Wednesday, May 14, 2014

There's Something Better than Being "Everything I Want"


You were everything I wanted
It took a long time to recognize
the damage this caused
and longer to trim it down so that
you're only everything I need.
 
I posted these few lines yesterday... just a random thought that had hit my brain, and I knew they needed to be written down. Last night, as I tried to sleep, I found myself again focusing on that thought.  
 

Boy Meets Girl


Have you ever heard young (or old) people, when getting into a relationship, proclaiming the other person to be "everything I ever wanted"? I hear it and read it a lot. I've said it myself. It's the basis for many love stories in literature and movies. As a writer of romance stories, the relationships I wrote about were based quite heavily on this. Girl meets boy - boy meets all her dreams. He's good looking and financially stable (or rich). He's rugged around the edges but changeable. He's passionate, protective and loving. He can make her weak in the knees.
 

Expectations

 
I have to wonder, how many relationships have fallen to pieces because of this thinking? When we get involved with someone, we claim that person is everything we want, because of the person's look, passion, money. That person is everything we want because he is always there when we need a friend, or a lover. He's everything we want because he's faithful, and loves us. 

But then the honeymoon is over, and our blinders come off, and we find that he really isn't everything we want. He doesn't clean. He doesn't cater to our every desire. The passion fades. The faithfulness disappears. He doesn't buy flowers and teddy bears and jewelry for every occasion. He doesn't even remember every occasion. He gets abusive.

Everything I Need


We're a very "want" driven species... so much so, that we're often willing to give up our needs to meet those wants. So much so, that we push away those who do fulfill our needs, simply because they do not meet our wants. 

And this is especially true in our relationship with God. 
 
God didn't save the person I love. God didn't give me the best health. God didn't keep my marriage together. God didn't have Santa Claus slip a new iPad under the Christmas tree for me. God is no longer what I want. He doesn't fulfill my wants. So, obviously, He must not exist. Or, if He does, He just plain doesn't care. Relationship over.

We aren't thinking of God as being what we need - we're thinking of Him on a "want" basis. We're treating Him like we do every other relationship that has gone sour because it was based on our own expectations. 

I may not have the best health - but I'm alive. Yes, I lost loved ones - but I will see them again. True - I don't have an iPad - but I have food on my table. I have people whom I love, and people who love me. And, I have His love, grace, and forgiveness. 

Turn "You're everything I want" to "You're everything I need!"


While no human can truly fit into the "everything I need" category (only God fits there), we will find ourselves with happier, healthier relationships when we turn the focus from wants to needs. It gets even healthier and happier when we turn those relationships into putting the focus on someone else' needs - but we'll save that topic for another day. 

True friendship and love is not based on someone else meeting your every expectation. Nor is it based on you meeting their expectations. Both lead to crumbling relationships. May God put it in all our hearts to be what each other need. 

God bless!

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