I Hate Funerals

This may seem like a rather "Duh!" thing to say that I hate funerals. I can't think of too many people who actually enjoy them. Funerals mean someone you care about has left this earth. Or someone close to someone you love. It means grief and hardship and tears - either from yourself or from someone you love.

Yesterday I attended my fourth funeral. Yes, while I have lost many people in my life, I have only been to 4 funerals. In general, I prefer to say my goodbyes in private - not in a funeral home or church. But, I did go to four - and these were more to be there for the family and friends still alive.

In all four of these cases, while I was close to 3 of the 4 who passed away, I was especially close to the family and friends of each of them. We had shared a lot of laughter and tears, hugs and prayers. And sitting in a funeral service, all you can do is watch each of these loved ones in visible pain. 

And this is what makes funerals difficult for me. It isn't just knowing I've lost someone. It's watching others whom I love in pain. I hate seeing people hurting. I hate knowing there really isn't much that can be said in that moment to make things ok. Yes, we offer condolences and hugs. We say those beautiful things like "he's in a better place now." But really... in that moment when we lose a cherished member of our family (this includes those close friends as well), we know they're in a better place. But that doesn't change the fact that they have left us. Yes, we know they're looking down on us. But that doesn't change the fact that we can no longer hold their hand or hear their voice.

What can you say to someone who has lost a spouse or a parent or a beloved friend? How can you help take some of that pain away? The truth is, in my opinion, there is nothing that can be said or done which will, in that moment, ease their suffering. However, what you say or do will be remembered - or, rather, the sentiment and love behind your actions will be remembered.  This is why the words you say aren't that important. The fact that you were there for them is what is important. Send a card, give them a hug, bake them a dish, offer to take care of their kids. And always remind them God is with them in this trying time. Yes, they may not believe it in that moment, but it's still good to hear.

A Time to Weep, and a Time to Laugh

I haven't much been in the mood to write recently. Well, this isn't exactly true. I've been in the mood to write... I've had much in my head I've wanted to toss out onto this blank canvas of a screen... but every time I sit to write, the words fail me.

However, one of my resolutions was to write a sermon at least once a week. And so, I reread the readings from church today. I thought about the sermon that was given. I read the reading from "Christ in our Home" for today (which of course was the same as the church reading)... and read ahead for the next three days. All this managed to do was get the song "Turn, Turn, Turn" stuck in my head (ergo the title and picture for this post). So, as I cannot come up with a good sermon, or sermon topic, all I can do for this week's sermon is to write from the heart (in other words, this isn't so much a sermon as just a bit of rambling).

A week ago, the pastor of our church had his last service with us, and a few days later left our little town. For about 6 weeks we'd known this would happen... had time to prepare for it. But when it actually happened, it was obvious that no one was truly prepared. Today's church service, there was a sense of something missing... a sense of loss and confusion and disjointedness. No one sang. No one seemed too 'with it'. If I had to make assumptions, I'd say that most everyone was very uncertain... uncertain if we could make it as a little church, uncertain if they wanted to be there, uncertain what our purpose was, uncertain what the next steps should be.

The sermon was ok. It was well written (even though slightly long...[he put me to shame with lengthy ramblings]), and it was delivered acceptably. But as will most likely be the case for some time, it was almost audible the fact that this sermon and its delivery were being compared to those heard the past 2 years. I even caught myself doing this, although I've only been attending this church for a few months.

He did ask one good question... "If Jesus were in this congregation, and asked what you needed, how would you answer?" (slightly paraphrased as I can't fully remember how it went). That got me thinking. But unfortunately, I spent most of the sermon evaluating that question, and therefore remember very little of the rest of the sermon (the last 25 minutes of it).

Ecclesiastes 3 seems to be rather fitting though for what our church is going through, and what it has gone through. There is a time for everything. Sadly for our congregation, it was time for our pastor to move on...it was a time to lose. At the moment, we are in a time of weeping and mourning still because of that loss. Because this person we have lost is one who helped us build up, helped us embrace each other and this church, helped bring us to a time of love and peace and understanding amongst each other. And now, it's a sad time, a time of uncertainty, a time of worry.

But, this is how it is in all our lives.We hold on to loved ones, only to eventually have to face the need to let go of these relationships. We lose people to death; we watch loved ones bring home babies. We see times of war and peace (including little 'wars' with our loved ones). We have emotional breakdowns, only to later be built back up, hopefully stronger than before.

But, there is a purpose to everything that happens. We may not see it now, or understand what that purpose is. But there is one. And just as there is a time to weep and a time to mourn, there will eventually also be a time to laugh, and a time to dance.

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There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 from The Message) 

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Dear Lord,

Thank you for being with me in times of joy and times of sorrow; for the birth of loved ones, and for the time to know and love those who now reside with you. Thank you for standing beside me though I doubted your presence, and for sending someone to help my spirit heal. Thank you for the tears I've cried, tears which helped heal my heart and soul; and for the laughter and joy I have been able to experience. Thank you for giving me the courage to trust and allow love in; and thank you for standing beside me when hate and anger have entered my heart and mind, and for helping me to dispel those demons. Thank you for continually giving me the strength to face all the good and bad times I've encountered. Please continue to be with me through these times.

In your name, I pray
Amen.

The Unforgivable Sin

 Monday, September 10th, marks the world's observance of Suicide Prevention Day. To be honest, I wasn't even fully aware suicide had a day - although, it does make sense considering everything else (cancer, diabetes, child abuse, etc) has it's own day. And, it isn't a bad thing to do this. Why? Because it helps raise awareness, and awareness is incredibly important when it comes to suicide - being aware of the signs, being aware of the pain that comes from this one act, it's all necessary.

I find this topic to be a very difficult one to give a sermon on (which may be why I'm rambling right now). There are several aspects which could be spoken about - the signs someone is suicidal, the feelings those left behind go through, whether or not suicide is an unforgivable sin. But I find I am uncertain of where to start and how to answer the questions many people have regarding this topic. So, I will start with a story...

This story involves some young children... a five year old boy and four year old girl. They were neighbors, and played together all the time. They were going to get married - he'd be a farmer, she a ballerina. They even had arguments about this, because he didn't see how their career choices could meld together. He was a wonderful young child... a little on the serious side, slow to anger but when he did he didn't forget, and he had an imagination like no other. And dark brooding eyes like no other. And a sensitive, loving heart. When he was a few years older, he would spend hours reading to his sister when she was bed-ridden with a back injury.

The five year old boy had a baby brother - the youngest in the family. This newborn was often taken care of by his older sister. She would sing him to sleep, rock him, read to him. As he grew up, his personality became more evident - he was a happy child, goofy, funny, and ever so loving. Even at seven years old, he still wanted his sister to sing or read him to sleep. 

The girl was a wonderful young girl. She loved playing outside with her "boyfriend", and with his siblings. Her siblings would often join them also. She had beautiful haunting eyes - the kind you can't forget.

Both families were broken. There were issues within the homes that were meant to stay within the walls of those homes. No one spoke of the nightmares - no one, except the children to each other, in hushed voices. 

Fast forward several years - to when the young girl was 15 years old. She'd since been separated from the other family, living several states away. They found the young girl one day hanging from a tree, dead.

Fast forward a few more years - to when her "boyfriend" was 20 years old. He was still living with his parents, unable to escape. They found the young man Thanksgiving morning hanging from the rod in his closet.

Fast forward a few more years - to when his brother was 24 years old. He'd gotten mixed up in drugs and drinking. They found this young man one day hanging from the rod in his closet.

Three young lives intertwined - sharing childhood pain, more love than can ever be realized, and similar deaths.

The two boys were my brothers. The young lady was my brother's best friend, and someone I used to babysit when I was younger.

They say that suicide is one of the more difficult types of death to deal with for family and friends because of the questions of "Why!?" They say there is usually anger aimed at the person who took his/her own life. I think this is one reason I have a difficult time discussing this topic - I never truly experienced those questions or emotions. I never questioned why these three young kids ended their lives - I understood it completely. I never have been angry at them for their acts - how can I be angry at them for something I had wanted to do, and tried on many occasions? I wish they hadn't taken the path they did, but I understand why they did, and I love them regardless.

But where I get hung up is on the subject of suicide being the "unforgivable sin." I've heard this many times - actually had someone tell me this right after I learned of my first brother's death. While I understand the logic behind this theory, I disagree with it. Yes, it is a sin - it's murder after all. And yes, our bodies are God's temple and should not be destroyed.

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 - Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.

I believe the concept that it is unforgivable is due to Catholic (perhaps other religions also) belief that you must confess your sins to be forgive and gain access to heaven. Someone who commits suicide does not have the ability to confess the sin of murder, and is therefore denied forgiveness and access.

But first of all - I'm willing to bet there isn't a single person whom has died with having confessed every sin. Maybe he thought evil thoughts for a brief moment about the stupid driver of the other vehicle - just a second before the other vehicle hit his, killing him immediately. Maybe she had a heart attack and died just hours after committing adultery.

Second, and more importantly, God is a forgiving God. He is supposed to be loving and merciful. A loving, merciful God would not condemn a person who felt there was no way out of their own personal hell. These people didn't truly know God's love, despite a church upbringing. They had only grown to know a God who abandoned them (in their minds).

Perhaps it is only wishful, hopeful thinking, but I truly believe that these three young people are sitting in heaven right now, watching over their families, and taking care of each other.

Let me In!

You've passed away, leaving behind your friends and family, finally rid of the pain and suffering of existence as a living, breathing human being. Your soul stands before the Gates to Heaven. Will it be open to you? And is having them open for you enough to truly call yourself a good Christian?

Today's sermon goes along with the one regarding morality and religion, and also goes along with a couple other things I've written in recent weeks (Dear Pastors/Preachers and Dear Pastor Clarified). This entire topic is very important to me. It regards the question "What is a good Christian?".

Many people I know believe that so long as they believe in God, and his son, will go to heaven. No other action required.

Many others believe that you must do this, but you must attend church every Sunday (or, at least on a fairly regular basis). No other action required.

This is like when I tell my fourteen year old to do the laundry. Most of the time, what I get from this request is either: a) the clothes get put into the washing machine, the washing machine runs, but this is as far as it goes, or b) the clothes also manage to get dried by then remain in the dryer or in the clothes basket unfolded. If you are given a task, it is required you complete this task from start to finish. We all know that. However, many of us will hide behind "you didn't specify what you wanted." I did not tell her specifically to wash the clothes, dry them, fold them, then put them away in the correct dresser drawers.

So does God only give us the minimum of instructions? Is there anything beyond those minimum instructions required for us to get into Heaven? 

Ephesians 2:8-9 - For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

John 3:16 - “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 

 These two verses seem to imply that all I have to do is believe. Yes! I am in! I can sit around and do nothing more. 

James 2:24- You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.

John 14:15 - “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 

Oh... hmm... this isn't good. I think I will choose to ignore verses like these. I don't like them. I am a good Christian. I believe in God the father, son and holy spirit. I go to church every Sunday, I've been baptized and confirmed into the faith, and I sometimes repent my sins. I am in!

Seriously people - even if all that is required to get in is to believe... this isn't right. Morally we have an obligation to carry it to a higher level. No one will ever be perfect while here on earth. We all sin. We're all going to screw this up. But that doesn't mean we just sit back and allow ourselves to sin, then go to Church on Sunday so it's all forgiven. 

Think of Heaven as an elite university we all want to get into. Our transcripts are in - we've all believed in God, attended church, been baptized and confirmed. So now the dean (God) must look at our extra-curricular activities. When you were walking home and saw an elderly lady struggling to pick something up which she dropped... did you help the lady? When your friend needed to get home because of an emergency and you had the extra cash to pay for gas, did you help? After enjoying a large meal, and leaving the restaurant, you noticed a homeless man sitting in the corner hungry. Did you offer a meal or some money to help this man? Someone called you in tears. Her best friend just died. You were on your way to a concert you spent $100 on. Did you stay home to take care of your friend? Or did you go enjoy your concert? 

 What will your application for entrance to Heaven look like? Remember, it isn't just about the grades you get, it's about all the little things you do as well.