Teaching to Walk a Mile

I had the privilege of serving supper to the Confirmation class at Church last Wednesday night. As I was in the kitchen cleaning up, I listened to the Pastor and students. He asked them what is something they have a reputation for that isn't true. It was meant to be for the individual - for example, "Jimmy, what is something people say about you that is not true?" But instead of anyone answering that, one child chimed in about a different one, "Well, [she] always acts crazy."

This short conversation is what inspired me to write Walk a Mile. If you haven't already done so, please read it. If this was your life - wouldn't you act a little crazy? Or, perhaps you'd be more like a couple other children - you'd be very shy and reserved, withdrawn from everyone else, uncertain of how to respond in situations. Or, perhaps you'd be like another child, and be prone to panic attacks. Or, like another, and be subject to severe bouts of depression.

The Ease of Judgement

As we sit back, looking on from the outside, it is so easy to judge other people, including children. It's easy to laugh at someone else who is acting different than we think they should be. It's easy to pick on that person for being strange. It's easy to bully them, exclude them, have fun at their expense. It is particularly easy for children to fall into this, especially if they see other children (or parents/adults) doing the same. And, especially if no one bothers to help teach them empathy.

I remember many years ago when my eldest daughter was in elementary school, there was a young girl in her class. This girl was different. She acted weird. She stole from other kids. For some reason, she liked hanging out at our house, and one day I caught my daughter telling her she couldn't come over any more. When I asked my daughter about it, she said "she's weird, and she stole my crayons. No one likes her."

Ignore, Accept, or Teach

When we, as parents, hear something like this, we have 3 options - ignore it, accept and contribute to it, or use it as an opportunity to teach our children to walk a mile in someone else' shoes.

It's easy to brush it off as just kids being kids. We don't want to tell our kids who they should or shouldn't be friends with - especially if it might affect our own child's popularity. And, it's equally easy to say "yeah, she is different. I can see why you wouldn't want to be friends with her. No one needs a friend like that."

But we often fail to recognize the opportunity that arises for us as adults when we witness something like this - an opportunity to teach love and the message of Christ, the opportunity to possibly impact another life, the opportunity to help our children grow in compassion and empathy.

Christ teaches us repeatedly to be compassionate to others. We are to love all, including our enemies. Should someone take our coat, we're to also give our shirt. Do to others as you would have them do to you. (all of these are from Luke 6 - good chapter... give it a read). These are things we can (and should) be teaching our children.

We as parents, teachers, Pastors, etc need to take opportunities to teach our children empathy. We need to teach them to imagine life from the other person's perspective. What is he/she going through? How difficult must that be for them? How would you feel if you were in their shoes? How would you act? How would you be different?

Let mutual love continue. 2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it. 3 Remember those who are in prison, as though you were in prison with them; those who are being tortured, as though you yourselves were being tortured. (Hebrews 13:1-3)

We need to teach them to think about the other person's interests. Ask your children what they think this other child needs. What will help this other person?

If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, 2 make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. 5 Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:1-5)

 We need to take opportunities to teach our children to be Christlike in our thoughts and actions towards others... to not judge by what we see or hear... to be compassionate towards all. 

You Can't Scare Someone to Love

If you don't wake up and start believing now, this fiery pit will be your eternity!

Well now, that just makes me want to pick up my cross and follow Christ. I'm suddenly overwhelmed with love for Him. I have this incredible desire now to embrace our Lord and Savior; and to go out into the world and proclaim all He has done for me.

Wait... what has He done for me? Oh yes... He hasn't done anything. I have. By fearing Him so immensely, I have saved myself from that fiery pit. Thank Me!

Fear as a motivator

I don't think too many people would argue that fear can be a great motivator. We fear prison, so we don't break the law; we fear punishment from parents, so we don't break their rules; we fear death, so we avoid stupid, dangerous activities.

Fear has it's good points, although, I could argue that we shouldn't be using fear as our motivator for some of this. We shouldn't break the law - not out of fear, but out of love for others. We shouldn't break our parents' rules - not out of fear, but out of love for them. And well, we just should avoid stupid, dangerous activities because they're stupid and dangerous (this, I'd say is one where fear comes in pretty handy - and some people should probably have a bit more of it...).

There is nothing wrong with fear as a motivator in some cases. However, fear should never be a motivator when it comes to loving others or loving God. It cannot be a motivator in these cases.

You cannot scare someone to love!

You can scare someone to stick around. You can scare someone to "follow" you. You can scare someone to obedience. You can scare someone into claiming to be a follower of Christ.

You cannot scare someone to truly love you. Love leaves no room for fear - and fear leaves no room for love. They cannot coexist. I can't say I love you because I am afraid you'll beat me. I can't say I am afraid you'll beat me, therefore I love you.

You cannot fully embrace and love God if you're doing so because of a fear of hell, or His wrath. I can't say I truly love and embrace God because He'll make me suffer for eternity if I don't. That isn't love.

I don't love God because I fear Him. I love God because He first loved me.

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

This post isn't about the fun little nursery rhyme many of us grew up chanting with our friends. But it is about ashes, and about falling down.

Today is Ash Wednesday... it marks the beginning of the Lent season, and as I did last year (not too successfully) and promised again to do this year, I will be writing a post every day during this season. These posts are for myself (even though I share them publicly and welcome/encourage comments)... they're a chance for me to reflect on God and with God. A chance for me to strengthen my relationship with Him, and let go of my relationship with sin. A time for me to cleanse my heart and prepare a place for Him there. A time for me to renew my spirit in Christ Jesus.

Today, I fall on bended knee before the Lord in repentance. Today, I fall on bended knee before the Lord in servitude. Today, I fall on bended knee before the Lord, recognizing that I am but dust, and to dust I shall return, but that forever I want my soul to be more than dust or ash... I want it to be with the Lord and for the Lord.

May God bless each of you today and through the Lenten season as we spend the next 40 (46) days reflecting on Christ, and preparing for the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior.

No Rules, No Religion

I just finished reading a wonderful article regarding the concept of Christianity being a relationship, not a religion: The Popular Myth that Will Sabotage Your Spiritual Growth. I strongly urge everyone to read that article first, before continuing forward with reading what I am about to say....

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Had I read Mr. Hanna's article a year or two ago, I would have simply laughed it off. Or maybe would have made some comment regarding him not having a clue what he's talking about. And of course, this is if I even managed to finish reading it.

I have always been a firm believer that it should be a relationship, not a religion. I've always been very much against religion. And, at first glance, it sounded to me as if Mr. Hanna was saying that treating Christianity as a relationship would sabotage our spiritual growth. Perhaps that is what he is saying, to a degree. But to me, he's simply defining what a relationship truly is....

Over a year ago, my relationship with Christ was not a true relationship built on love. It was a selfish relationship based on disapproval and dislike of religion. Religion was simply a set of rules and regulations and politics (in other words, religion was evil), and therefore I was going to have a relationship with God. But, this isn't the kind of relationship "Relationship, not religion" means. This type of relationship goes no where because it is not based on love.

I remember when I was a teenager, I disapproved of the concept of marriage. I had been taught that marriage was just a set of rules. I had been taught that it's simply a piece of paper you sign which states you agree with these rules. I had witnessed that this piece of paper is quite easy to shred... and resign... and shred.... Marriage was an institution no different than religion. Instead, I felt it was enough to choose to have a relationship. But, this relationship was always based on finding something that did not fit under marriage. As soon as any of the rules associated with the institution popped up, the relationship soured.

When you have this kind of relationship with Christ - the minute anyone tells you that community support is needed, the relationship takes a kick in the pants. Community need is often thought of as a religious concept... therefore, the rules of the institution are popping up, souring the relationship. Whenever someone tells you there needs to be accountability or you need to learn more about God/love/the Gospel and that the Church/community is needed for these things - the rules are invading the relationship and spiritual growth is sabotaged.

I refer back to TE Hanna's post... 

"Yet, while the relationship shared by my wife and myself is uniquely ours, I would be foolish if I rejected the community which supports us. Friends and family pray for us. When we face difficult times, we have a loving community that encourages us. When we are stupid, we have friends that call us on it. Our relationship may be our own, but it is buttressed by the relationships we have with others that surround and uplift us."

When we apply this concept of a relationship to our relationship with Christ... we are strengthening our relationship with him. By allowing the support of friends and family... by having someone we can lean on when we feel our relationship with Christ is stumbling... by surrounding ourselves with others whom also want to strengthen their relationships... we strengthen that relationship. When we have those trusted friends who aren't afraid to tell us we're being stupid in our relationship... we strengthen that relationship. This community of friends and family doesn't have to be a physical church. My experience is that the Church itself is not necessary... but a group of fellow believers is... and well, face it, most often those believers are found within a church. But hey... if your support group is not located in a church, that's perfectly acceptable too.

Matthew 18:20 - "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

The other very important piece to having a strong relationship is that we must stop considering religion in any way. The concept of religion should not enter our thoughts. What do I mean by this? I mean stop seeking a relationship simply because you don't like the concept of religion. Seek a relationship - one based on love and support - because you WANT a relationship with Christ. The right kind of relationship with Christ will not sabotage your spiritual growth... but the wrong kind will.

The wrong kind of relationship with Christ will have you hiding your relationship from others. It'll have you believing it's only about you and Christ. It'll have you comparing every action with religion, thus not focusing on the relationship at all. It's that boyfriend you refuse to introduce to your friends because he's yours and no one else would understand, and no one else matters or is needed. It's a dangerous relationship which can never survive.

The right kind of relationship with Christ will have you seeking out a community of supporters... and a community of people whom you can share your experiences with. This is no different than when you are in love with someone... perhaps the one you love asked you to marry him/her... and the first thing you think of to do is call every trusted friend you have to tell them and share with them your joy. This is the kind of relationship we should be having - the kind that brings us joy; the kind we want to share with the world; the kind we know is based on love.

The Power of Love

“The person you’ve become would never have had premarital sex with me.”

My husband said these words to me this morning shortly before I left for church. First, allow me to give a brief explanation – yes. My husband and I had premarital sex. In fact, I was 2 months pregnant with my eldest child on my wedding night 20 years ago.  

Growing up, I was a firm believer in waiting for marriage…. Even after I was raped at 16, I still tried (and succeeded for a couple years) to keep my biological desires in check. But as my mental instability grew (partially from the rape, partially from other abuses I suffered, partially because I was just simply an unstable teenager) and my faith in God dwindled (again, partially from the rape, and partially from other abuses), my resolve to wait for marriage became less and less important. 

And now? As most of those who even remotely follow my blog know, this past year has been a year of spiritual growth for me. So, my husband’s words this morning definitely were not far off. Of course, I can’t for certain say they were dead on, either. If I found myself in a position of being single again… would I engage in premarital sex? I would love to say no. But hey… I’m a sinner. And let’s face it – with the right person, married or not, sex can be great. 

But, this isn’t the point. 

The point is the possible change within me. The change that happens within all of us when we truly decide to follow Christ. 

I’ve heard some people say that when you choose to follow Christ – when you choose the path of righteousness – you don’t sin. You consistently avoid sin and kick sin on its ugly rear end. What a crock! I’m sorry, but this is so not even remotely close to truth – and is why so many people who try to follow Christ end up falling away from Him. The guilt and shame of not being able to live up to impossible expectations – that is what pushes people from Christ… not sin. 

So what does it mean to follow Christ? What change does occur within us? Why bother following Him if it isn’t going to make us perfect? 

Woah! One question at a time…

What does it mean to follow Christ? 

To me, this means that we recognize and accept Christ as our Savior. We understand and truly know that we are sinners, and we cannot ever be perfect while on earth, and that we need the saving grace God gave us through His Son, Jesus Christ. It means we believe that God is with us, granting us courage and strength, guiding us, loving us, holding us, and preparing a place for us with Him.

What change does occur within us? 

Love. There is an incredible exchange of love that is clearly noticeable when we make that conscious (or even subconscious) decision to have a relationship with God. We know God loves us. And we return that love – not out of necessity, but out of a natural reaction to the love given us. And we want to obey and spread that love, again – not out of necessity but out of a natural reaction. 

My children love me… I have no doubt of this. They also really have no fear of me (I’m the parent who lets them get away with murder… or, well, at least let them get away with quite a bit). But they still usually listen to me. They respect me. They try to do right. They don’t try to do right out of fear of punishment… it’s simply an extension of their love and respect. But, this also doesn’t mean they don’t screw up.  They aren’t perfect. They never can be perfect. But they know my love is still there with them, no matter how bad they mess up. 

Why bother following Him if it isn’t going to make us perfect?

Because some day, I believe anyway, we will be perfect. Some day, we will be with God in Heaven. And, because today, even if I am not perfect, following Christ opens my heart to a love no one can understand until they’ve felt it.

So, choose today to follow Christ. Choose to accept the love and grace of God. Choose to accept that change that will happen naturally within you while understanding this change does not equate to sinless. 

Church of Misfit Toys

I've decided... now that I've been keeping up this blog fairly religiously (haha) for a year...I am going to start my own church. That's right. I'm going to start my own church. The Church of Misfit Toys.

Within this past year, I've learned that it is the broken... the misfits... whom Jesus reaches out to. And yet, it is the broken... the misfits... whom are continuously pushed aside, deemed unworthy by our local churches/communities.

Luke 14:12-14 (The Message)
Then he turned to the host. “The next time you put on a dinner, don’t just invite your friends and family and rich neighbors, the kind of people who will return the favor. Invite some people who never get invited out, the misfits from the wrong side of the tracks. You’ll be—and experience—a blessing. They won’t be able to return the favor, but the favor will be returned—oh, how it will be returned!—at the resurrection of God’s people.”

Within this past year, I've learned that so many people abuse Christianity and the Bible. We kill in the name of God. We push people aside because we think the Bible tells us to do so. We hate. We judge and condemn. And when one of us misfits speaks up - when one of us realizes this abuse is taking place - we're thrown amongst the judged and condemned.

I want to start a new church - a church which utilizes the Bible properly. One which goes by a true translation of the text rather than what our feeble minds choose to believe it says. One which recognizes this wondrous book as a guide... not a how-to-manual from which we can pick and choose what instructions to follow.

I want to start a new church - a church which is built on Christ Jesus, not an apostle, not a man, not an ideology. Built on Christ. 

I want to start a new church - one which recognizes we're all sinners, recognizes God still loves us, but also tries to help people understand why we should strive to not sin.

I want to start a new church - one which focuses on two commandments given by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. Love God, and Love one another. Through love, all things are possible. Through love, all sin can be abolished (or, diminished).

I want to start a new church - one which recognizes there will be differing view points. One which realizes that we do not need to agree on every tiny detail. One which recognizes that unity does not mean agreement on every detail.

I want to start the Church of Misfit Toys.

Each of these "doctrines"... each of these beliefs... we misfits see it. We understand it. We're condemned for it, because some of it goes against conventional teachings. But what the misfits see is what God has put there for us to see. We don't need some human authority to tell us we're right. We have the Holy Spirit guiding us.

Granted, the following Scripture was regarding the apostles, but I think it fits many of us who want to spread the news of Christ:

1 Corinthians 4:9-13 (The Message)

9-13 It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We’re something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We’re the Messiah’s misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we’re mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don’t have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, “God bless you.” When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We’re treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture’s kitchen. And it’s not getting any better.

Look On Jesus

Luke 10:38-42

³⁸ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I think it's safe to say that many of us can relate to Martha in this story when it comes how busy our lives are. In fact, I've seen many posts using this story to explain that we need to slow down in our lives and focus on Jesus. But, I'd like to apply this story to another thing I've witnessed quite a bit of...

Recently, I have become very disheartened when I look at Christianity. Being part of these Christian blogging communities has made me almost disgusted with the religion most people follow - but, it has also strengthened my beliefs.

The Marthas of Christianity are so busy making sure they're "perfect." They condemn people whom they believe are going against God's Word. They speak out against these people. They hold up signs saying this belief or that belief is completely wrong. As homosexuality seems to be the hot-topic as of late, we'll go with this...

There are those Marthas who are against homosexuality and hold up signs saying the gays are going to hell. Or telling the gays "God hates the sin you're doing... but it's ok... He doesn't hate you..." while at the same time trying to change these people. They run around trying to make sure everything (everyone) around them is perfect... everyone is doing the right thing, practicing the right thing, behaving the right way, believing the right way. This is what God wants, they seem to believe.

And those of us Marys... the ones sitting at Jesus' feet, listening to His word, gazing on His love and grace, placing our focus on Jesus - the Marthas are asking "Lord, don't you care that we're doing all the work? Tell these Marys to help!" The Marthas are accusing us of not being Christian, of not following Jesus.

But our Lord tells Martha - as he tells all of us - "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Mary has chosen to listen to Jesus. Mary has chosen not to be distracted by all these worries. She has chosen Jesus.

It's time we all put the focus where it belongs - CHRIST.

Our focus should not be on who is sleeping with whom - or with what gender.
Our focus should not be on who is supporting abortion. It shouldn't be on what dances are being done or songs are being listened to or television shows are being watched. It shouldn't be on whether or not someone is praying correctly. It shouldn't be on which church is the first church or the "true" church.

It should be on Christ.