Now then, assuming you've read the first part (or chose not to)...
First, allow me to state upfront that yes, I do realize Christ should be the foundation on which we stand. I am in no way attempting to say otherwise. However, this post - as all of these in the Condemned House series - is about the state of our own hearts, not only in regard to God/spirituality, but more-so in regards to living healthy lives with healthy relationships in a not-so-healthy environment the world we live in provides. This series deals with the traits we must embrace, and those we must kick out the door, to reach that goal.
A Valid Reason for Distrust
A year and a half ago, I met with a pastor. I didn't know why, or what I needed to talk about. I only knew I needed to talk to someone. One of the first things he said to me as I fidgeted uncomfortably in the chair was "you don't trust me, do you?" He was quite insightful - I didn't trust him. I didn't trust most people.
At that point in my life, I had already recognized my heart needed that condemned sign on it. I had already recognized that I had severe trust issues. But, I didn't see trust issues as much of a problem. I had valid reasons for my lack of trust, as I'm sure most of you with trust issues do. Abandonment, abuse, betrayal - by those who are supposed to care for us...
Why on heaven or earth would we open ourselves up to those possibilities again?
And Yet Another Valid Reason... Maybe
For a few months, this pastor let me cry, let me talk, let me open up. He kept claiming trust was important. And, I started to believe him, and trust him. I started to feel as if my heart were being built up again. I had allowed someone in. And through him and his teaching and guidance, I had allowed God to start working on my heart...on my condemned house. And then this pastor/trusted friend left.
This perceived betrayal put my heart right back in the condition it had been in. The foundation crumbled at my feet. Anger... no... outright hatred... filled my heart. I was crushed. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to scream. I wanted to crawl back behind the boarded up doors and windows and barbed wire fences.
A Crumbling Foundation of Trust
But... this friend shocked me. He didn't leave. Physically, yes, he took a call far from my little town. But he made himself available when I needed a friend. And he put up with a lot of abuse from me as I struck out at him for his betrayal. And somehow through it all, I recognized that he'd been right the whole time - I needed to trust.
My crumbling foundation was because of that lack of trust. By refusing to let people in... I also reflected that behavior on God, refusing to allow Him to fix up my broken, run-down, unlovable and distrusting heart.
Rebuild the Foundation of Trust!
Trust is an essential part of healing our hearts. We must trust in God - in His unending love for us; in His miraculous ability to heal a heart as condemned as ours; and in His desire to do that healing.
But equally, we must trust in His servants - in those He sends to us to help with that healing. We must trust in friends and family and spiritual leaders. We must trust in the guidance followers of God give us.
Does this mean we won't be hurt? Does this mean that trust won't be betrayed at some point, by mankind? Of course not. We're sinful beings and we will break trust and have our trust broken. But we must continue to allow ourselves to be vulnerable at times, with those people who do care. The more we block ourselves off from trusting others, the more we also block ourselves off from God and all the wonders He can do with rebuilding our broken hearts.
May God strengthen your ability to heal from betrayals, and rebuild your ability to trust. And may you all find the courage and strength to trust in others and in our Lord.