When People's Cries Go Unanswered

This was actually written a couple months ago. I hadn't quite finished it and therefore didn't post it. I am now posting as it was written. I believe the Psalm referred to is Psalm 34...

You don’t have to answer with any show of hands or verbal acclimation. But think on these words and answer in your heart – how many of you have felt, or are feeling, or are experiencing any of these things – poor in spirt… mourning…. Meek…. Hungry… thirsty… pure in heart… merciful… the need to be a peacemaker… persecuted for who you are?

I may be wrong, but my guess is that if I did ask for a show of hands for those who felt at least one of these, almost every hand would be raised.

But we’re supposed to believe these troubles are all worth it. Look at the Psalm we read today – let the humble hear and be glad… I sought the Lord and he answered and delivered me from my fears… look to him and you shall never be ashamed… the poor cried and were saved from trouble… you’ll have no want or lack in anything if you look to God…

We quote these passages, and we try to believe them. But the reality is not so nicely sugar coated. The reality is, we have people opening fire in schools, concerts, theatres, open streets. The reality is, we have people opening fire in their own homes, abusing or killing those they love. The reality is, we have people taking their own lives.

We have people who have cried out and felt their cries were left unanswered.

Allow me to take my original question a step further. Look upon those in this sanctuary. Do you know of anyone struggling – either emotionally or financially or spiritually? Anyone who may be poor in spirit… or hungry, thirsty? Again, I would expect most hands to be in the air right now had I had requested that.

And let’s go a step further…

Do you see anyone around you that is pure in heart… is merciful… tries to be a peacemaker… is persecuted for who they are and what they believe?

That’s harder to see. We see what people project and not what they are. We see what we wish to see. We ignore the rest or use that rest to persecute others.

A couple weeks ago, there was a horrific shooting in Las Vegas. It left nearly 60 dead and several hundred injured. We look at those victims as blessed in the eyes of God. If we were honest with ourselves, before the shooting, we probably would have looked at many of them as partiers and sinners and not amongst the blessed. But today, we see them differently. We see them as children of God who were wrongfully gunned down and killed or injured.

And we see the gunman as a horrible person.

The truth is – those victims were just as much sinner as they were saint. And the gunman was just as much saint as he was sinner.

This isn’t just a Las Vegas thing. This is an every day thing. Our friend, our neighbor, the person in the pew behind you, or perhaps yourself… someone feels unworthy. Someone feels persecuted. Someone feels abandoned by others and by God. Someone feels that the only way to escape the heartache is to leave this world. Someone feels so much anger and resentment that they desire to take others with them.

I attended a walk recently to “Silence the Stigma”. It’s an event to help raise awareness about suicide and suicide prevention. I lost two brothers to suicide and two other friends. And, admittedly, I have considered and tried it myself. And one question keeps coming to mind – where is God. Our Psalm says that of we reach out, he’ll be there. In the vegas shooting (or any shooting), we find ourselves asking “where was God”.

The answer to that is simple –God was right there inside all of us.

We chose to ignore the warning signs.

Don’t misunderstand – those warning signs may not have been shown to you specifically. Or, even if they were shown, it may not have been easy to pick up on. But each of us is responsible for our brothers and sisters.

Always reach out to others. Be aware of signs that someone may be feeling alone, unworthy, or unloved. And reach out. Remember that we are each both saint and sinner, and that we all need the love we easily hand out to the saint and withhold from the sinner.

 

Demoniac (pt 3) - The Reality

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7)

If you haven't read the first two parts to this series:
Demoniac (pt 1) - The Condition
Demoniac (pt 2) - The Salvation

In the story of the demoniac of Decapolis, it is quite evident that this man had indeed been possessed by demons. Jesus cast those demons out, sending them into pigs (who thus went and killed themselves by running off a cliff).

But what about me, or those like me? What about those with the chaotic mind and the voices and the cutting, screaming, scratching, self-destructive tendencies? Was I truly possessed? Is anyone ever truly possessed by something demonic?

First, let me say that I do believe completely in demonic possession. I believe it is rare in the sense that not everyone with a mental illness has a true demonic possession - but the extent of this rarity, I wouldn't even fathom a guess.

This said, I do believe that those like me - or, as I used to be - are not possessed, but they are definitely influenced. As I stated in Demoniac (pt 2) - The Salvation: We open ourselves up to chaos every time we sin. We're basically opening a door and saying - "Come on in, Satan! Make yourself at home!"

And the more we do this - the more comfortable we become with sin - the more influence Satan has over our life. We become addicted to the sin... to the influence... to the darkness. We may recognize that what we're doing and how we're living is wrong, or at the very least that it's unhealthy. But we get to the point where we no longer remember any other way. There is no more light - no more memory of such light. At this point, we are possessed to some degree. No - we don't have a demon living within us in a physical sense, but spiritually? Spiritually, Satan has taken root in our heart.

And Satan likes it there. So long as we allow Satan to have such a strong influence over our lives - over our thoughts and actions and emotions - we are, essentially, possessed; and there is, essentially, no room for God to live within us.

We must do as James 4:7 says - "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." We must learn to open the door to God rather than to Satan. By giving love to others, by praising and praying to our Lord, by accepting the never-ending gift of Grace and Love and Faith God bestows upon us - these open the door to the light and cause the darkness to flee. These open the door to our Lord - to true peace and love - and slam the door in the face of chaos and hate.

Demoniac (pt 2) - The Salvation

Mark 5:10-20 (NIV)

10 And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area.

11 A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. 12 The demons begged Jesus, “Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them.” 13 He gave them permission, and the impure spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

14 Those tending the pigs ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, and the people went out to see what had happened. 15 When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. 16 Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man—and told about the pigs as well. 17 Then the people began to plead with Jesus to leave their region.

18 As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. 19 Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” 20 So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

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One strange day, after over 20 years of growing chaos and insanity, I experienced peace. True peace... not the dark peace I'd lived with for so many years. This peace didn't come with compromise... I didn't have to scar my flesh or give anything. With one small water-made cross, I felt the light. And I felt both frightened and relieved. And for a while after this, the voices quieted. I thought they were gone. I began to feel comfort in the peace and light.

But the moment my guard was down and weakness set in - the moment the events the voices warned about came true - those voices were back. They had told me I'd always be abandoned by everyone but them. They had said no one would ever truly care. And the second those truths came to light again... the voices were back with the once comforting blanket of darkness.

And they were angry.

Chaos consumed. Anger, hatred, pain, destruction - it was all back with a vengeance. This time I began to recognize it for what it was - something evil residing within me. But even with this recognition, I found it so easy to slip back into that habit of allowing them to win. Those who had brought the light peace to me - I fought. I hated. I attacked. And yet, it wasn't me. Part of me that had been awakened by the light still lived - and tried to fight. Tried to love. Tried to plead. But whatever scratched and clawed and screamed within me recognized the good - the light - and a battle ensued. A vicious battle of light and dark, of chaos and peace, of good and evil, of me and the voices.

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Just as the demons within the demoniac, the voices within me recognized God's light. And they did not want to be sent into an abyss. But they were - for now - I think. They weren't quieted so quickly as Jesus was able to free the demonic, but I have been freed. The voices have been silenced.

I wonder - yes, the freed man spread the news of what Jesus did for him, but did he worry as I do? There still resides within me a fear that the voices are still there... that they're hiding deep within, just waiting for me to be weak again. Just waiting for the world to prove them right again. Did this man feel this same way?

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I asked in the first part of this (Demoniac - The Condition) if "selfishness and sin breed insanity" or if the reverse is true. This is difficult to say. For me, my insanity started at such a young age... caused by years of abuse. But, I did open the door. When God did not answer my prayers to be saved from my tormentors, I pleaded with anyone to save me. Was this a sin? Yes, I suppose it was. I may have only been 12 or 13 at the time, but I knew I was opening a door best left closed. I didn't know the consequences... but I knew it was wrong. So perhaps yes, it was my own selfishness and sin which bred my insanity.

We open ourselves up to chaos every time we sin. We're basically opening a door and saying - "Come on in, Satan! Make yourself at home!" The opposite is also true - every time we open our hearts to others, helping them in the name of God, we open the door for our Lord. Every time we pray and develop our faith with God, we open the door to the light.

I don't believe the devil and the Lord can both live within us... this is why when we're overcome with our own demons and voices screaming and clawing within us, prayer and patience and faith in God can chase those demons out. It can silence those cries. It can heal those scars.

So what does this all mean? What's the reality in today's world in regards to demonic possession? Demoniac (pt 3) - The Reality

Demoniac (pt 1) - The Condition

Mark 5:1-9 (NIV)

5 They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. 2 When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an impure spirit came from the tombs to meet him. 3 This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain. 4 For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

6 When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7 He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In God’s name don’t torture me!” 8 For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you impure spirit!”

9 Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?”

“My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are many.”

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Imagine sitting alone in your room, nothing too exciting going on. It's just a typical day. And then suddenly you're overcome with feelings of worthlessness. Voices shriek and whisper within your mind. They remind you that they're all you have. No one else cares. No one else will listen to your cries. You've been abandoned by all but those voices.

These voices slowly take over - you know you don't belong there with them. Your skin crawls. You feel trapped within yourself. Your heart starts pounding - fear? anger? Something screams within. You claw at your own flesh, dragging your fingernails down your arms. You can't stop it. You can't control it. It isn't enough.

You find a shard of glass, or a razor, and repeat the motions. They're slow and deliberate at times, your mind almost smiling at the pain being inflicted on yourself. Sometimes the moves are more urgent, more necessary, and they still aren't enough.

You're claustrophobic in your own flesh, scratching and clawing your way out of your coffin - your own skin.  You have been abandoned by all who should care. You know any love and light within you is either extinguished or boxed up tight and hidden far from your own reaches.

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In Mark, Chapter 5, we have the story of a man who was possessed by many demons. Alone in the tombs, he would cry out and cut himself. When I first read this story, I pictured someone more beast than man. But, the more I read it, the more I saw the beast within me.

I imagine what I described at the beginning of this post is only a small percentage of how the Gerasene Demoniac must have felt.  But it was enough for me. I remember being a teenager and having these over-dramatic, uncontrollable feelings. I remember watching the blade slowly cut through my flesh. I remember smiling and finally feeling a dark peace with the voices. It calmed them... quieted them.

As I got older, I found other ways to appease the voices. I allowed hatred and sin to consume me... anything to quiet the whispers, even for just a moment.

I used to joke about having 157 voices in my head. But was it really a joke? Many believed so, and I let them. Perhaps 157 was a bit of an exaggeration, but most days - it seemed to be at least that many. They all had opinions and plans for me. And none of them good.

And the more I tried to break free, the louder they screamed and the more they clawed at me. I could feel them ripping me apart within my heart, my soul, my mind. And the only way to stop them was to join them. The only way to make it not so painful was to align myself with them and follow their orders.

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I read a book - Broken Chains by Doug Batchelor - in which he says "we are all born with the seeds of insanity." He goes on to say "selfishness and sin breed insanity." While I do agree we are all capable of insanity, I am not certain I agree that selfishness and sin are the cause. could it be they are, instead, the result?

Continue reading the second part of this topic as we explore these possibilities: Demoniac - The Salvation

I Have Engraved You...

 

Ever feel abandoned by someone you care about? Ever feel betrayed by someone who said they would always be there for you, but has suddenly walked out of your life? Ever feel rejected by someone whom you thought had accepted you?

It sucks.

But...

1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Psalm 27:10 “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.”
Isaiah 49:16 “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”

God is always there. He has written your name on the palms of his hands. He will not forsake you. This is a bit of a comfort.

God Called, My A$$

In my previous post, I mention God calling us... or, more specifically, me... for some unknown purpose.


It's kind of funny - I have often heard the term "God called me..." but never believed it. In fact, I went so far as to be a bit of a b!#@$ about it to a pastor/friend of mine. "Called away to another state, my ass. You simply wanted to leave." Yeah... I wasn't too nice to him. To be honest, I'm still not.

But, anyway... I always thought that the claim of being called by God to do something was a bunch of hogwash. It was just an excuse for acting selfishly. But, of course, when that selfishness is actually seated in Christ, it validates the reasoning "I was called." What I mean by this.... "I was called by God to this Church" is a 'valid' reasoning. "I was called by God to sleep with the football team" doesn't hold as much merit. But is there any difference? Do people truly act upon a "calling" from God to do Godly things, such as called into ministry? Or is it simply a desire of theirs - just as one person desires to become an actor, or a teacher... one desires to become a minister. Why is one considered a "calling" and one is not?

If it truly is a calling from God - why would God call someone away from loved ones? Why would He "call" someone to leave friends and family... why would He want someone to intentionally hurt loved ones... just to go to a different place to minister?

I was going to make this post a bit longer, and a bit more intelligent sounding... But, it's getting late, and I really have nothing more to say on the topic (unless of course people want to read me whine for a few more pages).

Good night, and God bless

In Quiet Contemplation

Last night, I spoke of being on a spiritual high - and how I understood this high would not last forever. Well, unfortunately, it lasted for a much shorter time that I anticipated. Today, I crashed from that high, and for no real good reason. Perhaps it is simply due to a required intellectual overload recently, coupled with my recent physical low, and constant emotional instability.

But, whatever the case, I feel spiritually low... abandoned, unworthy, and just alone. And therefore, there will be no sermon tonight. Instead, I plan to spend some time in quiet contemplation and/or conversation with God. Hopefully, I will return tomorrow a bit brighter and with something brilliant to say.

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Matthew 7:15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves."

It started several months ago - in a moment of weakness due to days of taxing physical labor - she allowed herself to be manipulated. she began to trust in someone, and believe in what they told her. She had a moment of clarity a couple days later, and even wrote about it. She chastised herself for allowing herself to be manipulated in such a way. 6 months later, she has continued to allow herself to be manipulated.

You see, we all want something to believe in. For some of us, we believe in ourselves only. For others, we believe in a higher power, or a God of some sort. And for others, we believe no one is worthy of believing in. But no matter what it is we choose, and to what degree, we need to believe. This woman was no different.

She believed in God. She believed that we should all do our best to help our neighbors. But just because she believed this, didn't mean that she believed we are all worthy of being saved, nor did she believe that God is all loving and kind and good. If this was the case, there wouldn't be so much sickness and disaster and pain in the world. Perhaps an accurate definition for her would be that she was a defeated believer. She didn't believe in the church, or in the church community. She believed you could worship in your own heart and that's all that was needed. And above all else, she believed that mankind itself is untrustworthy, and no one should be handed any kind of trust.

And in walked someone who made her question her beliefs. For six months this person forced her to reconsider, and forced her to allow trust and love back into her heart. For six months he had her convinced there was a better way. And then, just slightly into his teaching and guiding, he walked away. His reasons were selfish and petty. He who claimed to be doing "God's work" and following "God's path" took the path that was best to his liking. He didn't take the road less traveled. He took the one most appealing to himself.

2 Corinthians 11:14 "And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light."

Should he have such a right? Can he still claim to be such a follower of Christ if he follows his own desires? But, the same can be said of the woman in the story - she obviously desired him to remain her teacher, her leader. In her mind, the teaching was not done, the job was unfinished.

Switch out the characters in the story... the woman is now a young child, the preacher is a volunteer rescue worker...

This small child was out wandering around, and she falls into a deep well. She's cold, hungry, injured and tired. She's broken a bit. The rescue worker comes to her aid, dropping a rope down the well. He's able to instruct the girl how to place the rope around herself so he can pull her out. And he does pull. He puts in great effort to assist her. With each foot she is raised from the bottom of the well, her trust and love for the worker grows. Her hope grows. Her pain is lessened. Slowly, she reaches the halfway point. She knows she's almost free.

And then the worker releases the rope, having received a call about another job to do....

And thus endeth the lesson.  I'm quite certain I don't need to go into detail on how much worse her injuries to her body and spirit are after the rope was released.

Ezekiel 34:4 "The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them."

We Walk the Path Alone

You stand, alone, staring down the darkening path. No one can be seen. No one stands beside you. The trees disappear, becoming one with the shadows and fog and dark. Fear and loneliness settle into your heart and soul. You know you must make the journey, but are unsure if it can be done without any light, without any guide, without a friend.

They say to ask God for help. So you do. And to a degree, it helps. There is a small sense of security. You don't feel quite so alone, quite so frightened. But God can't hold your hand in the physical sense. He can't offer you that hug, or that light, in a true physical sense. And sometimes we need that physical help. We need to truly feel someone holding us. We need to truly hear those words of encouragement. We need to truly see that friend walking by our side.

And it's when you're needing these things that you find you are alone. Perhaps not always, and not in every sense of the world, but you are alone. You walk the dark, frightening path alone.

And should you try to ask for help?

You find that you've been abandoned. Those few you trust to hold you, to help you, to hear you - they don't believe you are worthy of the strength they can offer.

And so you find yourself sinking deeper into a pit of despair, a pool of self-pity. You find yourself feeling isolated and unworthy, and you hate yourself for it. And you hate those you had faith in. And you hate God. All because you have to walk the path alone.

I've walked this path before, on numerous occasions. I've pushed away those who refused to be there for me. I pushed away God. I have hated those whom I thought I could trust. Just when I start to think there is someone who believes I am worth it, I am reminded that I am not. Just when I think someone cares, I find they do not.

So what do we do when faced with the terrifying path facing us? What do we do when we need help? What do we do when forced to walk the path alone?

Where is My Stronghold?

Have you ever had a period in your life where you felt utterly lost? Completely abandoned? Perhaps it was as a child, or as you grew old. Perhaps it was because of the death of a loved one, or hearing your own life would soon be ending, or some tragedy which occurred.

It's safe to say nearly all of us have most likely been through some experience which has left us sad, depressed, empty inside, and/or lost. Our emotions hit an all time low, which often affects the physical side of us, but also quite often affects us spiritually. We will often seek out help - to a degree - from God, but we feel abandoned by Him. We pray and beg and to no avail. God doesn't listen to us.

In Psalms 9:10, it says that He will not forsake us. And yet, time and again He seems to do just that. I cannot begin to count the number of times I have thought He has abandoned me. I cannot begin to count the number of times I have given up on believing in Him. I have sought Him out, and He has ignored my pleas. It begins to make a person doubt this God even exists.

Psalm 34:17-18 - The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Perhaps I am simply not righteous? Perhaps this is why I am never delivered from my troubles. There must be a reason, because the Lord has not saved this person whom is crushed in spirit. He continues to break my spirit more each day, to the point I cannot handle any more. Where is this Lord whom is supposed to be my stronghold - whom is to save this crushed spirit?

Matthew 11:28 - “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Could it be that we are not given this rest from our burdens until we die? If this is the case, it is no wonder that so many people commit suicide. Those who suffer torture and loss and torment so often get to the point where their waking hours are spent praying for that rest. Is it any wonder?

In case you haven't noticed yet, this really isn't a sermon. If it was, I would be telling you to lay your burdens at Jesus' feet and all will be well. The Lord will help you with your problems and worries. But no matter what my intentions of this blog site may be, being a liar is not an option. To say that should you give your worries to the Lord, all will be well - this may or may not be true. It is not true for me. I have been laying my troubles out before the Lord, asking and requesting and pleading and begging for rest and refuge, for over 30 years now. And in answer, I get more troubles.

So rather than post a sermon, I post a question (or two) - does God truly help some people with their burdens? How does one go about asking for this help? What is it I am doing wrong?