Today's sermon really isn't a sermon at all. There is no biblical reading or references. There is nothing. Nothing, except perhaps a little bitching. Oh my goodness, someone said "bitching" on a supposedly christian blog. Yeah, well, deal with it. And while you're at it, go to hell.
I've come to the conclusion this past week or so that there is a god. And, he is evil. He's a stupid bored entity with too much time on his hands. He enjoys watching people suffer. He enjoys watching people be in pain, emotionally and physically. I prayed... for hours and hours. And while I did know that god can't/won't save him, I at least hoped he'd understand the pain others are feeling because of this and other things. And that he'd be there. But he isn't. He never is. He never will be.
Maybe if I knew how to ask for help... if I know how to say how much it all hurts. But, I have said it... I've prayed and exclaimed and cried and screamed and punched and begged. But no one cares. So fuck it all. I'm done. Done with the sermons, the prayer, the whole stupid church thing, pastors, people, everything. None of it has done a thing for me in 30some years... why the fuck should I think anything would change now?