Spark of Hope

Once again (or, perhaps still), our country – our world – is in chaos. Shootings and bombings fill our newspapers, television media outlets, and social media formats. Stories of death and destruction reign. Our conversations swing from righteous anger to uncertainty and fear to sorrow and grief.

This morning, I was completely prepared to be inundated with these same stories and responses as I opened my Facebook. And, I wasn’t disappointed. Sure enough, the debates and fury and horror stories were still there.

But as I scrolled a little further down my feed, I saw a picture that stood out to me. I’d seen it before, but this morning it was a pleasant and needed surprise. It was simply of a couple winter coats wrapped around light poles. Each coat had a tag on it saying that they were not lost coats, but rather were there for anyone who may be cold and in need of warmth.

With a small smile, I continued my scrolling, past more devastation and bullying, and made it to a video clip – a mother of a 3 year old autistic girl was thanking a stranger who’d been on a plane with her and her daughter. This stranger – a business man – put away his papers and spent 2 and a half hours playing with the young child, giving her and her mother the best plane ride they’d experienced.

These weren’t the only ones that touched me. Scrolling through more depression and the few jokes and quizzes, I stumbled on a few more stories that brought a smile to my face – stories that brought hope.

That’s what we all need right now. And it’s not that difficult to do. Every time we do something kind for another person, we are giving hope to someone. Every act of generosity spreads this hope. Every opportunity we take to show God’s love, we spark hope.  Maybe this is taking a few hours out of our day to entertain a child, or comfort someone who is grieving. Perhaps it’s by giving a coat to someone who is cold, or a hot meal to someone who is hungry. Or maybe it’s even just by giving a stranger a smile or a “good morning.” Regardless of how we display God’s love, we have the power, from the Holy Spirit, to spark hope in others. 

TJNS: Hope in Me and Your Depression is Gone!

"Hope in Me, and you will be protected from depression..."

One of the women in my Bible Study gave each of us a devotional for a Christmas present. It's a wonderful book, and I am very grateful for the gift. However, as I was reading the devotional for a few days ago, something struck me as just not quite right.

"Hope in Me, and you will be protected from depression." This is one thing Jesus never said. Now, don't get me wrong, there is much to be gained from hope. It is one blessing God has given us that provides a lot of comfort, and yes, it even can help us as we go through depression. But the way this one phrase is worded, it brings to mind the thought that we will not get depressed. Ever. If we simply have hope.

This can be dangerous!

Do you, or someone you know, suffer from depression? I'm not talking about the simple down and outs we all get from time to time, but rather the honest and real medical depression? Many people have depression that comes from a chemical imbalance, or "bad wiring" (as I like to call it) of the brain. Yes, having something to hope in and for can help us to a degree. Knowing we're loved by God or others can help us to a degree. But the medical problem still stands. Sometimes medication is needed. Sometimes it can be managed through therapy. Sometimes faith, hope and love really are all that is needed. Sometimes we just learn to deal with it without medication or therapy. It all depends on the person and the type of depression they have.

When we insist that simply having hope in God will cure our depression, and that depression does not go away - the depression worsens. Significantly. Suddenly...

1. God didn't cure our depression, therefore He must not exist, or just doesn't care.
2. We're obviously not capable of hoping enough, otherwise God would care... if He exists.
3. We're just not worth it... not even to God.

The Truth in the Message

 Three Bible verses accompanied the devotional for the message about hope:

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. (Romans 12:12)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

These are all power scripture verses, indeed! I do not disagree with that one bit. Nor do I disagree with the fact that God is our refuge and strength (or, should be), and that hope is a good thing. We should hope in the Lord to help us through our suffering. But to say that to hope in Him means we will not have physical or emotional suffering? Eventually, yes, that will happen. And yes, until that day comes, we should continue turning to Him in prayer. We should keep praying for and hoping for and reaching for peace and joy.

Just do not let your heart grow weary and cold when your depression is not lifted from you immediately and permanently. Understand that depression is like other diseases - cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc. But also understand that while you are suffering, God is there to hold you.

God bless you all, and remember - while this may be one thing Jesus never said, keep hoping in a brighter, peaceful tomorrow.

I Know the Answer to THE Question!

"Jesus is the answer."

"God loves you."

"Put your faith in the Lord."

"Joy comes from following Christ."

"Blessed is he who trusts in the Lord."

"God is always with you."

"Peace be with you."

"God is our living hope."

Oh how often we hear these words. 

We utter them to those in need. We nod in approval when they are told to us in our times of need.

A few years ago, had someone asked me "Do you believe in God?" I would have of course answered yes. When asked if I love Him, I would have answered yes. Do I trust him? Yes. Do  I believe He is hope? That there is hope?... and I stumble. What about joy?... wellllll.... Peace? .... ha! Funny.

But I did try. I thought.

A friend of mine always ends his emails with "Peace" - or, if I'm extremely troubled at the time, "Peace, Brandi. Peace." When I first started reading these words, I'd feel great appreciation for the thought/prayer, but didn't feel the peace itself.

A friend of mine tried to explain to me that it is ok to love and trust others - that fellowship is a good and necessary thing. To be honest, I found this all rather funny, but because I did trust this person, I figured what can it hurt to give it a try?

A friend of mine tried to convince me that peace and joy are concepts not outside my grasp. He tried to convince me that I am deserving of these things. And that I am deserving of love. And that regardless of what I have done or do in the future, I am a beloved child of God's and that He loves me. I tried to believe. Or, perhaps I tried to find reasons not to believe.

Recently, something has changed... 

Love... hope... joy... peace... trust... ?

I have these.

When I start to feel chaos, and read that one simple word... I truly do feel peace.

During those moments of sorrow, when tears flow openly, I know I am loved. I am willing to let these tears fall in front of others. I am willing to trust... to put myself out there.

My sorrow does not become a dark, deep pit of depression.

Even in moments of anger, I am able to forgive... including myself.

Abandonment, betrayal, hatred, worthlessness, defeated, broken... I see these all hiding around corners, barely even existent any longer. But they don't win anymore. And they know they've lost. They're just those old rags I haven't had time to toss away yet. For awhile, I kept 'em around for sentimental reasons... and because I figured they'd be back anyway. And, perhaps they will be. But I don't want to keep them around any longer. And if they do come back for a visit... it's ok. I know it'll be a very short one.

But how do I know this??? 

Faith, my friend. Faith.

And where does this faith come from?

Easy... I found the answer. I found the secret to happiness.

How many times have we heard "Jesus is the answer"? How many times have we told others this? And... how many times have we honestly, truly, believed it?

I didn't. In a way, perhaps, I believed it. I mean, Jesus is the answer in regards to our salvation. But... he's also the answer to our happiness here on earth.

In a comment to my latest post regarding 5 words I used to scorn (peace, love, trust, joy, hope), a friend of mine said that these words are "all found through Faith in God and Our Savior Jesus Christ. Sure, some or all can be found to some degree in someone without Christ in their life, but the depth and completeness of them are not even close to the same without that faith." (thank you +Joe Huguenard).

And that's when the anvil hit me in the head. 

All this time... all these years of believing... I hadn't really let Christ into my heart. I had cut myself off from love and trust so much that I'd even blocked God. I wouldn't let myself believe I was worthy of love. And, after a little poking and prodding and pushing to get me to take down a wall or two (or twelve)... I've come to realize that the friend of mine who said it's ok to love and trust was actually right. In fact, it seems, the more I let people in, the more I let Jesus in. The more I let Jesus in, the more hopeful I feel. The more I let myself love, the more I feel loved. And, all this love and trust and hope... I feel joy. I feel peace.

No, it's not always happy. There are still days of chaos and frustration and anger and fear and everything else that used to cloud my heart and mind and soul. But... they don't cloud my heart, mind or soul anymore. They're there. Of course they are. This is life. We will be sad. We will feel loss. We will get angry and annoyed. But they don't define me.

Not anymore.

Because I have found the answer... and oddly enough, it's as I've been told since the beginning - Jesus. Jesus is the answer.

5 Words I Usually Utter in Disdain

I've noticed a rather irritating trend from my Christian blogger friends recently... and even amongst my non-blogging (and sometimes non-Christian) friends. Everyone seems to be writing about 5 different words (or, some of these words at least).

Even worse... I've found myself writing about these concepts, and not with my usual disdain. These are 5 words that up until recently, I only understood on the surface, and even with that many of them did not truly apply to me or my life. Maybe, some, at times... but in general? These are the words happy people utter that cause me to scoff.

The words I usually ridicule, but recently find myself embracing... in no particular order...

Love
     Hope
          Joy
               Trust
                    Peace


Perhaps it's the season that has us all embracing such topics? Perhaps it's because these concepts are indeed alive and well in our lives (including my own... a concept which is rather frightening in itself). These 5 words are concepts many of us struggle with - especially during the holidays. Perhaps we lost loved ones. Perhaps we're in a position of feeling hopeless. Perhaps our lives are so chaotic right now, peace is merely a dream.

I find it so strange to consider that only a short time ago, each of these were dreams to me. Actually, they weren't even dreams. I'd given up dreaming many years ago. Yes, I did/do have love - I have a family whom I love dearly. But to show love and have love shown to me and to understand the whole  concept on a deeper level was foreign. It went along with trust - no one came into my heart. I didn't realize, I was even holding God at bay. But, I think that's what we do when we close ourselves off from others... as much as we may say we love and trust God, those doors are so locked up, we can't truly feel that love. We can't truly experience it.

When you can't experience the love of God... when you can't allow yourself to trust in Him, and at least a bit in the underlying goodness of mankind... you lose hope. It just isn't there. For me, I really hadn't even noticed this was absent from my life until I was knocked upside the head with the realization that so much more was absent. Without hope, or love, or trust... there is no joy either. No true joy anyway. This isn't to say there aren't moments of honest happiness. But, true living breathing joy? It flew out the window on the wings of hope. And when it's all gone... there can be no real peace. All of these, and I am certain there are more concepts which go along with them... they all play together. And when a couple of them are absent, they eventually all disappear.

While I will most likely touch on each of these more in depth in the days and weeks to come, for now, all I can say with the utmost certainty is that I am incredibly grateful that these concepts have found their way back into my life. Through the patience of a friend, and of God, these have been returned to me. Or, perhaps, they were there all along and this friend simply helped me find them again. Hmmm... something for me to think on...

Let Me Wallow in Despair - On Psalm 88

A few days ago, I added a blog post which was simply Psalm 88  with no explanation as to why I posted it. Today, I'd like to delve into this Psalm for a few moments.

Psalm 88 is the only Psalm in the Bible that has no hope attached to it. All the other laments, there was some sign of hope - some sign of God's presence. But not this one. Psalm 88 is someone in the pit of despair, crying out to God but feeling his cries are unheard; questioning God but feeling his questions are unanswered. It's someone feeling picked on and abused and abandoned by God.

I'm a Wallower this Time of Year

Ok, so I don't think "wallower" is a real word. But... those who know me know that Thanksgiving is a difficult time of year for me. I don't hide this fact. And, I know there are many others out there who  feel the same way. I've listened to people as they wallow in their own darkness, and they try to pull off statements of "but, I know God is here with me"... "God has a plan"... "God will give me comfort." Some believe this, even in their darkest hours. Most of us do not. Many say things like this because they feel they must. They feel they are sinning if they don't try to acknowledge the presence of God.

The way I see it? The reason I don't lie and say I know God is with me during these times? Because God can see into my heart. He knows my thoughts. He knows my fears. Lying to myself and saying God is with me.. He'll give me strength and comfort - God knows I don't believe this at this moment, and I am therefore essentially lying to God. God knows that during the Thanksgiving season, when many others are finding things to be thankful for, my thoughts resemble that of Psalm 88:

(bits and pieces from the hopeless Psalm  #88....)
I am overwhelmed with troubles
I am like one without strength.
I am like the slain whom you remember no more,
    who are cut off from your care.

You have put me in the lowest pit,
Your wrath lies heavily on me;
You have taken from me my closest friends
I am confined and cannot escape;
my eyes are dim with grief.

I call to you, Lord, every day;
But I cry to you for help, Lord;
Why, Lord, do you reject me
    and hide your face from me?

From my youth I have suffered and been close to death;
    I have borne your terrors and am in despair.
Your wrath has swept over me;
    your terrors have destroyed me.
All day long they surround me like a flood;
    they have completely engulfed me.
You have taken from me friend and neighbor—
    darkness is my closest friend.

Why Do I Love this Psalm? 

Of all the Psalms, this Psalm of utter despair and darkness actually gives me the most hope. It shows me that it is ok to wallow in my own despair for a while. I don't have to say "I know you're with me God" if I don't believe it in that moment. I don't have to pretend to understand God's plan. I don't have to pretend to like God's plan. I don't have to pretend to be thankful.

And it actually reminds me that even in my darkest times, God really is there with me. I don't feel him. I don't believe it at the time or in the moment, but He is there.

There is a strange comfort and freedom in knowing that I don't have to pretend... that it is ok to just wallow.

Comforting the Wallowing

People don't always know how to comfort the person who is deeply seated in their own despair. They want to remind the person that God is with them - but the person doesn't believe it or want to hear it. This, of course, doesn't mean you shouldn't say these words. Just be prepared for the person to not see it. And allow them that opportunity. Remind them of Psalm 88 - that they don't have to find that hope right now. Pray they do find it... but don't make them feel they have to find it.

One of the most comforting things I was told during my wallowing in self-pity came from a dear friend of mine. He simply let me know "You don't need to be thankful, for the rest of us will do that part for you." Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let the person know it's ok to feel hopeless and thankless for a little while. In fact, I don't think this friend realizes it, but his words actually helped me find hope and something to be thankful for.

May the peace of Christ be with you all.

Rooms

Dr. House: Are you going to base your whole life on who you're stuck in a room with?
Eve the Patient: I'm going to base this moment on who I am stuck in a room with! It's what life is. It's a series of rooms, and who we get stuck in those rooms with, adds up to what our lives are. ("One Day, One Room")

Last night I watched 8 hours of "House." Generally, while it's a good show, I don't really get into it. I can watch an episode or two... but not 8 hours. Dr. House tends to eventually get on a person's nerves. Nevertheless, I did watch it last night, and I saw an episode I have seen a few times before but had never really paid attention to. Last night, it really captured my attention, though.

For those who haven't seen it, the episode is in Season 3, and is called "One Day, One Room." Spoiler alert: A young woman comes into the clinic to be tested for STD's. House realizes the young lady has been raped, and tries to get out of treating her. But, she will only be seen/treated by him, and even tries to kill herself in an attempt to get his attention so he'll agree to help her/talk to her. It works. And from that point on, they have a constant struggle... House doesn't want to be there, Eve (the young woman) won't see anyone else; House wants her to tell him what happened, Eve just wants to talk about anything else; House thinks she should get an abortion, Eve insists she can't because abortion is murder and murder is a sin; and the list of conflicts goes on. And yet, they continue to have this relationship - this bickering back and forth.

This dialogue between the two of them is what caught my attention - particularly the lines above regarding life being a series of rooms.

"It's what life is. It's a series of rooms, and who we get stuck in those rooms with, adds up to what our lives are."

Who would you want to be stuck in a room with? Of course, we generally don't get to choose who we get stuck in a room with. But, such as the case with the woman in the episode, sometimes you can choose. And you're going to want to be stuck in that room with people who help you, those who build you up rather than tear you down. For her, she wanted House in that room with her - she knew there was a pain within him that was similar to her own, and believed that he was what was best for her at that given time.

But, on the same hand, sometimes we need to be stuck in a room with those who need our help. There are those whom we can help build up. There are those who need us for at least a moment - "one day, one room."

And what about those times when we don't get to choose? We get tossed in a room with people who don't seem to care, who hurt us and want to tear us down. We need to make the most of these times. We need to offer our prayers and love and take the opportunity to show God's love to these people. We need to welcome these moments and these people into the room with us. Every person, every moment, every room has the potential to make our life better and more fulfilling. They also have the potential of making our lives more miserable and painful. It's all in what we choose to do with these moments, these people, these rooms.

It's also important to note that who we are stuck with in one room may not be the same as the next room. How many of us have had people we love, those who've changed our lives for the better, those who've helped us out when we needed them in that moment, only to have them leave the next day (or month)? It hurts, but when someone is stuck in a room with us who makes such an impact, while they may no longer be in the room in the future, the memories they bring and the love they give and the lessons they teach - those shape who we become. This is the same for those who bring us pain - but this shouldn't be looked on as a bad thing. All lessons and memories, whether good or bad, shape us. It is up to us how we let those memories shape us - do they mold us into something jagged and ugly, or do they turn us into something softer, more lovely and loving?

With all I have been through in my life, I can honestly say that I appreciate every room I've been in, and every person I have been stuck with in those rooms. No, they haven't all been good rooms or good people. There have been dungeons and abusive masters. There have been deep dark wells, where the only person in the room is myself. But, these dungeons and dark wells have shaped who I am today, for better or worse, and have been instrumental in teaching me how to live and love.

Eve: [discussing abortion] Every life is sacred.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, talk to me! Don't quote bumper-stickers! 

Dr. House, upon finding out Eve was pregnant from her rapist, tries to talk her into abortion. She is very adamant that she can't have the abortion because it's against God. But this is her only argument. She doesn't go much further than saying "every life is sacred." House's reply is a reply I have often had when it comes to religion. "Don't quote bumper-stickers!" Belief in God shouldn't be just a bumper sticker. You shouldn't just quote religion or the Bible. You need to feel it. You need to know it and believe what you're saying. You need to explain, at least to yourself, why life is sacred, and why abortion shouldn't happen - and not just from a medical standpoint. What does it all mean to you?

Just telling me "God loves you" isn't always enough. I sang "Jesus loves me" in Sunday School. On a good day, I know God loves me. But on a bad day... on a day when I'm depressed and hurting, tell me why. Why does he love me? How does he love me? Why should I believe it? Don't just quote a bumper sticker.


There are many other quotes from this one episode which are thought provoking...

On dealing with pain:

Eve: Time changes everything.
Dr. Gregory House: That's what people say, it's not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.

On judging others:

Dr. Gregory House: I'm wearing a rumpled shirt and I forgot to brush my hair this week. You have Athlete's Foot in your nose. I'm ready to be judged.

On how to help someone going through a traumatic experience:

Dr. Wilson: Tell her the truth.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [Cut to Cameron] Tell her your life has been good.
Dr. Gregory House: It hasn't been.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Tell her anyway. She wants hope. She wants to know that what happened to her wasn't the norm. Things can be okay, which means maybe they can be okay for her again.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [Cut to Foreman] Tell her your life sucked.
Dr. Gregory House: It didn't.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Tell her anyway. She wants to know she's not alone. She wants to know she's gonna survive this, that other people have been through this and worse and come out the other end. She wants to know she's gonna heal. Act like... you healed.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Cut to Chase] Tell her... Keep her asleep.
Dr. Gregory House: Thanks. You've all been a huge help.

Not really helpful...I just like this one:

House: I'm evil.
Eve: Evil people don't say they're evil.
House: That sounds like an easy loophole.

Just a good quote on mankind:

House: We are selfish based animals crawling across the earth, but 'cause we've got brains, if we try really hard, we can usually aspire to something that is less than pure evil.

Again, just another one I like. But, it is a good one on where to put your focus when helping someone:

Eve: Do you think the guy who did this to me feels bad?
House: That'll help you? It'll make you feel better?
Eve: Why do you always do that? Ask why I'm asking questions instead of just answering the question?
House: Because the answer doesn't interest me. I don't care what he's feeling. I'm interested in what you're feeling.

Hope

Hope... an evil four letter word. Hope is one of the most powerful concepts humans have, stronger than fear, as strong as faith, and nearly as strong as love. It is what keeps us all holding on, fighting, dreaming.

1 Corinthians 13:13: "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 

 There are many Bible verses which mention hope. And in all (that I read), hope is a wondrous thing. Hope  in God, and in his goodness and mercy, it keeps us all strong. Or does it?

........

I was going to try writing a positive sermon regarding hope, and its importance and necessity in life. But the truth is, to hope is to put expectations on life, on God, on others. And these things do not always follow our expectations. Therefore, we get let down time and again, all because we had the audacity to hope for something.

I hate hope. I despise the word, the action, and all it encompasses and all it means. Hope is a fairy tale. But perhaps that's the point. We all like to believe in fairy tales.

So yeah, this sermon is seriously lacking in content, and hope. Hopefully the next post will be better....

Invictus

"It matters not how strait the gate,  
  How charged with punishments the scroll,  
I am the master of my fate:  
  I am the captain of my soul."
(Invictus - William Ernest Henley)

I was eighteen years old, admitted to fourth floor of St. John's hospital. My roommate was a beautiful artist, and I - a poet. Together, we made designed posters for everyone's doors... posters that described the residents and offered a little inspiration to each of them. But the most important poster we made had very little in the way of artwork, was not my own writing, and had copies made for each of the girls on the floor. This poster was quite simply the last stanza of Invictus. These were the words we lived by. They gave us hope, and motivation.

I remember one day when my pastor was visiting me, he saw one of these posters and asked about it. I explained it's importance. He couldn't understand - he didn't agree with the writing. We were wrong to cling to something so petty and silly and senseless.  It went against God and faith.

Fourth floor was the psychiatric floor of the hospital. This is where the "crazy" kids went. I was admitted against my will for depression, suicide and runaway. Most of the other girls were also in there for these reasons. I was the oldest at 18, and should have been put in the adult ward, but they felt I would get along better with the teenagers. They were probably right. The youngest there at the time was only 13. And she looked up to me. I never fully knew her story... we would offer only enough during group discussions to keep the nurse from hounding us, but never shared our complete stories. Anyone who's been through certain things knows better than to share these stories with strangers... or with anyone who could use the information to hurt you. But, I knew her dad had been raping and beating her. That truth was being screamed from her very core. Of course, not everyone could hear it. But I could. And some of the other girls could. And thus Invictus became important.

Invictus held a truth to us. Regardless of what my pastor had told me, Invictus did incorporate God and faith, but with a security attached. For an abused child, God was seen as either non-existent, or worse, someone whom had abandoned us. But at the same time, we felt an unbelievable need to pray, and to seek comfort and wisdom and salvation. But to admit this was a sign of weakness. Weakness was not allowed. Invictus was this prayer, this comfort, but without any weakness attached.

"It matters not how strait the gate" - Matthew 7:13-14 mentions this strait (narrow) gate: 13 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy[a] that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

So yes, we had been forced through this narrow gate - this way of torment and obstacles and difficulty. But this does not matter. We can survive it.

"How charged with punishments the scroll" - this is believed to refer to the "list of sins" God keeps on all of us. Basically, all the wrongs we've committed in this lifetime.

"I am the master of my fate - I am the captain of my soul." - this is the part my pastor had the most issue with. God is supposed to be the master of our fates and the captain of our souls. But to us, when used in conjunction with the rest of the stanza, these two lines were a source of strength.

The whole thing together meant... no matter what hardships we must go through, no matter how much we've stumbled and done wrong, we can survive. We can get through it. And no MAN (or woman) will EVER control our soul or determine our fate. This will be determined and controlled by the strength within us.

Perhaps this strength came from our belief in God. Most often, it did. At least to a degree. But even if God is/was the source of strength, there is also a personal responsibility implied through these words. One issue I have with people that I have stated time and again is that they lack personal responsibility. They go to Church on Sunday, and sin the rest of the week, without even attempting to be a "good" Christian. If you follow the last two lines of Invictus, it is up to each of us to be the master and captain - we are in charge of the day to day decisions we make of whether or not to sin. And we are responsible for "how charged with punishments the scroll."

I still cling to these words, 20 years later. No, they do not come from God or the Bible. But there is a truth within them - a truth which does not have to defy God or religion, but can strengthen it.While at times I stumble in my belief, the poem to me means that God gives us strength so that no matter how much life sucks, we can make it through; and no matter what people throw at us, we still have the strength within us to make the right decisions.

Darkness

 

Darkness - it's a place she lived in for quite some time. A place she still lives. Or perhaps it isn't a place, but rather a state of being. People have told her repeatedly that the light is there. But she can't find it. Every time she thinks she might see it, it disappears.  According to John 1:5, the darkness has not overcome the light. But is this truly the case? Can it be that there are those in which the light has been extinguished? 

No matter what the light signifies - God, love, hope, all the above - there are times when it seems this light has been lost, consumed by the darkness. I'd like to write a sermon about how this light isn't truly gone... that we just need to turn to God and we can find the light again. But what if I'm wrong? I cannot in good consciousness lead anyone to a lie. 

For this girl, the light has left. There isn't so much as a flicker left. It's just darkness. And with that darkness comes emptiness. That's how she feel - like an empty shell. Where is God? She's fallen into this pit before, but could always look up, and if she tried hard enough, she could see hope. She could see love. And she could feel God's light. But not this time. Perhaps all those past times were mirages - there truly wasn't a light, and she has never left the darkness. She has never seen any light. Or perhaps God or Satan gets some perverse pleasure from continuously switching off the light. Perhaps this entity should shut off the light permanently. It appears the light of hope and love and God has already gone out. Perhaps it is time for the light of life to also fade. 

Is there any hope for this girl? Is there any way to find the light again, or is it truly gone? Is it true that darkness does not overcome light? Is there anyone who can return the light to her?