You've Changed

I, like many others, have often struggled with "why does God let bad things happen?" thoughts. Why is God letting this happen? Why won't God take this pain from me? Why is God so cruel? Why does He send so many people into my life who hurt me? Why does He put me in relationships which are filled with abuse and betrayal? Why? Why? Why?!?

Well, I don't have the answers to those questions. Free-will and personal responsibility arguments aside, sometimes there just isn't an adequate answer. Sometimes, bad things just happen. But, I have learned one thing...

When we focus on the bad - when we focus on throwing the blame on God - we blind ourselves to how He is working in us and with us and through us. Often, we go beyond blinding ourselves to these things - we put up walls so thick and heavy, we don't let Him work in us, with us, or through us.

Earlier today, a friend told me something that hit me more than I thought possible. It was a rather simple phrase - "You have grown and changed in remarkable ways..." Normally when someone says something like this, I smile, politely dismiss it (even if temporarily happy or proud at what is said), and go back to seeing the dark. I go back to seeing all the stupid things I've done and said. I go back to seeing all the evil and pain in the world.

And, I tried that this time. But the words kept echoing. I reread them a few times, playing them over in my head, arguing a bit with myself regarding the truth in that simple statement, feeling them rolling around in my heart and mind.

I haven't changed. He changed something inside me.

One person, working with God, letting God work through him, changed me. Or at least opened the door to allow God to change me.

God doesn't always put a stop to the evil that happens in the world. But He is watching out for us. He does put people into our lives to hold our hands through the tough times. Because of those blinders though, we often don't recognize these people for what they are. We often don't let them inside our walls.

And, when we're living behind those walls, we don't let ourselves be there for others. We don't want to get behind someone else' wall. We don't let God use us to help another.

I saw a post earlier today: Controversial Anti-Jesus Spikes Prevent Jesus from Going to Church. I had those spikes around my heart and soul. No one could get in. No one could get out. Including God. I didn't change - someone helped me remove the spikes.

Once the spikes are gone, the walls are down, and the blinders are removed - we change. God can come in. And, more importantly, God can come out. That alone is enough to stir change - and that alone is something we should all strive for.

You Can't Dust Yourself Off Until You Pick Yourself Up

Pick yourself up
Dust yourself off
Start over again

Have you ever tried to do these out of order? Say you've fallen into the dirt. You first dust yourself off... then you get up. Small problem - you're still dusty because, well, hello.... you were still sitting in the dust when you tried to dust yourself off. It just doesn't work to mix this order up.

This goes for many things in life.

Accept Christ as your Savior
Repent your sins to Christ
Follow Christ

You can't very well follow someone you don't accept. You can't repent to Him if you haven't accepted Him. It just doesn't work to mix up this order.

Now, these both seem relatively self-explanatory (although, many of us still try to mix 'em up).

But what about when it's something a little more convoluted. For example... someone betrays you (or, at least, you perceive it as a betrayal)... you forgive the person. But, you still don't accept what has happened, and you still blame God and/or are angry with God for allowing this betrayal....

This is out of order. It doesn't work. You claim to forgive the person... but then you get angry with God... and the next thing you know, you're angry again at the person. You haven't truly accepted the course of events, and therefore you're trying to dust yourself off while you're still sitting in the muck.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I find myself mixing up the order quite a bit. I find myself dusting myself off when I'm still sitting in the dirt. I find myself showering while sitting in a mud puddle. I find myself unsuccessfully draining myself emotionally because I'm trying to do things backwards.

For me, this is particularly true when someone I care about hurts me. I am hurt and angry, but I do care about the person and therefore forgive the person... before I have forgiven myself; before I have forgiven God; before I have asked God for forgiveness; before I have even laid the problem at God's feet and asked for His help.  All this does is keep the hurt and anger aimed at the original person... the dust is still there.

If you find yourself caught in a loop... unable to truly let go of something.... take a step back and take a good look. Are you trying to dust yourself off before you even pick yourself up?

Unable to Focus

I would like to ask you all to please be patient with me tonight. I have spent the better part of the night out of focus. Or, unable to focus for any amount of time. The image above is one I create a few years ago when I was in one such mood. So many images and ideas flashing through my mind. I am unable to grab hold of any one of them for any amount of time.

Sometimes, I feel like much of this past year has been this way.

But, today, these images and ideas have occasionally paused, allowing me small moments of clarity. Small moments of recognition. Small moments where I have stopped fighting and heard God speak to me. But - this doesn't mean these words will hold any form of clarity to my readers (and perhaps, not even to myself when I look back on them). Therefore, I beg your understanding if my words appear nothing more than meaningless ramblings...

When I learned to trust God, and through Him, trust man (or, perhaps this happened in the opposite way. I'm still uncertain) it is something that just happened. I did not set aside my black candles and smut books and lustfilled thoughts and consciously allow my mind to utter "I am going to trust you now, God. I am going to trust in your servant now, Lord." No. I did not make the decision. It just happened.

Upon realizing what happened, I fought Him (and him). And this created chaos. This created my mind to battle itself. It caused my heart to spin in turmoil.

But from this trust, I subconsciously stopped fighting. My heart and mind unwittingly accepted that what will happen, will happen. And the colors again came into focus and into order. And all was well.

"If you truly are a follower of Christ, you will turn from sin."
"If you truly are saved, you will live a Christ-like lifestyle."
"if you truly are...."
And God... oh how I knew God was also speaking to me, in addition to all these utterances from well meaning people. 

But no! This means I am not. I do not. Me? What? Why? Where do I go? What do I do? I forced my focus onto studying God. Studying the Bible. Studying theologians and theologies and doctrines. My spirit emptied. My heart cried. My head spun out of control. I could no longer focus. Nothing was right. Nothing felt right.

I couldn't hear God speaking anymore.

Was He done with me? Had I angered Him with my bouncing between believing, loving and trusting and fighting those beliefs and love and trust?  Had I pushed too hard? Had I pushed God away?

I realized something today...

When I force myself to be of this earth - my heart, mind and soul go into turmoil. I cannot focus on any one idea or image or task.

When I force myself to be of God - my heart, mind and soul go into turmoil. I cannot focus on any one idea or image or task.

When I allow myself to be me - the person I have been and the person God is making me - my heart, mind and soul thrive. I can focus on whatever it is I am being asked to do. I can feel the Holy Spirit once again leading me.

----

Why is this? It makes sense that if I try to force myself to be the old, unchanged me, I am going to feel this turmoil. But why would the opposite also be true?

Because I am doing what I think God wants of me. I'm not doing what He wants of me. I'm assuming I know God. I'm assuming I understand His plan for me.

When I release myself from that thought process, when I stop trying to think and speak for God, I can hear Him so much clearer.

When I stop trying to assume I know God, I am better able to truly understand.

But... But... I Don't Wanna!

Have you ever had one of those lazy days... you're sitting around watching television, munching on anything that you didn't have to cook. And suddenly someone comes in and asks you to do something...

"But... I don't wanna!"

I think it's safe to say we've all had those days of not being motivated to do anything more than sit on our rumps. And, there's nothing wrong with that on rare occassions, so long as the important stuff gets done (ya know... feeding the kids... pets... anything that could die without sustenance).

But what about those things where "I don't wanna" can cause problems? What about those things you know you need to change - they're unhealthy and/or dangerous - and you know you could change them... if you really wanted to...

Maybe you're sleeping with the boss. Well, that's an easy one to fix... quit sleeping with him. "But... I don't wanna!"

Maybe you enjoy your alcohol just a bit too much. Generally an easy fix (although quite often support is needed)... Regardless, to fix it you need to quit drinking (with or without help). "But... I don't wanna!"

Quit fantasizing about your minister during church. Quit smoking. Quit sneaking out of your parents' house at 2am. "But... I don't wanna!"

 Quit lying, cheating, stealing...

Quit SINNING!

"But... I DON'T WANNA!"

Let's face it guys. We like to sin. Admit it. Maybe not all sin. I know some who refuse to cuss or drink or smoke. "That's against the Bible! That's wrong! But oh did you hear what that jezebel in the house on the corner did last night?!... "  Um... yeah... gossip is a sin too lady! Quit it! "But... I don't wanna!" She likes participating in that sin. She'd probably never admit it... but it's a truth. We like sin.

Someone once told me that if we're true followers of Christ, if we truly had faith and love in and for God, we would hate sin. That's a crock. If we hated sin... we would stop intentionally sinning. We would quit sinning. There would be no sin - at least, not from the hands, mouths, or hearts of Christians.

Christians would be PERFECT. We'd be godlike. We'd be sinless.

But... perfect is boring. Godlike is boring. Sinless is boring. We don't want to quit sinning. We want to allow ourselves the sins of the flesh. Those are fun.

Next time you catch yourself about to sin... or in the middle of a sin... tell yourself you can quit. And listen for that voice "But I don't wanna!" That's the voice we need to silence if we truly want to work on being "better" people. That's the voice we need to silence if we're going to try to claim we hate sin.

...

Or... maybe it's just me that likes sinning... ?

The Power of Love

“The person you’ve become would never have had premarital sex with me.”

My husband said these words to me this morning shortly before I left for church. First, allow me to give a brief explanation – yes. My husband and I had premarital sex. In fact, I was 2 months pregnant with my eldest child on my wedding night 20 years ago.  

Growing up, I was a firm believer in waiting for marriage…. Even after I was raped at 16, I still tried (and succeeded for a couple years) to keep my biological desires in check. But as my mental instability grew (partially from the rape, partially from other abuses I suffered, partially because I was just simply an unstable teenager) and my faith in God dwindled (again, partially from the rape, and partially from other abuses), my resolve to wait for marriage became less and less important. 

And now? As most of those who even remotely follow my blog know, this past year has been a year of spiritual growth for me. So, my husband’s words this morning definitely were not far off. Of course, I can’t for certain say they were dead on, either. If I found myself in a position of being single again… would I engage in premarital sex? I would love to say no. But hey… I’m a sinner. And let’s face it – with the right person, married or not, sex can be great. 

But, this isn’t the point. 

The point is the possible change within me. The change that happens within all of us when we truly decide to follow Christ. 

I’ve heard some people say that when you choose to follow Christ – when you choose the path of righteousness – you don’t sin. You consistently avoid sin and kick sin on its ugly rear end. What a crock! I’m sorry, but this is so not even remotely close to truth – and is why so many people who try to follow Christ end up falling away from Him. The guilt and shame of not being able to live up to impossible expectations – that is what pushes people from Christ… not sin. 

So what does it mean to follow Christ? What change does occur within us? Why bother following Him if it isn’t going to make us perfect? 

Woah! One question at a time…

What does it mean to follow Christ? 

To me, this means that we recognize and accept Christ as our Savior. We understand and truly know that we are sinners, and we cannot ever be perfect while on earth, and that we need the saving grace God gave us through His Son, Jesus Christ. It means we believe that God is with us, granting us courage and strength, guiding us, loving us, holding us, and preparing a place for us with Him.

What change does occur within us? 

Love. There is an incredible exchange of love that is clearly noticeable when we make that conscious (or even subconscious) decision to have a relationship with God. We know God loves us. And we return that love – not out of necessity, but out of a natural reaction to the love given us. And we want to obey and spread that love, again – not out of necessity but out of a natural reaction. 

My children love me… I have no doubt of this. They also really have no fear of me (I’m the parent who lets them get away with murder… or, well, at least let them get away with quite a bit). But they still usually listen to me. They respect me. They try to do right. They don’t try to do right out of fear of punishment… it’s simply an extension of their love and respect. But, this also doesn’t mean they don’t screw up.  They aren’t perfect. They never can be perfect. But they know my love is still there with them, no matter how bad they mess up. 

Why bother following Him if it isn’t going to make us perfect?

Because some day, I believe anyway, we will be perfect. Some day, we will be with God in Heaven. And, because today, even if I am not perfect, following Christ opens my heart to a love no one can understand until they’ve felt it.

So, choose today to follow Christ. Choose to accept the love and grace of God. Choose to accept that change that will happen naturally within you while understanding this change does not equate to sinless. 

I Don't Want the Voices Back...?

 I have talked and joked and gone on and on about the voices in my head on several occasions. What I find rather funny is that most people don't believe me when I say I have  voices in  my head. They figure I'm just being me... strange, weird, intentionally crazy. And yes, I will admit that when I say I have 156 voices in my head - this is an exaggeration and I am just joking around.

But, I do have voices. Or, at least, I did.

This wasn't the crazy "killlll himmmm" voices you see on TV. Just voices. These voices argued, yelled, complained. They'd talk me out of being stupid. Or into being stupid. Or more often would just argue with each other and I'd sit there unable to make a decision either way as to whether or not to be stupid. They kept me company when I was lonely, and went silent when they were angry with me. They fueled my ability to write. They fueled my ability to keep people at arm's length. They kept me safe and secure, locked behind thick walls. When I didn't want someone to know the "real" me (which was pretty much always), the voices took over. They protected me.

Or, so I thought.

The past several months, I have been slowly changing, transforming. And I've been fighting this change. Why fight it? Well, for several reasons. Change is evil to begin with (I really am not one to embrace change unless I know without a doubt that it is to my advantage and that things I know and feel secure in will not change). But also, I didn't want to lose the voices. This has always been my biggest fear. If the voices are gone - I won't be able to write. I won't be protected. I will get hurt. 

I could write for hours about my voices... they truly mean (meant) that much to me.

But, they're disappearing.

The past couple weeks, I've noticed a change. It didn't really dawn on me until Easter Sunday what a big part of that change was. The voices were gone. They weren't just silenced - they were gone. I know when they're silent... I can still feel them. But I can't anymore. And I should be frightened. In fact, I am frightened about the fact that I am not frightened.

Why are the voices gone? Where did they go? I'm not sure. I do know that for several months now, God has been working within me, transforming me, guiding me back to the path that leads to Him. With a patient heart and gentle soul, God has been helping to cleanse me of my old self, allowing me to be reborn as a child of God. And with this transformation has come an unusual peace. A silence of heart and mind and soul. A removal of the chaos which usually afflicts me. A quiet joy which surrounds me, envelops me, embraces me.

 I have never seen the voices as a weakness before. They were, in my mind, a strength. And to be honest, I do still believe this. They served as a strength when I needed them. They served as a strength until I was in a place of acceptance and understanding... until I had the patient guidance of God's servant... until I was ready to release my weaknesses to God. They served as a strength until I was ready to accept the Lord as my strength.

 And what is truly strange to me... I tried early to explain this to someone, but it's quite a difficult thing to put into words. Without the voices... in the midst of recognizing this transformation... I'm feeling...

I feel lost, but found at the same time. 
I feel uncomfortable with the silence, but in a comfortable way (comfortably uncomfortable?).
I'm a little anxious, but in a relaxed way (peacefully anxious?).

This is all so strange and new and exciting and yet feels as if it's meant to be, and is right, and has always been.



Thank you God -
For walking beside me and guiding me. For sending someone with incredible patience and faith to be your ears and voice and hands in guiding me. For silencing the voices, but only when I was ready to accept this silence. For blessing me in so many ways.

I am your beloved child, and your servant. Help me to continue this transformation, and to be those guiding hands for someone else who is as I was.

In Jesus' name, Amen

I Refuse Change!

I once worked for a company that did not embrace change at all. I'd ask why something was done a certain way and would be told, "because it's how we've always done it." I'd offer a suggestion for a new way to do it and would be told, "we can't do it that way! We've never done it that way before."

To face this attitude is difficult, to say the least. Change is a good thing. Why can't others see this? And yet, after a few years there, a new employee came up to me and asked why we do something this way, when this other way would be easier, and I found myself replying "because this is how we've always done it." I realized what I said almost immediately, and back-peddled. Change is inevitable and is necessary.

Yesterday I read a blog regarding about getting our self-esteem from our pasts. There was some very good points in there about how you get those people who say "I remember when things were this way." "That's not how Pastor so-n-so did things." It centered around how we get to a point where we turn our past into an idol. And it was then that it dawned on me that I'm just as guilty of this.

A few posts ago, I wrote about a new interim pastor at my church, and how I didn't like her. Sadly, the only reason I could come up with is that she's a "feel-good" person. Yes, a sad excuse for not liking her as a pastor. I had told someone else I didn't like her because she's too friendly. Again, a pathetic excuse for not likely her as a pastor.

The truth is, I didn't like her because she isn't the pastor I have looked up to. She isn't the pastor who led me back to God and the church. She isn't the pastor who has been my mentor and friend. She isn't the pastor who helped me through some very difficult times this past year. She's someone different. She's his replacement for now, until we find a new pastor. She's the change. And the truth is, I didn't like her before I even met her. I didn't like her from the moment I heard a new pastor was coming into our church. I didn't know her name. I had never heard her preach. But I didn't like her.

After hearing her minister that first Lenten service, I decided she's too friendly. I don't want her as the pastor. That was the only "bad" thing I could come up with for why I didn't want her as a pastor. I have since been to a Sunday morning service, a funeral, and Maundy Thursday service with her as the minister, and have met with her on a couple occasions in regards to our Youth Group conducting Sunrise Service on Easter morning. She's a great pastor. She's a wonderful woman. She's going to be good for our church during this time where we're between pastors. And yet, I still find it hard to like her just because I catch myself still having that mindset of her not being the pastor described above. HE was the great pastor... the wonderful person.

Yes, I hate change. I especially hate change when it revolves around people. And I always have - especially when it is someone I look up to, or when it's someone I know and am comfortable with. I had an Algebra teacher one year who became a mentor of mine. He was a wonderful person and teacher, and I knew I could count on him. Even though the next year I had to have a new teacher (and new math class), I still went to this one for answers. I didn't like the new guy. The same happened when I was in college - I had an English professor who encouraged and inspired me to continue with my writing. I was lucky enough to have her each quarter that first year. The second year, I hated the professor I ended up with. And there was nothing wrong with him other than the fact that he wasn't this other professor.

I get to the point where I almost idolize the mentors in my life, to the point of not allowing anyone else in. I get to the point where I almost idolize the past, to the point of not allowing myself to grow in Christ.

God is unchangeable. Life - the people in it, the church, the communities - these do change. They have to change if we want to grow. God is irreplaceable. People, while not replaceable in our hearts, do change - they move away, or pass away; just as new people move into our lives. We have to hold those gone in hearts and prayers, while still accepting these new people. We should not be focusing on our pasts, or idolizing our pasts or the past people in our lives, to the point where it affects our growth. 

At this point, I am going to stop this self-reflection, and instead point you to the blog post I read yesterday:
Self-esteem and the Past . It's a good read (in my opinion).

A Time to Weep, and a Time to Laugh

I haven't much been in the mood to write recently. Well, this isn't exactly true. I've been in the mood to write... I've had much in my head I've wanted to toss out onto this blank canvas of a screen... but every time I sit to write, the words fail me.

However, one of my resolutions was to write a sermon at least once a week. And so, I reread the readings from church today. I thought about the sermon that was given. I read the reading from "Christ in our Home" for today (which of course was the same as the church reading)... and read ahead for the next three days. All this managed to do was get the song "Turn, Turn, Turn" stuck in my head (ergo the title and picture for this post). So, as I cannot come up with a good sermon, or sermon topic, all I can do for this week's sermon is to write from the heart (in other words, this isn't so much a sermon as just a bit of rambling).

A week ago, the pastor of our church had his last service with us, and a few days later left our little town. For about 6 weeks we'd known this would happen... had time to prepare for it. But when it actually happened, it was obvious that no one was truly prepared. Today's church service, there was a sense of something missing... a sense of loss and confusion and disjointedness. No one sang. No one seemed too 'with it'. If I had to make assumptions, I'd say that most everyone was very uncertain... uncertain if we could make it as a little church, uncertain if they wanted to be there, uncertain what our purpose was, uncertain what the next steps should be.

The sermon was ok. It was well written (even though slightly long...[he put me to shame with lengthy ramblings]), and it was delivered acceptably. But as will most likely be the case for some time, it was almost audible the fact that this sermon and its delivery were being compared to those heard the past 2 years. I even caught myself doing this, although I've only been attending this church for a few months.

He did ask one good question... "If Jesus were in this congregation, and asked what you needed, how would you answer?" (slightly paraphrased as I can't fully remember how it went). That got me thinking. But unfortunately, I spent most of the sermon evaluating that question, and therefore remember very little of the rest of the sermon (the last 25 minutes of it).

Ecclesiastes 3 seems to be rather fitting though for what our church is going through, and what it has gone through. There is a time for everything. Sadly for our congregation, it was time for our pastor to move on...it was a time to lose. At the moment, we are in a time of weeping and mourning still because of that loss. Because this person we have lost is one who helped us build up, helped us embrace each other and this church, helped bring us to a time of love and peace and understanding amongst each other. And now, it's a sad time, a time of uncertainty, a time of worry.

But, this is how it is in all our lives.We hold on to loved ones, only to eventually have to face the need to let go of these relationships. We lose people to death; we watch loved ones bring home babies. We see times of war and peace (including little 'wars' with our loved ones). We have emotional breakdowns, only to later be built back up, hopefully stronger than before.

But, there is a purpose to everything that happens. We may not see it now, or understand what that purpose is. But there is one. And just as there is a time to weep and a time to mourn, there will eventually also be a time to laugh, and a time to dance.

--------------------
There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 from The Message) 

--------------------------------

Dear Lord,

Thank you for being with me in times of joy and times of sorrow; for the birth of loved ones, and for the time to know and love those who now reside with you. Thank you for standing beside me though I doubted your presence, and for sending someone to help my spirit heal. Thank you for the tears I've cried, tears which helped heal my heart and soul; and for the laughter and joy I have been able to experience. Thank you for giving me the courage to trust and allow love in; and thank you for standing beside me when hate and anger have entered my heart and mind, and for helping me to dispel those demons. Thank you for continually giving me the strength to face all the good and bad times I've encountered. Please continue to be with me through these times.

In your name, I pray
Amen.

Changing Churches

Again, not so much a sermon this time, as just my need to use this white screen as a sounding board...

For the past month, my family has started having serious discussions regarding switching churches. Before writing this post, I had intended on making it a sermon, and therefore was conducting some research on this topic - i.e. what is the best, most "proper" way to switch, what should one consider before switching, etc. I was amazed at how many articles and forums I found saying that you shouldn't change churches - it is self-interest that dictates these changes which is wrong, and it unfair to the other church, and many other reasons why one should not make the change.

I was actually quite surprised by this. In my mind, the reasons for a switch - not just in my case, but in many cases, aren't bad reasons. They pertain to the spiritual health of the individual. Now granted, this doesn't mean there aren't the occassional "bad" reason - i.e. the soon to be new church has hotter chicks in the congregation, or has a sexy pastor, or has a late service which won't interfere with my Saturday night drinking. But consider the following reasons (note: these do not necessarily all apply to me... I'm just tossing out possibly good reasons for leaving a church)...

Reason 1: Minor issues with the pastor
The pastor of the current church does not "feed" you enough. He isn't available, or just doesn't make sense enough to do any good for you. His beliefs are substantially different than yours, or perhaps he just makes you feel ill at ease. There is a strained relationship there which, despite attempts to fix it, prohibit your spiritual growth.

Reason 2: Minor issues with the congregation
There is a substantial difference in beliefs and values between you and the rest of the congregation. You feel uncomfortable around them. They speak ill of you, or others, and often make you feel as if you're an outsider. There is a strained relationship there which makes it difficult to even muster up any desire to attend church.

Reason 3: Major (or slightly less minor) issues with the pastor
The pastor has either physically or emotionally abused you in some way. Perhaps he actually struck out at you, or made advances towards you. Perhaps he insulted you, criticized you in a way that had little to do with guiding you and more to do with forcing his own will upon you. Or maybe you've seen him act this way towards others.

Reason 4: Major (or slightly less minor) issues with members of the congregation
If there is something within the congregation whom has abused you either physically, emotionally, or both - this can make it very difficult to find the desire to attend church. This abuse can come in any way as described in reason 3 - and it is substantial enough to hinder your spiritual growth and your feeling of fellowship. Or again, maybe you have witnessed these actions between other members of the congregation - such that it causes fear in your heart and makes it difficult to come to church and concentrate on worship or fellowship.

Reason 5: Strong desire for spiritual growth
You want to grow spiritually. You feel a need to grow spiritually. You're ready for this growth. But, maybe for one of the above reasons - or maybe because of something else - you truly do not feel you can get this growth at your current church.

Reason 6: The current church was never truly "your" church
Maybe you had a church you truly felt comfortable with, but you had to move to another state. You started going to a church because it was close by, or was the same denomination as your prior church. But, you never truly allowed it to be yours. You never felt like you fit in, and therefore never fully embraced the congregation or pastor or views of the church.

I could probably come up with a few more, but I'll stop for now. But, I am curious - are these not understandable reasons for switching to a new church? Should not the purpose of your chosen church be to have one which feeds you spiritually, and one in which you feel a fellowship with the people? Should it not be a church where there is a degree of trust or respect between you and the pastor, and you and the rest of the congregation?

Should it not be a place where you feel comfortable to learn and grow and worship?