To Do or Not To Do - helping those in need

 Matthew 25:35-40 (NRSV)

35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40 And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’

I admit - I'm selfish. I realize friends and neighbors have needs or are going through hardship, but c'mon. So am I. And my problems are worse than yours. Wow, how very unChristlike of me. Normal, and human, but not very Christian. Therefore...here is what I'm going to try harder to do and not do...

What not to do when someone is going through rough times: 

Criticize their decisions - we all deal with things in our own way. We all have our own priorities. If you choose to leave your children with a babysitter so you can be with your spouse in the hospital, that's what is best for your family.  If you choose to stay with your children while your spouse is alone in the hospital, that is what is best for your family. I will not criticize.

Add to their responsibilities - when someone is going through hard times, they're most likely overloaded with things they need to do. I will not ask you to babysit my children, or try to guilt trip you into letting my kids come over to your house. I will not add to your responsibilities.

Wait for you to call me - no one likes to ask for help. We're all good at saying "if you need anything, give me a call." But the truth is, very few people actually do this. I know I don't. I know the people who tell me this mean it... but I still don't pick up that phone.

What to do when someone is going through rough times: 

Offer to help - and by this, I don't mean I'm going to give the "if you need anything, call me" line (see above). Instead, I'm going to call you and say "hey, want me to take the kids for a few hours?" or "mind if I come over and mow your lawn?"

Make sure they're well fed - and by well fed, I personally mean make sure they have a supply of brownies (it's the only thing I can make). But seriously, a plate of food, a pan of bars, a cup of coffee - all of these can go a long way in helping someone out. Even just one meal is one less responsibility for a day that the person has to worry about.

Ask what's up - and yes, I said ask "What's up" and not "how are you doing?" Why? Because when someone is going through something (especially the death of a loved one, or a medical problem of their own or that of a loved one), "how are you" is one of those well intentioned horrible questions. Most people won't even answer it honestly. They feel obligated to say "I'm ok." Instead, I'll ask what's up, or what you've got going on.

Pray with them - I'm not going to say "you're in my prayers." Well, that's not true. I will say that. But, when I'm on the phone with you, or standing in your doorway with a warm pan of gooey brownies, I will also ask if I can say a prayer with you.

I may not always follow these... but I'm going to try... 

We can't be there all the time for everyone. I get that - and I hope others understand that as well. But I can try to be more aware. I can take more time to help the hungry, the thirsty, the naked. I can take the time to welcome the stranger, care for the sick, and visit with those who need a friend.

May we all find the time to be more Christlike to those in need.

God bless

Stop Pointing a Finger, Reach Out a Hand

Sometimes I read something that just gets my head spinning and my emotions churning and there are just too many things to say. Even more often, it comes from reading the comments on articles that really does this to me.

Demon-Possessed Child Locked Up

When I first read this article, I felt an immediate sting of anger. Ok, so it really wasn't even a sting. I saw red. I know what it's like to be put through this kind of torture (to a degree). I know what it's like to be humiliated and ashamed and made to feel like every thrash is my own fault. I know what this kid has to look forward to.

And then I started reading the comments.

Some were intelligent. Some pointed out that this is not a case of Christianity being bad and allowing this kind of activity. It's a case of two people (religion unknown) looking for a scapegoat for beating their child. Religion has little if anything to do with it. Some pointed out that these parents need serious help. Some pointed out that we should stop making this about religion and the parents and pray for this little boy.

And that's what it should be about. But in our desire to smack people down, so many of us ignore the true needs of others. We should be loving this child as if he were our own. We should be attempting to show some compassion and understanding that these parents definitely do need help. Yes, they should be punished for their actions, but they should also get the help they need to understand you do not treat another human (or any of God's creation) this way.

Instead, we make it about religion. We twist true Christianity and turn it into something evil. We claim God allows this kind of evil behavior. We excuse our actions or those of others by claiming He sanctions it through the Bible.

Or we make it about revenge. We talk about how these parents should experience the same torture. The truth is - they probably already did experience it... when they were children. Don't get me wrong - just because you were abused, does not give you the right to abuse someone else. But it sadly is so often the case. Why? Because it's easier to excuse our horrible actions than to seek out Godly actions. And sometimes it's because no one stood up to teach those Godly actions.

How Did it Get to This Point?

Did no one notice a 6 year old missing? Did no one notice the bruises and burns? Did no one hear the cries?

We turn a blind eye until we see the story in the paper. And then we blame it on religion, or the government, or our education system, or something else in society.

Stop blaming and start acting!

As Christians, we should always be mindful of those in need. We should always be showing compassion. We should always be treating other people as if they are family - because they are. We should be forgiving our enemies. And our friends. And strangers. We should be loving each and every one of these people.

Stop pointing a finger, and instead reach out a hand.

God bless

Baggy, collared, button-up shirts - The Fall of Man

 

She wore a dirty t-shirt and jeans, no shoes, no makeup, and she hadn't even bothered to drag a brush through her hair. She was a typical 12 year old tomboy. Two older boys grabbed her and drug her to her bedroom and tried to rape her. Her parents came home - and said it was her fault for being provocative. 

She wore a tank top with an over-sized white man's button-up shirt over it, and simple denim jeans that were a little baggy. She wore very little make-up, and her hair wasn't styled. Canvas slip-on shoes covered her feet. A boy she'd gone to prom with - one who was only a friend, but made no attempt to hide that he wanted to be more - led her down an abandoned hallway to talk. It was then and there that he tried to rape her. Her guidance counselor at school told her it was partially her fault because of how she was dressed, and because she'd gone to the dance with the young man. 

She wore a tube top with a button-up shirt over the top, and shorts that fell to a few inches above her knee; canvas shoes, no make-up, and her hair was a windblown mess. She was bike riding with friends, until all but one had to go home. It was then that the one who was still with her decided they needed a break from riding - and raped her. He told her she was asking for it because she'd dressed up for him. 

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Immodest dress to blame for lustful thoughts and actions?

At Bible Study last night, we were discussing women and their sexuality - and how some use that sexuality to get what they want. The conversation veered off to how we dress, and how men are visual creatures. If they see a young lady dressed in short shorts and skimpy tops, they are prone to lustful thoughts. And this is where I had to step in and speak up....

I am not at all against teaching girls to have a little modesty. And yes, the Bible says we must not cause a brother to stumble. However...

1) I will not teach my daughters that how they dress excuses a man's lustful behavior. I don't care if a woman is walking down main street completely naked - this does not give a man the right to rape her. I don't care if the man takes her out to dinner - this does not mean she "owes" him her body, or anything else. Men, and men alone, are responsible for their actions; just as we women are solely responsible for our actions.

2) C'mon! It's 90 degrees outside. If a guy can be outside in shorts and no shirt to keep cool, a girl can be outside in a tank top and shorts. If you, as a male, cannot keep your hands off her because she's showing a little skin, then maybe there's a problem with you. 

3)  Why are we teaching females how to avoid rape (which, by the way, telling them to dress more modestly is not going to prevent most rapes), but we aren't teaching our boys to not rape??? Almost everything I read tells girls how to avoid being a victim. Don't get me wrong - it's good for girls to be aware and educated in how to be safe. But there must be equal attention (or perhaps even more attention) given to boys on how to respect females. You do not get to touch, kiss, or have sex with us without permission. Groping us is not funny. Making jokes about us being "doable" is not cool. Acting like the big man on campus that can get any girl he wants, is not a turn on, and does not make you a man at all. And I don't care how that girl is dressed... her clothing choice is not an invitation for you to have sex with her.

Teach Responsibility! 

You, and you alone, are responsible for the lust in your heart and for your words and actions.

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. (Matthew 5:27-30)

Note... this passage doesn't say "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully - the woman has committed adultery." It doesn't say "If a woman causes you to stumble..."

Women - dress modestly out of respect for the Lord and your own body.
Men - grow up and stop blaming women for your inability to keep your lust in check.

Not Allowed

The first time I saw an image similar to the one above, it was being shared by nearly everyone on Facebook after yet another school shooting. And, I shared it as well. How dare we keep God out of our schools?

But now... the more I see this image, the more annoyed I get. 

When I was in school, we didn't have the school shootings and other violence we have now. Yes, there was a fight or two. There may have even been once incident that involved a knife. There was drugs and alcohol, and smoking - none allowed on school property, of course, but kids always find a way to sneak around the rules.

And when it came to God/Christianity in the school?

We said the Pledge of Allegiance.
We were allowed to pray on our own.
We were allowed to bring/read our Bibles.
We studied certain religious events/people during History class.
We read certain books which had religious events/people during Literature class.

Today, we are constantly hearing of another school shooting. There are guns and knives in the schools. There are drugs and alcohol and smoking. Kids are always finding a way to sneak around the rules.

And when it comes to God/Christianity in the school?

Our children do not say the Pledge of Allegiance.
They are allowed to pray on our own.
They are allowed to bring/read our Bibles.
They study certain religious events/people during History class.
They read certain books which have religious events/people during Literature class.

Our Kids Murder Because God Isn't Allowed In School

Seriously? We're going to blame the public school system for why are children are killing each other? We're going to blame the fact that our children are no longer allowed to say the Pledge of Allegiance? Have we all really fallen so far from God, and so far from the ability to take responsibility, that we're going to blame the schools for our lack of ability/desire to teach our own children?

The school is not and never has been responsible for teaching my children religion, faith, responsibility, values or morals.

That is MY responsibility. As a parent, it is my job to take my children to church. It is my responsibility to ensure they know that murder is wrong, and guns are dangerous. It is my responsibility to teach them right from wrong.

When I fail at this, is it my right to point a finger at everyone but myself?

Stop blaming the school. Or rather, stop blaming the fact that God isn't allowed in the school. God is allowed in the school... the school is only restricted from teaching or promoting God. They can't restrict what your child believes.