I stumble yet again, falling to my knees.
And here I stay, unable to rise again.
My heart is heavy with shame and guilt over the wrongs I have done –
Over the hurts I have caused.
I want to cry out, but who am I to plead?
I, who time and again, lash out in anger against my friends?
I, who time and again, take out my sorrows on those who offer love?
Oh God, my perfect Master,
Why do you not walk in front of me
Removing these obstacles from my path?
Why do you delight in my suffering?
Have I indeed fallen too far from you,
From your grace and love and forgiveness?
I try to raise my head to the heavens – to you –
To utter this plea, but cannot.
I do not deserve to cry out in such selfishness.
And yet I do, with eyes to the dust surrounding me
Praying you find something within me worthy.