Money Can't Buy Love - But it Can Buy Sex (which is the same thing)

So, here's the premise...

Oh, but first... SPOILER ALERT! If you're one of those strange people who hasn't yet watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series... or Angel television series... the next couple paragraphs will give away a bit of the story line...

One Moment of True Happiness

So... here's the premise. Liam was a jerk of a man a few hundred years ago - a drunkard and womanizer. He is turned into the vampire Angelus, where those wonderful traits of his get a hundred times worse. Angelus screws up - he tortures and kills a young gypsy girl, who's family is not too happy. They place a curse on him, giving him back his soul so he can feel the guilt and pain and shame for every murder he committed. Now known as Angel, this vampire stops killing, and becomes one of the good guys.

He meets the vampire slayer, Buffy, and falls in love with her. Well, the part of the curse he wasn't aware of  - should he enjoy just one moment of true happiness, he becomes Angelus again. He loses his soul again. And, this is what happens. And what is that one moment of true happiness?

Sex.

Sex is a Requirement of Love

Or, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that sex is a requirement of marriage, and a part of love. You cannot have a marriage... or love with a spouse... without sex. I was actually quite amazed at how many people seem to believe this. And, many of them use 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 to support this belief.

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

Basically, this is interpreted as - "you can have sex with your spouse whenever you want (regardless of his/her feelings at the moment); and that you must have sex with each other whenever one wants it.... otherwise you're opening the door to cheating on your spouse, or being cheated on." The nice thing about this... it gives you an out. You can go cheat on your spouse and simply say "Well, you didn't give me enough and therefore I was tempted! It's your fault!" 

Money Can Buy Love and Happiness!

To summarize where we're at so far...

Sex = Happiness
Sex = Love

(SIDE NOTE: If you're any good at math, you'll recognize that if sex = happiness, and sex = love, love should equal happiness. Anyone who is married can tell you that's not always true. Anyone who's divorced can tell you it's a flat out lie.)

There's a quote which states money can't buy happiness. There's also one that says money can't buy love. However... Money can buy sex. Therefore, as we've already determined sex is love and sex is happiness, money should be able to buy us both.

The Problem with this Thinking

Sex is true happiness:
Don't get me wrong - sex is great. I love it just as much as the next person... when it's with someone I love and someone I want to give pleasure to. But (at least, in my opinion) sex is not that moment of true happiness. Yes, a temporary euphoria. A high. A wonderful, spectacular moment. But it is not true happiness. And to teach it as being true happiness? It's kind of like handing a teenager a checkbook and telling him that as long as there are check blanks, he's got money to spend.

Sex is necessary in love/marriage:
What if you marry someone who isn't medically able to have sex - does this give you license to cheat? What if your wife doesn't want to have sex one night - does this give you license to force her? While I have met some people who do believe such things, I do not. Yes, sex is generally healthy in a marriage. But it is not a requirement. And even if it were, it is never right to just take because his/her body belongs to you through the marriage.

Let Sex be Secondary

If we truly want to be happy in our lives - we cannot look towards sex, or even towards a spouse/significant other. We need to be looking to God.We need to look inwards, and listen to the Holy Spirit within us. We need to look to the heavens, sincere in our prayers.

We need to love God, and learn to love others as Christ has loved us. We need to embrace our spouse in our hearts and minds, but not necessarily with our bodies. We are told to love as Christ loves. I don't recall any Bible verses where Christ has sex with us as a part of His love for us.

May you all find joy and love in the grace of our Lord - not through the carnal privileges we've been given (although, I do wish you all a good sex life as well).

Women are here to please men!

I've got a bone to pick... or, a stick to stab in someone's eye...

A while back, I read something that just made me want to hurl (someone off a cliff). A couple days ago, the author of the article brought it to my attention again. The silly man likes to provoke me.

Anyway, this article made several claims which the author passed off as truth. And, not just any truth. God Himself says this is how it is, and if you aren't following this, you obviously don't believe in God and/or the Bible. And, the author is using the article to educate young men and women. Some of the claims he makes include:

• Women belong to men
• Women's happiness is dependent upon their relationships with men
• Men are the stronger party; women the weaker vessel
• Women (wives) feel dependent on their husbands when their husbands have sex with them
• If a husband isn't pleased with his wife, the woman sees this during sex and knows she cannot please him (which, of course, will make her unhappy)
• God made women want to please men
• Women associate sex with making babies
• ... my personal favorite: the love children get from their mother comes from the love the mother gets from her husband. If she gets no love from him, she is incapable of giving love to her children.

Dangerous Teachings!

Now, I'm not going to get into all the Bible verses regarding husbands and wives. The quick and dirty summary - mutual submission. Look it up on Google. Read it in the Bible. If whatever article you find regarding husbands and wives does not embrace mutual submission; but instead claims the husband rules his wife and she's basically no more than property to him, or alive simply to please him (which of course, very few articles actually say, but that's what many boil down to)... then whoever wrote it doesn't understand the Bible.

This said.... allow me to address the bullet points above.

An argument used to support these bullet points was that so many young ladies are seeking attention from men, often to the point of premarital sex and pregnancy.

I don't think this supports these bullet points. Instead, it is the belief in these bullet points which causes girls to seek attention from men, have premarital sex, and get pregnant.

If a girl believes her happiness is dependent upon a relationship with a man, she's going to seek a relationship with a man!

If she believes her only purpose is to please men, she's going to do what she must to please him. If she believes she is only on this planet to serve men, she's going to try to serve men.

We are teaching our girls to seek attention from men when we spread the lies listed in the bullet points above!

The Truth (as I see it...)

• Women (and men) belong to God
• A woman's happiness is dependent upon her relationship with Christ, and on seeking to better herself and follow her own goals and dreams
• Men are usually the stronger party physically, but other than that, women are definitely not weaker vessels!
• Most women enjoy sex. They are (usually) not sexually submissive. They do not feel dependent on men just because the man has sex with them; and most of us really love getting and giving pleasure
• God made women as a companion and helpmate to men. Not to please man.
• Women associate sex with a number of different things, depending on the woman, and her mood at the time. These can include making babies, showing love, feeling loved, giving pleasure, receiving pleasure... or sometimes, we just need that sexual release.
• The love children get from their mother comes from the mother. End of story. 

Please stop teaching our girls to be possessions!!!

 
God did not intend the female species to be simple possessions of men. Our wives, daughters, sisters, mothers... they are not here to please men. They are not here to be submissive to men. And their happiness does NOT depend on men.

Please teach the girls in your life to live up to their own potential. Please teach them to follow God, and love everyone, including themselves. Please teach them they can find happiness outside a man/marriage - and, in fact, will most likely only find a pseudo/temporary happiness if they are seeking that happiness from a man.

Please stop teaching our girls they are nothing more than possessions, reliant on men.

The Condemned House - Salvageable Relationships

Loving and trusting others leads to one common result - betrayal. Yes, I can pretty much guarantee everyone you let into your heart will, in one way or another, betray you (or, at the very least, will betray the expectations you've placed on them).

Tarnished Relationships

Have you ever been inside an old fixer-upper house? Nails partially stick out, or lay on the ground - rusted, bent. That's how many of our relationships are. They've been tarnished by betrayal - by lies, unmet expectations, cheating, hurtful words, gossip, broken trust, etc. Our friendships, family relationships, and romantic entanglements are all marred by these. No relationship is safe from these.

I don't mean for this to sound so pessimistic, and it doesn't need to be. Just because a betrayal or hurt happens, doesn't mean the relationship is over or even weaker. Sometimes, it's these betrayals (which are more often just misunderstandings) which challenge a relationship to grow. In fact, my guess would be that the strongest relationships are those which have had to ride out the the most, or some of the biggest, "betrayals" by both of those involved.

Forgiveness

I think we all recognize the importance of forgiveness. If not, allow me to quickly summarize here: Forgive!

Seriously, no matter what betrayal - no matter how big or bad - we must forgive the other person. It isn't just because God tells us we should. It isn't just because God always forgives us. And, it really isn't even for the peace of the person who hurt us. It's for our own well being. It's to strengthen the love and condition of our own hearts.

However... forgiveness does not mean giving that person another chance to hurt us. You can forgive a person, but still make the decision of whether or not to keep that person in your life. And, let's face it, some relationships are just simply not healthy.

Workable or Trash it?

How do we decide if the relationship is salvageable or if the nail is just too bent and rusted to be of any use within our heart?

1. Is the relationship physically abusive (or, any kind of abusive)
If the relationship is abusive, and the abusive person refuses counseling/change, the relationship cannot be salvaged. I completely understand giving someone a chance... but if you hear the words "I'm so sorry... I love you... I'll never do it again..." and he/she does it again? Forgive, and get out.

2. Is the relationship hurting your relationship with God?
If the wrongs done are tearing you from God, it might be time to forgive and walk away. If the relationship in general is pulling you from God, it is time to pray for guidance, and quite possibly time to walk away.

3. Is the relationship bringing the other person closer to God?
Perhaps, instead of pulling you from God, you're finding your influence to be a positive one on the other person. They're betraying, hurtful, abusive ways are stopping. I'd take this as a sign that perhaps you're right where you're supposed to be. Sometimes relationships aren't for our personal benefit - but for the health and well being of another of God's children.

I realize this is a very condensed list. And, I intended it this way. I had considered those relationships where trust is severely broken - perhaps by a cheating spouse, or a lying family member. But the truth is, even these relationships are fixable, if both parties want to fix it. This is how it is with most relationships..

Don't trash it too quickly!

Too often we see relationships tossed aside too quickly. Marriages only last a few years... or even a few months. We go through friends/significant others more often than we change our socks. It's just so much easier to toss that bent nail to the side than to hammer it out.

But tossing it aside is costly. All it does is keep us with weak relationships. The only way to build strong relationships is to weather out the storms together - to communicate, and apologize, and forgive, and move forward together. The only way to build strong relationships is to make a conscious decision to do these things... to keep to our promises and vows; to continue to love; to continue to forgive; to continue to build.

True - it won't always work. True - there are times when you will have to toss that bad nail out. But God doesn't just toss us out when we fail to meet His expectations. He doesn't give up on His relationship with us. We shouldn't be so eager to give up on others.

The Condemned House series

Did you miss the other posts in this series? Catch up on them now!

The Condemned House

The Condemned House - A Crumbling Foundation of Trust

The Condemned House - Walls Built from Fear

The Condemned House - Built with Lies
The Condemned House - Supported by Love

The Wonderful Side of Lust

I remember a little over a year ago, I was seated next to a friend. Her husband came toward us, but his focus was solely on her. There was an intense passion in his gaze as he took her hand in his for just a brief moment. It was obvious the rest of the world had ceased to exist in those short seconds.Within this short gaze, the depth of his love and desire for his wife was evident to all who witnessed.

I remember feeling a stab of envy - not at either of them, but just at the intensity of love and desire they shared. I wonder how many others felt the same - how many others wondered why they didn't have that same intensity in their gaze, or in their spouse's gaze. It isn't that the rest of us didn't have/receive love from our spouses - but as is the case with many marriages, sometimes the sparks temporarily fizzle out, and that intensity just isn't there. Sometimes, some people, never find that intensity.
 
One of the emotions evident in his gaze was his desire for his wife - his lust. Now here is where things get a little quirky... the Bible clearly tells us that lust - even just looking at a woman in lust - is a sin. Is it therefore a sin to lust after your own spouse? It is a sin to desire to take her to bed and do all sorts of naughty things with her?

I asked the question to friends... is there a difference between desire and lust? Is one acceptable and one a sin? And, the answers aren't very clear. So, I'm going to give my take on it (which may or may not be Biblical)...

Desire and lust are essentially the same thing. Yes, it can be argued that lust is a more consuming and covetous feeling, whereas desire is more innocent and is simply a wanting. But in my opinion, this is just a way of rationalizing our human nature when human nature takes over. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says that even looking at a woman in lust is committing adultery. It is a sin.

How many of us, as humans, look at someone and thing "dayam! I wouldn't mind being under the blankets with him!" Is this lust? Desire? A sin? Committing adultery? In my opinion, it's often none of these. It's a simple statement of appreciate for someone else' body. If we actually want to be with this person, then we've moved into desire... and, it's a desire for something we shouldn't have (if we're married and/or the object of our desire is married). If we're laying in bed at night and fantasizing about being under the blankets... then we have lust.

So...

Lust is only a sin when it is aimed at someone to whom we are not married. Lusting after someone not our spouse - sin. Lusting after someone else' spouse - sin. Lusting after someone else' spouse when you are married to someone else - double sin (committing adultery and coveting thy neighbor's spouse.... yup, you're in trouble now...). Lusting after your own husband or wife? Not a sin... and perfectly normal, expected, and good.... provided it is a healthy relationship, and your eyes are still set on God. 

Lust/desire (whatever you want to call it) can be a healthy and great thing. Knowing your spouse desires you can be a very healthy and wonderful thing. Lust in itself is not sin. Misplaced lust is. So, in my opinion, go lust it up....

Anyway, that's just my take on the whole subject. (and yes, I'm still envious).

Do You Take This Woman... and This One... and This one...

Read: One Man, One Woman: Does the Bible Really Teach Monogamy

Now, this linked article really isn't much different than any other article you find in support of monogamy. It quotes the same verses as evidence of God's desire for us to be in a monogamous relationship. It gives the same arguments you've read before.

What got me, however, was the comments.

Now first let me point out, I don't actually believe in polygamy. And, I will get to my own reasoning for that in a moment.... but the few comments which are on the linked article did get me thinking.

First: polygamy in the case of widows. Granted, in many societies, women are quite capable of taking care of themselves if they lose their husband. But, the idea of a family member marrying the widow to be able to provide her and the children care is an understandable one. It isn't exactly one I would support - what if the widow doesn't like the brother-in-law... and the brother-in-law (now husband) believes he has the right to whatever marital benefits he desires?

Second: "The two will become one flesh." I had never looked at this verse as two parents reproducing to create a child. The article's author says this can't be the case because the Bible supports childless marriage and multiple children. But first - sex before marriage is  wrong, and therefore you wouldn't know it would be childless until it happens. Second, where does the Bible support childless marriage in any greater of a capacity than it supports multiple wives? And, even if a couple has 20 children, it is still 2 parents creating one flesh... and then another... and another. The author's argument, in my opinion, does not truly defend the position that this verse cannot mean two parents creating a child. Anyone else have thoughts on this?

Finally: why am I against polygamy? It's actually not a biblical reason per se... although, in a way I guess it is. My opinion is similar to concerns mentioned in two of the comments on that article. We're human - and as such, we are prone to feelings of anger, envy, bitterness, frustration, etc. Most men can't emotionally support one woman... imagine the frustration of trying to take on multiple wives. And most women have that fun habit of getting jealous and spiteful... so husband spends a few nights with wife #1, wife #2, 3, 4 and 5 are going to be a little upset. There will be dissension in the marriage unit, more so than would be found in a monogamous unit. And this is just human nature - the more people involved in something, the more differing personalities and opinions, the more chance for chaos.

So there ya have it people - only one husband or wife (not one of each either). Two people = one marriage. Any more than 2 and you're going to have more problems than the extra sex is worth. Of course, this is just my opinion... feel free to give me yours.

God Gave Men Tongues for a Reason

A few days ago, while involved in yet another online Christian/Biblical debate, I made a comment regarding the fact that one cannot apply the modern definition of sodomy to translations made centuries ago. I mentioned how sodomy actually now encompasses anal and oral sex, regardless of gender (not that it's relevant to this post or topic, but I believe the original term had something to do with fertility cult worship rather than anything else). Anyway, I was then informed that these forms of sex are indeed banned in the Bible.

I've actually written on this topic before - well, kind of. It wasn't all too in-depth. And, neither will this one be. But, I do want to ask a question of my readers - where in the Bible are any of the following forms of sex prohibited when performed by two, heterosexual married people?
Anal sex
Oral sex
Manual sex (mutual masturbation)
Sex toys
Phone/internet sex

Don't get me wrong - I understand any type of sexual relations outside of marriage isn't good. And there are some things which take a person away from loving their spouse. And any form of sex within marriage in which one partner is not ok with the activity - also wrong.

But mutual enjoyment of each others' bodies? Mutually pleasing each other physically and emotionally? Where are these shown as being sinful in the Bible?


To read my previous almost-but-not-really-post on this topic: Sex with Parishioners and Other Naughty Things
To read an article I found while writing the previously mentioned post (not sure I agree with all within it, but it is an interesting read): What's Okay, What's Not

Open My Heart

This is a difficult morning...torn between what I know and what I don't want to know. A feeling of being lost, knowing I was once found. It's all new and yet I've been here before.

God, please give me the courage to give an honest chance to this person. Lord, please fill my mind, heart, and soul with peace and love today.


 -------------

I hurriedly typed the above on my phone while sitting in church yesterday morning, awaiting the beginning of service. Then, shut the phone off and reflected on the prayer I had spelled out... repeated it in my mind and heart, with hands folded and eyes fixated on the cross at the front of the church.

Yesterday we got a new pastor. Big deal, right? Pastors come and go. I noticed that very few were really affected by the loss of the old one, and the 'gift' of the new one. They were like children of a mother who has been remarried so many times, they're no longer affected by a new father coming into the fold. Well, for me, I'm not used to having a new father. I'm not used to divorce. I want mine back... not some imposter. Not someone forcing their way into our home.

Harsh? Yeah, maybe. But this is how it feels. Stupid? Probably. But, this is how it feels. Immature? No doubt. But, this is how it feels. This is how I am feeling. This is how I felt sitting in that church yesterday. And I felt so alone. Looking around me, I saw many accepting faces watching the new guy. And perhaps, had circumstances been a bit different, I may have had a genuine look of acceptance on mine as well. But instead, all I could do was fake the smile and pretend it was all ok.

It was requested (nicely ordered) of me to give the new guy a chance. This request came a few weeks ago, when new guy was moving to town, and I insisted I would.... which was immediately followed by doing the opposite. And so yesterday, the first service conducted by the new guy... I prayed. I prayed for God to open my heart and help me be accepting. I prayed the Lord would help me to not immediately close off my heart. I prayed I would find peace in this new marriage, this new union. (Rather ironically, the sermon was about marriage... and how his becoming the new pastor of the church was like a marriage).

After service, I sat in the fellowship hall with the wife of the new guy... soon joined by him and a few others. And while I surprisingly found it very easy to be accepting and open towards her, I still found myself wanting to hide under the table and/or throw a complete temper tantrum when he was sitting there with us. I am such a child at times.

My prayer had not been answered. I did not have an open heart. God did not open my heart to this new guy. Depression and sorrow and grief tap-danced on my soul. And it dawned on me... I didn't want to accept him. I still don't want to. And I learned a couple things...

1 - God doesn't answer a prayer which isn't heart-felt.
2 - It isn't God's responsibility to open my heart

Of course, this doesn't change the fact that I don't want to be accepting. I'm just still being a bit childish on that front...

Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

Ephesians 5:22-24 (NIV)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

According to Merriam-Webster, Submit means a : to yield oneself to the authority or will of another. Therefore, wives must surrender to the authority of their husbands. 

1 Corinthians 7:4 (NIV)

4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband.

Earlier in this chapter, it also states that women must perform their marital duties.

1 Corinthians 7:10-17 (NIV)

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

There are other verses which do explain that a man may divorce his wife if there is unfaithfulness in the marriage. But otherwise, divorce is not an acceptable practice.


So, basically speaking - a woman must obey her husband. She must submit to him, including sexually, and she must never leave him unless he's unfaithful.

In general, I wouldn't argue with such statements. Although, as a woman of the 21st century, the concept of obeying our husbands is a bit of a stretch, the rest of this does have merit.

But what if he abuses her? What if he calls her names, and degrades her? What if he rapes her?

The Bible does say that husbands should treat their wives with love and respect. But no where (that I could find) does it say abusing her is wrong. And no where does it say it's ok for a wife to leave her husband (or vice-versa) because of spousal abuse.

I'd love to hear others thoughts on this subject...

 

Sex with Parishioners and Other Naughty Things

When I first sat down to write tonight, I had a completely different topic in mind. I was going to write about healthy Christian friendships - what they are and how to achieve them. But, in my hunt online for some articles to help me along, I ran into an article that had absolutely nothing to do with healthy Christian friendships. Instead, it had to do with a minister accused of sexually abusing nearly 30 women.

Now, my facts may not be entirely accurate here - I only half read the article, and well... it came with a video of the action, so it's entirely possible I simply stumbled on a poorly done amateur porn video/story. But basically... a pastor had sex with almost 30 of his parishioners. These were all women, around 25-30 years of age, and mentally competent (supposedly). And here is my favorite part - he convinced them to have sex with him (and this is why he's being accused of sexually abusing them) by telling them if they did so, they would see God.

ummm...

...

hmmm...

...

First, all of these women should be charged with stupidity. That was my first thought, anyway, which really isn't very Christian of me. They actually believed that by having sex with a pastor, they would see God? How moronic!

This said, and after I got done shaking my head and wondering "what the hell?", I did stop to think about it from the other side. A pastor is someone we look up to. We often consider them to be trustworthy and wise. And, there is a good chance, if we're going to see a pastor in private, it's because we need spiritual guidance. So, if you put these two things together, I guess it would make sense. Therefore, my stance on this - while the women are definitely idiots for believing this guy, this pastor has no right to call himself a man of God. He abused his position.

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But, this tale does open up the door to a discussion on all things taboo. What acts are sexual sins? What acts are acceptable in the eyes of the Lord?

Is it wrong to have sex with (or sexual thoughts towards) your parishioners?
Is it wrong to have sex with (or sexual thoughts towards) your pastor?

Is it wrong to masturbate? Is oral sex wrong? Or any of the other forms of sex?
Bestiality? Incest? Homosexuality?
Role playing? Fetishes? BDSM?

I actually found a site which discusses these (and more) in regards to whether or not they are allowed according to the Bible.

Basically speaking... the Bible does say some of these are not allowed (Bestiality, incest). But beyond that, if the act is a) within the confines of marriage, and b) is acceptable to both involved, it's acceptable.

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Sex is obvious a very large topic when it comes to the Bible. To sum up what is acceptable in two short sentences probably isn't doing the topic justice. So, I will be happy to go into greater depths when it is not 1am and I am a little more awake.

------------------------

The site I found that breaks it all down as to what's acceptable: What's Okay, What's Not
The site where I found the story about the pastor... I lost it. I closed the site as soon as I noticed there was a video attached. I'm not one for watching porn.

Sex 2

So, last night I gave a sampling of fun little stories that can be found within the Bible that centered around sex. And I pointed out some of the rules in regards to sex. So what does all this mean? Why bring up sex within this Book?

First, with what a prominent topic it is, it must be of some importance... at least worth mentioning on this little blog. But also because sex is a very primal, very strong, very real urge we all deal with in our lives. Most sin is caused either by sex or because of love (or often times, both).

There are many questions people wonder/speculate/debate when it comes to sex and religion. I don't have the answers, but am more than willing to ask the questions...

Is sex before marriage a sin?

Hebrews 13:4 - Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

So, going by this verse, it would seem that yes - it is a sin. However, this was the only fairly clear verse I could find. And, it is often argued that God told Adam and Eve, who were unwed, to go forth and multiply. God would not order His people to go sin.

I'm uncertain what I believe in terms of this. I think that the marriage itself is not necessarily important, but that you should only sleep with the man you marry (or intend to marry). But, this goes against what the above verse states. Either way, I know only that I only sinned once or twice in regards to this... (or maybe once or twice more than that...)

Is same-sex relations a sin? 

Leviticus 18:22 - You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. 

Well, alrighty then. I guess that about sums it up. There are a few verses within the Bible which do address homosexuality and that it is not right. However, my own personal view is that there are worse sins a person could be committing. I have no issue with any man or woman who is homosexual... to each their own, as it were.

Is cheating on your spouse a sin?

Well now, this depends on a couple things - are you the husband or wife, and who are you sleeping with?

Matthew 5:27-28  - “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Luke 16:18 - “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

Deuteronomy 22:22 - “If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.

Ok, I'll take this as a yes...

The three verses here each touch on a different aspect of adultery. The one from Deuteronomy specifies that you do not sleep with a married woman, or you'll both die. However, it doesn't mention anything about a woman lying with a married man...

The verse from Matthew states that even lusting after a woman in your mind is considered adultery. And, the one from Luke states that even getting a divorce, then marrying someone else, is committing adultery. It's even adultery if you marry a divorced person.

Is having more than one spouse a sin?

Abraham, Isaac, Caleb, David, Jacob, Solomon, Ezra, Gideon... and the list goes on and on and on. These men had one thing in common - they all had multiple wives. This was quite commonplace in the Bible. And, it seems, not a sin in the eyes of God. However, as is seen with David, you cannot take another man's wife... you can have 40 of your own, but you can't have one whom already belongs to a man.

I think it is important to note that women did not have multiple husbands. I will behave and not mention the fact that most women wouldn't want to have to deal with more than one man...

So what does this all mean?

Hell if I know.

Quite seriously, sex is another place where we pick and choose what we're going to consider sin, and what we won't. According to the Bible, men can sleep with any unmarried woman they choose, and can marry as many as he wants. He's also allowed concubines. He can rape a virgin if he's willing to marry her. But, he cannot sleep with another man, and cannot have sex with a woman before marriage (concubines don't count - they're slaves and as such, required to take care of their master's needs). Oh, and he can't have sex with animals.

Women on the other hand cannot have sex before marriage, don't get a whole lot of choice in who she marries (it seems daddy often decided this one), can be killed if she's raped in a city and doesn't yell loud enough for help, will be killed if she sleeps with another man other than her husband, etc.

Of course, we don't listen to most of these. We (in general) do not allow multiple wives. We look down on the man with mistresses (and well, concubines aren't really allowed). Rape is illegal, and the woman generally is not punished at all, sex before marriage is still usually considered a sin but 99% of the time this consideration is ignored, gay marriage - well, everyone has their own stance on that, and depending on what state you live in, bestiality may or may not be considered a crime.

So again I wonder... what really is a sin in regards to sex? Are the rules and habits from the Bible out-dated and no longer relevant in today's society?

Sex

I write smut. I have a blog consisting only of smutty short stories. Of course, these are generally coined "romance" - but, well, there really doesn't exist much romance in many of the stories. Just smut. I recently hid this blog because I felt a bit self-conscious having such stories just laying around where any good wholesome person could find it. It would be a bit embarrassing for me to know someone was reading some sermons, accidentally clicked a link, and suddenly Jenna was sliding to her knees.... to pray! honest!...

Anyway, once again, my mind wanders from its topic. That's not correct - it's on the same topic, just not what I am intending to go on about...

So, I was feeling self-conscious about these short stories. And then I realized something. The Bible has more sex in it, and much more twisted sex in it, than I could ever write.

There is the story of Lot (or, a few stories of him). In Genesis, chapter 19, he offers up his virgin daughters to a mob. Then, later, his daughters get him drunk and sleep with him in a cave. There are so many issues with this messed up family, I don't even know where to begin. You have a father willing to give his daughters away to get raped, but then those same daughters think "oh hey, let's get daddy drunk. I want a baby."

In Genesis, chapter 29, we have Jacob having sex with two women whom are sisters, and also with each woman's handmaid. Later in Genesis we have Onan "pulling out" so as not to knock up his sister-in-law (he dies for this action, by the way), Oh, and this sister-in-law? She dresses up like a hooker and has sex with her father-in-law. And of course, there are the sons of God knocking up the daughters of man - who give birth to giants. There is the possibility that while Noah was passed out drunk, his son had sex with him (Genesis 9:24). Abram sleeps with his wife's handmaid (Genesis 16:1-4). And Song of Solomon - that is one pornographic novel from start to finish. Quite entertaining, however. This book alone makes me feel much less guilty for my writings.

The list of sexual encounters in the Bible goes on (and on and on); the ones listed above are only the ones I can recall.

In addition to all these sexual encounters, there are also odd rules that wouldn't hold up in a court of law in America today. And I bring these up, especially because I find fanatics a little nonsensical. They will quote a piece of the Bible which says homosexuality is a sin. But, they ignore all the other rules. If one wants to go by biblical rules (and I really hope no one does), they should go by all of it... not pick and choose as they feel.

But again, I am getting side tracked....

The "rules" as I recall (and, as it is getting late, I am not going to look up all the verses for these... I just know they're in the Bible somewhere):

You are not to have sex with animals, or with anyone the same gender as yourself.
You are not to have sex with your father's wife, your daughter in law, your sister
You are not to have sex with a menstruating woman
and the list of do-nots goes on.

But, what really gets me is when it comes to what you CAN do, and what is punishable and for whom...

If a man dies and his wife has not had any children, the man's brother is to sleep with her.
If you find a pretty woman among the captives, you may take her home and sleep with her. If you don't like her, let her go.
If a woman commits adultery, she is sentenced to death.
If she is raped in the city (and betrothed/married) and doesn't yell loud enough for help, she is sentenced to death. (If she's raped in the country, only the rapist dies.)
If she is raped and single, she must marry her rapist.

I somewhat got off the topic of the Bible being a porno (one which should have pictures I was just informed), and switched to the "rules of sex" as depicted in the Bible. Neither topic has been discussed here nearly as thoroughly as I probably could discuss them, but I think I will end this sermon here, and with this to contemplate:

There are many stories and rules in the Bible regarding sex. Why is sex such a prominent topic within the Bible? Are the rules described out-dated? And if this is the case, how can we not allow for other "rules" to be also outdated? And lastly, is it wrong to write smut? Solomon did...