are a few concepts we tend to get confused about in regards to this subject, and thus tend to toss all things sexual into the same pot - Sinful. There are dangers to this line of thinking. But, it's equally dangerous to assume all things sexual are acceptable.

First and foremost, we must understand that God created us as sexual beings. He made us able to have sex and able to enjoy sex. To flat out say that we should not be doing either of these is to say that God made us wrong. But, to say that because God made us this way, we can just go out and do both of these things whenever we want and with whomever we want is to ignore the Word of God.

Sexual concepts to consider:

- Sexual excitement
- Sexual attraction
- Lust
- Sex
- (there are probably others to add to the list, but we'll start with these).

Sexual excitement: When we hit puberty, our bodies tend to develop a mind of their own. We wake up excited. We see a picture or hear a voice or see someone walk by, and we get excited. We listen to a song and get turned on. These are all natural, biological responses. We cannot control their onset. Even if we were to hide in a box, away from anything that could be remotely considered sexual stimuli, we cannot control our bodies ability to get sexually excited.

Sexual attraction: Attraction is what often triggers excitement. We see a good looking girl walk by, we feel a sexual attraction. We hear a man with a foreign accent, we feel that sexual attraction. Again, this is not something we can control the onset of. Our bodies and minds and programmed to find things attractive, which can lead to sexual excitement.

Lust: When we feel that attraction and excitement, often times we find ourselves desiring that person. We want to have sex with her. We want to touch him. We fantasize about it. This strong desire for someone is lust.

Sex: So, we had the attraction and excitement. We lusted for the person. Now, we either pursue the person and have sex with him, or we lay alone in the dark and have sex with ourselves while imagining the person.

Are all of these pieces of sex sins?

No, no, potentially, potentially (in that order).

Sexual excitement and attraction are perfectly normal and not against God. Take a look at Song of Solomon - the entire book is based on these two concepts. Of course, some argue that these books are only about Christ and His Church, but if you read the erotic imagery contained within those chapters, I think you'll agree that it's a bit of erotic literature - literature that speaks to the normalcy of excitement and attraction. God created us with this ability. He created us with the biology to get sexually aroused, and to be sexually attracted to others.

Lust and sex, on the other hand, do have the potential of being sinful, depending on who you're directing that lust towards, and who you're having sex with. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul discusses how husbands and wives should not deprive one another, so as to help each other keep their self-control. This isn't telling us that we cannot feel sexual excitement, but rather that we should direct that excitement, lust, and sexual acts to our spouse, and only to our spouse. Paul recognizes that sexual desires are natural and is teaching us how to keep ourselves from sinning because of those natural urges.

There are dangers to teaching all things sexual are also sinful

As a young preteen/teenager, I was basically taught that having sexual urges is sinful. I was to repent for these feelings, and abstain from feeling them. And, well, I couldn't abstain. I'd wake up in the morning with that "loving feeling." Out of no where, in the middle of school, I'd feel that way. Laying in bed at night, listening to a love song, I'd feel it. It wasn't directed at anyone. It wasn't caused by anyone. I wasn't lusting for anyone. I just felt horny.

And... I felt dirty, and ashamed, and unworthy of God's love - all because I thought what I was feeling was unnatural and wrong. I became ashamed of my own body and mind... my sexuality... myself. There was something wrong with me.

This is a horrible, painful burden to put on a child. Yes, of course, we're all sinners. But it took many years to recognize that there was no sin in my biological sexuality. What I did with those sexual urges may have been sinful... something which can be traced back to feeling ashamed of my inability to stifle these natural and uncontrollable feelings... but the feelings themselves were not sinful.

Sin is something that comes from our hearts. God knows what is there. Waking up with a sexual urge is not something in our hearts - it isn't like we think, "ya know, I know sexual urges are sinful, but I feel like I want to disobey and have some urges anyway." Directing those sexual urges at your algebra teacher, spending the class hour fantasizing about trying out those sexual urges... that is in the heart. That is us thinking, "I know lust is sinful, but dang this guy is hot... one little disobedient, lust-filled fantasy will be ok."

We need to teach our children (and ourselves) the truth about sex and sexuality 

Hiding the truth about sex... lumping it all into a "this is sin!" category... is not healthy for preteen/teenagers. It's not healthy for adults. It causes us to have unhealthy expectations on our natural biology, and unhealthy views of ourselves and our sexuality.

Jesus never said "Thou shalt not be horny." He simply teaches us that we should not be lusting after someone who is not our spouse, and should not be sleeping with someone we're not married to. Let's please stop lumping all things sexual as sin.

Baggy, collared, button-up shirts - The Fall of Man

 

She wore a dirty t-shirt and jeans, no shoes, no makeup, and she hadn't even bothered to drag a brush through her hair. She was a typical 12 year old tomboy. Two older boys grabbed her and drug her to her bedroom and tried to rape her. Her parents came home - and said it was her fault for being provocative. 

She wore a tank top with an over-sized white man's button-up shirt over it, and simple denim jeans that were a little baggy. She wore very little make-up, and her hair wasn't styled. Canvas slip-on shoes covered her feet. A boy she'd gone to prom with - one who was only a friend, but made no attempt to hide that he wanted to be more - led her down an abandoned hallway to talk. It was then and there that he tried to rape her. Her guidance counselor at school told her it was partially her fault because of how she was dressed, and because she'd gone to the dance with the young man. 

She wore a tube top with a button-up shirt over the top, and shorts that fell to a few inches above her knee; canvas shoes, no make-up, and her hair was a windblown mess. She was bike riding with friends, until all but one had to go home. It was then that the one who was still with her decided they needed a break from riding - and raped her. He told her she was asking for it because she'd dressed up for him. 

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Immodest dress to blame for lustful thoughts and actions?

At Bible Study last night, we were discussing women and their sexuality - and how some use that sexuality to get what they want. The conversation veered off to how we dress, and how men are visual creatures. If they see a young lady dressed in short shorts and skimpy tops, they are prone to lustful thoughts. And this is where I had to step in and speak up....

I am not at all against teaching girls to have a little modesty. And yes, the Bible says we must not cause a brother to stumble. However...

1) I will not teach my daughters that how they dress excuses a man's lustful behavior. I don't care if a woman is walking down main street completely naked - this does not give a man the right to rape her. I don't care if the man takes her out to dinner - this does not mean she "owes" him her body, or anything else. Men, and men alone, are responsible for their actions; just as we women are solely responsible for our actions.

2) C'mon! It's 90 degrees outside. If a guy can be outside in shorts and no shirt to keep cool, a girl can be outside in a tank top and shorts. If you, as a male, cannot keep your hands off her because she's showing a little skin, then maybe there's a problem with you. 

3)  Why are we teaching females how to avoid rape (which, by the way, telling them to dress more modestly is not going to prevent most rapes), but we aren't teaching our boys to not rape??? Almost everything I read tells girls how to avoid being a victim. Don't get me wrong - it's good for girls to be aware and educated in how to be safe. But there must be equal attention (or perhaps even more attention) given to boys on how to respect females. You do not get to touch, kiss, or have sex with us without permission. Groping us is not funny. Making jokes about us being "doable" is not cool. Acting like the big man on campus that can get any girl he wants, is not a turn on, and does not make you a man at all. And I don't care how that girl is dressed... her clothing choice is not an invitation for you to have sex with her.

Teach Responsibility! 

You, and you alone, are responsible for the lust in your heart and for your words and actions.

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. (Matthew 5:27-30)

Note... this passage doesn't say "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully - the woman has committed adultery." It doesn't say "If a woman causes you to stumble..."

Women - dress modestly out of respect for the Lord and your own body.
Men - grow up and stop blaming women for your inability to keep your lust in check.

Let's Talk About Sex...

And now that I have successfully (and unfortunately) gotten the song "Let's Talk About Sex (Baby)" by Salt 'n' Pepa in my head...

Sex - Do we ever really talk about it? 

Oh sure, we debate certain sexual topics such as homosexuality. We discuss at times adultery, although, not nearly as often. When it comes to our children and premarital sex, the conversations usually involve either:

a) don't talk at all about it
b) throw 'em some form of birth control and be done with it
c) throw the Bible at 'em and let them know if they have sex before marriage, they're sinning and are going to hell.

Yeah, these are all really helpful. Is it any wonder we have such a high amount of teen pregnancies?

Kids need to understand their physical desires are normal. It's only by accepting their human limitations and recognizing that they need to turn to something higher than themselves that they are able to fight those temptations.

Sex - Have you had that talk with yourself recently?

Last night, I fantasized about having sex with you.

You aren't my spouse. I'm not yours. (But, in case you're wondering, you were great...).

Lust enters most (if not all) of our minds. Yes, some of us are better at burying it than others. Some of us are better at smacking it down as soon as we see it rear it's head. Just because lust enters ones mind doesn't mean that person drags out the porn and settle in for a nice romantic evening with him/herself.

It means we're sexual creatures. It means we're normal.

And, it means we need to have an honest discussion with ourselves as to our human limitations when it comes to lust and our desires; and we need to recognize that we need to turn to something higher; if we want to be able to fight these temptations.

Sex - Have you had that talk with God recently? 

The problem with lust is quite simple. When we don't recognize it within ourselves and admit to it and deal with it right away, it does not go away. It builds. It grows. It starts with just a thought.. "I wonder what it would be like..." and soon is a fantasy and a private, one person, romantic evening... and could quite easily become an intimate two-person evening with a lot of regret.

We must take it to God. We must openly share with Him these thoughts and ask His guidance. We must be willing to talk to God about sex. And well, if you think about it... God a) created sex; b) endorses sex in the right circumstances; c) already knows you've been thinking about it, and to what graphic detail; and d) knows when you've been having it, and to what graphic detail. So, you might as well just tell him.

Again, until we look honestly at our human limitations, and turn to God for help and guidance, we will not have the strength (usually... most of us...) to fight the temptations of lust.

So... everyone get on out there and talk about sex.

God bless!

The Wonderful Side of Lust

I remember a little over a year ago, I was seated next to a friend. Her husband came toward us, but his focus was solely on her. There was an intense passion in his gaze as he took her hand in his for just a brief moment. It was obvious the rest of the world had ceased to exist in those short seconds.Within this short gaze, the depth of his love and desire for his wife was evident to all who witnessed.

I remember feeling a stab of envy - not at either of them, but just at the intensity of love and desire they shared. I wonder how many others felt the same - how many others wondered why they didn't have that same intensity in their gaze, or in their spouse's gaze. It isn't that the rest of us didn't have/receive love from our spouses - but as is the case with many marriages, sometimes the sparks temporarily fizzle out, and that intensity just isn't there. Sometimes, some people, never find that intensity.
 
One of the emotions evident in his gaze was his desire for his wife - his lust. Now here is where things get a little quirky... the Bible clearly tells us that lust - even just looking at a woman in lust - is a sin. Is it therefore a sin to lust after your own spouse? It is a sin to desire to take her to bed and do all sorts of naughty things with her?

I asked the question to friends... is there a difference between desire and lust? Is one acceptable and one a sin? And, the answers aren't very clear. So, I'm going to give my take on it (which may or may not be Biblical)...

Desire and lust are essentially the same thing. Yes, it can be argued that lust is a more consuming and covetous feeling, whereas desire is more innocent and is simply a wanting. But in my opinion, this is just a way of rationalizing our human nature when human nature takes over. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says that even looking at a woman in lust is committing adultery. It is a sin.

How many of us, as humans, look at someone and thing "dayam! I wouldn't mind being under the blankets with him!" Is this lust? Desire? A sin? Committing adultery? In my opinion, it's often none of these. It's a simple statement of appreciate for someone else' body. If we actually want to be with this person, then we've moved into desire... and, it's a desire for something we shouldn't have (if we're married and/or the object of our desire is married). If we're laying in bed at night and fantasizing about being under the blankets... then we have lust.

So...

Lust is only a sin when it is aimed at someone to whom we are not married. Lusting after someone not our spouse - sin. Lusting after someone else' spouse - sin. Lusting after someone else' spouse when you are married to someone else - double sin (committing adultery and coveting thy neighbor's spouse.... yup, you're in trouble now...). Lusting after your own husband or wife? Not a sin... and perfectly normal, expected, and good.... provided it is a healthy relationship, and your eyes are still set on God. 

Lust/desire (whatever you want to call it) can be a healthy and great thing. Knowing your spouse desires you can be a very healthy and wonderful thing. Lust in itself is not sin. Misplaced lust is. So, in my opinion, go lust it up....

Anyway, that's just my take on the whole subject. (and yes, I'm still envious).

Sex with Parishioners and Other Naughty Things

When I first sat down to write tonight, I had a completely different topic in mind. I was going to write about healthy Christian friendships - what they are and how to achieve them. But, in my hunt online for some articles to help me along, I ran into an article that had absolutely nothing to do with healthy Christian friendships. Instead, it had to do with a minister accused of sexually abusing nearly 30 women.

Now, my facts may not be entirely accurate here - I only half read the article, and well... it came with a video of the action, so it's entirely possible I simply stumbled on a poorly done amateur porn video/story. But basically... a pastor had sex with almost 30 of his parishioners. These were all women, around 25-30 years of age, and mentally competent (supposedly). And here is my favorite part - he convinced them to have sex with him (and this is why he's being accused of sexually abusing them) by telling them if they did so, they would see God.

ummm...

...

hmmm...

...

First, all of these women should be charged with stupidity. That was my first thought, anyway, which really isn't very Christian of me. They actually believed that by having sex with a pastor, they would see God? How moronic!

This said, and after I got done shaking my head and wondering "what the hell?", I did stop to think about it from the other side. A pastor is someone we look up to. We often consider them to be trustworthy and wise. And, there is a good chance, if we're going to see a pastor in private, it's because we need spiritual guidance. So, if you put these two things together, I guess it would make sense. Therefore, my stance on this - while the women are definitely idiots for believing this guy, this pastor has no right to call himself a man of God. He abused his position.

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But, this tale does open up the door to a discussion on all things taboo. What acts are sexual sins? What acts are acceptable in the eyes of the Lord?

Is it wrong to have sex with (or sexual thoughts towards) your parishioners?
Is it wrong to have sex with (or sexual thoughts towards) your pastor?

Is it wrong to masturbate? Is oral sex wrong? Or any of the other forms of sex?
Bestiality? Incest? Homosexuality?
Role playing? Fetishes? BDSM?

I actually found a site which discusses these (and more) in regards to whether or not they are allowed according to the Bible.

Basically speaking... the Bible does say some of these are not allowed (Bestiality, incest). But beyond that, if the act is a) within the confines of marriage, and b) is acceptable to both involved, it's acceptable.

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Sex is obvious a very large topic when it comes to the Bible. To sum up what is acceptable in two short sentences probably isn't doing the topic justice. So, I will be happy to go into greater depths when it is not 1am and I am a little more awake.

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The site I found that breaks it all down as to what's acceptable: What's Okay, What's Not
The site where I found the story about the pastor... I lost it. I closed the site as soon as I noticed there was a video attached. I'm not one for watching porn.

Flee from Sin

Matthew 18:8-9
8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.

I recently read a sermon which said that it is not possible for us to turn from sin (I'd quote my source on this... but my computer decided to blow up at that moment and my history was not saved). The sermon went on to say that we can try to turn from sin - but it won't work. Sin will always be there. Temptation will always be there. Instead of turning from sin, we need to be turning to God. And, I agree with this concept.

This is not to say that we shouldn't try to avoid sin. We need to try to steer clear of it. We need to continue to try to resist it. But if we turn to God... if we ask his help in turning away from this sin... if we ask his guidance... we have a much better chance at turning from temptation. If we concentrate on prayer and service, on reading and studying scripture, we are less likely to succumb to temptation.

Now, I won't go into too much more detail on the subject of sin and temptation, simply because I think my last three blog posts were all on the same subject. However, I do want to touch on one particular part of this...

Avoiding sin. Fleeing from it.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I write smut. I have since I was in seventh grade. One of my most recent questions I've asked is whether or not writing this is a sin. I'm still not certain on the answer to this question. However, I was given one response which puts it into perspective if you take the time to think about it...

"There is an inherent danger in it, but that danger does not equal sinfulness. The question I'd ask yourself is this: Is writing this helping the people around me?"

And the answer to this?

Well, it depends on what kind of "help" I'm trying to provide the people around me...

Quite seriously, most of my writing is cathartic. My smut writing - not as much. Most of the time, this is simply either a) my fantasies written out for the world to see... or for my own eyes, depending on if I post them publicly; or b) an attention-seeking device; or c) all the above.

But, neither of these reasons for writing are helpful to myself (well, other than in a lustful, sinful manner), my relationship with God, or other people. In fact, I would almost go so far as to say they could be detrimental to these relationships. First, by spending so much time writing these, I take my focus off where it should be. Second, most of the themes held within the stories themselves are often sinful (unmarried couples - often strangers; or cheating spouses; or couples which just shouldn't be together; or situations which are taboo).

And therefore, they probably should not be written.

For this reason, I will not be writing any more on Passion's Garden, and will be removing that site as soon as I've had a chance to back up the stories posted there (yes, I know... it doesn't make sense to save these, but I have a very big problem deleting any of my writings - right or wrong, sinful or not... It stems from my childhood. Don't judge me).

Doing this is my personal way of avoiding the sin of lust (and the desire to tempt others with this sin). It is said that should we want to turn from sin, we must do what is needed - if our eye causes us to stumble, gorge it out.... I won't quite go to that extreme, but I will remove the temptation....

At least until I can come up with a better answer to whether or not writing these fantasies are a sinful act or not.

Thought, Word and Deed

"Most merciful God, we confess that we are by nature sinful and unclean. We have sinned against You in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone. We have not loved You with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We justly deserve Your present and eternal punishment. For the sake of Your Son, Jesus Christ, have mercy on us. Forgive us, renew us, and lead us, so that we may delight in Your will and walk in Your ways to the glory of Your holy name. Amen."

How many of you recall this prayer? This is perhaps one of my favorite prayers - and a good go-to prayer when I know I have sinned and need to repent and ask for forgiveness. But, have you ever paid attention to the words? Have you ever picked this prayer apart and looked at it for what it is truly saying?

Part of the prayer came to my mind a few weeks ago when I was having a discussion with some friends... "have sinned against You in thought..." Are thoughts truly sinful? Is it truly a sin to only think about killing someone, or only think about having an affair with someone? It really bothered me that this could really be the case because I'm a writer... a writer who quite often writes smut. I write stories which are filled with lust. Some which are filled with wrath and murder. In fact, right before coming to this blog to write this post, I wrote a story on my Passion's Garden blog ("The Adviser") which is a smut story. (Well, to be honest, immediately before writing this post, I was taking a nice long bath. But, I figure you don't all want to know that.) So anyway, what I really wanted to know, is it a sin to write these stories?

To answer my questions, I did as I usually do - I turned to two almost-all-knowing sources... the internet, and a trusted friend of mine. The internet, as usual, was filled with a lot of jibberish I didn't feel like sifting through. The friend, on the other hand, was able to provide some assistance.

He referred me first to the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7). It is here when Jesus informs the people that even being angry at someone is a sin; even looking at someone lustfully is a sin. And then this friend went on to explain what sin means to him. In a very basic sense - sin is equivalent to selfishness and narcissism. Whenever our thoughts and actions are focused on ourselves - on our own desires - we sin. This is especially true when we do this at the expense of others. While this may seem to be a very simplified answer, if you think about it, it's a very true one. When your thoughts are concentrated on being angry or wanting to harm someone else, you're focusing on your own desire. When you actually physically hurt or kill this other person, you're focusing on your own desire. Both are sins. When you're focusing your thoughts on sex with someone, you're focusing on your own desire. When you actually have sex with that person, you're focusing on your own desire. Again, both are sins.

"Here's the danger in lustful thoughts. When we indulge our lustful thoughts toward an inappropriate source, this pulls us away from focusing our thoughts and commitment to the/an appropriate source."  

While this response was in regards to lust, it can be applied to any sinful thought - placing the focus of our thoughts on these sinful things, we take away from where we should be placing our focus. 

Of course, just to be a pain, I had to go for the rather childish question - if both thought and deed are equal sins in the eyes of the Lord, and the punishment is the same, why wouldn't we all just do the act rather than resort to only thinking about it? I think this is a fairly legitimate question. I recall feeling this way as a teenager... one night, I came home an hour past curfew. I was beat severely. A few weeks later, I was 5 minutes late. I was beat severely. After that, knowing the punishment was the same, if I knew I was going to be late anyway, or knew I would be in trouble anyway, I made it worth it. Why shouldn't we all be like this?

But, as was asked of me, what kind of world do you want to live in? Do you want to live in a world full of abuse and hurt? Or one in which people try to help each other and care for each other? This is why we don't take on the attitude of "well, if I'm going to sin, I might as well make it worth it." Or, at least, this should be why we don't take on that attitude. We should all be working towards a better life on earth - a heaven on earth. We should all be working on doing God's will and work.

Naturally we are not going to be able to stop every sinful deed. And we definitely will not be able to hold back every sinful thought. Almost everything we think and do is laced with a degree of selfishness (sin). It's what we do with those sinful thoughts that makes the difference. Do we pray to the Lord to help us be rid of the thought, or do we dwell on it, bringing forth details of the thought, and perhaps bringing that thought to life? Do we pray for the strength and ability to bring our focus back to where it should be? By disciplining ourselves to do this, we can help to minimize how often we allow our sinful thoughts to grow.

This is all well and good, and I do have to admit I have learned a lot in the past few weeks about sin and how to resist temptation, and how to avoid letting these thoughts grow and become actions.

Unfortunately, however, none of my friend's responses, or those that I was able to find on the internet, were able to answer the question of whether or not my stories are sinful. Am I sinning when I write a smut story? Is it a sin to write any of these tales, be it a story of lust, or wrath, or some mix of the two, or some other sin?

So, if anyone has any insight or opinions on this, I'd love to hear it.



Note: Very little of what is written on this post tonight is an original thought of mine. It all comes from a friend who knows a lot more about God/Religion than I do (although, I think I know more about sin..). 

I owe a very heart-felt thank you to the trusted friend of mine. He's been an ever-present help in my desire to learn and grow in Jesus Christ, and I appreciate all the time he has taken to answer my never-ending questions.

Sin - Synonymous with Selfishness?

As stated in an earlier post, going into depth on each of the seven deadly sins will have to wait, however, I am not yet prepared to completely leave the topic of sin behind. Therefore, tonight's lesson is on exactly that - Sin.

It was proposed earlier this week to me that sin and selfishness are basically synonymous with each other. I had never before considered this concept. But, if you think about it, it is somewhat similar. For example, take into consideration the seven deadly sins - these are all very obviously linked to selfishness. To conduct yourself in any way matching these sins would definitely be considered to be acting in your own self-interest. Lust? Envy? Greed? Gluttony? These are all wanting something for yourself, whether it be a person, money, food, and whether or not it already belongs to someone else. Sloth? Again, this is self-interest - this is a personal desire to do nothing - to not want to be active physically, mentally, or spiritually. Pride? Pride is egotistical which is in itself selfishness. And wrath? Wrath is generally an anger or hatred towards a person whom has done wrong to you. When this is the case, or perhaps no matter what the case would be to cause wrath, it is still selfishness.

But, what if you are stealing food to feed your children? Is this selfishness? Is this a sin?

What if you kill someone in an attempt to save someone else? Is this selfishness? Is this a sin?

How do you determine when something is a sin and when it isn't? I'm not sure it's always as clear cut as one would think. How many times have you heard or said the expressions "It's the thought that counts" or "you had good intention"? In regards to sin and selfishness being synonymous, I think this expression matters a great deal. If you are stealing food to help someone else survive, you are stealing with a good intention, therefore, it is not selfish and is not a sin. The law might disagree with this, however. And, I guess it could be argued that you were still acting in selfishness - you decided that your children (or whoever it is you're helping to survive) is more important than the person you are still from. Therefore, it is selfish in a sense.

But, moving along...

 

 The above image makes sense, and I don't think most of us would argue with any of these points here. But the one on this image that I think we often overlook is self-pity. This category points out one small contradiction. I grew up being taught that someone else always has it worse than I do, and therefore I should not feel pity for myself. Now just like the other categories, just because I was taught this doesn't mean I have always followed this. But, the teaching was still there. And so I learned not to discuss this depression, and not to seek help. Of course, there were other reasons behind my desire to not speak out, but one reason was that there are people out there who have it worse. 

But now, I have people telling me it is ok to feel depressed, and to have a bit of a pity party. It is acceptable to feel sorry for myself. But it is from these same people where I hear that selfishness is a sin. So which is it? 

Are sin and selfishness synonymous with each other - or only sometimes? It's an interesting question and concept. But then again, I find the whole concept of sin to be rather interesting... perhaps because I am a sinner.

Lust vs. Chastity

Tonight's sermon is on the subject of Lust - one of the seven deadly sins - and Chastity - one of the seven virtues. I have to admit, it has been a difficult subject to research. First, I wanted a nice image to go at the top of the sermon. Have you ever tried to Google "lust" or "chastity"? I don't think I have ever (unintentionally) seen that much pornography. Even chastity gave some pretty interesting image results - nothing like seeing metal teeth on a chastity belt.

So, after giving up on that search and deciding to make my own image, I decided to try to find some more information on this particular sin. No, I do not want to take a quiz to see how lustful I am. No, I do not want to find out how to add more lust to my life. I don't want to hear about how great lust is, or read any stories about the loss of virginity. I did find some good information, but only after sifting through a lot of garbage.

It's a good thing I'm already a bit corrupt on the subject of lust, otherwise all this searching would surely have done the job. Not that I'm a highly corrupt person on this topic. Generally. What lusty sins am I guilty of? Well, I write smut. I'm sure this could be considered lust, although, I'm not sure as the characters engaging in sexual relations are fictional. And, I have been known to drool over a sexy male once or twice. I even pretended to be a lesbian stripper for a free drink or three. Back in college, I was engaging in premarital sex with my boyfriend, then would go cheat on him with a friend of his, and all this while secretly (well, not too secretly) pining of the boyfriend's roommate. Additionally, I was two months pregnant with my first child the day I got married. So, obviously, there was a bit of premarital washing-our-clothing-in-the-same-load going on (yes, as a mother of 6, I finally figured out that washing our underwear in the same load is what causes babies).

Are the above mentioned actions sins of a lustful nature? Yes, at least, I believe so. However, I do believe there are some sins which are even worse yet are also in the same category of lust.

When I was a very young child, I was molested by a friend of my father's. This continued for a few years. When I was 16, I was raped by someone I thought was a friend of mine. I have met many other people whom have been raped or molested to varying degrees. These lustful actions, in my opinion, are much more heinous than teenager engaging in consensual premarital sex.

And, of course, there are "less-evil" lustful sins (again, my opinion) such as lustful thoughts. However, even the Bible points out these thoughts are still sin. Matthew 5:28 - But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

But anyway, I think we all know what sins are categorized under the heading "lust" - and we all know that to varying degrees, we're guilty of such sin. Why is lust one of the 7 deadly sins? For starters, it is the origin of other sins - adultery, rape, bestiality, sex addiction, porn addiction, and the list goes on. But additionally, and more seriously, lust goes against love. Much of the Bible and Christianity is about God's love for us. Love is powerful and real and from the heart. Lust walks over this love, ignoring it. It is passion - it is powerful and temporarily real and from the body.

I found one good story in another sermon as I was doing research. I'll paraphrase here, but if you'd like to read the sermon I stole it from, click here: stolen sermon. So...

Most of us learned in school that if you're ever stranded in the ocean with no food or water - do NOT drink the ocean water. Ocean water is salt water, containing about seven times more salt than our bodies can safely handle. The kidneys need more water to flush out the excess salt, and the salt makes us thirstier, and so we drink more, until we basically die of thirst - our kidneys becoming dehydrated because of the salt.

Lust is very similar to this. We are thirsty, and take what looks like what we need. But, in reality, what we need is love and what we're substituting is lust, which will just make us thirstier until it eventually kills us.

Chastity:

Chastity is the virtue we should all aim for. By doing so, we will limit our exposure and tendency to gravitate towards lust. Chastity is purity of thought, word and deed. Perhaps you have a "purity ring" - a symbol many young people wear as a promise to their parents, themselves, and God that they will wait for sex until they are married. I've heard it often argued that a ring will not stop a person from having sex. This is true. However, with the strength of God and the support of family and friends, these rings help serve as a reminder to the person of the promise they made. It is almost like if you were to cheat on your spouse - having a picture of your spouse on the bedside table, within clear view of both you and the sex partner, would make it a bit more difficult to complete the adulterous act. Or, at least, it would if you had any kind of conscience.

But, I digress (nothing new there)...

Why should we convince our children to be pure? Why should we live as chaste of a life as possible? Relationships are about giving of yourself. This doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is - friendships, we give our love and trust; and the person we love? We give our love and trust, but much more - our body, heart and mind. Shouldn't we give these things as whole and untouched?

Besides, as many of us know, once you start down the path of lust, it is difficult to break free. Perhaps you're a man whom is used to being used by females. You fell in love with one. You'd saved yourself, still a virgin at an age where virginity was quite uncommon, especially for men. You chose her to be the one and so you gave all of yourself to her. And, it was good. For a month or two. After it all fell apart, you find yourself giving your body to women, but not your heart. You have allowed lust to take over but it is not what you truly need. Granted, you can never get that virginity back. But you can still act from a place of purity and love.

It is never too late to turn from our lustful ways, and start acting in a way more in tune to God's wishes, and His love, and His path for us.

7 Deadly Sins / 7 Virtues

One of my all-time favorite movies is Se7en with Morgan Freeman. For those who haven't seen it yet, but enjoy a good suspense flick, this is definitely one to see. The movie deals with the seven deadly sins - the killer going after people who are guilty of these sins.

The seven deadly sins was a list created as a way of classifying sins. The list went through a few stages (at one point there were 8, and a few were renamed to be more inclusive and/or just make more sense), and at one point had a severity attached. While most theologians no longer consider this severity, here is the list, from least severe to most severe (per the latest severity rating before it was deemed non-applicable):

• Lust
• Gluttony
• Greed
• Sloth
• Wrath
• Envy
• Pride

Throughout the upcoming weeks, I will delve into each of these a bit more thoroughly. However, I do want to touch on this severity rating. Some may find it strange to find pride to be the most severe of the sins. But if you really think about it, pride is what leads to so many other sins. Envy is also the root of many other sins. The least severe of them all is lust - which is probably a good thing for me considering the most recent "which of the 7 deadly sins fit you the most" quiz I took (actually, 2 of them), showed that lust was the only sin I scored high in. This isn't too surprising for me. I think we all have a little lust in our loins, in addition to the rest of these sins finding their way into our lives at one point or another.

In contrast to these sins, there are also 7 virtues. These virtues are what we should be constantly aiming for, and in doing so, will be less likely to commit the sins. These virtues (in the same order as the sins so it's easier to see which is the virtue that is in contrast to the sin) are:

• Chastity
• Temperance
• Charity
• Diligence
• Patience
• Kindness
• Humility

As with the sins, I will also describe these virtues more in depth in the weeks to pass. 

But for now, I shall leave you all (these pain killers are kicking my ass and I can't hold a thought long enough to finish writing this). Be on the lookout for sermons on each of the deadly sins, and the virtues.

Sex 2

So, last night I gave a sampling of fun little stories that can be found within the Bible that centered around sex. And I pointed out some of the rules in regards to sex. So what does all this mean? Why bring up sex within this Book?

First, with what a prominent topic it is, it must be of some importance... at least worth mentioning on this little blog. But also because sex is a very primal, very strong, very real urge we all deal with in our lives. Most sin is caused either by sex or because of love (or often times, both).

There are many questions people wonder/speculate/debate when it comes to sex and religion. I don't have the answers, but am more than willing to ask the questions...

Is sex before marriage a sin?

Hebrews 13:4 - Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

So, going by this verse, it would seem that yes - it is a sin. However, this was the only fairly clear verse I could find. And, it is often argued that God told Adam and Eve, who were unwed, to go forth and multiply. God would not order His people to go sin.

I'm uncertain what I believe in terms of this. I think that the marriage itself is not necessarily important, but that you should only sleep with the man you marry (or intend to marry). But, this goes against what the above verse states. Either way, I know only that I only sinned once or twice in regards to this... (or maybe once or twice more than that...)

Is same-sex relations a sin? 

Leviticus 18:22 - You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. 

Well, alrighty then. I guess that about sums it up. There are a few verses within the Bible which do address homosexuality and that it is not right. However, my own personal view is that there are worse sins a person could be committing. I have no issue with any man or woman who is homosexual... to each their own, as it were.

Is cheating on your spouse a sin?

Well now, this depends on a couple things - are you the husband or wife, and who are you sleeping with?

Matthew 5:27-28  - “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Luke 16:18 - “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

Deuteronomy 22:22 - “If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.

Ok, I'll take this as a yes...

The three verses here each touch on a different aspect of adultery. The one from Deuteronomy specifies that you do not sleep with a married woman, or you'll both die. However, it doesn't mention anything about a woman lying with a married man...

The verse from Matthew states that even lusting after a woman in your mind is considered adultery. And, the one from Luke states that even getting a divorce, then marrying someone else, is committing adultery. It's even adultery if you marry a divorced person.

Is having more than one spouse a sin?

Abraham, Isaac, Caleb, David, Jacob, Solomon, Ezra, Gideon... and the list goes on and on and on. These men had one thing in common - they all had multiple wives. This was quite commonplace in the Bible. And, it seems, not a sin in the eyes of God. However, as is seen with David, you cannot take another man's wife... you can have 40 of your own, but you can't have one whom already belongs to a man.

I think it is important to note that women did not have multiple husbands. I will behave and not mention the fact that most women wouldn't want to have to deal with more than one man...

So what does this all mean?

Hell if I know.

Quite seriously, sex is another place where we pick and choose what we're going to consider sin, and what we won't. According to the Bible, men can sleep with any unmarried woman they choose, and can marry as many as he wants. He's also allowed concubines. He can rape a virgin if he's willing to marry her. But, he cannot sleep with another man, and cannot have sex with a woman before marriage (concubines don't count - they're slaves and as such, required to take care of their master's needs). Oh, and he can't have sex with animals.

Women on the other hand cannot have sex before marriage, don't get a whole lot of choice in who she marries (it seems daddy often decided this one), can be killed if she's raped in a city and doesn't yell loud enough for help, will be killed if she sleeps with another man other than her husband, etc.

Of course, we don't listen to most of these. We (in general) do not allow multiple wives. We look down on the man with mistresses (and well, concubines aren't really allowed). Rape is illegal, and the woman generally is not punished at all, sex before marriage is still usually considered a sin but 99% of the time this consideration is ignored, gay marriage - well, everyone has their own stance on that, and depending on what state you live in, bestiality may or may not be considered a crime.

So again I wonder... what really is a sin in regards to sex? Are the rules and habits from the Bible out-dated and no longer relevant in today's society?