Duct Tape the Kids - Mom Needs Church

Disclaimer: this post does not mean to ignore the Church needs of fathers; nor is it intended to insinuate that the issues addressed in this post don't apply to fathers as well. But, as I am not a father, nor will I ever be one, I can only write this from the perspective that I do know and understand. 

I'm a mother. And as a mother, I can say with fair certainty that we all get the same way from time to time - completely and utterly drained. I'm not just talking about being physically drained. I'm also talking about emotionally and mentally wiped. And yes - definitely even spiritually spent.

Some churches don't want a nursery during service time. They feel it is important that even very young children attend service. It doesn't matter if the mother can't pay attention to the service - it is her responsibility to make sure the child grows up in the church. She may attend service every Sunday, and not actually get a chance to hear the sermon, or sing more than two lines of a hymn, or even say the entire Lord's Prayer, until that child is 3 or 4 years old - but that's ok... as long as she has that child in attendance.

Moms Need Church!

This belief that the mother should be willing to sacrifice her worship time every week for 3 or 4 years (or more) is so wrong! MOMS NEED CHURCH! They need uninterrupted service and the ability to have their undivided attention on the Pastor, the message, the singing, the fellowship, the prayers. They need to refill their spiritual banks!

A spiritually dry mother does nothing to help raise a child strong in faith. A spiritually dry mother often finds herself dreading those Sunday services - an attitude the child will learn to recognize. A spiritually dry mother finds herself slipping further from God, and thus teaching her child less about God, and acting less in the way a Christian should try to behave. A spiritually dry mother trying to teach her children about Christ is simply not possible. It's like expecting a coma patient to do brain surgery on another patient.

Moms sacrifice a lot for their kids - their time, energy, money, and the list goes on. And yes, there is nothing wrong with a mother sacrificing her worship time sometimes to ensure her child grows up going to Church services. But mothers cannot and should not be expected to sacrifice her spirituality for this or it will all go wrong.

I cannot stress this enough - Mothers need a chance to reboot their spiritual energy. And they need a fairly regular opportunity for this. Here are several ways the Church community can help with this...

- Offer a (volunteer) staffed nursery at least once a month.
- Offer babysitting in the homes of mothers so they only have to worry about getting themselves to services.
- Never make a mother feel guilty or ashamed when she does have her young one in the nursery, or leaves the little one at home.

Let's all please help support the spiritual health of mothers in our Church!

No Rules, No Religion

I just finished reading a wonderful article regarding the concept of Christianity being a relationship, not a religion: The Popular Myth that Will Sabotage Your Spiritual Growth. I strongly urge everyone to read that article first, before continuing forward with reading what I am about to say....

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Had I read Mr. Hanna's article a year or two ago, I would have simply laughed it off. Or maybe would have made some comment regarding him not having a clue what he's talking about. And of course, this is if I even managed to finish reading it.

I have always been a firm believer that it should be a relationship, not a religion. I've always been very much against religion. And, at first glance, it sounded to me as if Mr. Hanna was saying that treating Christianity as a relationship would sabotage our spiritual growth. Perhaps that is what he is saying, to a degree. But to me, he's simply defining what a relationship truly is....

Over a year ago, my relationship with Christ was not a true relationship built on love. It was a selfish relationship based on disapproval and dislike of religion. Religion was simply a set of rules and regulations and politics (in other words, religion was evil), and therefore I was going to have a relationship with God. But, this isn't the kind of relationship "Relationship, not religion" means. This type of relationship goes no where because it is not based on love.

I remember when I was a teenager, I disapproved of the concept of marriage. I had been taught that marriage was just a set of rules. I had been taught that it's simply a piece of paper you sign which states you agree with these rules. I had witnessed that this piece of paper is quite easy to shred... and resign... and shred.... Marriage was an institution no different than religion. Instead, I felt it was enough to choose to have a relationship. But, this relationship was always based on finding something that did not fit under marriage. As soon as any of the rules associated with the institution popped up, the relationship soured.

When you have this kind of relationship with Christ - the minute anyone tells you that community support is needed, the relationship takes a kick in the pants. Community need is often thought of as a religious concept... therefore, the rules of the institution are popping up, souring the relationship. Whenever someone tells you there needs to be accountability or you need to learn more about God/love/the Gospel and that the Church/community is needed for these things - the rules are invading the relationship and spiritual growth is sabotaged.

I refer back to TE Hanna's post... 

"Yet, while the relationship shared by my wife and myself is uniquely ours, I would be foolish if I rejected the community which supports us. Friends and family pray for us. When we face difficult times, we have a loving community that encourages us. When we are stupid, we have friends that call us on it. Our relationship may be our own, but it is buttressed by the relationships we have with others that surround and uplift us."

When we apply this concept of a relationship to our relationship with Christ... we are strengthening our relationship with him. By allowing the support of friends and family... by having someone we can lean on when we feel our relationship with Christ is stumbling... by surrounding ourselves with others whom also want to strengthen their relationships... we strengthen that relationship. When we have those trusted friends who aren't afraid to tell us we're being stupid in our relationship... we strengthen that relationship. This community of friends and family doesn't have to be a physical church. My experience is that the Church itself is not necessary... but a group of fellow believers is... and well, face it, most often those believers are found within a church. But hey... if your support group is not located in a church, that's perfectly acceptable too.

Matthew 18:20 - "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

The other very important piece to having a strong relationship is that we must stop considering religion in any way. The concept of religion should not enter our thoughts. What do I mean by this? I mean stop seeking a relationship simply because you don't like the concept of religion. Seek a relationship - one based on love and support - because you WANT a relationship with Christ. The right kind of relationship with Christ will not sabotage your spiritual growth... but the wrong kind will.

The wrong kind of relationship with Christ will have you hiding your relationship from others. It'll have you believing it's only about you and Christ. It'll have you comparing every action with religion, thus not focusing on the relationship at all. It's that boyfriend you refuse to introduce to your friends because he's yours and no one else would understand, and no one else matters or is needed. It's a dangerous relationship which can never survive.

The right kind of relationship with Christ will have you seeking out a community of supporters... and a community of people whom you can share your experiences with. This is no different than when you are in love with someone... perhaps the one you love asked you to marry him/her... and the first thing you think of to do is call every trusted friend you have to tell them and share with them your joy. This is the kind of relationship we should be having - the kind that brings us joy; the kind we want to share with the world; the kind we know is based on love.

Show Me What You Have

After being begged by five different women within my church, I showed up for Bible study yesterday. And found it to be fairly similar to the last time I went. Full of wonderful women, but otherwise - I got nothing out of it except for a pretty good cup of coffee. Or so I thought...

As I sat in Bible study, I found myself feeling a bit guilty (even though I had shown up). A few of the women had really tried to get a younger crowd into Bible study. They'd even arranged babysitters to be at the church. And I've noticed we also don't have very many younger people who attend church on Sundays (and, by younger, I basically mean ages 15 - 45, give or take a few years... I myself fall within this group).

So today, as I was watering my in-laws garden, I sat on their porch with a notebook, trying to come up with ideas on how to appeal to that younger crowd. I pulled out my reading from Bible study. I looked at my scribbled notes.

"Don't have enough generations involved in the church"

"What's needed?! What's lacking?!"

"Why so many 'Spiritual but not Religious'?"

"What does younger crowd want?"

My brain just kept spinning. I had been one of those "Spiritual but not Religious" up until recently. Why? Where had the church failed me? Had it? Well, it had. And it still does although I do try to give it chances.

I was about to give up, when my eyes suddenly caught sight of a line in the lesson. The lesson was discussing when Jesus sent his disciples out in Luke 9 (and also in Mark 6, and I think in Matthew as well...). The paragraph read:

"In all three versions of the story we've looked at in this study, we see that Jesus doesn't spend any time on the disciples' fears or protests or smart-aleck remarks about tons of bread. He simple says, 'Show me what you have'."  (gather Magazine, August 2013)

Show me what you have. 

That's the secret right there. Show me what you have.

I spent many years in marketing, and also did some staff trainings. And in both arenas, I learned that to successfully get people to do your bidding, you have to be able to appeal to that question inside them "What's in it for me." And, in my trying to figure out how to bring my age group into the church, I was using that same thought process. But, the problem is, we already know what's in it for us when it comes to church.

Nothing.

In our minds, the church has nothing to offer us. Harsh? Definitely. True? Of course not. But we tend to believe so. I thought this for years. I mean, think about it... what does a church offer?

Fellowship? Our age group would argue you can get just as good fellowship anywhere else. Church isn't needed for that. Especially when you consider that most of the people who go to church are elderly, or those who marginalize us, or those snobs with their noses in the air, or so on and so forth.

Forgiveness, prayer? Again, a church is not needed for this.

Education? Seriously? With everything available online if we really, truly want to learn about God?

Because of this, the church is simply not relevant in the minds of 15-45 year olds. And, if you really think about it... if the church was relevant and desired, they'd be seeking it out - not the other way around. The truth of the matter is, the church needs them, not the other way around. We, the church, need the different age groups and talents and ideas.

Show me what you have!

We should be asking this of these young people. We should be asking them to show us what they can offer our church. We should be telling them - we need your talent. We need you. Please show us how you can help strengthen us.

And what they have could be any multitude of things... maybe they can sing, or play piano (or other instrument), during service. Maybe they can lead a choir. Maybe they write their own music/hymns, or they write. Enjoy reading scripture aloud? Paint? Teach? Enjoy watching younger children? Perhaps they could start a craft group, or scrapbooking club, within the church. Or maybe they quilt.

There are so many different talents... we need to find out what they've got and utilize them. That's the second part of this - we cannot squash their ideas. If several of them think having a choir would be beneficial, and they want to join this choir... if the ladies who attend church every Sunday, and go to every Bible study, decide that because we've never had a choir, we shouldn't start one now... well, if we do this, we just lost all those young people... again.

If we have a few who say they think having a Bible study outside the church (a park, bar, restaurant, someone's living room, etc) would make them more willing to come - don't say "nope, we have a perfectly fine church. And we don't need to start a second Bible study." In doing so, you again have just lost those young people... again.

My age group is more than willing - we're even excited - to show you what we have to offer you. But if you shoot us down, we're going to go back to being happily "Spiritual but not religious". But if you put a little confidence in us... if you said "I know you can do this... please do it for our church"... you'd be amazed, I think, at how we do come through.


****Edit (8/18/2013)**** due to comments received in regards to this post, I have created a part two to clarify a bit better. Please also read "It's Not About Showing What They Have?"

Spiritually Dead or Spiritually Dry?

Yesterday, I made the comment to someone that I was spiritually dead. He corrected me, saying he didn't believe I was spiritually dead, but that rather, I was spiritually dry. What's the difference?

The main difference I see, is that spiritually dead means you're separated from God. And, you don't really care, or don't really notice. Spiritually dry is exactly that... a dry spell. A temporary drought where there is little to no passion for Christ.

"For you will be like an oak whose leaf fades away or as a garden that has no water." Isaiah 1:30 

I find it rather interesting that the signs of being spiritually dead or spiritually dry are quite similar:

1. We do things because we are supposed to, not because we want to. We give to others out of obligation rather than desire.

2. Sermons, scripture reading, hymns - they're all given, listened to, sung with a lack of passion for the words.

3. There's a lack of passion for Christ. Our faith is supposed to be contagious, but when there is no passion behind that faith, it is not contagious. People aren't motivated to move towards Christ because we have no motivation to show them the joy God brings us.

I'm probably missing a few signs here, but I think these 3 sum it up pretty well.

So, what causes us to become spiritually dead or dry? To a degree, I think some of what I am about to list can be causes of spiritual death or drought...

1. Depression
2. Worry
3. Anger
... These three block us from being able to see the grace of our Lord, and keep us from feeling the joy that grace can bring us. Depression makes us unable to see the joy; worry drains us emotionally, and eventually spiritually, making us weak; and anger makes our hearts hard, and keeps us from giving and receiving love from anyone - including God. Each of these can bring about a dry spell, which, if left untreated for long enough, can bring on spiritual death.

4. Sin
... Yes, we are all sinners. But some of us reside within sin so much, and are unaware or uncaring. It becomes so much of what we seek, that we become separated from God. One of the biggest sins (in my opinion) which can cause this separation is pride. We get so wrapped up in what we want and how we want it - in how we know it should be - that we lose sight of God and His will.

I saw one really good article on how to know if you're spiritually dead, and it talked about the Church - how those who are spiritually dead don't care if their church also dies. They'd rather fire a pastor who was bringing about change and growth, than allow themselves and the church to continue growing. They'd rather see the church die. This is the type of pride I am talking about. (5 Signs You're Spiritually Dead)

How do we move forward if we find ourselves in a dry spell?

"So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord.  His going forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us, like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth."  Hosea 6:3

1. Give your worries to God. Place them at his feet.
2. Repent
3. Let go of anger. Forgive whomever you're angry with.
4. Pray

I realize these are all so simple - too simple. And they aren't as easy as they sound. But we must "press on to know the Lord." 

In Quiet Contemplation

Last night, I spoke of being on a spiritual high - and how I understood this high would not last forever. Well, unfortunately, it lasted for a much shorter time that I anticipated. Today, I crashed from that high, and for no real good reason. Perhaps it is simply due to a required intellectual overload recently, coupled with my recent physical low, and constant emotional instability.

But, whatever the case, I feel spiritually low... abandoned, unworthy, and just alone. And therefore, there will be no sermon tonight. Instead, I plan to spend some time in quiet contemplation and/or conversation with God. Hopefully, I will return tomorrow a bit brighter and with something brilliant to say.

Spiritual High

A couple days into Lent, as I had already written a sermon a few nights in a row, I decided to keep it going - I would write a sermon every day during Lent. And, it has been a week (today marks the 7th day). Unfortunately, however, this is really not a sermon. But, since I'm writing it on my sermons blog, I'm going to consider it such.

So, why no sermon tonight? Well... the main reason is that while I am currently on a spiritual high, and even emotionally somewhat stable, I'm physically at a low point - I'm drained, and I believe I'm coming down with a cold. Last night I was in bed by 9:30... and sleeping by 9:33. Tonight, as soon as this post is done and my son is home from basketball, I will be going to bed early as well.

As I mentioned above, I'm on a spiritual high. The past 9 months have been a time of spiritual awakening for me... and a time of fighting this awakening. I would have an intense weekend when it came to religion/God/spirituality. I'd feel like God was talking to me, both in prayer, through other people, through signs, and simply through my heart and soul. I'd be confused by this, and curious, and elated. And scared half to death. God doesn't speak to people like me. God speaks to good people. He speaks to those who revel in his Word. He speaks to those who stand in front of congregations and preach his word. He speaks to those who have never denied him or turned from him. He speaks to those worthy of hearing him.

And this... this was not and is not me.

Fear would force me to fight these feelings of elation. Fear would cause me to lash out at those whom God was utilizing to speak to me. Fear and the general feeling of unworthiness. And I'd hit a spiritual low. And during fighting this high and living in this low, I would turn from him. I wouldn't try to be the person I knew I should be. I'd lock myself away within my walls, hidden from even my own emotions.

A couple days ago, after spending a weekend with some decent highs and pretty bad lows, I finally reached a point where I realized that in all I'd done to better myself spiritually... I'd never committed myself to God fully. Yes, I started going to church, and studying the Bible, and reading devotions. I started praying on occasion, depending on the situation and reason. I stopped hiding the fact that I'm a Christian and proud of it (much to the utter annoyance of family and friends).

But never once did I commit to God my lows as well. On a spiritual high, it's easy to go to Church, and read the Bible. It's easy to say a prayer of thanksgiving. But on a spiritual low? I hadn't handed my problems over to God. I hadn't prayed for him to please be with me during these times. I hadn't prayed for strength. While I had asked for forgiveness after sinning, I had never asked him for courage to resist temptation. Upon realizing all this, and during a low, I surrendered my troubles to the Lord. I committed to a life of serving him. And since this... I have been on a spiritual high. I have not hidden behind walls or closed doors or substances which act as walls. Those who have pushed me down, and still do - I do not let there actions keep me down. I do not let their actions and words dictate who I am.

Granted, it has only been two days... perhaps too early to be patting myself on the back. And yes, I do realize that there is a good chance this high will not last - I will slip, I will stumble, I will feel spiritual lows. But I am going to enjoy this high for as long as it lasts, and I will do what I can through devotions, prayer, scripture and service to keep this high to some degree (or, at least, a nice middle ground).

I am feeling a peace I do not remember ever feeling before, and I think I kinda like it...