If Satan is Responsible, Why Take it Out on God

The question was posed the other day: "Why do people get mad at God? Wouldn't it make more sense to get mad at Satan, as he's responsible for all the bad stuff that happens?"

Well first, I have to admit I do not fully agree with the theology that Satan is responsible for all the bad stuff - but, this is a topic for another day. For the purposes of this post, we'll assume that yes, Satan is responsible.

So, if Satan is responsible, why do we take it out on God? Why do we get angry with God?

The answer is actually quite simple...

Expectations of God; Expectations of Satan

We expect Satan to cause problems. We expect him to send us temptations. We expect him to cause loved ones to get sick and die (again, remember, for the purposes of this post, we're blaming Satan for everything).

But God? Our loving Father? Our protector and comforter? The Great Physician? The Author of Peace? We expect God to protect us and our loved ones.

I've known children who were molested or raped by a family member, or close friend of their parents' - and often they blame their parents (or, the non-offending parent). The parent was supposed to protect the child. Even myself, when my dad first got married and my step-mom started abusing me - I blamed my dad. He was supposed to protect me.

Misplaced Anger

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that getting angry with God is necessarily a good thing. Nor am I saying that this anger isn't misplaced. I'm only saying that it is understandable. The One who is supposed to love us and protect us has failed to meet that expectation. Regardless of the reason (He has a plan; He's trying to help us grow from our suffering; etc), He still failed us. Who wouldn't be mad at that?

But, while this anger is understandable, we do still need to stop and recognize that perhaps God isn't the one we should be angry with. Perhaps it's just something we need to accept is no one's fault (i.e. someone dying from illness). Perhaps it's an abuser. Perhaps it's Satan. Perhaps it's our own selves.

No matter who it is, we need to forgive, and give that anger to God in a healthy way.


God bless!

Current Issues with Past Belief in the Wrong God

http://amorous-inc.deviantart.com/art/Vengeful-God-317479299

I grew up believing in god. This god was one of vengeance. If I didn't believe in him, I was going to hell. If I didn't follow the 10 Commandments, I was going to hell. If I didn't believe or follow these Commandments, I would live in hell here and now. He would punish me. I suffered abuse because I was not worthy of anything better. I was raped as a consequence of my sins. I lost friends because of my inability to prove I was truly sorry for my sins. Disasters happened as a way of punishing me and others who were sinners. I was taught to pray for forgiveness, and for the repentance and subsequent healing of others, but never to pray for myself - for my own health or well-being. To pray in this way was sinful. And this god did not answer such sinful prayers, nor would he ever even bother to answer my prayers, because I was such a horrible child.

The concept of a God who loved me and held me close, despite my sins? A God who listened to the prayers of a sinful child? A God who did not cause disaster and illness and abuse, but rather comforted those who were affected by these things? This was all foreign. This was, as I was told quite often, a false God. God was vengeful and to be feared. He was not this false God of love and comfort and hope.

Current Issues with Past Belief in the Wrong God

I have learned a great deal in the past few years - the biggest lesson being that I was believing in and worshiping the wrong god. And, this has caused many questions and issues and fighting against and disbelief and confusion...

If you're taught for 30+ years that your depression is your own fault as a punishment of your sins; or that your family is going through health issues because you're a sinner; or that natural disaster has affected you or those you love because you're not worthy of God's protection - you're going to believe it. And changing that thought process is going to cause upheaval in your own mind and heart. If you're taught for 30+ years that you're unworthy of God's love, and unworthy of anyone else' love, and will never be loved, you're going to believe it. Changing that thought process is a painstaking task of rewiring the brain.

Obstacles Caused, Questions Raised, and Can We Truly Move on from the Brainwashing? 

But, even if you can move beyond that, there are many other obstacles - particularly when it comes to Christianity.

I hear all the time, "just give your troubles to God"... "trust in God"... "pick up your cross and follow Him"... "Run to God, not from Him"... and the list goes on.

But what does any of this mean? How do you simply "give your troubles to God"? Especially when part of you still believes He gave those problems to you? How do you simply "trust in God"? How do you run to Him when you're nothing but a lowly sinner? How do you pray for your own well-being when you know you do not deserve anything?

I have, at times, asked these questions to others. The response is generally one of confusion. "You just do." But I would truly love to understand what it means... what it looks like... how you do it.

People will teach you about this loving God, but they do not teach you how to overcome that brainwashing or how you lay it all at God's feet. They don't answer the question, "but isn't that selfish/sinful?"

Or maybe there are no answers, and I was believing in the right god all along.
Ah yes, confusion clutters the mind today.

Where was God?

The memories - for the most part - are like little snippets of another life. They flash here and there, never a full story...

Being thrown against a wall
Being pulled down the stairs by my hair, struggling to stay on my feet
Hands on either side of my face, slamming the back of my head repeatedly into a wall
Being pulled out of bed by my hair
Backhanded across the face
Punched in the face, the stomach, the chest
Thrown to the ground, kicks coming from every direction, to my stomach, arms, legs, face, back
My face being shoved into my own vomit before being forced to clean it up
Thrown out the door in the middle of a blizzard, wearing only jeans and a t-shirt, the door locked behind me
The "peacemaker" paddle causing welts and bruises and torn flesh

God is Always With Us - a Constant Comfort...

I grew up going to Church somewhat regularly. And I remember always being taught as a child that God is always with us. God will comfort us. God loves us.

Of course, my parents also told me they love me. They would always be there for me.

In the mind of a child, this was a quite easy equation. Parents = evil. Parents' words = God's Words. Therefore, God = evil.

Where Was God?

If God is always with us, where was He during the events noted above? Where is He while millions of children are abused and broken by those who are supposed to care for them? Either...

God is indeed just evil
God is testing us
God is indifferent to our suffering
God is punishing us
God is concerned with preparing our Eternal Home, and until then is simply letting our lives play out

As I've gotten older, and struggled with the why's and where's of God, I've come to realize God is good. So, the last option is the only one that really work.
But, it's more than God just letting our lives play out...

Where Should God Have Been? 

God should have been in the heart of the pastor I turned to for help as a child - the one whom, instead of helping get us out of the home, told us to respect our parents.

God should have been in the hearts of the neighbors who heard the screams of a child. He should have been in the hearts of the teachers who saw the bruises, and "child protective services" who simply sent a therapist into the home.

God should have been in the hearts of the counselors who were faced with a sobbing, unloved child; and with the friends who were turned to in the middle of the night.

God Should Be in All of Us!

This doesn't just apply to abused children - it applies to everything and everyone. When someone is crying, we should be God's shoulder. When someone is in need of God's embrace, we should be His arms.

It's easy to turn someone away - we're too busy, too tired, too something. But that is not what God wants from us.

We're here to be like Christ. 
We're here to be the comfort and strength someone hurting needs.
We're here to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, love the unloved, and build up the torn down.
We are here for God's presence and comfort to be visible to all.

Behind the Scenes of The Condemned House

I just posted the 6th installment of The Condemned House (which, is actually only a 5th installment as the 1st post was more just a preface to the series) and realized that I need to write another post. This one really isn't part of the series - more just a bit of behind the scenes rambling I feel compelled to put out there. It's a personal rambling, rather than holding any educational value whatsoever.

Of course, there are some who don't find any of what I write to be educational whatsoever. It's all just emotional babble from an emotional girl. There's no substance or meaning to it. There's no scholarly value to it. Perhaps he's right.

But, I'm slipping off the path here. Allow me to meander back onto it...

In the beginning...

As I stated in the first post on The Condemned Heart, the series started because of a Bible study, in which the question was posed "what do you think of when you think of a house with a condemned sign?" and then related this to our hearts.

This study has stuck with me. It's nailed itself to my heart and mind. It made me stop in my tracks. It made me cry. It made me take a very hard look at myself.

I'm broken. 

Yes, I've always known this. I've said it time and again. But I don't think I have ever given it more than just a quick glance and a "yup, I'm broken."

Each post I've written in this series has brought a lot to the surface. I have perhaps only written 1% of what I've been thinking. All the ways I've been abused, and used, and hurt, and broken - all swam to the surface. All the ways in which I've used these as excuses to keep people away, to hurt others, to hide - all swam to the surface.

• Trust
• Fear
• Christian Lies
• Love
• Relationships

These are the subjects I've written on so far. These are topics which, in my opinion, are vital to building healthy hearts and a healthy relationship with Christ. There are more topics as well... perhaps many more. But for now... these 5...

Fear and Christian lies are two things which damage our hearts and relationship with God. Fear keeps the Holy Spirit away; and the lies we are taught about God keep us from wanting to grow closer to Him. I've known this for years... but it never truly hit me how true this is until I started this series. Each day I find more ways in which these two topics pull me from God.

Trust, love and relationships - these all tie together. But are three things I have had the most difficulty with, and still do. Growing up, I learned quickly "Never trust, never cry, never love." (Note: Crying/vulnerability will most likely be another topic). And again, I have known these "rules" can be harmful to my relationship with God. But again, I did not realize the extent until I started writing.

Still slip into learned behavior

Even now, even in the midst of writing this series and examining my heart, I find myself slipping into behaviors which will keep that condemned sign nailed to my heart. I find myself reacting to my own personal expectations of people, distrusting them. Questioning that distrust. Questioning the perceived betrayal.

Reread the second paragraph of this post. This is a good example. Is it me trying to keep someone at arms length? Is it me honestly being hurt by this person? Is this one of those relationships I should toss to the side? I know I do not draw this person closer to God... does he pull me from God? Or is this just a lack of trust on my part, and fear creeping in and taking over?

Rebuilding a Condemned House is a continuous project

While I didn't outright say it, it was in the back of my mind when I started writing this series: this will help me fix my brokenness, and then all will be good.

Ha!

I'm quickly realizing just how wrong I was in thinking that. Yes... writing this will help. God is working with me as these words hit the computer screen. He is working with me even when I am not writing. He is trying to heal me and my brokenness... just as He has been trying to do all along. And, sometimes I work with him. More often than not, however, I find myself working against Him. He says "trust me"... I hesitantly say "ok..." He says "trust this person"... I quickly say "heck no!".  He tells me to love my neighbor... I agree. He tells me to forgive and actually care for those who hurt me... I tell Him to bite me.

Oh yes, I do fear it will take quite some time to fix my brokenness. Quite honestly, I don't think it will ever be fixed in this lifetime. It will be a continuous project. I am just so thankful that we have a God willing to take that time... a God who is ever patient with us when we fight against His will.

For all the rest of you in the process of working on your condemned houses with God - always remember, He is still there and He will always be there. God bless!

The Condemned House series

Did you miss the other posts in this series? Catch up on them now!

The Condemned House

The Condemned House - A Crumbling Foundation of Trust

The Condemned House - Walls Built from Fear

The Condemned House - Built with Lies
The Condemned House - Supported by Love 
The Condemned House - Salvageable Relationships

The Three (+100) Voices We Hear

This is so stupid. Why are we bothering with this?
Because it's important?
Why? Who really gives a shit?
Just shut up and...
I want a drink
Of course you do. You're a drunk
uh hello nimrod, you're me
Will you please just...
yeah yeah, shut up
Exactly
(silence)
...Oh c'mon, you know I wasn't serious
Maybe we should email him again.
No, maybe we should leave him alone
Why
Why not?
Stop guys! We need to figure this out!
Blah blah, emotionally detached
Blah blah, hyper-sensitive
emotionally immature
We don't care
I care
Stop trying to be an individual.
Stop telling me what to do
Think he actually cares?
...please tell me you're kidding??
Why?
Why not?
Knock it off! You guys are impossible
...improba...
Now's not the time 

-------------------

I Hear Voices:

This was an actual conversation that went on in my head just a few moments ago. It actually involved a few more voices, but it's hard to recall what all is said and in what order when they're all talking over each other. But regardless of how many are speaking, it's a common occurrence. In fact, it's pretty much 24/7.Yes, they may quiet down from time to time, but for the most part, it's so loud up there, I can't hear myself think.

While this may all be entertaining from time to time, there is one very annoying downfall - it's really difficult to hear God talking.

I read once that we all hear three voices whispering (and sometimes screaming) at us: God's voice, satan's voice, and our own. With the exception of the 100 voices whispering in my head, I can agree with this. But how do we know which voice is speaking?

God's Voice: 

In my experience, as humans, we always want to assume the other two voices are God's. I mean, wouldn't it be nice to think the voice telling us we're justified in smacking a moron upside the head is something God is telling us?

The easiest way to know if it's His voice - does what is being said match up with Scripture? From studying the Gospel, we know God wouldn't give us permission to smack people around. There's that whole "turn the other cheek" thing. So, voice doesn't match Scripture, therefore safe bet the voice doesn't belong to God. The more we delve into God's Word - reading it and studying it - the easier it is for us to ascertain if it's God's voice we hear.

Satan's Voice:

This one is the one we often like to believe just might be God. But, Satan's voice is pretty easy to differentiate. It's the opposite of God's. It doesn't line up with Scripture. It sounds nice...tempting... and we need to learn to ignore that voice.

My Voice: 

I, me, my, mine, myself...

Notice a common theme, there? Yup, yup... that voice is the selfish one. It's the fleshy, lusty, covetous voice. It's the one that wants what I want (whether or not it's mine to have), and is only looking out for me. It's self-gratifying, and not really caring who gets knocked over in the process.

And, quite often, this voice must be ignored.

How to know which is speaking... 

As I pointed out earlier, our best test as to which voice is speaking is to compare what is being said to what is found in Scripture. If it goes against God, it's not Him.

Pray, pray and pray some more! The more we engage in conversations with God, the easier it is to distinguish His voice.

Ask yourself:
Am I being told to do something that will hurt others?
Am I doing something that hurts myself or my relationship with God? 
Does it glorify God?
Does it go against Scripture?

Hold onto those things which glorify God and bring you closer to Him.
Ignore those things which harm you, others, or your relationship with God.

And those other 100 voices that just won't shut up? Well, if anyone has any ideas, I'm quite willing to listen...

God bless!

Why Can't Science and Christianity Both Be Right?

I love science. I truly do. It explains a lot of things that myths and stories were once used to explain. And due to science, we have the capability to treat health problems, predict when a storm is coming so we can be better prepared, and c'mon, face it... without science, I wouldn't be able to spend way too much of my time on a computer, communicating with people I would otherwise have never met.

I also believe in God. I do believe God created everything. I have faith in this higher being, the Father of all. I believe He sent His Son to Earth, who was crucified, and rose again. And I believe the Holy Spirit dwells within me, guiding me.

The Bible:

I also believe in the Bible. However, I do not believe that God is the author of the text. For that to be true, all books would read in the same style/tone/language. All the authors had a different style and approach. Paul wrote longer sentences; Mark's were shorter; and John's view of the life of Christ was from a different point of view than Luke. David wrote poetic cries of hardship in his Psalms. Other writers wrote praises. Still others wrote historical books, some were scholarly, some were letters to Church leaders, written from a personal and passionate standpoint. We see these differences daily in our lives as Christian bloggers. Every author, has his/her own style and tone, and their own set of circumstances. 

If God was the author, these differences wouldn't appear. Instead, I believe God put the precise thought into the mind of the writer (i.e. He inspired the writer)... but then that person was the author, and wrote that thought in his own words and style, with his own personality showing through, and the context of his own culture and understanding showing through. 

So, when the creation was being written about in the Bible, Moses was going off God's inspiration of what to write, but also his own limited understanding. God created the world in 6 days. Were these 24 hour periods of time? Granted, God could do it all in 6 24-hour periods. But, He could also have done it in 1. And, in looking at what we believe scientifically, the time from Big Bang to man took more than 6 literal days. Perhaps it was 6 "periods of time". To be truthful, we don't know. But does it truly matter?

Christianity vs. Science:

So now, consider the ever-constant debate about whether science is right, or whether Christianity is right. I just don't understand why they can't both be right. Yes, science says the universe started with a Big Bang. Who created that? All those empires and cities listed in the Bible? Science (archaeology) has proven many of them exist. The Great Flood? Science has made strives through underwater archaeology in determining that it did happen. In fact, this isn't a story reserved for Christianity. Many of the old mythologies have accounts of a flood... perhaps the same one (which, I actually believe.. but I also believe that many religions/mythologies are all the same. But, that's a story for another time and place). The crucifixion of Christ? Even most scientific scholars agree this happened. 

If you take the Bible as a completely literal account of everything that happened, then I can see where people may not believe in it. It tends to leave more questions than answers in regards to events that occurred. Science is much better prepared to answer such questions. However, there are some things even science cannot explain. Miracles do happen. Someone who's determined dead suddenly having their heart start again; a storm that destroys everything in its path except for one child; a permanently blind person suddenly able to see again for no medical reason whatsoever. Things happen that even the most educated and experienced scientist will admit he cannot answer. 

There is a place for both Christianity and science to live. As Christians, we cannot turn a blind eye to what science has proven. But, in the same respect, those who believe solely in science must be willing to recognize that there are Biblical events and places which science has proven existed, and that there are some things even science cannot explain. What one may call luck, or a coincidence, Christians consider to be God's work. 

So, quit fighting but keep discussing openly and be understanding that we can coexist quite happily, learning from each other and growing together. 

It's All About God...or me?.... Or maybe the Spirit...

"...You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives..." (James 4:2-3)

It always amazes me how God shows Himself to us - and when. Perhaps it's happened to you before... you're just going through your life, and wander into a dense fog. Stumble over a rock in the road. Take a wrong turn. Whatever the case may be. And then there is someone suddenly there... maybe someone new, maybe someone you know quite well... someone who suddenly clears the fog, the rocks, and puts you back on the right road. When there is that sudden clarity - you can pretty much guarantee it's God working.

How it all began...

When I first started Sermons from a Psycho, it was just a challenge. A dare almost. I already had two (maybe more?) other blogs going, and Christianity really wasn't my "thing" (I was a Christian... I just didn't talk about it all that much). But a good friend, a long car ride, and someone's propensity for procrastination on his sermons, led this friend to basically challenge me to write a sermon. So, Sermons from a Psycho began.

It's early months didn't get much attention. But, I didn't share it all that much. I wasn't much for screaming from the rooftops that God is great! And Hey! Look at me! I'm a Christian! I just wrote what came to mind. Sometimes I forced things in an attempt to get out that one great article. Sometimes (most times) I just wrote for the sake of writing. And I really didn't care that the site received few visitors.

Growth Spurt! 

I don't know when it happened. I just remember suddenly feeling... different. I started writing more. I started sharing my posts. I started attending Church and Bible study. I wanted more of God. I couldn't get enough, and yet felt so complete, at the same time.

It was around this time when I noticed my views growing substantially on my psychosermons blog. People were reading my stuff. I was touching people. It was a wonderful feeling. Why do I need those other blogs? This one is all I need! (Please note... I said this one, meaning this blog.... not this God....), so, I deleted my other blogs.

"What goes up, must come down...."

 I shut down my other blogs at the beginning of this year - right in the middle of a huge growth on my sermons site. The other blogs received only a handful of visitors a week, weren't glorifying God, weren't helping me, and didn't have any links to the sermon site. And I mean, I wasn't touching anyone with them. No one cared about me because of them. So it shouldn't have mattered that they no longer existed.

So why were my numbers dwindling???

Somehow, in giving up blogs that were just as "me" as this one, I was losing visitors. I was losing views. It didn't make sense. Why would God do this to me? Why would He give me this ability to reach out to people, and then take it away from me me?

(anyone notice how many times I used the word "me" in that last paragraph?)

"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives..." (James 4:3)

God Smacked Me Upside the Head...

Oh, How I Love God! He always knows when to talk to me... and when to smack me upside the head and make me listen. A few things happened, all within a few days of each other. A viewer to my website who normally doesn't check it out. A Bible study heavily based on the Holy Spirit. And a few late night conversations with a friend.

And it dawned on me... I was seriously lacking in Spirit. And it was showing in my writing, and in my attitude, and subsequently (and also unimportantly) in the number of visits my web was generating. I was pretending to be someone I wasn't. I was doing things for all the wrong reasons. I stopped writing for God and myself, and started writing to be noticed. I stopped writing to hopefully help someone else who's been abused, and started writing to get more stats. I stopped being God's tool and started making it about me.

I'm BACK!

I have reopened my other blogs. There was a purpose for those before... and that purpose still exists, and is necessary. And, I have spent the last couple days getting my head back together.

I know I haven't been doing very well on my Lenten goal of a post a week, but I guess this week, God had other plans for me... He needed me to recognize I was growing stagnant in the Holy Spirit. And now.... tonight... I want to scream from the rooftop how great our Lord is. But, the best I can do is scream it from this blog...

God is Great! God is with us, and does listen to us. He just wants us to ask for things for the right reasons. But oh how He is with us... His Spirit is within each of us, living within us. Glory to God for this!

May all of you stay strong in the Spirit this weekend and longer. God bless!

Separating God from the Man

I originally planned on writing this as an email, but considering the multitude of overbearing, annoying emails I have sent, I felt that this would just get scrapped amongst the rest of the rambling. And I don’t want it scrapped. And, I want it read by others… not for sympathy (or smacks upside the head), but because I think it’s important that we be cautious in how we see those special mentors of ours…

Every day I struggle. Every day there is some concern or worry or fear that eats away at me. For a short time, I found relief from that…. and, periodically since that short time.  One person – the one whom would have received this email – has been here for me through some very tough times. I have often credited him on essentially saving me a year or two ago. And since then. I write about him fairly often in blog posts just because of what a huge impact he had on me and especially on my reunion with Christ.

Tonight, I posted a blog post about being at the end of one’s rope. At the end of that post, I wrote, “Yes, the times I let go, I had friends and mentors who caught me. These people were God's hands at work.” I reread that line several times. I delete it and tried to rewrite it. I mulled it over in my brain. I tried to mold it into meaning something different. I even removed the line all together. Something about it just really bothered me.

The motto of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) is “God’s Work, Our Hands.” That’s been what the letter board outside my church has said for quite some time. I’ve even incorporated this phrase into some of my posts. God truly does use us to do His work. I know this. I recognize this. I have admitted to this on many occasions.

But, what happens when we forget that it’s God’s work? What happens when we start to think of the hands as not of God? We only see the hands of the man without recognizing the impact God had on those hands. We start to expect those hands to continue working for us and with us even though God already has other plans.  We take God out of the equation but still expect the work of God.

And, by removing God from the equation, we end up resenting both God and the human hands that had been used. We end up with a lot of anger, and pain, and craziness, and feelings of betrayal. We end up sitting in a dark room, alone, rereading one hastily typed line of truth, and trying to twist it so we don’t have to face the truth.

Cramming the Bible Down One's Throat Doesn't Work!

Many people seem to think that by teaching/showing love and acceptance, we're telling people that it's ok for them to continue in their sin. They believe it is our right to tell them ("in love") that they're sinners. They believe it is in our right to ("in love") cram the Bible down the throats of these people.

This isn't love, in my opinion. I'm not saying it's wrong to teach truth or the Bible. I'm simply saying that there is much more to "winning souls" than preaching. In fact, love can do it all. I truly believe this is why Jesus tells us to love God, and love others (including enemies).

Cramming the Bible Down One's Throat Does Not Work

I grew up being taught that if we don't follow the Bible, and all the laws, we're going to hell. If we continue sinning, we're going to hell. If we don't repent with every sin we do happen to commit, we're going to hell. I grew up having the Bible/religion crammed down my throat. It didn't change me for the better.

Even up until a few years ago, I had people criticizing me for my lack of religion, saying my family was horrible because we didn't go to Church. Saying that we were going to go to hell if we didn't wise up. And, the more they criticized, the more I fell away from God. The more they tried to cram the Bible down my throat, the more distaste I had for it.

But one word changed that. Only one (although granted, this one word came from God and was of God and was God). But, the word itself wasn't God. It wasn't Bible. It wasn't Scripture. It wasn't Church. It wasn't Law. It wasn't Jesus.

It was Love.

A couple years ago, I cringed when I found out a pastor was going on a Youth Group retreat with us. I was along as a chaperone... and wanted to back out when I found out he would be there. I didn't have much trust in pastors at the time, or in religion in general. The only reason I agreed to go was that my kids enjoyed the Youth Group, and the one was too young to go without a parent. But oh did I just have a bad taste in my mouth and mind at the thought of spending three days with a pastor.

This man was not the pastor of my church, but did know about me and my family. He knew through gossip some of my faults (non-Church goer being only one of them). But on this trip, he never once tried to cram the Bible or religion down my throat. Not even close. He simply carried on a conversation with me, and joked with me, and listened to me. For a couple days, which included 3 hours trapped in a vehicle with him, we simply got to know one another, not as Christians, but as humans.

After this trip, we continued our friendship, and he continued to be there for me. And through it all, he offered me something simple, but rare - love and acceptance. There was never any judgement. There was never any form of negative reaction. No matter what I said or did, he offered me love and acceptance. He never said "quit sinning." He never said "that's against God and the Bible." He never pointed out Scripture passages to tell me I was doing something wrong. He offered me love and acceptance.

Within six months of this trip, we were planning a "new member" service at his church to welcome me and my family to their congregation. Within six months of my seeing that love and acceptance truly exist, I was changing many of my old habits, and was a regular at church services. Within 6 months of this trip, I started my Sermons from a Psycho blog to tell my story and relationship with God, and give me a place to continue learning and developing this relationship.

Within a year, I was attending Bible Study quite regularly, helping out at the church, teaching Sunday School, reading Scripture in and out of Church, and so much more. Within a year, I was understanding the concept of Christian fellowship and developed a love for prayer and helping others. Within a year, I found myself not wanting to sin, but rather wanting to walk on the path to God; and found myself confessing and repenting willingly when I did screw up - not out of fear of hell or because I felt I had to... because I wanted to. And none of this happened because I was told I had to. None of it happened because Scripture was shoved down my throat.

It happened because one man showed me true Christian love and acceptance.

This pastor and I are now really good friends, even though he's no longer the pastor of my Church. And he will now quote scripture to me, or give me a verbal smack upside the head when I'm being stupid. But I still recognize the love and acceptance the most - even when he tells me I have done something wrong, it's said with respect and love and acceptance; and never with anger or criticism.

He is the reason I continue to strive for a closer relationship with God. He is the reason I want to shout from the rooftops about God's love and God's message to all. He is the one I want to emulate. He is the reason this blog exists and the reason I go to Church.

And it's all because he gave me something rare and beautiful - Love.

Why I Don't Listen to the Bible or Church

First, allow me to state that the irony (and/or sheer stupidity) of some of what I'm about to write does not escape me. I quite literally chuckled out loud as I was playing this post through in my mind and seeking Scripture references. You'll see what I mean (maybe) in a few moments (should you continue reading, of course)...

I Don't Listen to the Bible

Oh dear. Did I really just say that?

Allow me to explain...

I do not know Jesus loves me because the Bible tells me so. While a pretty song, I disagree with those first two lines.

I do not love God because the Bible tells me to do so.

I do not avoid killing people, nor do I attempt to not hate people, because it's in the Bible (sorry for the double/triple negative there).

I do not believe in God because the Bible says to. I do not follow Christ because it says to. I do not pray because I'm told to. I do not try to listen for God's voice because it tells me I should.

I do not believe I am saved because it is written in the Bible.

I Don't Listen to the Church or those Teaching

All of what I wrote above... goes the same if I'm hearing it from my pastor, or from others within the Church, or because that is what the Church believes.

I Listen to God

Don't get me wrong - it is good to read the Bible. I think it is essential to our Spiritual growth. I also think it is good to listen to our teachers/preachers/pastors/priests. I believe they are also essential to our Spiritual growth. I also think it is essential to listen to different points of view on different subjects regarding Christianity, and even other religions. This doesn't mean we have to follow/believe these points of view - we just need to be open to listen.

And then, most importantly, we need to be open to listen to God. I do not believe Jesus/God loves me because it's in the Bible, or because a Sunday School teacher told me so, or even because a pastor who is my mentor has told me this. I believe it because God has put that faith within me.

I try to avoid sin (usually), not because it is written in the Bible, or because a man called by God says to avoid it, but because it is a desire God has put within my heart.

I try to follow in Christ's footsteps because that is the path God has programmed into my internal GPS navigation system.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1:1) - The Word of God came before the Bible. And after the Bible. And today. 

"You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life." (John 5:39-40) - We must turn to God. Not the Bible... God.

"I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth." (1 Corinthians 3:6) - pretty self explanatory, in my mind. Yes, the Bible and teachers and the Church help. They are essential. They are builders. But they are not the foundation.

As I said before, yes, the Bible and Church are important. But God must be the foundation, otherwise you can read the Bible a hundred times over and not be a true believer or follower. You can go to every Church service and not be a true believer or follower. God's Voice is the one we must listen to - the voice that echoes through our very soul, mind and heart.


(Oh... and in case you didn't recognize the irony... I'm using Bible verses to explain why I don't listen to the Bible.... Clever me.... )

You Must Unlearn What You Have Learned

I love some of the lessons provided in Star Wars (episodes IV, V, and VI). Yoda has a few very good, very true quotes... "You must unlearn what you have learned" is one of my favorites.

And, this is perhaps one of the most difficult things for us as humans to do.

For example - a child who is beat everyday (particularly if that abuse is associated with love) has a higher chance of becoming abusive, or of getting involved in an abusive relationship when older. This child has learned that to show love, you abuse the person. Or, to be loved, you get abused. If someone tries to come in and change this... it isn't very easy. This way of thinking becomes so second nature, it's like it's hardwired into the brain.

If you grow up in a home, being told there is no God - someone who tries to introduce you to Christ is going to have a much more difficult time doing so. If you grow up being taught Hitler's way of ruling was correct and was the only way, you're going to have a hard time accepting anything else.

We must first unlearn what we have learned. We must "rewire" our brains, so to speak. We have to first let go of the old way of thinking before we can come to a point of being willing to accept the new way.

There is a possibility this necessity is something Christians are facing now... 

More and more religious leaders are changing the way they are thinking. Homosexuality is being determined to not be a sin. Scholars have read and reread the original languages of the Bible. They've looked into the context of these select verses where the Bible supposedly marks this act as wholly sinful. They've looked into the culture of the times. They've looked at the Bible in its entirety (did you know, there are only about 7 or 8 verses where homosexuality is mentioned - opposed to the hundreds of times love is mentioned?).

More and more religious leaders, including the Pope, are changing their stances to a focus of love. Some still believe homosexuality is wrong, but they do not believe any more emphasis should be placed on this than on any other sin. Instead, we all need to support and love one another. We all need to show the Gospel... we can't just preach it, we need to show it... we need to live our lives as Jesus would. Jesus would not have turned a homosexual away. And He would not have allowed us to injure one (physically or emotionally).

And boy oh boy do people take issue with this. They have grown up believing it is a sin and it is our right to condemn, criticize, and ostracize these people. All of these religious leaders are wrong! They are being swayed by the world... by Satan. They are weak.

But...

They're forgetting one little thing.

God Called Them!

Yes, God calls men and women to spread His message, to minister to others, to do His work. The men and women preaching to us have been called by God. I wholeheartedly believe this to be the case with my current pastor, and my previous one. I wholeheartedly believe this to be the case with many other pastors I've had the pleasure of getting to know. And at least 70% do not believe homosexuality is a sin, and another 20% believe it is (especially because it is often sex out of marriage), but do not place this sin any higher than sex before marriage.

So, while yes, God calls men/women, and mankind is sinful... I find it very difficult to believe that God keeps calling so many who would so easily and completely go against His Word (and calls more and more who think like this every day).

Therefore... I think we need to unlearn what we've been taught and be open to relearn the truth of God's message. We need to stop bickering about who is right and who is wrong, and allow the truth into our hearts. We need to stop telling God that He's putting the wrong people in the pulpit (I have a feeling God probably doesn't like being told that...).

We must unlearn what we have learned.

Encountering God

A wonderful blogger, author, pastor, and friend (+T E Hanna) recently did a series on his blog (http://ofdustandkings.com/) about encountering God. I was one of 5 authors requested to write for this series. And now that the last post has been published, I have got to say... Thank you! Thank you giving us the opportunity to write for the series, and especially thank you for posting the series.

I have always known that we all encounter God in different ways. I don't think any Christian would disagree with that. However, the vast differences in our stories... and the similarities... were simply amazing to read, and I am immensely grateful to have been a part of it.

These encounters have come to each of us through nature and through silence; through the love and help of others; through service to others and from within the innocent eyes of a child; through the serene offering of oneself in prayer; through the desperate plea for God's help. Some encounters were earth shattering. Others were more subtle. And yet each have very real, very wonderful, common elements.

I hope you will all take the time to read these articles regarding personal encounters with our Lord. Can anyone find the similar elements that are in each of these stories?

Lessons From A Cross-Cultural Christ by Chris Wilson

God Still Seeks Us Out by Shawn Mullins

The Power Of Silence: Encountering God In The Beauty Of The Quiet by John Wallace

Lifting The Cup: How God Responds To A Thirsty Heart by Melanie Baker

This Is The Power Of God’s Love In Human Hands… by me

Thank you again, and God bless!

Not Allowed

The first time I saw an image similar to the one above, it was being shared by nearly everyone on Facebook after yet another school shooting. And, I shared it as well. How dare we keep God out of our schools?

But now... the more I see this image, the more annoyed I get. 

When I was in school, we didn't have the school shootings and other violence we have now. Yes, there was a fight or two. There may have even been once incident that involved a knife. There was drugs and alcohol, and smoking - none allowed on school property, of course, but kids always find a way to sneak around the rules.

And when it came to God/Christianity in the school?

We said the Pledge of Allegiance.
We were allowed to pray on our own.
We were allowed to bring/read our Bibles.
We studied certain religious events/people during History class.
We read certain books which had religious events/people during Literature class.

Today, we are constantly hearing of another school shooting. There are guns and knives in the schools. There are drugs and alcohol and smoking. Kids are always finding a way to sneak around the rules.

And when it comes to God/Christianity in the school?

Our children do not say the Pledge of Allegiance.
They are allowed to pray on our own.
They are allowed to bring/read our Bibles.
They study certain religious events/people during History class.
They read certain books which have religious events/people during Literature class.

Our Kids Murder Because God Isn't Allowed In School

Seriously? We're going to blame the public school system for why are children are killing each other? We're going to blame the fact that our children are no longer allowed to say the Pledge of Allegiance? Have we all really fallen so far from God, and so far from the ability to take responsibility, that we're going to blame the schools for our lack of ability/desire to teach our own children?

The school is not and never has been responsible for teaching my children religion, faith, responsibility, values or morals.

That is MY responsibility. As a parent, it is my job to take my children to church. It is my responsibility to ensure they know that murder is wrong, and guns are dangerous. It is my responsibility to teach them right from wrong.

When I fail at this, is it my right to point a finger at everyone but myself?

Stop blaming the school. Or rather, stop blaming the fact that God isn't allowed in the school. God is allowed in the school... the school is only restricted from teaching or promoting God. They can't restrict what your child believes.

I'm Slipping...

Have you ever looked back and thought "Oh wow! I've come a long way..."

And then, you hit that sheet of ice and down you go?

I haven't written in a week (with the exception of a guest article, which was difficult for me to write). It's been a rough week - one thing after another. Emotional breakdowns. Temper tantrums. Health issues (food poisoning is so very not fun). Bad news on loved ones. Crises of faith.

But tonight I realized something. Perhaps it's the dehydration. Or the fact that I'm just too drained to think straight. But, I've realized that I keep missing that sign. I am so busy looking back and thinking "I've come a long way this year"... or "wow.. I'm still as sad and pathetic and lost as I was a year ago." And regardless of which way my thoughts take me, I miss that "Watch for ice" sign, and down I go. And this week, I've been doing a lot of looking back. And a lot of slipping on that ice.

But, I also realized something else tonight. God truly does have a way of smacking me upside the head when I miss His more subtle signs. I didn't just miss the sign and slip past it this time - I smacked right into it. (Thank you, Lord)

So, starting tonight, I will actually be spending more time listening to God. Why? Because I realize, I don't listen to Him. Not nearly as often as I should, anyway. I go to church. I teach Sunday School. I go to Bible Study. I've even added a 2nd Bible study to my agenda. I read my Bible (sometimes). I read devotionals (sometimes). I write blogs on Christian topics. I get into debates on topics of Christianity and religion and the Bible and God. I make more of an effort to pray with and for loved ones. But, the more I take on, and the more I talk to God - the less I listen to Him.

What does this mean in terms of my blog? I have no clue. I may write less so I can spend more time with God. I may end up writing more, if this is what God calls on me to do.

So why am I writing this? Because it's my blog and I feel like writing it. And, because I feel a need to express the importance - especially to myself - to truly listen to God. It doesn't matter how much talking and attending and reading we do if we don't open our hearts and minds to hear and understand God.

"Blessed are those who listen to me..." (Proverbs 8:34)

I Love You, But I Don't Like You Much

I remember early on in my relationship with my husband - I got upset with him. I can't remember why. I only remember saying something about not liking him, which scared him. He assumed I meant that I don't love him.

"No... I said I don't like you. I love you... but right now, I don't like you very much."

It was at this point that I had to explain to him that there are many different kinds of love, and in varying degrees. There are your selfish loves and your selfless ones. Passionate, physical ones, and loves that come from the soul. There are loves you feel towards family... towards friends... towards lovers... towards God. And you can feel multiple forms of love for one person.

Because of the different forms, and only having one word in the English language to encompass all of them,  miscommunication are commonplace. I will say I love someone else, and my husband will become jealous. Or, I will tell a friend I love him/her, and they will assume I mean something with sexual connotations. Or, they will assume I want something from them.

The Main Types of Love

Philia/Phileo: brotherly love - the love we have towards friends, companions. This love is found often in the Bible.

Storge: familial love - the natural love which exists between parents, children, siblings, etc. This love is not stated specifically in the Bible, but there are many examples of it existing.

Eros: erotic love - the sexual, physical love that exists between two people. While not stated in the Bible either, eros is the form of love written of in Song of Solomon.

Agape: unconditional love - the truest form of love. This love is often considered a divine love as it is God's love for us, and the love Christ wants us each to have with each other, is unconditional. This love is found in the Bible.

If You Love Me, You'll... 

All forms of love, with the exception of agape, generally have conditions applied. Because of our human nature, we often attach these conditions without even thinking about it.

If you love me, you'll stay. You'll be faithful. You'll share your time with me. You'll teach me. You'll hold me. You'll have sex with me. You'll cook for me. You'll give up your career for me. You'll give up your friends for me. You'll...

Well, you get the point. I've done it many times. I've had many people do it to me. But do you notice the common theme? You will do something for me. Love like this is the epitome of selfishness. But, we brush it off because we often reciprocate - we will be selfless to the person we love whom is acting selfishly. In other words - it's ok if I say "if you love me, you'll give up your friends for me" because last night, you said "if you love me, you'll have sex with me" and I obliged. We often unwittingly trade favors and expectations to justify our selfishness.

Because I Love You, I'll...

Because "God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son... " (John 3:16)

I have always disliked the phrase "If you love me, you'll..." even though I am just as guilty of it as anyone else. I may not say it, but the unspoken message is there. But this isn't how God wants us to love. He wants us to love as He does... "Because I love you, I'll..."

I'll be there for you. I'll hold you when you need comfort. I will wait for you. I will forgive you no matter what you do against me. I will not do anything to harm you. I will not take anything that is yours. I will show patience and understanding. I will not expect anything from you - including  not expecting you to do any of these things which I will do for you, and not expecting you to not do any of the things I will not do to you. I will accept you as you are.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Agape isn't easy. Some would say it's virtually impossible for us as humans to truly reach this form of love. And perhaps for us to love this way 100% of the time is impossible. We will always have human nature - human sin - human selfishness - pulling at us. But this is no excuse for us to not always aim for this kind of love with everyone.

Yes, with your spouse, there will be eros. But that doesn't mean there shouldn't also be agape. With friends, with enemies, with the beggar you met on the street corner - love them as God teaches us to love. With children, with teachers, with co-workers and bosses - love them as God teaches us to love. With God... love Him as He has taught us.

As soon as that "if he really loved me..." enters your mind, squash it. Pray on it. Pray for selflessness in your love. Pray for unconditional love.