Saturday, March 3, 2018

Rascal Flatts - Stand


"Stand" (Rascal Flatts)


You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
'Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, 'til you break
'Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand,
Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before it's gone
And start holding on, keep holding on

[Chorus:]
'Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend 'til you break
'Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand,
Yeah, then you stand

Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh

[Chorus]

Yeah, then you stand,
Yeah, yeah, baby
Woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo

Then you stand, yeah, yeah 
 
 
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When we first started planning my husband's funeral, one of the kids asked if we could play "Stand" during the service. Not a single person disagreed. It might not be a typical funeral song, but it was of great importance to the kids and myself. For the past several years, when we'd have a firepit, this was a song that was played and sang by the children or by Tyler. And it was a song very fitting for what our family has been through and for how we have gotten through things. 

Tonight, as I was listening to it for the first time in a few days, I started crying when I listened to the opening line. At Tyler's and my wedding, I had written a poem which was placed on our unity candle... a poem that talked about how the flame might sometimes flicker, but will never go out. The first line of "Stand" brought me right back to that place nearly 25 years ago. It brought me back to the concept we have always tried to hold onto - especially during those rough times.

This whole song takes me there - to the times of trouble when we felt there was no hope. To the times where things were going well and we were able to sing this song around the fire. To the times we cried, or fought, or were separated because of hospital stays, and to the day when we stood in front of the altar and committed our lives to one another - a committal that we had planned on renewing in 6 months as a celebration of our 25th anniversary. 

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This week has been a roller coaster of things needing to be done, people wanting attention, me being selfish and not willing/able to be there for others, guilt and pain... and immense feelings of support and caring and warmth by some very amazing people - people who came to the funeral, sent flowers, sent cards, made a generous donation to help with the funeral costs, brought food over, etc.... and just an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and feeling abandoned and/or punished by God. 

I'm trying to keep listening to Stand just because I know that's where I need to be. But I'm not there yet, and so this will probably be the last post you see here for a while.

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