The Lost and Forgotten

We were never meant to be happy or free. Our very lives were under the thumb of tyrants, each day being uncertain if it would be our last. Even the simplest mistake resulted in pain and torment. They controlled our every move - our every thought.

We were taught that love was pain, and hope a mere fantasy. God had forsaken us, and prayer was a useless act. Dreams were never meant to come true, and peace was non-existent.

We were the forgotten. The lost. The helpless. Our hearts grew cold and empty, our souls died.

We were the unlovable, the unreachable, the lonely. Trust, faith, love, tears - these concepts were a constant danger to our very existence.

I escaped the tyranny, but could not escape the lessons learned. For years I held onto those beliefs of being forgotten and lost, helpless and unlovable.

Many days I continued to wonder if your escape had been the better option. You escaped both the tyranny and the lessons. You found light by extinguishing yours. You found light, while we continued to live in darkness.

Days turned to months, and then to years. And the darkness remained my only companion.

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For many years I felt like were alone in our struggles. Yes, I had a vague understanding that there were people in the world who had it so much worse, but this was only a small notion, and one where I chose not to put my focus. Perhaps it was because I was simply too young and immature to recognize the world beyond myself. Perhaps I was simply too afraid to open my heart and care. 

It took me a long time to recognize there was a light shining through that darkness. It took me a long time to stop trying to put out that light - to stop being afraid of it. It took me a long time to understand that amid all the pain and suffering, that light had stayed by my side. It took me a long time to understand that I have the power and responsibility to show that light to others. 

Perhaps it was because of this realization that my heart is heavy today. Our world is broken. It has always been broken. And it will continue to be broken because so many people have refused to recognize that they too have this power and responsibility to show this light to others. So many want to lock the door and keep the hurt and lost and helpless away. So many are driven by fear or arrogance. Or both. They claim compassion, but don't truly understand what it means to be compassionate. They claim love, but have no understanding of what it means to love.

I no longer wonder if your escape was the better option. Yes, you escaped the tyranny and the darkness. But I have found something so much better hiding in the darkness - a light. Hope, dreams, love, peace. And I have found a desire to show this light to others, to help people realize they are not alone, or helpless. I have found a desire to truly give compassion and love to those who need it most - to those who were like us, or worse. To those who have that rope around their necks, and cannot find a reason not to let it tighten. To those who stopped believing, or never had a chance to believe. To the lost and forgotten.

Teaching to Walk a Mile

I had the privilege of serving supper to the Confirmation class at Church last Wednesday night. As I was in the kitchen cleaning up, I listened to the Pastor and students. He asked them what is something they have a reputation for that isn't true. It was meant to be for the individual - for example, "Jimmy, what is something people say about you that is not true?" But instead of anyone answering that, one child chimed in about a different one, "Well, [she] always acts crazy."

This short conversation is what inspired me to write Walk a Mile. If you haven't already done so, please read it. If this was your life - wouldn't you act a little crazy? Or, perhaps you'd be more like a couple other children - you'd be very shy and reserved, withdrawn from everyone else, uncertain of how to respond in situations. Or, perhaps you'd be like another child, and be prone to panic attacks. Or, like another, and be subject to severe bouts of depression.

The Ease of Judgement

As we sit back, looking on from the outside, it is so easy to judge other people, including children. It's easy to laugh at someone else who is acting different than we think they should be. It's easy to pick on that person for being strange. It's easy to bully them, exclude them, have fun at their expense. It is particularly easy for children to fall into this, especially if they see other children (or parents/adults) doing the same. And, especially if no one bothers to help teach them empathy.

I remember many years ago when my eldest daughter was in elementary school, there was a young girl in her class. This girl was different. She acted weird. She stole from other kids. For some reason, she liked hanging out at our house, and one day I caught my daughter telling her she couldn't come over any more. When I asked my daughter about it, she said "she's weird, and she stole my crayons. No one likes her."

Ignore, Accept, or Teach

When we, as parents, hear something like this, we have 3 options - ignore it, accept and contribute to it, or use it as an opportunity to teach our children to walk a mile in someone else' shoes.

It's easy to brush it off as just kids being kids. We don't want to tell our kids who they should or shouldn't be friends with - especially if it might affect our own child's popularity. And, it's equally easy to say "yeah, she is different. I can see why you wouldn't want to be friends with her. No one needs a friend like that."

But we often fail to recognize the opportunity that arises for us as adults when we witness something like this - an opportunity to teach love and the message of Christ, the opportunity to possibly impact another life, the opportunity to help our children grow in compassion and empathy.

Christ teaches us repeatedly to be compassionate to others. We are to love all, including our enemies. Should someone take our coat, we're to also give our shirt. Do to others as you would have them do to you. (all of these are from Luke 6 - good chapter... give it a read). These are things we can (and should) be teaching our children.

We as parents, teachers, Pastors, etc need to take opportunities to teach our children empathy. We need to teach them to imagine life from the other person's perspective. What is he/she going through? How difficult must that be for them? How would you feel if you were in their shoes? How would you act? How would you be different?

Let mutual love continue. 2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it. 3 Remember those who are in prison, as though you were in prison with them; those who are being tortured, as though you yourselves were being tortured. (Hebrews 13:1-3)

We need to teach them to think about the other person's interests. Ask your children what they think this other child needs. What will help this other person?

If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, 2 make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. 5 Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:1-5)

 We need to take opportunities to teach our children to be Christlike in our thoughts and actions towards others... to not judge by what we see or hear... to be compassionate towards all. 

We Treat Furniture Better

Last night, a beautiful young lady made a comment that really touched me. I had been talking about how I don't like seeing people mistreated - bullied, ignored, cast aside. My apologies to her, but I can't recall the exact words she used. It was either "people care more about animals than they do people... they care more about furniture" or "people treat animals better than they do other people... they treat furniture better."

Either way, she was right. And, it saddens me that someone this young can see this, and has to see this.

The best way to judge a person's character is to see how they treat animals...?

I've heard that statement before, and thought nothing of it, until it was suggested that some people treat animals better than people. I have known people who take very good care of their animals. One particular couple I know had a bird and a cat. Those two animals were well fed, played with, talked to, held, and never once abused. The children in the home had to clean the entire home, cook all the meals, were kept on a very strict routine, were often "kenneled" in their rooms, and were beaten severely and often.

I've known some who will make a bed outside next to a sick calf, but come to school the next day and bully other students. I've known some who will cry over an injured animal, but physically abuse a supposed loved one or friend. I've known some who will take in any stray animal they can find, but kick their own child out of the house in the middle of winter for no reason.

Don't get me wrong - I'm all for treating animals well. I cried for hours when I accidentally hit a squirrel with an arrow when I was a child. I'm constantly trying to bring strays into the home. But a person's character is not only how they treat animals...

It's how we treat all living creatures, and especially how we treat other people!

God created everything - the land, the sea, the birds, fish, and all animals. And He made man guardians of it all. We do not own this land - it is His alone. But we are to care of it (see Leviticus 25). Additionally, we are to care for the animals. We are to treat them well, helping the sick ones, finding the lost ones (see Genesis 1, Ezekiel 34).

There are definite references throughout the Bible that we are to care for these things. However, I don't know if you can find a chapter within the Bible which doesn't mention how we should care for others (ok, there probably is... but it is stated quite often). We are to love each other. We are to care for each other. We are to make sure those who need food are fed; those who need shelter are protected; those who are naked are clothed; those who are in sorrow are comforted; those who feel alone are welcomed.

Why saddened?

So why does it sadden me to have this young person talk about how mean people are?

First, generally for someone to recognize this, it means they've also experienced it. Granted, I don't know for certain if she has, but as I have seen how mean people can be, I would not doubt she's been on the receiving end. And this is definitely saddening. This is an intelligent, polite, insightful young lady with a beautiful soul.

Second, it's quite sad that someone of her age can recognize this fact when most adults can't even see it. Or, they can see it in others, but act the same as those others. And, I honestly cannot leave myself out of that. While I do try to be loving, and do try to avoid being hurtful to others, I know I have had my share of mean moments.

Let me end this rambling...

I know, I know. I talk about this topic a lot. Love love love! But seriously - this is what it is all about. This is what Christ is about. Let's stop treating our animals (and furniture) better than we treat one another. Let's open our hearts to people, and close our mouths from uttering mean things to (or about) one another.

God bless!

The Dying Art of Compassion

A few days ago, a friend of mine joined us for Bible study. It was evident her heart was still breaking over the death of her 1 week old granddaughter. The rest of us - there was nothing we could say or do to make her feel better. Instead, we prayed with her, and for her, and more importantly - we suffered with her. This is what Compassion means - to suffer with. As her sisters in Christ - as her friends - as Christians - it was our responsibility, and our privilege, to be there with her and for her in her suffering.

In my God's Great Blessings Devotional for Jan 15 - 21, the virtue/blessing discussed was Compassion: For Healing, For Life, That Shares His Light, That Lives in Truth, For the Least, and In Action. I thoroughly loved the devotionals and scripture readings. Compassion is something I firmly believe in, and something I find missing from so many people. And yet, it is the one thing we can give regardless of the situation. It is one way we can help someone who's in pain. And, it is the one thing that can help another person turn things around.

A couple years ago, my then-17 year old daughter left me a note before she went to school to inform her father and I that she was pregnant. Naturally, we were not happy to hear this. It was sinful behavior on her part. But we suffered it with her. We stood beside her. We supported her as she made the decision to give her child up for adoption. I was in the delivery room when this baby was born, and held both him and my daughter. I was in her hospital room the day his new parents took him from my daughter, and I cried with her. Yes, she made a bad choice back then. I could have chosen to push her away and let her suffer on her own. But, I strongly believe that this is not what God would have wanted. I strongly believe that this would not have been Christlike.

A few years ago, a family my children were close to were evicted from their apartment. The family was very poor, and both children were mentally disabled. One night, the father snuck down into a community kitchen, and stole food intended for a party the next day. He took only enough to feed himself, his wife, and his kids. He was evicted.

My children, upon hearing this tale, simply asked "We know he did wrong, but, why evict him? The family he stole from can easily afford to replace the food taken... they could even give him all the food they made, and still easily afford to replace it. And obviously he can't afford to feed his family - how's he going to afford a new home for them?" They stated quite emphatically that even in our financially poor state, they would have found a way to pay for the food taken if the family would just be allowed to stay.

My heart swelled at hearing these words. As I already stated, compassion for others is one thing very important to me. It's one thing I have always tried to teach my children and show my children. Regardless of what sins a person commits, and how we feel about those sins (i.e. yes yes, hate the sin), we should always be willing to show compassion to another human. I know many people who read this blog don't agree with this. They feel that compassion is tolerance for sin. They feel that compassion is the way of the world, not the way of God. But they are so wrong.

How many parables did Jesus tell where compassion was at the center of the lesson? The Good Samaritan - where a Samaritan shows compassion to an injured man, when others had walked right past this man without a care. The Prodigal Son - where a father shows compassion to his son after the son had  dishonored him and squandered his father's wealth.

Or, there's the time when Jesus helps the Centurion who pleads with Jesus to heal his servant - a plea that was driven by compassion for the servant. And there's the time Jesus had compassion for those whom had been following him for days and had no food. God had so much compassion for each of us, even in our horribly sinful state, that He gave His Son so that we may live.

God is compassion, and we should all strive to be more compassionate. Why be compassionate? Some quotes from God's Great Blessings Devotional:

"It allows broken people to start healing again."
"What must I do to inherit eternal life? Do compassion, Jesus replies in his parable."
"Compassion allows God to bless us with His life."
"May our compassion for others be just as undivided, just as empowered - offered not for ourselves but for the blessing of us all."