I find this rather funny and ironic...
I had a post scratching around in my head all morning. I'm done with Christianity! And I'll continue with my rant on that in a moment. But... as I usually do before writing my post, I was trying to find a suitable image to put at the beginning. In my search for the perfect "screw the most judgmental religion that exists", I stumbled on this image of Anne Rice' rant on the same topic. Basically, this is how I feel.
Now then, onto my words on the subject...
I have always believed that if everyone would just show a little more love for one another, this world would be much better. I always tried to help those in need, and never wanted anything in return. This was just how a person should be. And, more specifically, this is how a Christian should be. Up until a year ago, while I was indeed a Christian, I was not a church person, nor did I do a lot of study in Christianity. I didn't talk about it really... other than perhaps in passing. It wasn't that I was ashamed of my Christianity, or my beliefs; nor was it that I had a problem with the subject. I just didn't actively seek it out, study it, discuss it, learn it, or anything more than slightly feel it in my heart.
A little over a year ago, someone stepped into my life that changed me. And oh how I wish I could say he changed me for the better. He turned me on to the religion of Christianity. He convinced me that church was a good thing, fellowship a good thing. I started studying and writing about Christianity. I delved into topics and theologies and doctrines I had never paid much attention to before. And more importantly, and perhaps more harmfully, I allowed myself to learn what real Christian people are really like. I have conversed and debated and argued and fought with many Christians, online and off.
I have sipped coffee and enjoyed conversations with people who preferred gossiping about everyone else (and about me once the coffee was finished). I have watched time and again as so called Christians uttered pretty memorized words about God's love, without once lifting a finger to actually help a neighbor in need. I was witnessed repeatedly Christians being abused by other Christians because their beliefs differ. I have seen name calling and bigotry and more hate than I ever imagined. All in the name of Christianity.
And the worst part of it... I have found the more I get involved in this religion, the more I become that kind of Christian.
Well, if this is what Christianity is about, I am finished. I will always be a follower of Christ, but I will not continue to be turned into a hateful, prideful, judgmental person who acts this way in the name of Christ. I am done with the church, with this blog, and with these communities.
Thank you to those few who have continued reading my posts and supporting me. And thank you to the person who made this past year of trials and revelations possible. I will never be the person I was, but I am finally beginning to see the person I am meant to be....or at least, who I am not meant to be.