This morning, I have seen many inspirational and beautiful stories about acts of kindness.
A stranger helps a woman traveling alone with an infant by comforting the infant during the flight then helping the woman get the stroller and bags after the plan lands.
A postal worker who finds a letter addressed to God from a little girl whose dog just passed away, and sends the young girl a book and comforting message that the dog made it to heaven and is doing well.
And there were many more as well. Seeing these this morning made me think of my own life, and the people who've been there for me - both friends and strangers.
A while back, I went into the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions, and was told someone had already come in and paid the $100 bill. Years ago, when I was a waitress, I had a few customers at various times who'd leave me a larger tip so I could buy something needed for the baby I was carrying. A few years ago, after finding out my father-in-law had cancer, someone saw me walking and recognized the fear and sorrow in my eyes and stopped what he was doing to just give me a hug. Not too long ago, while in a state of severe depression, a friend rushed over late at night to help me and be there for me.
It doesn't take tights to be a superhero. It doesn't take wings to be an angel. God sends us normal, everyday people to help us when we most need it. And he sends us to others when they most need it.
All we need to do is be willing to be that superhero. Every one of us has the power to be a superhero in the eyes of someone else - by helping a struggling parent at an airport, or giving a hug to a friend who is grieving, or even just flashing someone a smile and a "good morning" when we pass them on the street.
Let's all be grateful today for those superheroes in our lives, and make more of an effort to be God's hands through acts of kindness to others.
Earlier today, I was talking to a friend who was feeling a little down, and he told me it's not my problem. I know I've done that before too when I've been in a depression - I've told friends not to worry about it... it's not their problem.
I've heard people say (and probably even thought it myself), when seeing someone else having issues, "It's not my problem." I think most of us have, at least once or twice, thought this. We don't want to jump in and help. Or, we don't think we have any help to offer.
It dawned on me today, as I was talking to this friend, that yes... yes it is my problem. He is someone in need of a friend. He is someone in need. And isn't that our job? Isn't that what following Christ is all about?
Imagine how different life would be if we start recognizing the hardships and sorrows of other people as our problem. As a community, Church, family... we should be noticing the struggles of others and doing something about those struggles - even if that simply means supporting the person emotionally. And, we individuals having these difficulties, we shouldn't be saying "It's my problem", we should be willing to ask for help.
We're all in the same boat - let's all chip in to stay afloat.
Unlike most of my posts, there is no header image to start this post. I simply could not find one that spoke appropriately to what this post is about. And so instead, there is nothing. But perhaps this in itself is significant... because this post is about those who believe they are nothing.
This post is difficult, at best, to write. And I doubt very many will actually follow through with each step. It's so much easier to ignore this topic - I know... I try so hard to ignore it every day. I am part of the problem. But, regardless of that, I am going to ask each of you to do 3 things....
1) Watch and listen to the video. 2) Come back and finish reading this post. 3) Reflect and pray
1: Video
2: My babbling
There are many other songs/videos I could have selected... Concrete Angel, or The Little Girl, or Blown Away, or so many others... but there is something about this video that hits me...
It isn't just the simple fact that this little girl Alyssa was being abused. It isn't even just the fact that she was killed. It's the girl in the classroom... the one who, while watching this video, walks out of the room crying.
I was abused as a child. It wasn't just spankings, or the occasional slap across the face. It wasn't only when I "deserved" it, or when I was bad. I was beaten whenever my parents felt the need to use someone as a punching bag. I was thrown against walls, drug down stairs by my hair, shoved to the floor, kicked while I lay on that floor. I was hit with pans, dishes, furniture, the paddle, spoons, books, fists, feet, bottles.
This isn't the only abuse I faced - but it's all I will touch on in this post. And when I see videos like the one above, I am reminded of all the abuses I faced. Unlike Alyssa in this song, I am still alive to tell my tale. But, like Alyssa, I still find myself lying (or wanting to lie) about the bruises and trying to hide them from the world. I still find it difficult to open up - to friends, loved ones, strangers, and God - even though I know He knows it all.
Hearing songs and stories like this, I am reminded of feeling alone, and unloved. There was no loving God for me in those times - and even now, as an adult, I still sometimes sink into that belief that there is no loving God. Perhaps there is a God... but He does not love me. I am not worthy. Some days, I place so much blame on myself for the things that happened to me. Some days, I feel I deserved it all.
And I am not alone in this feeling. Almost everyone who has been abused has felt like this from time to time. Some of us still feel this way, even years after the abuse is over. The scars left from abuse run so much deeper than we want to admit. And these scars - no one else can see them. They don't understand why we don't simply believe in God, or have faith in Him. They don't understand why we hide from people and relationships and love. They don't understand that most of the time, our smiles and good nature are hiding wounds no person should have to face.
3: Reflect and pray
My favorite part of this video... and the part that makes me cry the hardest... is after the girl leaves the room and the teacher follows her to check on her. This is something so rare... and perhaps quite insignificant to most of you. But to those who have been abused... those who have been that girl in the classroom, recognizing and understanding the pain... this small act means so much.
To have someone come after you when you break down crying over something that may seem petty... even if they barely know you...
To have someone see the tears you try to hide when something hits a trigger...
To have someone grab your hand and tell you, in no uncertain terms, that you are a beloved child of God...
To have someone, for just a moment, recognize that the pain you have runs deeper than any ocean, and be willing to invite you into their life anyway...
To have someone just say "You are loved"...
To have someone wrap their arms around you as a sign of God's comforting embrace...
To have someone care...
I cannot express how much this means to those who are still wounded by the invisible scars of abuse. There is no better way to bring someone to Christ, and to help them realize they belong there, than to do these small, simple, seemingly insignificant acts.
I beg everyone - please make this effort. If you know someone who has been abused... be God's comforting arms. If you know someone whom you think has been in that place (or, still is)... be the light of Christ to that person. Take just a moment to reflect on the song and the scars abuse leaves, and pray God lead you to these people so that you can lead them to Him. There are so many children and adults who live in a pain most people can never understand fully - but by the grace of God, and the love He places in your heart and mind, you can help alleviate this pain and show them that they truly are beloved in the eyes of our Lord.
Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up, and pretty much everything you read gets under your skin? I'm currently having one of those days.
The Blame Game:
It started with reading that Facebook is being forced by users to remove one of their feeling statuses. I can no longer make my status "I am feeling fat" - because apparently this will cause low self-image. "Fat isn't a feeling" is the reasoning behind the removal. Well, anyone who doesn't think we can feel fat has obviously not had one of those yummy delicious meals that we just cannot stop eating, even though we knew 3 plates earlier we were already full.
I also learned today that rock music is to blame for depression, drunkenness, suicide, hopelessness, etc. The only way to avoid those feelings is to change your music to classical or Christian music.
Thou Shalt not Scroll Past God Posts without Liking:
Or how about the ever popular memes" "Sadly, 97% of Facebook users won't repost this. When Jesus died on the cross, He was thinking of you. If you are the 3% who cares, repost and like this. Repost if you love God. He already saw you read it." Because, we all know God gives a damn if we're liking posts about Him on Facebook.
The Biggest Gift of God (huh?):
Another one that just made me want to scream: "Parents are the biggest gift of God in this world." I won't even get into that one.
Apparently, technology is also a gift from God, but the meme I saw that on said it was second after Life. Glad whoever wrote that one has their priorities straight.
Watching Someone Drown (aka the one that irritated me the most):
"The worst thing is watching someone drown and not being able to convince them that they can be saved if they only looked up. The Savior walks on water."
Ok, I do understand the concept behind this one. But, it's still wrong. We are not supposed to sit there and watch someone drown, all while yelling "Hey! Turn to God! It'll be fine. You'll be ok if you just believe!" I believe we're to actually be the hand reaching out to them, helping them out. We're to be there with them, loving them, guiding them, showing them, did I mention loving them? We're to jump in after them, hold them close, and stay beside them while they swim to the surface.
Sitting there and watching someone drown does absolutely nothing. Trying to brow-beat them into believing does absolutely nothing.
And thus ends my rant:
I'm sure I could come up with several others, but we'll hold it here for now. By the way, for those who recognized the "pt 2" in the title... after I started writing this post, I remembered I had written another "Things that make me go 'what the...?'" a few months ago.
Have you ever had a concept keep recurring, manifesting itself in several different ways, within a short period of time – so often that you realize it cannot be simple coincidence? The messages are coming at you so loud and clear, you cannot ignore them – and yet you aren’t certain of what you’re supposed to be doing with this message? This has happened to me this entire week. What is this concept?
Giving with no return
Most of us know we should be giving to those in need. And we do try. But, often it is with the expectation that our kind deed will be reciprocated, or that our deed will be noticed by God and man. Last weekend, a conversation with a loved one led me to recognize this praise-seeking type of giving. We were discussing this "truly wonderful, giving person" - a woman who does missionary work. She travels to third world countries, giving of her time and money and energy and nearly boasting (or at least brimming with pride) of what she does, reveling in the praise she received from others. Yet, when she was home, and a family member was within a few minutes' drive from her and in desperate need of some compassion and love, she was too busy or tired to be bothered to visit.
Giving should not be done with the intention of gaining favor with God or man
“Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven.“So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:1-4)
A good example of this sort of giving was shown to me just a few days ago. A mother whom I know and spend time with during basketball and softball games approached me. She knew my son had broken his glasses pretty bad a few weeks ago, and that these glasses were being held together by glue/putty/whatever we could find until we can afford to replace them. She informed me that her optometrist wanted to give my child a free exam and pair of glasses and that she would make the appointment and bring him to it. I was to do nothing. She took no credit for this good deed – simply claimed to be the messenger.
Giving should not be done with the expectation of repayment
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:32-36)
Another display of generosity happened to me a couple nights ago. The past couple days, we’d been dealing with a major leak in one of our pipes, rendering our tub/shower unusable. A friend with the knowledge and ability to fix it, showed up without question to fix it, and refused payment for his services.
Earlier this week, I was drawn to a YouTube video of the show “What Would You Do?” This is a show in which they have actors conducting a scene in the real world to see how normal people respond. The specific scenario I was drawn to was of a woman with an EBT card (food stamps), who gets to the checkout and is informed she doesn't have enough funds on her card to pay for the food (check it out: WWYD: Food Stamps Mother). I was in tears as I watched people - many who probably could barely afford their own groceries - help this woman out, knowing they would never see their money again.
The people in the video, just like the mother and optometrist, and the friend who worked on my house, gave freely, knowing they would not be paid back. They gave because they saw someone in need, and had the ability to help the person. They gave in true Christian fashion – something we should all be doing.
Take time to remember the good deeds others have done for you
A couple nights ago, as if God was demanding I really take note of the events which had transpired this week, my Bible Study lesson centered on this same theme. We’re working on a study called "Doing Good" and that night, it focused on good works that come from having the light of Christ within us. Our first discussion question was to name a time when someone sacrificially did something good for us. Another topic that came up was those who do good from the heart, and those who do good just to try to, essentially, earn their way into heaven. Basically - the entire discussion revolved around the events I had experienced and witnessed throughout the week, and events like this which the other women have experienced.
Stories of truly giving people filled the room, and warmed my heart… Stories of older siblings giving up their free-time to care for younger siblings in a time of need without grumbling; stories of parents who sacrificed time and money to help their children grow in faith; stories of friends who lent money and never expected repayment; stories of strangers offering a helping hand; stories of friends and family staying up late at night to comfort the hurting and distressed.
The people who did these good deeds serve as an example for all of us. This is how we should be. If we see someone in front of us in the checkout, who is short a few dollars – help her out. If we see someone just in need of a hug, or a shoulder to cry on, we should stop and be there. If we see a family struggling to get everything done, we should be there to support them however we can. And we should do it all without expectation of anything in return.
May God bless you all, and guide you as you do something good with no return.
Last night, a beautiful young lady made a comment that really touched me. I had been talking about how I don't like seeing people mistreated - bullied, ignored, cast aside. My apologies to her, but I can't recall the exact words she used. It was either "people care more about animals than they do people... they care more about furniture" or "people treat animals better than they do other people... they treat furniture better."
Either way, she was right. And, it saddens me that someone this young can see this, and has to see this.
The best way to judge a person's character is to see how they treat animals...?
I've heard that statement before, and thought nothing of it, until it was suggested that some people treat animals better than people. I have known people who take very good care of their animals. One particular couple I know had a bird and a cat. Those two animals were well fed, played with, talked to, held, and never once abused. The children in the home had to clean the entire home, cook all the meals, were kept on a very strict routine, were often "kenneled" in their rooms, and were beaten severely and often.
I've known some who will make a bed outside next to a sick calf, but come to school the next day and bully other students. I've known some who will cry over an injured animal, but physically abuse a supposed loved one or friend. I've known some who will take in any stray animal they can find, but kick their own child out of the house in the middle of winter for no reason.
Don't get me wrong - I'm all for treating animals well. I cried for hours when I accidentally hit a squirrel with an arrow when I was a child. I'm constantly trying to bring strays into the home. But a person's character is not only how they treat animals...
It's how we treat all living creatures, and especially how we treat other people!
God created everything - the land, the sea, the birds, fish, and all animals. And He made man guardians of it all. We do not own this land - it is His alone. But we are to care of it (see Leviticus 25). Additionally, we are to care for the animals. We are to treat them well, helping the sick ones, finding the lost ones (see Genesis 1, Ezekiel 34).
There are definite references throughout the Bible that we are to care for these things. However, I don't know if you can find a chapter within the Bible which doesn't mention how we should care for others (ok, there probably is... but it is stated quite often). We are to love each other. We are to care for each other. We are to make sure those who need food are fed; those who need shelter are protected; those who are naked are clothed; those who are in sorrow are comforted; those who feel alone are welcomed.
Why saddened?
So why does it sadden me to have this young person talk about how mean people are?
First, generally for someone to recognize this, it means they've also experienced it. Granted, I don't know for certain if she has, but as I have seen how mean people can be, I would not doubt she's been on the receiving end. And this is definitely saddening. This is an intelligent, polite, insightful young lady with a beautiful soul.
Second, it's quite sad that someone of her age can recognize this fact when most adults can't even see it. Or, they can see it in others, but act the same as those others. And, I honestly cannot leave myself out of that. While I do try to be loving, and do try to avoid being hurtful to others, I know I have had my share of mean moments.
Let me end this rambling...
I know, I know. I talk about this topic a lot. Love love love! But seriously - this is what it is all about. This is what Christ is about. Let's stop treating our animals (and furniture) better than we treat one another. Let's open our hearts to people, and close our mouths from uttering mean things to (or about) one another.
A couple years ago, I had the privilege of reading the most influential sermon I've seen or heard to date. Unfortunately, I'd skipped church that day, so didn't get to hear it - but the Pastor was kind enough to let me read it. And, every so often, I find myself rereading it.
Simply put, it was about a school shooting, and how such things can occur - how someone can get so desperate enough as to open fire in an elementary school. A few days ago, this sermon came to mind again, although in regards to a different occurrence. In particular, it was one simple question he had asked in that sermon that came to mind: "Why did we close our eyes to the needs of one of God’s children...?"
Keeping Others Blind
As many people realize, children and adults whom are in abusive situations, often hide what they're going through. Many people can't understand this. Why didn't you tell someone? Why don't you tell a trusted friend, teacher, pastor, etc?
Now, I can't speak for everyone, but for me.. as a child, I did allow myself to trust a few people enough with my story. And they did nothing (or, in some cases, made things worse). Having someone do nothing intensifies much of what we already feel - ashamed, scared, guilty, bad, and especially betrayed and distrustful. So, we get to a point where we hide what is happening.
We can't feel betrayed by one's lack of action if they don't know there is something to act upon. We don't ask ourselves, or them, why they closed their eyes to our needs. Why they turned their backs on us. Why they didn't care enough.
A couple days ago, I found out my few trusted friends did know (at least to a degree) my situation. And did nothing. And I was thrown right back into those days as a young child when I made the decision to never let myself be betrayed again.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not mad at these friends. My initial reaction was, of course, one of anger and betrayal. But, this was years ago. And it matters little now. But, it did bring to mind that sermon question once again... and made me ask it in regards to myself (because, I know I tend to close my eyes as well)...
"Why did we close our eyes to the needs of one of God’s children?"
Right now, someone you know is being abused or bullied. Someone is being told they're worthless, and a waste of space.
Right now, someone you care about is going without a meal. Someone has no roof over their head, or decent clothes on their backs.
Right now, someone you know is depressed, or grieving, or in pain. Someone is feeling lonely and unloved and unwanted.
Right now, someone you care about is hurting themselves, or contemplating suicide. Someone is wanting to strike out at others to release their own pain.
It's so easy to turn a blind eye to all of these things. We might whisper about these things in our little gossip groups - "hey, did you hear Jim lost his job. Those poor kids...". But that's as far as it goes. We don't go out and ask Jim what he needs. We don't reach out a hand. We don't even offer him encouragement. We pretend we don't see the hardship he's going through. When it comes to abuse, we don't even want to talk about that. To admit we see it would make us have to do something about it. So we close our eyes.
Stop Closing Your Eyes (and Hearts)!
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
How much less evil and hurt would there be in the world if we all made a commitment to open our eyes and our hearts? And, keep them open?
The memories - for the most part - are like little snippets of another life. They flash here and there, never a full story...
Being thrown against a wall Being pulled down the stairs by my hair, struggling to stay on my feet Hands on either side of my face, slamming the back of my head repeatedly into a wall Being pulled out of bed by my hair Backhanded across the face Punched in the face, the stomach, the chest Thrown to the ground, kicks coming from every direction, to my stomach, arms, legs, face, back My face being shoved into my own vomit before being forced to clean it up Thrown out the door in the middle of a blizzard, wearing only jeans and a t-shirt, the door locked behind me The "peacemaker" paddle causing welts and bruises and torn flesh
God is Always With Us - a Constant Comfort...
I grew up going to Church somewhat regularly. And I remember always being taught as a child that God is always with us. God will comfort us. God loves us.
Of course, my parents also told me they love me. They would always be there for me.
In the mind of a child, this was a quite easy equation. Parents = evil. Parents' words = God's Words. Therefore, God = evil.
Where Was God?
If God is always with us, where was He during the events noted above? Where is He while millions of children are abused and broken by those who are supposed to care for them? Either...
God is indeed just evil God is testing us God is indifferent to our suffering God is punishing us God is concerned with preparing our Eternal Home, and until then is simply letting our lives play out
As I've gotten older, and struggled with the why's and where's of God, I've come to realize God is good. So, the last option is the only one that really work. But, it's more than God just letting our lives play out...
Where Should God Have Been?
God should have been in the heart of the pastor I turned to for help as a child - the one whom, instead of helping get us out of the home, told us to respect our parents.
God should have been in the hearts of the neighbors who heard the screams of a child. He should have been in the hearts of the teachers who saw the bruises, and "child protective services" who simply sent a therapist into the home.
God should have been in the hearts of the counselors who were faced with a sobbing, unloved child; and with the friends who were turned to in the middle of the night.
God Should Be in All of Us!
This doesn't just apply to abused children - it applies to everything and everyone. When someone is crying, we should be God's shoulder. When someone is in need of God's embrace, we should be His arms.
It's easy to turn someone away - we're too busy, too tired, too something. But that is not what God wants from us.
We're here to be like Christ. We're here to be the comfort and strength someone hurting needs. We're here to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, love the unloved, and build up the torn down. We are here for God's presence and comfort to be visible to all.
You make too much money... We're looking to make a difference... We want to do something bigger...
How many of you have experienced (or known someone to experience) a situation like those listed below?
Your spouse lost his/her job, and it's difficult to make ends meet on one income. You try to get help (rental assistance, monetary assistance, medical insurance assistance), but are told "sorry, you make too much."
Or, you've been receiving assistance, and finally get a job to get back on your feet. And then are immediately informed your assistance is now cut off because "sorry, you make too much."
These programs are meant to help those in need - but the downfall is that they stop once you hit a certain limit, even if that limit is not enough for a family to successfully survive on.
This teaches that if your problem isn't big, you won't be helped.
We want to do BIG things!
We often see this same thinking when it comes to helping others in need in our day to day lives. We send our donations oversees because these people have bigger problems than the homeless guy down the street. We give our money to large charities rather than buying a meal for the poverty stricken family next door. We donate our time to large soup kitchens, shelters, and the like instead of offering the single mother across the road some help with household chores or with caring for the children.
We want to do big things. We want to know we've made a difference. Helping just one person? That's easy. Someone else can do it. We want the big things! We want to help those "more" in need. We want to help with the "bigger" issues. We don't want to go visit the person who's just ill in the hospital - we want to visit the one who will pass away soon. That will make a bigger impact on a family, and on society.
Jesus washed feet
Jesus did some miraculous things in His time on Earth. He raised people from the dead, cured the sick, fed multitudes... and, of course, died and was resurrected.
But Jesus did not reserve Himself for the big things. He held small children. He comforted the sick. He washed the feet of His disciples.
Gather up the fragments left over, so that nothing may be lost.
After Jesus did the miraculous - fed five thousand people with just a few loaves of bread and a couple fish - He told His disciples to “Gather up the fragments left over, so that nothing may be lost.”(John 6:12). Why should a man, capable of feeding thousands with so little, be so considered with the crumbs? Maybe because it is not just the big things in life that are important. Maybe it was to show us that we need to draw our attention away from the big things, and take care of the smaller things.
No problem is too great for God
We hear and read that statement a lot - "No problem is too great for God." It's a comfort to hear such a truth. But, I think we also need to remember that there is no problem too SMALL for God.
35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40 And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’
I admit - I'm selfish. I realize friends and neighbors have needs or are going through hardship, but c'mon. So am I. And my problems are worse than yours. Wow, how very unChristlike of me. Normal, and human, but not very Christian. Therefore...here is what I'm going to try harder to do and not do...
What not to do when someone is going through rough times:
Criticize their decisions - we all deal with things in our own way. We all have our own priorities. If you choose to leave your children with a babysitter so you can be with your spouse in the hospital, that's what is best for your family. If you choose to stay with your children while your spouse is alone in the hospital, that is what is best for your family. I will not criticize.
Add to their responsibilities - when someone is going through hard times, they're most likely overloaded with things they need to do. I will not ask you to babysit my children, or try to guilt trip you into letting my kids come over to your house. I will not add to your responsibilities.
Wait for you to call me - no one likes to ask for help. We're all good at saying "if you need anything, give me a call." But the truth is, very few people actually do this. I know I don't. I know the people who tell me this mean it... but I still don't pick up that phone.
What to do when someone is going through rough times:
Offer to help - and by this, I don't mean I'm going to give the "if you need anything, call me" line (see above). Instead, I'm going to call you and say "hey, want me to take the kids for a few hours?" or "mind if I come over and mow your lawn?"
Make sure they're well fed - and by well fed, I personally mean make sure they have a supply of brownies (it's the only thing I can make). But seriously, a plate of food, a pan of bars, a cup of coffee - all of these can go a long way in helping someone out. Even just one meal is one less responsibility for a day that the person has to worry about.
Ask what's up - and yes, I said ask "What's up" and not "how are you doing?" Why? Because when someone is going through something (especially the death of a loved one, or a medical problem of their own or that of a loved one), "how are you" is one of those well intentioned horrible questions. Most people won't even answer it honestly. They feel obligated to say "I'm ok." Instead, I'll ask what's up, or what you've got going on.
Pray with them - I'm not going to say "you're in my prayers." Well, that's not true. I will say that. But, when I'm on the phone with you, or standing in your doorway with a warm pan of gooey brownies, I will also ask if I can say a prayer with you.
I may not always follow these... but I'm going to try...
We can't be there all the time for everyone. I get that - and I hope others understand that as well. But I can try to be more aware. I can take more time to help the hungry, the thirsty, the naked. I can take the time to welcome the stranger, care for the sick, and visit with those who need a friend.
May we all find the time to be more Christlike to those in need.
In 1999, I started a three year position as a waitress at a restaurant. For those who've never been a waiter/waitress, I highly recommend it.
It's often a thankless job - screaming children, spilled milk, angry customers, getting blamed for a steak too well done or not done enough, drunken patrons getting into fights, large groups coming in without warning and leaving little or no tip.
It also has it's perks - serving others, getting to know the regulars, sharing in the joys of patrons, sharing in their times of sorrow.
One would think that after a long week filled with long hours of working in a restaurant, the last place one would want to be on their day off would be at this restaurant. And yet, that's where many of us ended up on our days off. Why? Because sometimes it's just nice to be served. And having worked at the restaurant, it taught me to appreciate those who do serve us (in other words - leave your server a good tip! It's not an easy job).
"Bibs & Aprons
Bibs are for people who only want to be fed. Bibs are for those who are not yet ready or willing to feed themselves. Bibs are for those who are more interested in being served than in serving. Bibs are for those who insist that the church exists for them and their needs. Bibs are for babes in the faith, those who haven’t caught God’s vision for the church, or those who are not yet of the faith.
Aprons are for those who have a heart to serve others in Jesus’ name. Aprons are for those who know that they are the church. Aprons are for those who don’t mind getting their hands dirty. Aprons are for those who take the time daily to feed their spiritual hunger. Aprons are for those who are growing in faith, and hunger to help others grow."
I recently stumbled on the above quote and it reminded me of when I worked at this job. It reminded me of those who insisted they always be served - those whom I could tell had never lifted a finger to serve another person. It reminded me of those who consistently served others, never asking for anything in return. And it reminded me of those who got so burnt out from serving others because they forgot to let themselves be served every now and then.
Life in the Church... and as the Church...
In my opinion, life in (and as) the Church is the same way.
I'll be the first to admit that up until a couple years ago, I figured if a Church could not feed me (or any other person sitting in those pews), it wasn't doing it's job. I figured it was the Pastor's responsibility to feed me. And, I figured pretty much every church failed at this. I never saw the Church as the Body of Christ, all working together to serve. I never saw myself as part of that body. It was just a building which failed at meeting my needs.
And, I will also be the first to admit that there are times (such as the past couple weeks) when I still feel it is the responsibility of the Church and pastor to do this feeding. There are times in all our lives when we feel we just can't serve others any more. We're burnt out, tired, angry, frustrated, grieving, depressed, exhausted, and more. We need to sit down and let someone else serve us.
But the rest of the time? We should be serving. We've been called on to serve. We've been called on to be the Church - not to just be a hungry person sitting in a pew waiting for someone else to feed us. When all we do week in and week out is sit there, a bib around our neck, waiting for someone else to feed us, we will never truly be fed. Yes, there are times we need this help, but it should not and cannot be a constant expectation.
So rip off the bib, don the apron, and go feed others. Open your Bible, immerse yourself in prayer, and feed yourself. Recognize that most often, the surest way to feed your hunger is to serve others in the name of Christ (and hopefully that hunger never goes away. It's a great kind of hunger.)
I originally planned on writing this as an email, but considering the multitude of overbearing, annoying emails I have sent, I felt that this would just get scrapped amongst the rest of the rambling. And I don’t want it scrapped. And, I want it read by others… not for sympathy (or smacks upside the head), but because I think it’s important that we be cautious in how we see those special mentors of ours…
Every day I struggle. Every day there is some concern or worry or fear that eats away at me. For a short time, I found relief from that…. and, periodically since that short time. One person – the one whom would have received this email – has been here for me through some very tough times. I have often credited him on essentially saving me a year or two ago. And since then. I write about him fairly often in blog posts just because of what a huge impact he had on me and especially on my reunion with Christ.
Tonight, I posted a blog post about being at the end of one’s rope. At the end of that post, I wrote, “Yes, the times I let go, I had friends and mentors who caught me. These people were God's hands at work.” I reread that line several times. I delete it and tried to rewrite it. I mulled it over in my brain. I tried to mold it into meaning something different. I even removed the line all together. Something about it just really bothered me.
The motto of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) is “God’s Work, Our Hands.” That’s been what the letter board outside my church has said for quite some time. I’ve even incorporated this phrase into some of my posts. God truly does use us to do His work. I know this. I recognize this. I have admitted to this on many occasions.
But, what happens when we forget that it’s God’s work? What happens when we start to think of the hands as not of God? We only see the hands of the man without recognizing the impact God had on those hands. We start to expect those hands to continue working for us and with us even though God already has other plans. We take God out of the equation but still expect the work of God.
And, by removing God from the equation, we end up resenting both God and the human hands that had been used. We end up with a lot of anger, and pain, and craziness, and feelings of betrayal. We end up sitting in a dark room, alone, rereading one hastily typed line of truth, and trying to twist it so we don’t have to face the truth.
I remember one morning, slipping out of the house to go await the school bus. The bus stop was right across the street from our house, and one of my friends was already there. It was winter, but not too cold - perhaps February or March. If I recall correctly, I was in 7th grade.
As I crossed the street, I prayed the bus would arrive before my parents awoke.
But within minutes - "Brandi! Get in here!"
My shoulders slumped as my prayer went unanswered. My step-mother had noticed me standing there without my earmuffs. She grabbed me as soon as I opened the door, spinning me around and slamming my head into the wall of the small back entryway. Several punches later - some of which unintentionally hit my face - she asked me where my earmuffs were, to which I replied with the truth as blood dripped from my lips. I'd broken them accidentally a few days earlier. Several more punches later, and with a few choice words aimed at me, she slammed my head again into the wall and walked out, telling me to clean myself up.
Blood was splattered on my winter coat, and matted in my hair. A few drops had made it onto my tshirt and jeans. I washed up as best I could, changed clothes, and found an old coat. The bus hadn't shown up yet, and I could see my friend looking over at the house with concern. I bit back tears as I grabbed my backpack.
My step-mother walked in, took one look at me, and lovingly told me I had to stay home, and that I should go get some rest. She called the school to let them know I was ill, and as I walked past the mirror, I understood. She'd given me a fat lip and bruised my face. No one was supposed to see the bruises and scars.
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So many of us hide bruises and scars - whether physical or emotional or spiritual. We keep them locked away, hidden from strangers, co-workers, even friends and family. We don't want people to see the pain - even if it is decades old pain.
What will people think if they know you were abused as a child? Or raped? Or molested? What will people think if they find out you used to get so depressed, you'd cut yourself or punch a tree until your hand was bruised and bloody? What will people think if they know that for a while, you hated God for causing these bruises and scars? Who might turn their back if they found out you were bullied in school? How many would turn their backs on you if they knew you were verbally abused by parents, teachers, pastors, or someone else in authority?
No matter what kind of abuse we go through... no matter who gives us those bruises and scars... there is always a fear that someone is going to find out and determine we must have deserved it. There is always a fear that we will not be accepted for who we are. Perhaps all we are worth is the scars...
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Christ never hid His scars. Upon His resurrection, He showed these scars to His disciples. And He wears these scars still - unhidden - as a reminder to all what was accomplished through the receiving of those scars.
Now granted, those of us with scars cannot lay claim that we received them in a victory of saving our sinful human race. But there is still victory to be had in each scar and every bruise. Whether those scars and bruises are visible and external, or emotional or spiritual and unseen, there can still come a good from them.
I don't believe in the statement "it's part of God's plan." I don't see our God as one who would have one of His children raped or abused. But I do believe He wants to help us take these scars and grow from them. We can become stronger. We can become helpers of those going through what we have. We can turn our scars into a victory.
But we must first stop hiding the scars. We must be willing to reach out and say "Look at my hands..."
I still remember the day I painted the above picture. I remember why I painted it. I remember who I was thinking of with every brush stroke. I remember fighting with myself as to whether or not I should give it to this person. I remember wrapping it, and delivering it, and not wanting him to open it. I remember leaving his house thinking I would not see him ever again once he did open it.
I never needed anyone to save me. I was perfectly fine. Or, so I always forced myself to believe. And still do. But at that time... God knew I needed saving. And He sent someone to do exactly that. While I was in the depths of despair, God called someone to reach out to me. This person truly did save me - not just spiritually. I don't think I can ever express just how much he saved me that day... or how much I truly love and appreciate what he did.
But then he left. He pulled me halfway out of the pit, then let me go.
And yes, I know that's probably not the truth... or at least, not his intention. It's only my perception of the events, and my own selfishness creeping in. But that is how it felt over a year ago when he walked away.And that's what hit me square in the chest tonight.
Envy? Greed? Selfishness? Anger? Hatred? Betrayal? Ah yes, I felt it all. It shook me to the core. I wished I'd never met him while at the same time wishing he were here.
Strangely (and sadly), my biggest issue with God has to do with this topic. If God truly is a loving, caring, merciful God... why did he take away my rock? If God actually cares, why did he let me fall when I was dangling in mid-air?
Unfortunately, I don't know if I can develop a closer relationship with Him until I understand this. Why would a God pull a person half out of a pit, just to let him/her drop back to the ground? It seems to be my one obstacle... an obstacle I think I'll be spending part of the next 40 days coming back to.
Yesterday, I flew out of Bismarck, ND with plans to fly to Des Moines, IA then a driver take me to Fairfield. My first flight was scheduled to leave at 11:05.... and I'd be happily holed up in a hotel room around 5pm.
Well....
Anyone who lives in the northern/widwest states (or, probably, almost any state in the US) knows that yesterday wasn't exactly lovely weather. And, as anyone who's had the pleasure of traveling during not exactly lovely weather probably knows, plans didn't quite go as planned.
I left my house at 8am to insure I got to the airport (75 miles away) on time. The drive wasn't too bad - just really cold temps and our car didn't want to properly defrost the windows; the first half of the drive was icey; the second half incorporated blowing snow and limited visibility. Nothing too major. Halfway there, I get an email that my flight is delayed. Ok, I can handle. Except that it would interfere with my connecting flight in Minneapolis. So, not being a in a rush because of the extra 1.5 hours until flight time, I don't get to the airport until 10:30... only to find out they booked me on a different 11am flight because mine wasn't just delayed - it was cancelled. Ok... rush through security... get to gate... no crew. 12pm, they cancel that flight as well and send us all back to ticketing for alternative flight arrangements.
After an hour in line, I get a flight lined up... but had to fly into Cedar Rapids instead of Des Moines if there was to be any chance of me getting to where I needed to be. But, my first flight wasn't to leave until 5 and my husband had already trekked the 75 miles back home... so I was stuck at the Bismarck airport. It's a nice airport... when you're only there for a couple hours. So, I'm at the gate, watching the departure time slowly get moved... 5:30... 5:45... 6:00... Finally, we get out around 6:15 or so. The original plane coming from MSP had broken down at the gate, so they had to commandeer a different one.... a bigger one though, so at least we were comfortable for the hour flight.
We land at MSP.... but our gate is occupied by another delayed plane. So, we sit in what the pilot termed the "penalty zone" for about 20 minutes or so until we can pull up to the gate. Finally we get off the plane. Luckily, I had a couple hours before my connecting flight, but most passengers either missed theirs, or had 20 minutes or less to get across the large airport to their next gate. Sitting at my next gate, with a scheduled departure time of 9:50, again I watch the departure time change. It kept getting announced that the plane was undergoing maintenance, and we'd be boarding in 10 to 15 minutes. Ten minutes later... another announcement... plane is undergoing maintenance, we'll be boarding in 10 to 15 minutes. This went on for quite some time. Finally, around 10:40, we boarded! And sat on the plane for a good 20 minutes because the cabin door hinge had frozen and wouldn't shut properly.
I finally made it to Cedar Rapids just after midnight. Managed to call and get a room for the night at a nearby hotel, and got lucky enough to find a cab driver looking to scam $10 off me for a 3 block drive in -50 F wind chills (he was a nice enough guy... just wasn't too happy that the only person he could find needing a ride wasn't a longer/spendier fare.
Ok, so, what is the point of this rather lengthy post?
This was, to say the least, the most frustrating trip I have had to date. All my trips before went without an issues. No delays. No cancellations. But, I learned something about myself... and people in general. There are two kinds of people - those who can still keep their smile (for the most part) and be understanding, forgiving and kind (or at least fake it), and those who can't.
Sitting in the BIS airport, one lady I'd been visiting with during our long wait for a flight that ended up cancelled, watched my bags for me in the ticket line so I could run to baggage and grab my other bag without losing my spot. And I watched a ton of bags for one poor woman who had 3 little girls in tow so she could get a shuttle to take her to a hotel (she wasn't going to get to fly out until today). And I saw a few others doing this - some people who'd been stuck there since 5am. Some who'd undergone more delays and cancellations than I had. And getting off that first flight - I, and a couple others, waited until the end before we departed the plane. There were those more in need of getting to their next flight... why rush past and hold someone else up?
And, I saw many who were yelling and complaining to the ticket agents and anyone else who'd listen. They were grumbling and angry. One ticket agent seemed to get the most of these people and he was getting pretty snippy to the passengers, including to me. I think I shocked him when I simply smiled and thanked him for his help, and wished him a good day. He seemed to not know how to respond to that.
By the time the 3rd of 4th "the plane is undergoing maintenance" speech, my own nerves were frazzled beyond belief, but I kept a smile and joked with other passengers. Others were doing the same. Soon, almost everyone on that last flight - even while on the plane waiting for the cabin door to thaw so we could close the door and leave - were smiling despite the frustration.
We cannot control what God sends our way. We cannot control the weather. We cannot control airplanes breaking down or flight crews not able to make it to the airport. But we can control our own actions. We can show kindness to those who are having a rough time. We can help out the mother trying to control a handful of kids and luggage. We can try to brighten the day of equally frustrated employees - who are also not in control of everything happening.
Despite our own growing frustration and anger, we can choose to be Christ-like in our dealings with people. So paste on a smile. It'll even help your own frustration level when you let yourself find some fun and/or good during those times when plans just don't go as planned.
