Ok, so last night I said this blog wouldn't be updated... obviously I lied. However, the part about the sins not being finished wasn't a lie. I will hopefully eventually finish them, but I can't force the topic and quite frankly, I'm not in the right frame of mind to finish them.
I can't say what got into me last night with the whine-fest. A defense mechanism of mine, no doubt. Head on over the darkside of the rose to read more on that topic and how it affects me. But for here... for this site... I have put my faith in God and my trust in one of his servants. And, I'm not one to put faith or trust in anyone or anything. And thus, I get a bit "what the hell am I thinking!" from time to time. And sadly, while God may have given me a talent for writing... a talent which I usually think of as a blessing... this ability can also be a pain in that I tend to write what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it, whether it's right or wrong.
Have you ever felt like you have crossed a line? Made someone angry with you? Or did something wrong but don't have a clue what that could be? I hate that feeling. And, I think either my recent blog posts, or other writings, may be the cause of this. I just wish any issues would be spoken (or written) to me. While I generally don't care what people think, there are some people that I do care about.
I'm a bit all over the board today, and not really sure what I'm trying to say or why I'm saying it on my sermon blog. I only know that I don't like feeling like I've hurt someone, especially when I'm not even sure what I've done. When I choose to care about someone... to love someone... to put my trust in someone... I try not to do so only partially, because I would not want someone to love me only partially. I would not want God to do so partially.
John 13:34 - A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
I don't know that I can ever love as selflessly or wholly as God loves, but I will try, and I do love. It isn't seen my many because of my own fears, but I do love.
Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Faith and trust are less common to me than love is. And my faith is often shaken, again, because of my own fears. I generally do not follow blindly, and this is exactly what faith and trust require. And so while I say I have faith, and I say I trust someone, this doesn't mean I won't occasional stumble and wonder if my faith and trust are being placed correctly. This is not a reflection on God or other people I place my faith and trust in. This is a reflection of who I am, and what I am, and how I work. This is a reflection of me.
If I have said I love you, or that I have faith in something, or that I trust someone - believe it, because it is as true a statement as anything the Lord has said. I do not lie when it comes to these words.