Let Love be Genuine - Lesson from a Child

⁹ Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; ¹⁰ love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. ¹¹ Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord.¹² Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. (Romans 12:9-12 NRSV)

It's hard to believe it's been almost two weeks since I lost a man I've called Dad for the past 21 years - my father-in-law. In these two weeks, I've found myself withdrawing from people. I've skipped church. I've kept sympathy calls to a minimum. I've avoided visiting friends. I've had a hard time seeing and appreciating support from others. Other than trying to be there for my own immediate family and Mom, I've remained trapped in my own grief. 

A lesson in love (from a child... and it's only taken me 12 days to figure it out...)

The day after Dad's passing, a young boy - an 11 years old friend of my youngest son - came to my door. He said he needed to see my son, and then hugged me tight and simply said "I'm really sorry about Grandpa" to me. As soon as I retrieved my son, this young boy hugged him tight and repeated the sentiment, and told him if he needs anything, to call him. 

The next day, this young boy called. The day after that, he stopped over again, offering hugs. This continued through the week. One day, a week after Dad's passing, he called to ask if he could come over to hang out. I said yes, and just as I was about to hang up, he said "I'm really sorry, Brandi." His shaking voice brought tears to my eyes. I found out later that he had been doing the same thing for my mother-in-law. He'd jump on his bike, and go the few blocks to her place and mine, making sure we were all okay. 

The one thing I noticed immediately was that there was a heartbreaking sorrow and sincerity in this young boy's eyes. Dad wasn't biologically this boy's grandfather; but in the boy's heart - the one place that matters - he was, without a doubt, Grandpa. And even in this boy's own suffering and grief, he found the strength and courage to reach out to others he knew were also hurting. He pushed aside his own grief - or perhaps reacted from that grief - to be a little pillar of great strength to children and adults. 

I wish more loved like that (including myself)

I truly don't mean to insult anyone. I have had people supporting me. I've had them leave messages on Facebook, or text me, and one even called me to offer comforting words. I've had some reach out with hugs when we run into each other. I've gotten cards. 

But there was something about this child that pulled at my heartstrings. Complete selflessness, a desire to comfort another, a need to help however he could, and a follow-through on that desire and need - how many of us truly are like that? How many of us drop everything, especially in the midst of our own problems, to genuinely love and care for another? 

I know I don't. I'm selfish. I get wrapped up in my own family issues and grief and busyness. My "love others" tends to end at the door when I'm busy or depressed or overwhelmed with my own problems.

This isn't Christlike behavior. Christlike behavior would be to do as this young boy did. When Jesus was about to die, He did not think of Himself. He thought of others. He made sure His mother would be cared for. He assured the thief he'd be with Him in Paradise. He prayed for the forgiveness of those about to kill Him. At no time (that I know of, anyway) did Christ turn others away, or ignore the needs of others. At no time did He withhold love and comfort, even if He were grieving. 

How to love genuinely? 

Call a friend. Visit a friend. Bake a cake for a friend (brownies preferably... chocolate helps everything...). Remind a friend of your love, and especially of God's love. Pray. Serve. Pull away from your own sorrow and problems to help those who are also suffering. Don't do any of this because "it's the right thing" but do so out of true caring and love within your heart. 

During the funeral it was discussed how we should all be thankful during this time of grieving... that being thankful helps us win over depression - the two cannot survive at the same time. I'm not sure I fully agree with that, but I can agree that when you concentrate on the wonderful gifts you've been given, it is easier to move forward, and help others also get through their grief. 

And besides being eternally grateful for the time God granted me with Dad, I am also thankful for God sending this angel wrapped in a little boy's body to help remind me what genuine love is. 

God bless.

Don't Wait for Thanksgiving to be Thankful

On both Facebook and Google+, several of my friends are partaking in November's Daily Thanksgiving challenge (actually, I don't know what it's officially called... I only know that each day people are writing something they are thankful for). Personally, I think this is a wonderful thing... except, why are we only doing it during November?

Many years ago, I learned to always give thanks for the things in your life - especially the people. Don't wait for Thanksgiving day. Don't wait for Thanksgiving month. Take time as often as you can to say thank you to God... and to say thank you to those people. Ironically, it was Thanksgiving morning when this lesson was really driven home for me....

My husband had left early that morning with our three older children (then 3, 5 and 7) to spend Thanksgiving day with his family. I would have gone along, but we'd decided it would have been too much for our 4 month old twins, so I stayed behind with them.

At about 9am, I got a phone call from my sister. Our brother Brandon was found just an hour or two earlier - he'd hung himself with a cable in his closet. My dad, whom I hadn't spoken with in years, called to also tell me the news. He was the one who found Brandon, having gone to wake him up to help make Thanksgiving dinner. My sister called again and filled in a few more details. My other sister called me. My twins were fussing, not understanding why their mother was hugging the stuffing out of them. My neighbor came up to take care of me as I was finding myself to be quite useless in caring for these two helpless infants.

Nine years later - in September - I got an email from my sister while at work. This time, it was to inform me that another brother of ours - Matthew - had just been found a couple hours earlier, hanging from a cable in his closet. I vaguely recall whispering the name of a coworker who had a desk next to me as I just sat shell shocked, staring at my computer.

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The image above is a bit deceptive. These two brothers weren't little boys when they died. Brandon was almost 21; Matthew was 24. Below are their high school graduation pictures (I'm guessing they were both 17 in these pics.... close to 18).

When I left home, and was not allowed to stay in contact with these boys, Brandon was only 12, and Matthew was 7. I never got to know them as young adults. But, they were my best friends when I was growing up, even though there was a bit of an age difference (I was 6 years older than Brandon... 11 years older than Matthew). And I never had the chance to tell them how much I loved them and thought about them and just how incredibly grateful I was that I had a chance to grow up with them. I never had a chance to apologize for leaving them. I never had a chance to thank them for enriching my life and for how much they taught me, despite their young age. I learned more from these two boys than I have from anyone else. And the strongest lesson I learned from them...

Do NOT wait for Thanksgiving. There are going to be people who come into your life and change you for the better - some may stick around for quite awhile... some for only a brief time. But regardless of how long they're in your life, they'll live in your heart forever. Tell them thank you. Tell them tonight... tell them next week... tell them every chance you get. You may not get another chance.

Yes, Thanksgiving is a great day to remember friends and family, and all the blessings God has given us. But don't wait for that day to get on your knees and praise the Lord for everything He's given you - especially those people who've made your life that much brighter, that much better, that much more complete.

With that said...

Thank you to my friends, my readers, those who comment and help me grow as a writer and as a Christian, those who've been here during my meltdowns, and encouraged me, prayed for me, and listened to me.

God bless,
Brandi

One Year Ago Today

Today marks the 1st anniversary of Sermons from a Psycho. One year. It really is so hard to believe something which started as a challenge has become so much a part of my life.

One year ago today - I had just learned a week earlier that my father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer. When I first got together with his son 20 years ago, Mom and Dad both took me into their home. For 20 years they treated me as their own daughter, knowing I didn't have parents of my own. For 20 years they'd supported me, loved me, looked out for me. And now he was dying.

One year ago, I lived by the motto "Never trust, never love, never cry." I'd lived by that motto for 30 years. And yet, I found myself turning to someone... crying on his shoulder in the middle of the road, and asking him to take me to see my father-in-law in the hospital. 

One year ago today - we went, we saw, we visited. On the drive home, this friend and I were talking, and he mentioned that he still had to write his sermon for that Sunday. I quite jokingly told him I'd write it for him.

Now you must understand me one year ago - I did not go to church other than Christmas, Easter, and the occasional special occasion. I donned black capes and lit candles in my front yard just to make people wonder about me. I studied tarot and runes and astrology and numerology. While I was a Christian, I was not an active one - instead, spent my time between studying different religions and rituals and beliefs, and dressing up like a vampire and writing stories of such.

So, for me to suggest writing a sermon? Well, I think we both found it a bit humorous. And that's when he did it - he unintentionally issued a challenge by telling me he'd really love to see what I could come up with in a sermon. Of course, he was equally jesting in saying this.

But... that night... One year ago today - I sat down at my computer, created a new blog, and wrote my first "sermon."

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It's hard to believe that this one unintentionally issued challenge could have changed my life so much in such a small amount of time. I started going to church more often. I stopped studying everything occult, and focused my attention on Biblical studies. I started asking questions and really trying to determine what I believe and why. I started praying. I started desiring and working on a relationship with Christ.

My motto - it pretty much flew out the window. While I am still hesitant on the idea of trusting others, caring about others, and letting them see me cry - I'm no longer bound to the laws which kept me locked within myself for so many years.

My father-in-law - he was told a 1 year and 1 week ago that he had cancer, and that it was terminal, and that he had 6 months to a year to live. He's still kickin'.

This friend of mine - he moved away... a couple states away. And while it's taken me a long time of fighting feelings of betrayal, he's remained a true and patient friend. Not only did he awaken something spiritual within me through his challenge one year ago, but within this past year, he has taught me the meaning of friendship and trust. He is the reason that motto I once lived by is no longer.

And I have gained so many new friends in my quest to gain a better understanding and better relationship with God. Many of these friends are bloggers - they're people I interact with usually daily, sharing stories of how we've grown and what we believe and why. Sharing tears and hardships. Sometimes having some wonderful debates (out-right fights) over theology. I can't imagine my life without this community of Christian bloggers/friends.

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I am having a rather emotional morning as I look back on the past year. Yes, it has definitely had its downs. And it's had its ups. It has been an intense year of growth (and of realizing just how immature I am). And I am grateful for every moment.

Thank you Lord. For all you've given me, for all you've shown me, for the wonderful people you've directed into my life to help teach me, for every bump and twist in the road... I thank you.

To my amazing friend who started this craziness... I thought I'd know exactly what to say by the time I made it to this part of the post... but words fail me. All I can say is thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

To all the friends I have made along the way... thank you for your continued support, encouragement, and love. I have enjoyed reading your work, and having each of you make me think. May the Lord continue to bless you all.

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And with that... Happy Anniversary to Sermons from a Psycho! :-)

God bless!

Dig Your Heels in Lady and Quit Your Tantrums

Before I begin this post, I want to extend a huge thank you to a few people. John (from whom the title of this post came from), Greg, Zach, Bob, Jordan, Vernon, Elizabeth, David.... and anyone I may have missed (I apologize if I did)... Thank you for your support, your words of comfort and your encouragement. Thank you for letting me know that sometimes what I write really does make at least a little bit of difference. And yes, thank you to a few of you for that smack upside the head - for telling me to quit the tantrums.

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12 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. 13 Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14 Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it. (Mark 11:12-14)

Most of Mark, Chapter 11, is Jesus throwing a tantrum. Of course, because Jesus is perfect and without sin (in most theologies), we are not taught that this is indeed what he's doing. But, essentially, he is. He is hungry and that dang blasted tree has no fruit for him. So he kills it.

We all throw tantrums at one point or another. Of course, when we think of a tantrum, we think of a child throwing himself to the floor kicking and screaming. As adults, we aren't usually quite as physically dramatic. But oh.... some of us do have our moments where our emotions run high, and others can almost picture us doing exactly as a toddler would do.

This was me recently.

Why? Because most Christians are narrow-minded (or, more often, close-minded), judgmental bigots.

I don't expect everyone to agree with me, or with each other. A fellow blogger has a wonderful post on this topic so I won't rewrite what he's already so exceptionally written (read it... it's great: God Creates Hand Crafted one of a kind Sculptures).

Disagreements are fine. Differing opinions are actually great - provided we're willing to learn from each other. What I am in need of, and find seriously lacking in the general Christian public are people who are accepting; are there to support each other (not just preach about it); are willing to have rational, open-minded discussions on biblical/theological topics; are willing to actually listen and not immediately say "you're wrong!"

I need people who understand loving their neighbor - and their enemy. Granted, loving someone does not mean you always agree with them. But it does mean that you respect their opinion and them as a person enough to put away hateful, arrogant, judgmental words. And it means you help lift them up rather than tear them down.

And many Christians are not this way. Many Christians fall prey to arrogance and pride. They have all the answers. They're smarter. Their way of worship is the only way. They will argue and become spiteful little children as they press on with their beliefs. One person told me he was simply trying to get across his deep seated beliefs. That's what most of us are trying to do... but we must be cautious about how we do this.

I have to admit though... this person is actually the one person who surprised me the most, and made me really take a step back and think about whether I was doing the right thing by walking away. Why? Because of one simple statement he made... "I'm concerned about myself now."

We should all be concerned about ourselves - are we acting prideful and arrogant? Are we being hateful? There is nothing wrong with standing firm in your beliefs - provided you do so humbly, and not at the expense of others.

Anyway, this post is getting longer than I wanted it to... and veering off topic...

Yes, a couple nights ago, I threw a temper tantrum. And, I do apologize for it. But I will not apologize for what I had to say about Christianity. I will still write. I will still converse with some of you. Thanks to some of you, I've seen that there are some Christians who - while may disagree with some of my specific beliefs - do agree with the general belief that we should be open minded and accepting. A sincere thank you goes out to those of you who recognize that we're all different.... and that we do not know the absolute truth about everything in the Bible (and so help me God if anyone comments on this about the Catholic church having the authority to know the truth or whatever.... I will throw another tantrum, and you won't wanna see it).

In other words, I will be taking John's advice - I will dig in my heels and quit my tantrums (for now anyway).


Ohh! Another Jesus tantrum.... I couldn't find a good place in the post to add this... and didn't want to add it with the fig tree verses... so I add it here at the end, because I can :)

15 On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple courts and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, 16 and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. 17 And as he taught them, he said, “Is it not written: ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’? But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’” (Mark 11:15-17)