Would You Still Be You?

Ever have one of those annoying friends who always has a tendency to make you think? Well... I do. And, he did this to me again last night. I'd been telling him he needs to wave a magic wand and make my depression go away. His response was that if he had such a magic wand, he'd consider removing my depression... but then asked "though if I did, would you still be you?"

We are the sum of our experiences

I've said for many years now that if I could go back in time and change the way I grew up (no abuse, no abandonment, no rape, etc), I wouldn't do it. Even if I could go back in time and not leave home the way I did (which is one of few regrets I have, and only because I feel this added to my siblings' pain and suffering), I still wouldn't.

Who we become is made up of all these experiences. True, they weren't healthy experiences. And true, they caused some deeply rooted issues within me... issues that I sometimes wish I didn't have... but they are still a part of me. They are me. This isn't a case of living in the past by any means, but rather a simple fact that these events and experiences and traumas shaped me... shaped the core of who I am, how I feel and act, and what I do and dream.

These experiences include our "issues"

Whether we suffer depression, or some other personality, psychological or mood disorder, we are still shaped by these. No, they do not define us, but they do have a huge impact on who we are, who we were, and who we're becoming.

Now, in thinking about this question my friend posed - "Would you still be you" - I recognize that I've known the answer for many years. When I was 18, I was placed on anti-depressants. Yes, they did work. They took away my depression. But I wasn't me. My ability to write disappeared. My ability to understand and/or care about the issues of others was diminished. So much of who God had made me to be was masked. It's why I threw out the medication. And it's part of why I can honestly answer that question with a resounding "No!" I would not be me. And, well, no one else wants to be me, so I guess I'll have to keep that job for myself.

Bring on the depression! :)

Embrace who you are

God has made each of us, and continually molds us through the experiences we face - both the good, and especially the bad. Embrace these trials and problems and experiences. And pray that God continues to use our experiences to help us grow emotionally and spiritually.

God bless!


NOTE: Please understand, I am in no way knocking those who are on medication for depression (or any other issue). Some people truly needs these meds... and to be honest, I probably should be on them as well for my own sanity, and the sanity of those who put up with me. It's simply a personal choice of mine to not be on them. Sorry to anyone I upset.

Perfectly Imperfect

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me. 

He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel.

(Jeremiah 18:1-5)

I remember when my children were newborn babies. They were perfect - untarnished by the realities of life. They didn't have a care or concern in the world. And then they began to grow up. They came face to face with obstacles and decisions and hardship and loss.

They came face to face with the brokenness of this world. 

They came face to face with things which changed them. 

But, God understands this brokenness. As He is forming us, He realizes that we aren't going to stay untarnished... unmarred. As we are being formed by Him, we are also being marred by life. We get cracks and breaks. But He continues shaping and forming us. He uses the bad things in our lives, along with the good, to come up with something beautiful. 

God doesn't just say "Oh, this one isn't quite right" and toss the imperfect aside. He makes us perfect, not in spite of our imperfections, but because of our imperfections. 

We couldn't ask for a better potter.

Either God is Evil, or You're Being Lied to

At least once a week, I read something from someone claiming God sends us troubles and/or allows us to face troubles so that we learn to trust in him. That He does this to strengthen us.

I apologize for the language, and for anyone I offend with this, but I call Bullshit! This has got to be one of the most nonsensical bullshit lies I have ever seen taught about God. You're telling me - God allows a newborn baby to be thrown against a wall by her father, or drowned by his mother, to teach us to trust in God? You're telling me - God makes it so some psychologically ill person enters a school and kills a bunch of children, as a way of strengthening us? Please, Please, PLEASE! tell me on what planet that makes sense?

Either this theory is correct - which makes God insanely selfish and evil. Or, this theory is just a lie - which would go along with God being good. Of course, if this theory is a lie, why do bad things happen?

First, allow me to throw out some Bible verses which almost always accompany the articles teaching this lie...

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? (Romans 8:35)

To me, this is one of the most inspirational verses in the Bible. It's letting us know that regardless of what we do or what we go through, we still have the love of Christ and are still saved by His sacrifice. It doesn't say trouble or hardship is given to us so that we're brought closer to Christ. It says we cannot be separated from the love of Christ.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)

This is another incredibly inspirational piece of scripture. Why? Because it provides us with a better way of looking at the obstacles in our path. This, to me, in no way tells us that God is letting things happen to us because He wants to test our faith.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Again, inspirational. And to me, this can be looked at a few different ways. 1 - this was written by Jeremiah, regarding God's words to those exiled from Jerusalem. You really don't have to look at it as anything more than this. However, 2 - God does have plans for us. He doesn't harm us. He doesn't give us pain and trouble. These things are not part of His plan. He will give us hope and a future - hope for a future of eternity.

So why do bad things happen?

Because sin entered this realm? Because the world is plagued by evil? Because this earthly realm is Satan's playground? I truly do not know. But I do firmly believe that God has not ordained evil activities. When we're faced with stress and struggles and problems and troubles and evil and obstacles and pain and death... this is quite simply because this is how this life is. And God promises that some day it will all change. There will be no more hardship and despair of any magnitude.