We Only Pray For Those We Deem Worthy!

I read something earlier today that has really ruffled my feathers. Simply, it was a blog post saying we should not be saying "rest in peace" (R.I.P. - Are They Really Resting In Peace). Now granted, most of what is said in that article isn't necessarily false. We are told not everyone will get into heaven. What I had a problem with was saying we should not be saying "rest in peace" to everyone.

Christian Fundamentals

There are many things we're told to do and not do as Christians. But two in particular I want to stress are:

1. We are to love and pray for everyone. This includes friends and enemies; believers and non-believers. We aren't allowed to pick and choose who we choose to love, or for whom we choose to pray. 

   But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)

2. Only God can see into the hearts of man. Yes, we tend to assume a lot. We see someone living a godless life, we assume they are godless. We hear someone confess they are a Christian, we assume they are Christian. But we cannot truly see what is in their hearts. 

   So he said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of others; but God knows your hearts... (Luke 16:15)

Rest in Peace

These three words (or five if you go with the lengthy version "may he rest in peace") is essentially a prayer. We say these words to prayerfully request the person's soul goes to Heaven. We, as Christians, should want all people to go there. We should be praying for the souls of all - friends and enemies. Those who stand by us and those who persecute us. Those who believe in the Lord, and those who don't yet.

As I said before, we aren't supposed to be picking and choosing who to pray for. Yes, I may not think someone is a Christian. He's a sinner. He has perhaps even actively stated there is no God. Is this not more reason to pray for his soul?

And, as I also stated before, I can't truly see into his heart. True, someone who would state aloud "there is no God!" quite probably is not Christian. But I do not with 100% certainty know this to be true. And I cannot know with 100% certainty if this person's soul is saved. All I can do is pray for him.

That is all any of us can and should be doing - pray for everyone. Pray while they're alive that they are able to find Christ. And pray when they die a request that their soul may rest in peace.

God bless!

Asking for Help for Dummies

I almost entitled this post "God is Really Gibbs". Why? Well, let me explain...

A couple days ago, I had a bit of a melt down. Actually, it was more of a complete and utter temper tantrum in which I completely went off on my best friend, accusing him of not caring about me and never asking how I'm doing and never having time for me. I was not nice. And, the worst part, none of what I accused him of was even remotely true. In fact, it was the complete opposite of the truth. But I was being very selfish. I wanted attention. I was hurting and I wanted someone to realize that I needed help.

Ok, so yes, asking for help probably would have been easier and much less painful. But, I can't ask for help. I don't know how. Well, I can... if I can't reach a bowl off the top shelf, or if I can't figure out how to operate the cordless skill saw - then I can ask for help. If I hurt myself or am too sick to do something for myself - I can ask for help. But when I'm emotionally - or worse, spiritually - in desperate need? Then, I'm an idiot.

 So, today I was feeling very sorry for myself. And very much feeling lower than low. I knew God wouldn't bother to help me. But, at the same time, I did recognize that I truly did need help. I just wasn't sure what is wrong with me. Why can't I ask for the help I need? In my apology to my friend, I expressed these questions and failings of mine.

I sent the email, and decided to check my blog stats. Oddly enough, I had several visits during the time I was writing my email - all to the same blog post. "Don't Help." This is one I wrote 9 months or so... and honestly I couldn't recall what it said. So I reread it - and immediately pictured God giving me a good Gibbs' slap.

This event was immediately followed by a friend posting something on Google+ about how God is still here for us, even when we don't realize we need Him. And how He is faithful even when we are faithless. And, Gibbs' slap again.

Then I read a couple incredible blog posts published today: Push Starting a Spiritual Life and Why Faith, Interrupted.  Slap! Slap!

 So yes, my day was filled with Gibbs' slaps. With God slaps.

God truly is here with us. He answers us. He gives us that very definitely smack upside the head when we're too stupid to realize He's here and He cares. So, what answers did he send my way? How does one learn to ask for help? Why is it so difficult for me to do so? How do I get around this and get the help I quite obviously and desperately need?

Growing up I learned that asking for help (even for physical needs) was a sign of weakness. And it was a symbol of trust, which was always broken. So - to ask for help you need to trust someone, but I learned not to trust ever. And, to ask for help was to say "Hey, I'm weak." Growing up in an abusive home, admitting weakness was pretty much a death sentence. For a while, I did pray to God for help, but the more my prayers seemed to go unanswered, the more I died spiritually.

So to summarize:
Asking for help = Trust + Weakness + Unanswered prayer
Trust = emotional death
Weakness = physical death
Unanswered prayers = spiritual death.

One doesn't need to be a mathematician to recognize that this equation does not equal rainbows, butterflies and giggles. 

Asking for Help for Dummies...errr... Beginners...

One of my biggest issues is asking for help when I don't really have a valid reason. My faith is low? Well, that's a stupid reason. I have a lot of issues going on? Who doesn't? I'm lost? ... ? so find yourself? I mean seriously, if I were to ask the pastor to meet with me because I need help, I really wouldn't even know what to say.

So, perhaps that is actually fear keeping me from asking? I don't want to look stupid. I know I need help but don't know why or in what way. Yup, dummy here.

Of course, it is fear. It's always been fear. Fear of being stupid. Fear of being hurt. Fear of someone pretending to care. Fear of opening myself up to someone and letting them see the pain held within.

Fear of someone seeing the evil inside me. The worthlessness. Fear of being cast aside. Fear of being drawn in. Fear fear fear.

I really have no answers. I still have not asked for that spiritual help. I know I need it. I know I need someone to sit with me and pray for me. I know I need some borrowed strength. But I don't have the strength to admit the weaknesses within me.

So I sit at this impasse, knowing the truth is there somewhere, but uncertain of what this is.

Who do you ask for help? And how? (Besides God) Am I the only one afraid to reach out for help?

Lord - Help Me Learn to Shut Up

In a couple of my previous posts, I’ve discussed prayer – what to pray and where. But there is still so much more to be said about this topic. Why is it such a lengthy and important topic? Because it is our one way of communicating with God. How important is your cell phone? Your email? You use these items to communicate with friends and loved ones. Imagine if you were unable to contact them… think of how lost you’d be. This is how it is with prayer. Prayer is our direct line to the Lord, and without it, we’d be lost.

I can’t really speak for anyone else – but I will tell a bit of how I used to be when it came to prayer… and how it appears to me that some other people often are. Prayer used to be a one-sided conversation for me. I would pray for something, and eventually I’d get an imagined reply. I’d assume God had answered me through actions and events, because God didn’t speak to me (as I said… the conversations were one sided). Let me give an example:

When I first started getting physically abused, I prayed a lot. I wanted it to stop… I wanted to know why it was happening. I didn’t feel I deserved the pain being inflicted on me. And during my prayers, I expressed this to God. I wanted God to give me what I deserved. That night, at around 2am, my mother drug me out of my bed by my hair, dragging me down the hallway, punching me. When my father tried to stop her, she told him “she’s your daughter… you deal with her.” He started kicking me.

As I lay in bed that night, bruised and bleeding, I (wrongly) realized that this had been God’s answer to my prayer. I had gotten what I deserved. I’m sure you can imagine the damage that realization… that answer from God… inflicted.

Now yes, this is an extreme example. But, how many of you have prayed and prayed… and “in response” something tragic (or at least not-so-good) happens. How many times have you said “It’s part of God’s plan,” or “God gave him what he deserves”? How much damage is this thought process inflicting on us? If your child came to you crying and said “I prayed to God for a puppy, and now my fish died”… would you tell him that this is God saying he’s not ready for a pet? Would you tell him God killed the fish because of something the child did or said? Basically, when we imagine God’s reply – especially when it is something tragic – we are causing damage to ourselves, to our loved ones, and most especially to our relationship with Christ.

Now granted, yes, it is entirely possible that these actions and events are an answer. But if we’re only having one-sided conversations with God, how can we know this?

So, how do you have a two-way conversation with God?

This is an excellent question. But, it isn’t an easy answer. It requires one thing many of us aren’t too skilled in…

Listening.

Actually, it takes two abilities… the ability to listen, and the ability to shut up. I am particularly bad at both.

So, how do we gain the needed skills? Practice. When you take your morning shower, talk to God. Speak to Him out loud if you want to. Tell him your plans for the day. Ask Him to guide you through the work day or school day or whatever you have going on. And then be silent, allowing the water to flow over you as you simply open your heart to him.

You may not recognize it right away – the first few times I felt it, I brushed it off as me just being “out of it”, but eventually you will come to feel… different. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me… I feel happy and yet completely calm. Sometimes, I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks, but they aren’t tears of frustration or sorrow. They’re tears of a sudden, bursting, overwhelming, insane… peace. Joy. Comfort. I have an overflowing amount of wonderful thoughts dancing through my soul.

This is God speaking to me. This is God letting me know He is here.

God doesn’t always answer in the sense of saying “Ok, you screwed this up… here’s what to do to fix it.” Instead, God calms my chaotic thoughts and comforts my frightened soul and consoles my crying heart, to the point that quite often the answer is just suddenly clear.

And now this brings me to the next skill that is required for a good, effective, two-way communication with God. Trust.

When that calm surrounds you – don’t fight it. Trust in God. When those answers just suddenly appear in your mind out of nowhere – don’t brush them off. Trust in God. Accept the answers he places there for you.

And don’t forget to thank Him. Just as you would show your love and appreciation to a friend who helps you through a difficult time, show your love and appreciation to our Lord. Even if you didn’t feel that calm or get the answers the first time you prayed, still thank God for being with you, then try again. It takes time to learn to listen. 

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your presence with me tonight, and always. I know I do not always listen to you with an open heart and open mind. I know I do not always follow the advice and wisdom you impart. Please help me to become better at listening to you and to what you want for me to do, and where you want me to go. Help me to learn to stop talking long enough to hear you. Help me to develop a more trusting and open relationship with you, through Christ my Savior and Lord.

In His name, Amen

Prayer in the Shower?

Last night, I discussed what I pray for. Tonight, I want to discuss when I pray. 

First, I want everyone to understand that I do not believe there is a specific or correct time to pray. Yes, there are some people who believe there is a correct time. Some religions teach this. Even Martin Luther believed there is a time in which to pray:  “It is a good thing to let prayer be the first business of the morning and the last at night.”

Many people make certain to cut aside a specific time of day for prayer. For some, this is first thing in the morning. They will read a devotional, and say a prayer before their busy day. For some, this is in the evening, before they lay down for sleep at night. And there truly is nothing wrong with this. It takes a great deal of self-discipline, and perhaps a bit of sacrifice, to be able to assure this set prayer time happens.

For me – with a disabled husband, and six children, and a full time job, and all the other craziness in my life…. And for the simple fact that I have no self-discipline… I find it very difficult to cut out a specific time. God gets prayers from me at random times throughout the day.

I often converse with God while I am walking to work in the morning, when the town is still and nature is so incredibly lovely and peaceful. I find this a perfect time and a perfect environment for prayer. How can we not pray and give thanks to the Lord when we are surrounded by such beauty created by Him?

I converse with Him again on my way home, although this is different. After 8 hours of intellectually challenging work, it’s difficult to notice the environment around me. This time, the prayer is more just a “oh thank you Lord for helping me make it through another day!” If I’m still frazzled and frustrated from the workday, I will often drop off my purse and coffee at home, then take a longer walk to brush off the workday, until I reach that point where I can truly focus my thoughts on the Lord.

One of my favorite times to pray is while I am showering. There is something about the water pouring over me, cleansing me, that brings me closer to Him. It is here where I will trace a cross on my forehead. It is here where I will allow the tears to flow should they need to. It is here I have the most intimate conversations with God.

I tend to pray again at night, right after I climb under the covers. I’ve even fallen asleep conversing with God (sorry Lord!). And, I will pray at random other times throughout the day as I find necessary… or as I feel God speaking to me.

And, one of the most important times I pray…?

How many times has someone called you, or emailed you, or posted on Facebook or Google+, asking you to please pray for someone? How many times have you replied “Oh yes, I will be sure to pray for him/her!”? How many times have you followed through with that?

For me…. When someone requests this of me, I drop what I am doing right then and there and take a few seconds to throw a prayer up to heaven. I don’t wait until a specific time – I know I’d forget to include that person in my prayers if I wait. So I do it immediately. It only takes a few moments.

God doesn’t mind those quick calls –

“God, please be with…”

“Thank you Lord for this weather!”

“Praise to you Lord for this miracle!”

“God please grant me peace…”

One thing I have heard of, but have not done yet myself – drop everything and offer to pray right at that moment with the person making the request. I think this is a fabulous idea.

I don’t believe the when makes a difference, so long as we all cut out time to have these conversations with our Lord. God gives us so much – even when it feels we have nothing. Cutting out time throughout our day to remember this is the least we can do.

What works for you? When do you pray?

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for taking the time to be here for me whenever I call on you. Please continue to be with me throughout my day, and continue to bless me with the ever-present proof of your existence and presence. Hear my words in the early hours of the morning, when all is still and peaceful and full of beauty. Hear me in the evening when the chaos of the day is weighing on me. Be with me as I allow your Spirit to cleanse me. And be with me as I lay my head to rest with your name upon my lips.

In Jesus’ name, Amen

Conversing with God

I remember telling people I suffer from depression. They told me to pray harder. I even read recently that those with Christ in their heart don’t suffer from depression or other mental health problems. Some truly believe that with God and prayer, you won’t suffer physical health problems either. Well, obviously, Christ is not in my heart… or I just simply don’t know how to pray… or I don’t pray enough… or at the right time of day… or with enough faith…

Or perhaps, they just have it all wrong.

Perhaps prayer does not take away every problem in our lives. Perhaps prayer was never meant to do that.

To me, prayer is meant to bring us closer to God. It is our way of communicating with Him. We speak to Him… He speaks to us. It’s a conversation. I don’t go to God simply when I want enough money to cover my bills… with a little left over to buy that new pretty dress. I don’t go to God simply because my child is ill. I don’t go to God expecting him to obey my every whim and desire. I have complete faith that He could make my husband’s health problems go away; and He could cure my father-in-law. Heck, He could even make my parents decent people. But what right do I have to tell Him to do these things? What right do I have to ask anything from Him? What right do I have to EXPECT anything from Him?

Granted, I do still ask for things – I ask for healing. I ask for peace. I ask for comfort. But I also make sure to give Him praise for all He has done in my life. I make sure to just sit in bed at night and talk to Him. I make sure to spend my days loving others as He has done for me and as He guides me to do. I make sure to speak to Him and listen to Him as often as I can (although, I must be honest… I’m much better at speaking than listening).

Sometimes I get mad at Him. Sometimes I thank Him. Sometimes I beg His forgiveness for things I have done wrong – for times I have hurt Him and/or others. Sometimes I plead to Him. Sometimes I simply cry to Him. Sometimes I sing (which I should be asking forgiveness for) and dance in joy for the grace and love He continues to give me. Many times I do some combination of the above.

Martin Luther suggests that one should recite the 10 Commandments, the Creed, and perhaps a few words of Christ as a prayer. I’ve read many others also say to recite memorized prayers and incantations. I’m not strictly against regurgitating words we’ve learned (often as children)… words we’re forced to memorize in our confirmation classes… but I don’t believe this is enough. Memorized texts – whether Creeds, prayers, psalms, Commandments, etc – help bring our focus back to God. This is especially necessary when we feel ourselves growing distant and unable to pray. But then we must take it further. It is not enough to recite these words. We must allow ourselves to feel the words, and believe the words, and then speak to God.

Don’t have the words to speak to Him? Then just focus on Him and open your heart, and let God listen to the silent cry within you. I find myself doing this often when my soul is in turmoil – when I’m blanketed by chaos and darkness and fear – when the words fail to escape for one reason or another.

Another way to pray, which is very similar to reciting what is above, is to sing hymns/songs of God. But like other memorized texts – it isn’t enough to spit out memorized lyrics. You must feel the lyrics, and believe what you’re singing, sing them to the Lord, and then reflect on the lyrics and on God, and speak to Him.

God listens to those who speak to Him from the heart. He does not always give us what we ask for – but we must always remember to give Him praise and thanksgiving for what He does give us. And we must remember not to expect anything from Him – He is not hear to serve our every whim and desire. And we must remember to not only pray when we’re sick or in need. We must converse with Him every chance we get and in every way we can.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the blessings you have bestowed upon me, and which you continue to bestow. Your grace and love and constant presence in my life and by my side gives me strength in my weakest moments, and shines a light on my path during my darkest days. For this and so much more, I praise your name. Please continue to stand with me and be that light and strength and comfort.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen