Current Issues with Past Belief in the Wrong God

http://amorous-inc.deviantart.com/art/Vengeful-God-317479299

I grew up believing in god. This god was one of vengeance. If I didn't believe in him, I was going to hell. If I didn't follow the 10 Commandments, I was going to hell. If I didn't believe or follow these Commandments, I would live in hell here and now. He would punish me. I suffered abuse because I was not worthy of anything better. I was raped as a consequence of my sins. I lost friends because of my inability to prove I was truly sorry for my sins. Disasters happened as a way of punishing me and others who were sinners. I was taught to pray for forgiveness, and for the repentance and subsequent healing of others, but never to pray for myself - for my own health or well-being. To pray in this way was sinful. And this god did not answer such sinful prayers, nor would he ever even bother to answer my prayers, because I was such a horrible child.

The concept of a God who loved me and held me close, despite my sins? A God who listened to the prayers of a sinful child? A God who did not cause disaster and illness and abuse, but rather comforted those who were affected by these things? This was all foreign. This was, as I was told quite often, a false God. God was vengeful and to be feared. He was not this false God of love and comfort and hope.

Current Issues with Past Belief in the Wrong God

I have learned a great deal in the past few years - the biggest lesson being that I was believing in and worshiping the wrong god. And, this has caused many questions and issues and fighting against and disbelief and confusion...

If you're taught for 30+ years that your depression is your own fault as a punishment of your sins; or that your family is going through health issues because you're a sinner; or that natural disaster has affected you or those you love because you're not worthy of God's protection - you're going to believe it. And changing that thought process is going to cause upheaval in your own mind and heart. If you're taught for 30+ years that you're unworthy of God's love, and unworthy of anyone else' love, and will never be loved, you're going to believe it. Changing that thought process is a painstaking task of rewiring the brain.

Obstacles Caused, Questions Raised, and Can We Truly Move on from the Brainwashing? 

But, even if you can move beyond that, there are many other obstacles - particularly when it comes to Christianity.

I hear all the time, "just give your troubles to God"... "trust in God"... "pick up your cross and follow Him"... "Run to God, not from Him"... and the list goes on.

But what does any of this mean? How do you simply "give your troubles to God"? Especially when part of you still believes He gave those problems to you? How do you simply "trust in God"? How do you run to Him when you're nothing but a lowly sinner? How do you pray for your own well-being when you know you do not deserve anything?

I have, at times, asked these questions to others. The response is generally one of confusion. "You just do." But I would truly love to understand what it means... what it looks like... how you do it.

People will teach you about this loving God, but they do not teach you how to overcome that brainwashing or how you lay it all at God's feet. They don't answer the question, "but isn't that selfish/sinful?"

Or maybe there are no answers, and I was believing in the right god all along.
Ah yes, confusion clutters the mind today.

Giving with no Return

Have you ever had a concept keep recurring, manifesting itself in several different ways, within a short period of time – so often that you realize it cannot be simple coincidence? The messages are coming at you so loud and clear, you cannot ignore them – and yet you aren’t certain of what you’re supposed to be doing with this message? This has happened to me this entire week. What is this concept?

Giving with no return

Most of us know we should be giving to those in need. And we do try. But, often it is with the expectation that our kind deed will be reciprocated, or that our deed will be noticed by God and man. Last weekend, a conversation with a loved one led me to recognize this praise-seeking type of giving. We were discussing this "truly wonderful, giving person" - a woman who does missionary work. She travels to third world countries, giving of her time and money and energy and nearly boasting (or at least brimming with pride) of what she does, reveling in the praise she received from others. Yet, when she was home, and a family member was within a few minutes' drive from her and in desperate need of some compassion and love, she was too busy or tired to be bothered to visit.

Giving should not be done with the intention of gaining favor with God or man

“Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven.“So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:1-4)

A good example of this sort of giving was shown to me just a few days ago. A mother whom I know and spend time with during basketball and softball games approached me. She knew my son had broken his glasses pretty bad a few weeks ago, and that these glasses were being held together by glue/putty/whatever we could find until we can afford to replace them. She informed me that her optometrist wanted to give my child a free exam and pair of glasses and that she would make the appointment and bring him to it. I was to do nothing. She took no credit for this good deed – simply claimed to be the messenger.

Giving should not be done with the expectation of repayment

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:32-36)

Another display of generosity happened to me a couple nights ago. The past couple days, we’d been dealing with a major leak in one of our pipes, rendering our tub/shower unusable. A friend with the knowledge and ability to fix it, showed up without question to fix it, and refused payment for his services.

Earlier this week, I was drawn to a YouTube video of the show “What Would You Do?” This is a show in which they have actors conducting a scene in the real world to see how normal people respond. The specific scenario I was drawn to was of a woman with an EBT card (food stamps), who gets to the checkout and is informed she doesn't have enough funds on her card to pay for the food (check it out: WWYD: Food Stamps Mother). I was in tears as I watched people - many who probably could barely afford their own groceries - help this woman out, knowing they would never see their money again.

The people in the video, just like the mother and optometrist, and the friend who worked on my house, gave freely, knowing they would not be paid back. They gave because they saw someone in need, and had the ability to help the person. They gave in true Christian fashion – something we should all be doing.

Take time to remember the good deeds others have done for you

A couple nights ago, as if God was demanding I really take note of the events which had transpired this week, my Bible Study lesson centered on this same theme. We’re working on a study called "Doing Good" and that night, it focused on good works that come from having the light of Christ within us. Our first discussion question was to name a time when someone sacrificially did something good for us. Another topic that came up was those who do good from the heart, and those who do good just to try to, essentially, earn their way into heaven. Basically - the entire discussion revolved around the events I had experienced and witnessed throughout the week, and events like this which the other women have experienced.

Stories of truly giving people filled the room, and warmed my heart… Stories of older siblings giving up their free-time to care for younger siblings in a time of need without grumbling; stories of parents who sacrificed time and money to help their children grow in faith; stories of friends who lent money and never expected repayment; stories of strangers offering a helping hand; stories of friends and family staying up late at night to comfort the hurting and distressed.

The people who did these good deeds serve as an example for all of us. This is how we should be. If we see someone in front of us in the checkout, who is short a few dollars – help her out. If we see someone just in need of a hug, or a shoulder to cry on, we should stop and be there. If we see a family struggling to get everything done, we should be there to support them however we can. And we should do it all without expectation of anything in return.

May God bless you all, and guide you as you do something good with no return.

Is It Enough to be a Good Person?

Earlier today, I saw something on a friend's Facebook page. In the post, this gentleman was explaining his beliefs. He stated he isn't atheist, but that he doesn't fully sign on with their being a God either. But he made a statement that basically said, if there is a god, he doubts this god cares about the trivial things of the flesh, but rather that we be good people.

Now, I am not going to debate the ins and outs of whether or not the God I worship and love cares about things of the flesh (i.e. who's sleeping with whom). But I do want to pose a question...

What does it mean to be a "good person"?

To me, being a good person (or, attempting to be) means essentially to love one another. This is a commandment Jesus gave... one in which that exact terminology is mentioned 12 times in the King James Version (I'm not going to list them all... but they're easy enough to find). In addition to "Love one another" being specifically stated a dozen times, the Bible on a whole is based on the concept of love.

What does it mean to love one another? 

Don't kill someone... punch 'em, kick him, stab him, etc.
Don't hurt someone... physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually, etc.
Don't lie (this hurts people). Don't talk bad about someone (this hurts 'em too).
Don't steal from them (anything of theirs... their money, furniture, ideas, spouse, pet, etc).
Don't cheat (yup, this one hurts people too).
And I"m sure the list goes on.

This would be how to be a good person.

Now then, as for those trivial fleshy things? 

Cheating we already covered. That hurts people (spouse, loved one, etc).
Sex before marriage?  This can hurt others too, depending on how they think of sexuality/virginity.
Masturbation? If you're married/involved, you could be hurting your spouse.

In other words...

To be a good person means to love others. To love others means to put their needs/feelings before your own. Quite simple.

So... is it enough to be a good person? 

Evil is in the Eye of the Beholder

Early, I read a post about how contemplative prayer is wrong. Through discussion, it was also hinted that sitting in a room surrounded by candles is evil. I've also been informed in the past that some of my trinkets are evil (see Adornment - Of Trinkets and Medallions and Such).

Now first, I need to put a few things out there...

1 - Just because something is not found in the Bible, does not mean God forbids it.
2 - Just because something is found in the Bible, does not mean God commands it of us
3 - Do NOT interpret the Bible how YOU think it should be interpreted. Example: "abstain from all appearance of evil" does not mean to stay away from something you think looks evil.
4 - You are not God. Do not judge people just because they do something you don't do, or because they believe something you don't believe.
5 - Just because you think something, doesn't make it true.

That said...

Contemplative Prayer - many of us like to clear our minds to bring us closer to God. And, by closer, I mean to have a stronger relationship with him. But anyway, with so much chaos and noise in our worlds, we need to take time to be still and speak with God. To do this, I will focus on something to clear my mind. I will sit in complete silence and let me thoughts dissipate. In my opinion, this is what these contemplative prayers are - they aren't to take the place of real prayer. They really aren't even prayers (in my case anyway). It's preparing myself to feel God's presence, in a way I cannot feel it when I am running from one "urgent" worldly task to the next. While it doesn't work for me, I do know there are many who will sit and repeat one world over and over again to clear their mind... it's their way of focusing, of clearing their heart and mind to prepare it to focus on God. This isn't evil. It could, perhaps, be used in an evil way if one so chose, but in and of itself, it is not evil.

Candles - If sitting in a room with candles lit is evil, then almost every church goer is evil. Every church is welcoming in Satan. And has been since Biblical times, although, in Biblical times they used oil lamps rather than candles. These lamps were a symbol of understanding, guidance, and life; and burning of incense was a way of offering prayers.

Trinkets/Medallions - I'll let you read the post I already wrote on this topic.

So basically what I'm getting at - don't let your own thoughts of good and evil cloud you from the truth. I celebrate Halloween - in the sense that I take my children trick-or-treating and decorate my yard with tombstones and cobwebs. This doesn't make me evil. I don't worship Satan or anything/anyone other than the one and only God. I surround myself with candles as a way of relaxing. This doesn't mean I'm evil. It means I enjoy the smell and ambiance of candles. I burn incense because I like the smell. I take pictures of the full moon because I think it is beautiful. I watch the stars because I marvel at what God has created. I listen to music which is hard rock because I like listening to music. I dance because I enjoy dancing. None of what I do is evil or done with evil intention.

To place a label of evil on something is to give that thing power over you. Anyone who follows the crowd and believes a candle is evil is weak minded and/or weak in faith. A candle cannot on its own be evil.

Good Deeds - Selfish Motives

"I can't wait to see her face!"

I heard this phrase not too long ago.

The story: A family's young daughter has recently been diagnosed with cancer. A group of people - seemingly kindhearted people - took it upon themselves to do a fundraiser for this family. Along with this fundraiser, the group paid to have a banner made with the girl's photo on it, and name. It's a lovely banner. The plan is all group members will sign the banner and present it to the family.

And then someone made the comment "I can't wait to see her face" talking about the mother of the child.

This wasn't a selfless act being done by this group of people. It was an act they were doing to get recognition from the family and from the community. It is a good deed brought about by selfish motives.

"Oh look what I did for this hurting family. I'm such a wonderful person. They'll love me so much!" Does this sound like a selfless act? And yet time and again this is the way we act when we do good deeds. This is why we do good deeds - to be admired and recognized and loved and appreciated.

"Watch out! Don't do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven." (Matthew 6:1)

Don't Give Me that Feel-Good Crap!

I hate "feel-good" people. You know the kind - no matter what is happening, they always have something overly-sappy, sweet and pathetically encouraging to say. They're the ones whose Facebook wall is over-ridden with all those inspirational pictures. They're the people who, whenever they speak or post something on social networking sites or in email, make you throw up just a little.

Our church recently welcomed in a new interim pastor who, in my opinion, is one of these "feel-good" people.I was not happy to find out she'll be our pastor for a while. Don't get me wrong - she's incredibly nice... all bubbly and happy and friendly. I don't like her. (No offense, by the way).

I have never liked the "feel-good" pastors. Yes - God is full of greatness and goodness and grace. Yes - God is wonderful. His gifts are bountiful. He is perfection and forgives us all our imperfections. I don't disagree with any of this. But do not preach it to me. I already know it. Or, at least, don't always preach it. I want a preacher who will help lead me - or will at least push me towards to the right path. I want the person who isn't afraid to give me a little smack upside the head when I start acting stupid, and start straying from that path. I want a pastor who is willing to be a mentor - who is willing to give me hints and tips and advice, but ultimately lets me make my own decisions, and yet is still there to catch me when I stumble.I want someone not only willing to teach me how great God is... but who's willing to show me the right way to live according to God's Word.

This is what I look for in people. Honestly. Steadfastness. Those I truly consider friends - these aren't "feel good" people. They're real people. They're people who are willing to tell me the truth but stand beside me no matter what mistakes I make. This is what I want from a friend... from a teacher... from a pastor. Don't give me the feel-good crap. Give me a good lesson that makes me think - that makes me want to become a better person. Don't feed my ego - feed my soul.

Good/Evil, Truth/Lies...

Good and Evil. Truth and Lies. Light and Dark. Love and Hate. Dreams and Reality. (Did you notice... the "good" things are always listed first... which means reality sucks).

So, I am writing on this blog because I promised a sermon at least once a week. And, it's been a week since I've written one. But, this isn't so much a sermon. In fact, it really should be on my other blog... and I will probably post it there as well as here just to get adequate readers of this post.

Anyway, I have been thinking today and tonight and the past 10 years or more about how so many things in life have two sides - and you can't have one without the other. You can't have light without dark. You can't have good without evil. You can't have love without hate. You have to have the opposite for the one to mean anything.

God is good (in theory). This would make Satan evil. The Bible is truth (theoretically). This would make anything that disagrees with the Bible, a lie. This is how the books of the Bible were selected. I watched a television documentary the other night on recently found books which were left out of the Bible. Some of these were written by other disciples (or about them). For example, there has been found the Gospel of Judas. Now, as we all know, Judas is the one who betrayed Jesus. However, according to this Gospel, Jesus actually requested this betrayal from Judas. Jesus had to sacrifice himself for our sins, and therefore asked his friend to do help him. This goes against all the other Gospels... the "real" gospels. Therefore, it is heresy and cannot be in the Bible.

Don't get me wrong. I don't believe the Gospels we know are lies. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John - all the other disciples would have seen Judas as the betrayer. They would have seen this as truth. But why can't it be possible that Judas' account happened? If it was done in secret - which it would have had to be for it to work - the other disciples wouldn't have known. Therefore, all accounts would be truth.

How can conflicting details both be truth? Because truth is subjective.It is in the eye of the beholder. This is the same with good and evil. In some cultures, cheating on your spouse isn't "bad". Killing someone isn't "bad." Granted, yes, these are sins in the eyes of God... but if you aren't Christian, you can only go by what your religion (or culture) tells you is good and bad, and these won't always agree with the rules of Christianity.

And it isn't only that. It can also simply be the difference in interpretation between an action someone does, and who they do that action against. Suppose you push someone off the boat in the middle of the sea and drive away. You might think you're doing it for this person's own good, to teach that person how to swim on her own. This person, on the other hand, hates you. It doesn't matter if she makes it or not. It doesn't matter if she learns to swim or not. Your perceived good act is an evil act in her eyes. Too dramatic? Ok, say you made a promise to always be there for someone, then walked away. You might see this as not a big deal... nothing bad. It's not your responsibility and you simply don't have time for this someone. It isn't so much that you think what you've done is good... you just don't see it as bad. Or, don't bother thinking about it at all. But have you ever considered looking at it from the other side? Everything has two sides. Always. There are always two truths. Two lies.

Light and dark. Light is truth and goodness. It's God. It's heaven. It's life and salvation. And it couldn't exist with dark - without evil. Without death and the thought of eternal torment. And yet, we have both of these living within our world, and ourselves. Not one of us exists without both this light and this darkness. Now, it is simply a matter of which you are seeking. Which do you actively pursue?

Is Church Necessary for Salvation?

I grew up being taught that if you don't attend church at least semi-regularly, you won't be saved. Even now, the mentality of many people I know claims that I, and my family, will be going to hell because of our lack of church attendance. In fact, in a normal given year I attend church approximately three times - Christmas service, Easter service, and usually one random one (maybe it's a mother's day, or confirmation Sunday, or whatever). 

But, is church attendance really that important? 

I have asked a few pastors this question, and usually get the same response - yes. If you are Christian, and want to be saved, you must attend church. In fact, some seem to place so much importance on this weekly event, that it negates everything else one does throughout the week. This is one of my issues with the Church. Its participants will often leave the church, pleased with their salvation, and head off to the cafe to talk about how horrible other people are... how they won't be saved... how these non-attenders are on a fast track to hell.

Is this really how the game of Christianity is played? Two hours of worship a week, and we can spend the rest of the week being two-faced, back-stabbing, hypocritical people doing the work of Satan? If that's the rules to the game, I don't want to play. 

One pastor actually gave me an answer to the question of the necessity of church that made sense. He essentially said that no, church isn't necessary, but some form of fellowship is. This can be a bible study group, a church, or any form of community with a shared spiritual desire and belief.

So what does the Bible say regarding this topic? There is one verse I particularly like: 

Matthew 18:20 - For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

1 Timothy seems to have the closest reference to attending a church, but even with these verses, it does not specify that it is to be a church: 

1 Timothy 4:13 - Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching.

1 Timothy 2:8 - I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; 

 

A few neighborhood children, including two of my own, have created their own Bible camp. They gather once or twice a week to read scripture, pray, and discuss and teach each other what they feel the scripture means. By the verses above, they have met the requirements even though they may or may not attend church on a regular basis. 

We must not fool ourselves into believing that Church is a requirement, and definitely should be cautious that we are not making this a sole requirement for salvation. We need to worship God in all we do and everywhere we are. We should act as Christians Monday through Saturday as much or more-so as we do on Sundays. Attending Church is not a necessity, provided we are surrounding ourselves with Christians, and doing our best at being good Christians. The reason for the Church is that it is meant to be a place where Christians with similar beliefs can gather... but when the church is not that fellowship, then find a fellowship that works for you whether it be a Church, or a group of friends you can have bible study/conversations with, etc.

Let me In!

You've passed away, leaving behind your friends and family, finally rid of the pain and suffering of existence as a living, breathing human being. Your soul stands before the Gates to Heaven. Will it be open to you? And is having them open for you enough to truly call yourself a good Christian?

Today's sermon goes along with the one regarding morality and religion, and also goes along with a couple other things I've written in recent weeks (Dear Pastors/Preachers and Dear Pastor Clarified). This entire topic is very important to me. It regards the question "What is a good Christian?".

Many people I know believe that so long as they believe in God, and his son, will go to heaven. No other action required.

Many others believe that you must do this, but you must attend church every Sunday (or, at least on a fairly regular basis). No other action required.

This is like when I tell my fourteen year old to do the laundry. Most of the time, what I get from this request is either: a) the clothes get put into the washing machine, the washing machine runs, but this is as far as it goes, or b) the clothes also manage to get dried by then remain in the dryer or in the clothes basket unfolded. If you are given a task, it is required you complete this task from start to finish. We all know that. However, many of us will hide behind "you didn't specify what you wanted." I did not tell her specifically to wash the clothes, dry them, fold them, then put them away in the correct dresser drawers.

So does God only give us the minimum of instructions? Is there anything beyond those minimum instructions required for us to get into Heaven? 

Ephesians 2:8-9 - For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

John 3:16 - “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 

 These two verses seem to imply that all I have to do is believe. Yes! I am in! I can sit around and do nothing more. 

James 2:24- You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.

John 14:15 - “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 

Oh... hmm... this isn't good. I think I will choose to ignore verses like these. I don't like them. I am a good Christian. I believe in God the father, son and holy spirit. I go to church every Sunday, I've been baptized and confirmed into the faith, and I sometimes repent my sins. I am in!

Seriously people - even if all that is required to get in is to believe... this isn't right. Morally we have an obligation to carry it to a higher level. No one will ever be perfect while here on earth. We all sin. We're all going to screw this up. But that doesn't mean we just sit back and allow ourselves to sin, then go to Church on Sunday so it's all forgiven. 

Think of Heaven as an elite university we all want to get into. Our transcripts are in - we've all believed in God, attended church, been baptized and confirmed. So now the dean (God) must look at our extra-curricular activities. When you were walking home and saw an elderly lady struggling to pick something up which she dropped... did you help the lady? When your friend needed to get home because of an emergency and you had the extra cash to pay for gas, did you help? After enjoying a large meal, and leaving the restaurant, you noticed a homeless man sitting in the corner hungry. Did you offer a meal or some money to help this man? Someone called you in tears. Her best friend just died. You were on your way to a concert you spent $100 on. Did you stay home to take care of your friend? Or did you go enjoy your concert? 

 What will your application for entrance to Heaven look like? Remember, it isn't just about the grades you get, it's about all the little things you do as well. 

 

Morality vs. Religion

I hadn't intended on beginning this blog with this sermon, but as i was seeking an image for something else, I stumbled upon this picture. One good example of this is those who are against gay/lesbian rights, or those against abortion. The Bible tells them these things are wrong. These things are evil. Because it says so in the Bible, and because this is what a person's religion tells them is the case, they believe it is accepted to mistreat people who are gay or lesbian, or those who choose to have an abortion.

Calling someone names, beating them up, bombing an abortion clinic - these are all actions which morally are wrong. However, the people who do these activities hide behind the Bible and their religion. But these actions which they try to do under the protection of the Bible, are actually going against this same book. Beyond the obvious of murder being a sin, we are also often warned that we should treat others as we would want to be treated.

Matthew 7:12 - So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. 

Luke 6:31 - Do to others as you would have them do to you. 

Mark 12:31 - The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”

Galatians 5:14 - For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 

 If we are acting reprehensibly towards someone whose beliefs do not follow our own, we are breaking this law. It is a simple law. Treat others they way you would want to be treated. Of course, this slides a bit from the morality topic, but it is a good place to start. 

Do not cheat your neighbor, lie, steal, kill, harm, or speak bad of your neighbor, etc. These are the commandments. These commandments are morally sound. And yet people tend to ignore these things and utilize the Bible and God's Word in ways that benefit their personal agendas. This is not moral. It is not following the 10 commandments, and is definitely not following "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

However, there are times when morals go against religion. Which is the "right" thing to do? Take for example this true story...

A young girl, around 14 years of age, had been abused for the last 6 or 7 years by her parents. She has watched her siblings get beaten. She and the others often have bruises, bumps and cuts, untreated broken bones, and the like. The girl is frightened. She knows the family needs help before things get worse, and yet whenever one of the other children turned their parents in, things would get really bad. 

So, she went to the one person we are supposed to trust - her pastor. She told him what was happening. She even showed him the bruises, and asked for his help. 

"Remember the fourth commandment," he told her. "Honor thy father and thy mother." 

He did nothing more to help her or her family. 

He followed the path of religion... or, at least, a small minute portion of it - one small verse. But, morally, did he behave as would have been "right"? 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with religion - so long as people do not use religion as an excuse to not help someone, or to further the hurt to someone, or to in any way cause hurt or harm to another.