Open My Heart

This is a difficult morning...torn between what I know and what I don't want to know. A feeling of being lost, knowing I was once found. It's all new and yet I've been here before.

God, please give me the courage to give an honest chance to this person. Lord, please fill my mind, heart, and soul with peace and love today.


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I hurriedly typed the above on my phone while sitting in church yesterday morning, awaiting the beginning of service. Then, shut the phone off and reflected on the prayer I had spelled out... repeated it in my mind and heart, with hands folded and eyes fixated on the cross at the front of the church.

Yesterday we got a new pastor. Big deal, right? Pastors come and go. I noticed that very few were really affected by the loss of the old one, and the 'gift' of the new one. They were like children of a mother who has been remarried so many times, they're no longer affected by a new father coming into the fold. Well, for me, I'm not used to having a new father. I'm not used to divorce. I want mine back... not some imposter. Not someone forcing their way into our home.

Harsh? Yeah, maybe. But this is how it feels. Stupid? Probably. But, this is how it feels. Immature? No doubt. But, this is how it feels. This is how I am feeling. This is how I felt sitting in that church yesterday. And I felt so alone. Looking around me, I saw many accepting faces watching the new guy. And perhaps, had circumstances been a bit different, I may have had a genuine look of acceptance on mine as well. But instead, all I could do was fake the smile and pretend it was all ok.

It was requested (nicely ordered) of me to give the new guy a chance. This request came a few weeks ago, when new guy was moving to town, and I insisted I would.... which was immediately followed by doing the opposite. And so yesterday, the first service conducted by the new guy... I prayed. I prayed for God to open my heart and help me be accepting. I prayed the Lord would help me to not immediately close off my heart. I prayed I would find peace in this new marriage, this new union. (Rather ironically, the sermon was about marriage... and how his becoming the new pastor of the church was like a marriage).

After service, I sat in the fellowship hall with the wife of the new guy... soon joined by him and a few others. And while I surprisingly found it very easy to be accepting and open towards her, I still found myself wanting to hide under the table and/or throw a complete temper tantrum when he was sitting there with us. I am such a child at times.

My prayer had not been answered. I did not have an open heart. God did not open my heart to this new guy. Depression and sorrow and grief tap-danced on my soul. And it dawned on me... I didn't want to accept him. I still don't want to. And I learned a couple things...

1 - God doesn't answer a prayer which isn't heart-felt.
2 - It isn't God's responsibility to open my heart

Of course, this doesn't change the fact that I don't want to be accepting. I'm just still being a bit childish on that front...

Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

Ephesians 5:22-24 (NIV)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

According to Merriam-Webster, Submit means a : to yield oneself to the authority or will of another. Therefore, wives must surrender to the authority of their husbands. 

1 Corinthians 7:4 (NIV)

4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband.

Earlier in this chapter, it also states that women must perform their marital duties.

1 Corinthians 7:10-17 (NIV)

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

There are other verses which do explain that a man may divorce his wife if there is unfaithfulness in the marriage. But otherwise, divorce is not an acceptable practice.


So, basically speaking - a woman must obey her husband. She must submit to him, including sexually, and she must never leave him unless he's unfaithful.

In general, I wouldn't argue with such statements. Although, as a woman of the 21st century, the concept of obeying our husbands is a bit of a stretch, the rest of this does have merit.

But what if he abuses her? What if he calls her names, and degrades her? What if he rapes her?

The Bible does say that husbands should treat their wives with love and respect. But no where (that I could find) does it say abusing her is wrong. And no where does it say it's ok for a wife to leave her husband (or vice-versa) because of spousal abuse.

I'd love to hear others thoughts on this subject...

 

Sex 2

So, last night I gave a sampling of fun little stories that can be found within the Bible that centered around sex. And I pointed out some of the rules in regards to sex. So what does all this mean? Why bring up sex within this Book?

First, with what a prominent topic it is, it must be of some importance... at least worth mentioning on this little blog. But also because sex is a very primal, very strong, very real urge we all deal with in our lives. Most sin is caused either by sex or because of love (or often times, both).

There are many questions people wonder/speculate/debate when it comes to sex and religion. I don't have the answers, but am more than willing to ask the questions...

Is sex before marriage a sin?

Hebrews 13:4 - Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

So, going by this verse, it would seem that yes - it is a sin. However, this was the only fairly clear verse I could find. And, it is often argued that God told Adam and Eve, who were unwed, to go forth and multiply. God would not order His people to go sin.

I'm uncertain what I believe in terms of this. I think that the marriage itself is not necessarily important, but that you should only sleep with the man you marry (or intend to marry). But, this goes against what the above verse states. Either way, I know only that I only sinned once or twice in regards to this... (or maybe once or twice more than that...)

Is same-sex relations a sin? 

Leviticus 18:22 - You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. 

Well, alrighty then. I guess that about sums it up. There are a few verses within the Bible which do address homosexuality and that it is not right. However, my own personal view is that there are worse sins a person could be committing. I have no issue with any man or woman who is homosexual... to each their own, as it were.

Is cheating on your spouse a sin?

Well now, this depends on a couple things - are you the husband or wife, and who are you sleeping with?

Matthew 5:27-28  - “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Luke 16:18 - “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

Deuteronomy 22:22 - “If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.

Ok, I'll take this as a yes...

The three verses here each touch on a different aspect of adultery. The one from Deuteronomy specifies that you do not sleep with a married woman, or you'll both die. However, it doesn't mention anything about a woman lying with a married man...

The verse from Matthew states that even lusting after a woman in your mind is considered adultery. And, the one from Luke states that even getting a divorce, then marrying someone else, is committing adultery. It's even adultery if you marry a divorced person.

Is having more than one spouse a sin?

Abraham, Isaac, Caleb, David, Jacob, Solomon, Ezra, Gideon... and the list goes on and on and on. These men had one thing in common - they all had multiple wives. This was quite commonplace in the Bible. And, it seems, not a sin in the eyes of God. However, as is seen with David, you cannot take another man's wife... you can have 40 of your own, but you can't have one whom already belongs to a man.

I think it is important to note that women did not have multiple husbands. I will behave and not mention the fact that most women wouldn't want to have to deal with more than one man...

So what does this all mean?

Hell if I know.

Quite seriously, sex is another place where we pick and choose what we're going to consider sin, and what we won't. According to the Bible, men can sleep with any unmarried woman they choose, and can marry as many as he wants. He's also allowed concubines. He can rape a virgin if he's willing to marry her. But, he cannot sleep with another man, and cannot have sex with a woman before marriage (concubines don't count - they're slaves and as such, required to take care of their master's needs). Oh, and he can't have sex with animals.

Women on the other hand cannot have sex before marriage, don't get a whole lot of choice in who she marries (it seems daddy often decided this one), can be killed if she's raped in a city and doesn't yell loud enough for help, will be killed if she sleeps with another man other than her husband, etc.

Of course, we don't listen to most of these. We (in general) do not allow multiple wives. We look down on the man with mistresses (and well, concubines aren't really allowed). Rape is illegal, and the woman generally is not punished at all, sex before marriage is still usually considered a sin but 99% of the time this consideration is ignored, gay marriage - well, everyone has their own stance on that, and depending on what state you live in, bestiality may or may not be considered a crime.

So again I wonder... what really is a sin in regards to sex? Are the rules and habits from the Bible out-dated and no longer relevant in today's society?