Sometimes the Darkness is Easier

Imagine you’ve been living in a completely dark room. Your eyesight has already gotten used to your surroundings. You’re able to see the walls and shapes and know your way around. You can see any furniture or other fixtures.

Suddenly, a light is turned on. You’re temporarily blinded. You can’t see anything through the brightness. You’re scared and uncertain, but eventually adjust. You eventually learn to appreciate the new colors and vividness of which you’ve been exposed.

And then the light goes out again, leaving you once again in utter darkness. The ability you once had to make out everything in the darkness is gone. Again, fear sets in.

If this only happens once or twice, the fear is probably short-lived, and you realize that you will once again be able to see. However, when it happens repeatedly, you begin to desire to stay in the darkness. You prefer the shady but still-there sight over the continued blindness and fear.

For me, this is a good analogy for those who’ve suffered abuse. This would be especially true for children who are abused continuously, and by multiple people. You let one person be your light, and they abuse you, bringing you back to the darkness. You let another in, and again, abuse. Then another… and another…

Soon, you stop letting in the light. You prefer the darkness. It’s safer there. You’ve grown so adjusted to the darkness, you find it safer and more comfortable there than the continued blind fear. You’ve grown so adjusted to the continuous light then dark then light then dark that the fear of having to go through that again is stronger than the fear of the dark.

This doesn’t just apply to abused children, however. Those who end up in a few bad relationships, or are betrayed by friends over and over again, or any other form of abuse or betrayal, can end up the same way. You find yourself pushing away or avoiding anyone who may possibly bring light into your life because you fear you’ll be abused or betrayed by that person as well and tossed right back into the pitch black darkness.

Faith can be the same way – whether this is caused by church members, pastors, or simply getting kicked down by life every time you start to believe God is there with you. Eventually, you would prefer to remain in the darkness than believe that the church is a godly place; or that God even exists.

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. (1 John 1:5 NIV)

This is a very difficult thing to remember – and more difficult at times to see. My prayer for all tonight is that no matter what you’ve been through – no matter what abuse or betrayal or pain you’ve had to suffer – God helps you to see him as the light he is. And that God helps you to see the light he brings into your life through the hearts of others. And that God helps you to accept that light into your life and to hold onto it, even when it seems to dim.

May the light of Christ shine on all of you tonight and always.

The Lost and Forgotten

We were never meant to be happy or free. Our very lives were under the thumb of tyrants, each day being uncertain if it would be our last. Even the simplest mistake resulted in pain and torment. They controlled our every move - our every thought.

We were taught that love was pain, and hope a mere fantasy. God had forsaken us, and prayer was a useless act. Dreams were never meant to come true, and peace was non-existent.

We were the forgotten. The lost. The helpless. Our hearts grew cold and empty, our souls died.

We were the unlovable, the unreachable, the lonely. Trust, faith, love, tears - these concepts were a constant danger to our very existence.

I escaped the tyranny, but could not escape the lessons learned. For years I held onto those beliefs of being forgotten and lost, helpless and unlovable.

Many days I continued to wonder if your escape had been the better option. You escaped both the tyranny and the lessons. You found light by extinguishing yours. You found light, while we continued to live in darkness.

Days turned to months, and then to years. And the darkness remained my only companion.

--------------------

For many years I felt like were alone in our struggles. Yes, I had a vague understanding that there were people in the world who had it so much worse, but this was only a small notion, and one where I chose not to put my focus. Perhaps it was because I was simply too young and immature to recognize the world beyond myself. Perhaps I was simply too afraid to open my heart and care. 

It took me a long time to recognize there was a light shining through that darkness. It took me a long time to stop trying to put out that light - to stop being afraid of it. It took me a long time to understand that amid all the pain and suffering, that light had stayed by my side. It took me a long time to understand that I have the power and responsibility to show that light to others. 

Perhaps it was because of this realization that my heart is heavy today. Our world is broken. It has always been broken. And it will continue to be broken because so many people have refused to recognize that they too have this power and responsibility to show this light to others. So many want to lock the door and keep the hurt and lost and helpless away. So many are driven by fear or arrogance. Or both. They claim compassion, but don't truly understand what it means to be compassionate. They claim love, but have no understanding of what it means to love.

I no longer wonder if your escape was the better option. Yes, you escaped the tyranny and the darkness. But I have found something so much better hiding in the darkness - a light. Hope, dreams, love, peace. And I have found a desire to show this light to others, to help people realize they are not alone, or helpless. I have found a desire to truly give compassion and love to those who need it most - to those who were like us, or worse. To those who have that rope around their necks, and cannot find a reason not to let it tighten. To those who stopped believing, or never had a chance to believe. To the lost and forgotten.

Between Light and Dark

I was standing outside in my alleyway early yesterday morning, the sun having just risen above the horizon. Fog filled the town, making it impossible to see what lurked just down the road. As I looked one way, the alley was dark and creepy, no light to be found. Turning in the other direction, despite the fog, it was bright and beautiful.

How many times have we seen ourselves in this exact position either emotionally or spiritually? How many times have we been in that fog?

Quite often in our lives, especially when going through something difficult like a serious illness in ourselves or our loved ones, or when faced with a difficult decision - a possible turning point in our lives - we find that we're standing right in the middle of a fog. We can't see what is down the road. We don't know if it will lead to death, loss of a job, more problems, or if it will lead to recovery, a better job, a great outcome.

We can stand still on some things, not risking the trip through the fog. For example, if you're considering a divorce or change of occupation - many people will just stay put, not traveling down that road. They choose not to risk what frightening things might be lurking within the fog. Other things, we have no choice but to trek onwards. If we, or someone we love, has cancer for example... this isn't something you can just stand still for. The cancer is still there, still progressing, still forcing you into the unknown.

But as I was standing in that alley, looking from one direction to the next, my son (who was with me at the time) made a comment about how strange it looks - hell on one side, heaven on the other. And it did. No, not the fiery hell we think of, but rather the dark and lonely unknown kind of hell we sometimes feel we live in. And the other side wasn't the bright, clear, angels singing kind of heaven. Rather, it was a bright, comforting, warm unknown.

In both cases, the future couldn't be seen. The path was shrouded in a dense fog. Most of our lives are this way. We cannot predict what's going to happen - good or bad. But when we choose to walk in the light - when we choose to walk with Christ - while the future may still be unknown, we know we are not alone. God is there with us, surrounding us in His light and love and peace.

Scare Tactics (Done out of Love?)

In trying to get our kids to do chores, we used to use threats. Don't do the dishes, you'll be grounded. Don't get the laundry done, you'll lose your phone. Sadly, these habits are hard to break, and we sometimes still use them. However, there is one odd way that seems to have made it much easier and less stressful on us in motivating our large group of teenagers (and one pre-teen)...

"We need to work together. More gets done, faster. We get along better. We're all happier and less stressed out."

I don't get it. How can a simple statement (which yes, does need to be restated every other day or so) motivate this group of sometimes-selfish teens into getting things done when "do it or you won't see the light of day until you're 18" doesn't work??? It makes no sense. I mean... is there anyplace else you've seen a message of working together work better than threats and scare tactics?

Oh wait...

I think I might have seen that in the Bible...

In fact, just a few off the top of my head... Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Proverbs 27:17 , 1 Corinthians 12:20-25, Romans 15:5-6, Ephesians 4:16  (Ok, I lied... those weren't off the top of my head. I cheated :)  But, ya get the point).

Time and again we see that we're to work together. As for threats? Telling someone the horrible punishment they'll receive if they don't do something?

There's this little piece in the New Testament... I believe it's in Matthew... Chapter 28... goes by a heading of "The Great Commission".... (although, I'm sure the same situation can be found in many other places as well.)

It amazes me how so many seem to translate this passage to "Go out and tell everyone you meet - 'Believe in Christ now, or you'll burn in eternal hellfire! Bow down in repentance now, or you'll burn in eternal hellfire!'"

In fact, what we have in that passage, as well as others, is that the disciples (that would also be us..) were told to go out and tell anyone who wishes to listen about Christ. We should not stop teaching, but rather let this message reach every nation.

If you've ever participated in a candlelight service, you may recall how each person who wishes to participate lights their candle from the person next to them. I keep my flame steady so the next person can use my flame to light theirs, and so on and so forth. Never once do I take my flame to force the next candle to be lit... or to threaten to light the refusing person on fire. I simply let my light shine so those near me will want to accept that light and go forth to be a light to the next.

This is how it should be with each of us. We should not be threatening others, but rather showing them how working together strengthens and brightens Christ's light in each of us.

Let it Shine

James 2:14-17 (NIV): What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

Yesterday, our pastor delivered a children's sermon that made a lot of sense - a sermon that I think many of us either don't realize, or don't recall. A sermon that, in my opinion, puts these verses of James 2 in a proper light.

He started by showing the children a lightbulb. This, he said, is faith. He then twisted the bulb into a light socket and turned it on. The light shown brightly. This, he said, is faith.

God gives us faith... we are to use that faith. Otherwise, it has no light, it's just an empty bulb. 

In Luke, chapter 17, we have the apostles asking the Lord to increase their faith. But, the thing is... they already have faith. They need to use that faith. Using this faith is what makes it shine - it's what gives is strength. Our God-given faith is the lightbulb - our utilization of this faith is the electricity which makes it shine.

I'm sure you all remember the song many of us sang as children (and one which I teach our Sunday School kids) "This Little Light of Mine"...

Will you let your light shine? Will you let your faith shine? Will you use the faith and grace and love given to you by our Lord, and let that faith, grace and love shine on those in need?

Demoniac (pt 3) - The Reality

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7)

If you haven't read the first two parts to this series:
Demoniac (pt 1) - The Condition
Demoniac (pt 2) - The Salvation

In the story of the demoniac of Decapolis, it is quite evident that this man had indeed been possessed by demons. Jesus cast those demons out, sending them into pigs (who thus went and killed themselves by running off a cliff).

But what about me, or those like me? What about those with the chaotic mind and the voices and the cutting, screaming, scratching, self-destructive tendencies? Was I truly possessed? Is anyone ever truly possessed by something demonic?

First, let me say that I do believe completely in demonic possession. I believe it is rare in the sense that not everyone with a mental illness has a true demonic possession - but the extent of this rarity, I wouldn't even fathom a guess.

This said, I do believe that those like me - or, as I used to be - are not possessed, but they are definitely influenced. As I stated in Demoniac (pt 2) - The Salvation: We open ourselves up to chaos every time we sin. We're basically opening a door and saying - "Come on in, Satan! Make yourself at home!"

And the more we do this - the more comfortable we become with sin - the more influence Satan has over our life. We become addicted to the sin... to the influence... to the darkness. We may recognize that what we're doing and how we're living is wrong, or at the very least that it's unhealthy. But we get to the point where we no longer remember any other way. There is no more light - no more memory of such light. At this point, we are possessed to some degree. No - we don't have a demon living within us in a physical sense, but spiritually? Spiritually, Satan has taken root in our heart.

And Satan likes it there. So long as we allow Satan to have such a strong influence over our lives - over our thoughts and actions and emotions - we are, essentially, possessed; and there is, essentially, no room for God to live within us.

We must do as James 4:7 says - "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." We must learn to open the door to God rather than to Satan. By giving love to others, by praising and praying to our Lord, by accepting the never-ending gift of Grace and Love and Faith God bestows upon us - these open the door to the light and cause the darkness to flee. These open the door to our Lord - to true peace and love - and slam the door in the face of chaos and hate.

Demoniac (pt 2) - The Salvation

Mark 5:10-20 (NIV)

10 And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area.

11 A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. 12 The demons begged Jesus, “Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them.” 13 He gave them permission, and the impure spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

14 Those tending the pigs ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, and the people went out to see what had happened. 15 When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. 16 Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man—and told about the pigs as well. 17 Then the people began to plead with Jesus to leave their region.

18 As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. 19 Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” 20 So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

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One strange day, after over 20 years of growing chaos and insanity, I experienced peace. True peace... not the dark peace I'd lived with for so many years. This peace didn't come with compromise... I didn't have to scar my flesh or give anything. With one small water-made cross, I felt the light. And I felt both frightened and relieved. And for a while after this, the voices quieted. I thought they were gone. I began to feel comfort in the peace and light.

But the moment my guard was down and weakness set in - the moment the events the voices warned about came true - those voices were back. They had told me I'd always be abandoned by everyone but them. They had said no one would ever truly care. And the second those truths came to light again... the voices were back with the once comforting blanket of darkness.

And they were angry.

Chaos consumed. Anger, hatred, pain, destruction - it was all back with a vengeance. This time I began to recognize it for what it was - something evil residing within me. But even with this recognition, I found it so easy to slip back into that habit of allowing them to win. Those who had brought the light peace to me - I fought. I hated. I attacked. And yet, it wasn't me. Part of me that had been awakened by the light still lived - and tried to fight. Tried to love. Tried to plead. But whatever scratched and clawed and screamed within me recognized the good - the light - and a battle ensued. A vicious battle of light and dark, of chaos and peace, of good and evil, of me and the voices.

-----

Just as the demons within the demoniac, the voices within me recognized God's light. And they did not want to be sent into an abyss. But they were - for now - I think. They weren't quieted so quickly as Jesus was able to free the demonic, but I have been freed. The voices have been silenced.

I wonder - yes, the freed man spread the news of what Jesus did for him, but did he worry as I do? There still resides within me a fear that the voices are still there... that they're hiding deep within, just waiting for me to be weak again. Just waiting for the world to prove them right again. Did this man feel this same way?

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I asked in the first part of this (Demoniac - The Condition) if "selfishness and sin breed insanity" or if the reverse is true. This is difficult to say. For me, my insanity started at such a young age... caused by years of abuse. But, I did open the door. When God did not answer my prayers to be saved from my tormentors, I pleaded with anyone to save me. Was this a sin? Yes, I suppose it was. I may have only been 12 or 13 at the time, but I knew I was opening a door best left closed. I didn't know the consequences... but I knew it was wrong. So perhaps yes, it was my own selfishness and sin which bred my insanity.

We open ourselves up to chaos every time we sin. We're basically opening a door and saying - "Come on in, Satan! Make yourself at home!" The opposite is also true - every time we open our hearts to others, helping them in the name of God, we open the door for our Lord. Every time we pray and develop our faith with God, we open the door to the light.

I don't believe the devil and the Lord can both live within us... this is why when we're overcome with our own demons and voices screaming and clawing within us, prayer and patience and faith in God can chase those demons out. It can silence those cries. It can heal those scars.

So what does this all mean? What's the reality in today's world in regards to demonic possession? Demoniac (pt 3) - The Reality

Demoniac (pt 1) - The Condition

Mark 5:1-9 (NIV)

5 They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. 2 When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an impure spirit came from the tombs to meet him. 3 This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain. 4 For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

6 When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7 He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In God’s name don’t torture me!” 8 For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you impure spirit!”

9 Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?”

“My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are many.”

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Imagine sitting alone in your room, nothing too exciting going on. It's just a typical day. And then suddenly you're overcome with feelings of worthlessness. Voices shriek and whisper within your mind. They remind you that they're all you have. No one else cares. No one else will listen to your cries. You've been abandoned by all but those voices.

These voices slowly take over - you know you don't belong there with them. Your skin crawls. You feel trapped within yourself. Your heart starts pounding - fear? anger? Something screams within. You claw at your own flesh, dragging your fingernails down your arms. You can't stop it. You can't control it. It isn't enough.

You find a shard of glass, or a razor, and repeat the motions. They're slow and deliberate at times, your mind almost smiling at the pain being inflicted on yourself. Sometimes the moves are more urgent, more necessary, and they still aren't enough.

You're claustrophobic in your own flesh, scratching and clawing your way out of your coffin - your own skin.  You have been abandoned by all who should care. You know any love and light within you is either extinguished or boxed up tight and hidden far from your own reaches.

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In Mark, Chapter 5, we have the story of a man who was possessed by many demons. Alone in the tombs, he would cry out and cut himself. When I first read this story, I pictured someone more beast than man. But, the more I read it, the more I saw the beast within me.

I imagine what I described at the beginning of this post is only a small percentage of how the Gerasene Demoniac must have felt.  But it was enough for me. I remember being a teenager and having these over-dramatic, uncontrollable feelings. I remember watching the blade slowly cut through my flesh. I remember smiling and finally feeling a dark peace with the voices. It calmed them... quieted them.

As I got older, I found other ways to appease the voices. I allowed hatred and sin to consume me... anything to quiet the whispers, even for just a moment.

I used to joke about having 157 voices in my head. But was it really a joke? Many believed so, and I let them. Perhaps 157 was a bit of an exaggeration, but most days - it seemed to be at least that many. They all had opinions and plans for me. And none of them good.

And the more I tried to break free, the louder they screamed and the more they clawed at me. I could feel them ripping me apart within my heart, my soul, my mind. And the only way to stop them was to join them. The only way to make it not so painful was to align myself with them and follow their orders.

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I read a book - Broken Chains by Doug Batchelor - in which he says "we are all born with the seeds of insanity." He goes on to say "selfishness and sin breed insanity." While I do agree we are all capable of insanity, I am not certain I agree that selfishness and sin are the cause. could it be they are, instead, the result?

Continue reading the second part of this topic as we explore these possibilities: Demoniac - The Salvation

Good/Evil, Truth/Lies...

Good and Evil. Truth and Lies. Light and Dark. Love and Hate. Dreams and Reality. (Did you notice... the "good" things are always listed first... which means reality sucks).

So, I am writing on this blog because I promised a sermon at least once a week. And, it's been a week since I've written one. But, this isn't so much a sermon. In fact, it really should be on my other blog... and I will probably post it there as well as here just to get adequate readers of this post.

Anyway, I have been thinking today and tonight and the past 10 years or more about how so many things in life have two sides - and you can't have one without the other. You can't have light without dark. You can't have good without evil. You can't have love without hate. You have to have the opposite for the one to mean anything.

God is good (in theory). This would make Satan evil. The Bible is truth (theoretically). This would make anything that disagrees with the Bible, a lie. This is how the books of the Bible were selected. I watched a television documentary the other night on recently found books which were left out of the Bible. Some of these were written by other disciples (or about them). For example, there has been found the Gospel of Judas. Now, as we all know, Judas is the one who betrayed Jesus. However, according to this Gospel, Jesus actually requested this betrayal from Judas. Jesus had to sacrifice himself for our sins, and therefore asked his friend to do help him. This goes against all the other Gospels... the "real" gospels. Therefore, it is heresy and cannot be in the Bible.

Don't get me wrong. I don't believe the Gospels we know are lies. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John - all the other disciples would have seen Judas as the betrayer. They would have seen this as truth. But why can't it be possible that Judas' account happened? If it was done in secret - which it would have had to be for it to work - the other disciples wouldn't have known. Therefore, all accounts would be truth.

How can conflicting details both be truth? Because truth is subjective.It is in the eye of the beholder. This is the same with good and evil. In some cultures, cheating on your spouse isn't "bad". Killing someone isn't "bad." Granted, yes, these are sins in the eyes of God... but if you aren't Christian, you can only go by what your religion (or culture) tells you is good and bad, and these won't always agree with the rules of Christianity.

And it isn't only that. It can also simply be the difference in interpretation between an action someone does, and who they do that action against. Suppose you push someone off the boat in the middle of the sea and drive away. You might think you're doing it for this person's own good, to teach that person how to swim on her own. This person, on the other hand, hates you. It doesn't matter if she makes it or not. It doesn't matter if she learns to swim or not. Your perceived good act is an evil act in her eyes. Too dramatic? Ok, say you made a promise to always be there for someone, then walked away. You might see this as not a big deal... nothing bad. It's not your responsibility and you simply don't have time for this someone. It isn't so much that you think what you've done is good... you just don't see it as bad. Or, don't bother thinking about it at all. But have you ever considered looking at it from the other side? Everything has two sides. Always. There are always two truths. Two lies.

Light and dark. Light is truth and goodness. It's God. It's heaven. It's life and salvation. And it couldn't exist with dark - without evil. Without death and the thought of eternal torment. And yet, we have both of these living within our world, and ourselves. Not one of us exists without both this light and this darkness. Now, it is simply a matter of which you are seeking. Which do you actively pursue?

Getting to Know God

John 17:3 - And this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. 

 The concept of knowing God... of understanding him, and becoming closer to him... has been on my mind a great deal as of late. I do want to know him better. I want a closer relationship with him. But how?

In my past, I had my ways of getting closer to God... the main one was prayer. I would talk to God while out walking, while laying in bed, while showering or doing dishes or any other normal daily task. 

Eventually, I added individual study. This means I would read articles regarding religion. I would read the articles which questioned the validity of the Bible, and the articles which supported this validity. I wasn't afraid to question things, and to try to find answers on both sides of the question. 

Recently, church has been added. I used to attend church relatively regularly - when I was a child and teen. But this wasn't from choice. This was from the threat of abuse if I didn't not only attend, but be able to answer questions regarding the service and answer each question correctly. Once I left home, I had decided organized religion was a sham, and not necessary. Now, as I grow older and hopefully a bit more mature, I have come to realize that I do need church. 

But, this still wasn't enough. 

I have started helping with our town's youth group. I will soon (next Sunday) start helping with Sunday school (something I also used to do as a teenager). I help neighbors, friends, relatives, others whenever I can. I try to do what is good and right by God. But there is still a feeling within me that there is something more I need to be doing. There is some other purpose for me. God is leading me somewhere, but I have no clue where. 

I did try going to Bible Study. On the one hand, I do feel I need to be at a Bible Study. But, I need one which is conducive to my learning and understanding and goal of knowing God. This is nothing against the women of the existing Bible Study. They are great women. But, I need a group which allows and encourages participation, one in which those attending aren't afraid to say "I don't agree with that." I need one which is willing to question, and help find the answers to those questions. I know there must be others who also want a Bible Study group which allows for discussions. I just have to find them. I even have a teenager who wants to babysit children while the mothers meet. 

Thankfully, I do have a friend/pastor who is willing to answer some of my questions, or at least point me in the right direction to find these answers on my own. Hopefully this can continue, as I feel his guidance is helping lead me somewhere I need to be... I just wish I knew where that somewhere is. I know I need to have faith that God is leading me in the right direction. I can only pray that God gives me the courage to let myself be led, and the strength to face what he has in store for me. 

I want to be able to share my story, hopefully reaching out to those still in the dark. I want to share the light that was recently given to me. I want those who are lost to know there is a way out. But I don't know how to do this. I don't know where to start. Maybe if I can get closer to God, continue learning and understanding and knowing him, I can find an answer... I can find a way. 

I don't know why this is suddenly of such great importance to me. I just know it is. I know there is a purpose. There are some people who simply know when they are being called on by God. They know what they are supposed to be doing. I don't know. Is this even God calling on me, or am I simply hearing random voices again? Ah, so many questions. Please Lord, help me find the answers...

Darkness

 

Darkness - it's a place she lived in for quite some time. A place she still lives. Or perhaps it isn't a place, but rather a state of being. People have told her repeatedly that the light is there. But she can't find it. Every time she thinks she might see it, it disappears.  According to John 1:5, the darkness has not overcome the light. But is this truly the case? Can it be that there are those in which the light has been extinguished? 

No matter what the light signifies - God, love, hope, all the above - there are times when it seems this light has been lost, consumed by the darkness. I'd like to write a sermon about how this light isn't truly gone... that we just need to turn to God and we can find the light again. But what if I'm wrong? I cannot in good consciousness lead anyone to a lie. 

For this girl, the light has left. There isn't so much as a flicker left. It's just darkness. And with that darkness comes emptiness. That's how she feel - like an empty shell. Where is God? She's fallen into this pit before, but could always look up, and if she tried hard enough, she could see hope. She could see love. And she could feel God's light. But not this time. Perhaps all those past times were mirages - there truly wasn't a light, and she has never left the darkness. She has never seen any light. Or perhaps God or Satan gets some perverse pleasure from continuously switching off the light. Perhaps this entity should shut off the light permanently. It appears the light of hope and love and God has already gone out. Perhaps it is time for the light of life to also fade. 

Is there any hope for this girl? Is there any way to find the light again, or is it truly gone? Is it true that darkness does not overcome light? Is there anyone who can return the light to her?