Baggy, collared, button-up shirts - The Fall of Man

 

She wore a dirty t-shirt and jeans, no shoes, no makeup, and she hadn't even bothered to drag a brush through her hair. She was a typical 12 year old tomboy. Two older boys grabbed her and drug her to her bedroom and tried to rape her. Her parents came home - and said it was her fault for being provocative. 

She wore a tank top with an over-sized white man's button-up shirt over it, and simple denim jeans that were a little baggy. She wore very little make-up, and her hair wasn't styled. Canvas slip-on shoes covered her feet. A boy she'd gone to prom with - one who was only a friend, but made no attempt to hide that he wanted to be more - led her down an abandoned hallway to talk. It was then and there that he tried to rape her. Her guidance counselor at school told her it was partially her fault because of how she was dressed, and because she'd gone to the dance with the young man. 

She wore a tube top with a button-up shirt over the top, and shorts that fell to a few inches above her knee; canvas shoes, no make-up, and her hair was a windblown mess. She was bike riding with friends, until all but one had to go home. It was then that the one who was still with her decided they needed a break from riding - and raped her. He told her she was asking for it because she'd dressed up for him. 

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Immodest dress to blame for lustful thoughts and actions?

At Bible Study last night, we were discussing women and their sexuality - and how some use that sexuality to get what they want. The conversation veered off to how we dress, and how men are visual creatures. If they see a young lady dressed in short shorts and skimpy tops, they are prone to lustful thoughts. And this is where I had to step in and speak up....

I am not at all against teaching girls to have a little modesty. And yes, the Bible says we must not cause a brother to stumble. However...

1) I will not teach my daughters that how they dress excuses a man's lustful behavior. I don't care if a woman is walking down main street completely naked - this does not give a man the right to rape her. I don't care if the man takes her out to dinner - this does not mean she "owes" him her body, or anything else. Men, and men alone, are responsible for their actions; just as we women are solely responsible for our actions.

2) C'mon! It's 90 degrees outside. If a guy can be outside in shorts and no shirt to keep cool, a girl can be outside in a tank top and shorts. If you, as a male, cannot keep your hands off her because she's showing a little skin, then maybe there's a problem with you. 

3)  Why are we teaching females how to avoid rape (which, by the way, telling them to dress more modestly is not going to prevent most rapes), but we aren't teaching our boys to not rape??? Almost everything I read tells girls how to avoid being a victim. Don't get me wrong - it's good for girls to be aware and educated in how to be safe. But there must be equal attention (or perhaps even more attention) given to boys on how to respect females. You do not get to touch, kiss, or have sex with us without permission. Groping us is not funny. Making jokes about us being "doable" is not cool. Acting like the big man on campus that can get any girl he wants, is not a turn on, and does not make you a man at all. And I don't care how that girl is dressed... her clothing choice is not an invitation for you to have sex with her.

Teach Responsibility! 

You, and you alone, are responsible for the lust in your heart and for your words and actions.

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. (Matthew 5:27-30)

Note... this passage doesn't say "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully - the woman has committed adultery." It doesn't say "If a woman causes you to stumble..."

Women - dress modestly out of respect for the Lord and your own body.
Men - grow up and stop blaming women for your inability to keep your lust in check.

Chicken or the Egg?

I've always thought the questions "What came first - the chicken or the egg?" was such an insanely stupid question. Besides the fact there is no way to truly know the answer, there really is no point to it either.

Or is there?

What came first - the decline of Christianity or the decline of the family unit?
What came first - the rise of commercialism or the decline of the church?
What came first - the rise of money-hungry politicians or the decline of the US government?

Yeah, still is pointless to ponder.

But, all of these aren't the point of this post anyway.. I simply thought they were interesting to throw out there. So what is my point?

Trust and respect -

What comes first - trust and respect, or earning such trust and respect?

For example - take pastors. Why? Because I'm inherently distrustful of them, and yet they walk into our lives with a title suggesting they should be able to be trusted and respected.

Pastor Bill... or Bob... or Tim... or Tom... or whatever the case may be starts at your church as the newly installed minister. You call him Pastor Bob or Bill or... whatever the case may be. Because he is a pastor, you've already made up your mind to give him respect by utilizing this title. And, I would argue, you've also already made up your mind to give him trust.

But what if Pastor Bob is abusive? Or just an imbecile? What if he *gasp* is a sinner? What if he's cheating on his wife, or sleeping with a member of the congregation? What if he watches porn on a regular basis, or is drunk most Sunday mornings at service? What if he just simply is not worthy of the trust and respect we automatically give him?

I have battled with trust issues for as long as I can remember. But pastors do get the brunt of this mistrust. I will call a pastor "Pastor" at the church on Sunday morning as a sign of respect. But that's as far as it goes. One must earn the right to be consistently considered a pastor - with me, at least. But, to be fair, I don't hand over trust or respect to anyone else either - surface respect, but that's it.

So, does the title inherently give them claim to such trust and respect? Should we automatically trust them until they give us a reason not to? Or should we hold off until they prove they are worthy of such trust? 

What comes first - the chicken or the egg? The trust/respect or the earning of these?

Love Me Or I'll Kill You!

"Love me or I'll kill you"

I can't help think of some really creepy suspense thriller... or that one friend I used to have...

But did you know, a lot of people think this is God? That God is some psychotic selfish killer?

We must love God or we'll go to Hell. We must obey God, or His wrath will rain down upon  us. We must embrace all that is the Lord, or He will cause torment and pain in our lives.

If things go badly for us - our spouse dies, our home burns to the ground, our child becomes very ill - it's because we aren't praying hard enough. Or it's because it's God's plan. Or it's because we don't have enough faith in the Lord.

People say we are to fear God - but that this fear means to respect and honor Him. But then go on to discuss his wrath, and the deadly consequences of not obeying Him. This isn't a respect based fear. This is definitely not a love based fear. This is a "You will obey, or you will die!" fear.

And then, after telling us all of this... they tell us God loves us and we should love Him....

.......

uhhh... ummmm.....

.....

My parents used to beat me. As they were kicking me in the ribs, or punching me in the face, or throwing me against a wall, or pulling me down the stairs by my hair, or... (well, you get the point)... they'd be telling me "I'm only doing this because I love you."

And, if we didn't utter the phrase "I love you, too"... well, let's just say it was never very pretty.

So basically, when you say everything I listed above in regards to God - that He causes us pain because we aren't praying enough or don't have enough faith... that His wrath will rain down on us if we don't obey... that we MUST love him or die....

You're telling me that God is nothing more than an abusive father.

I'm sorry if this upsets anyone... but if this is your definition of love... then I truly do pray for you. If this is your definition of love... I pray for your children and spouses and loved ones. If this is your definition of love... then I beg you - please do NOT love me.

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Thank you Lord for loving me for who and what I am - a sinner who follows you out of deep love and respect, not out of fear of your wrath.

Black Lace Panties to Church?!?

Well... at least they aren't white since it's before Easter....

A little over a week ago, for World Day of Prayer, I wore a brightly colored turquoise dress with open toe pink sandals. I thought nothing of it. I was told to wear something bright... and quite frankly, black dress heels just did not match the cheery dress. A comment was made about it being too early to wear such a thing. I simply assumed the person meant because there was 3 feet of snow on the ground.

A couple days later, at church, this same person made a comment to my daughter about her open-toe dress shoes (not even sandals... they were dress shoes with a little tiny hole at the toes) and how it's too early for those. Again, I assumed she meant because of the weather. The next day, this woman told me how she's impressed that my children do what they want - that they don't follow social norms.

That confused the heck out of me. What do you mean don't follow social norms?!

Granted, she is right - my kids are taught from early on to be themselves. I do reign them in a little to prevent them from being complete social outcasts and/or ending up in prison... but I encourage them to do their own thing. But I really had no clue what this woman was talking about. And then I remembered my step-mother telling me you can't wear white shoes before Easter (and after Labor Day). So, I looked that up - and sure enough, you also aren't supposed to wear open toed shoes or white pants/skirts during this time-frame either.

Well, I am quite certain God doesn't care what I wear to church - or what my children wear to church. I am quite certain if Jesus had a pair of white sandals, he'd be wearing them before Easter - at least, until he needed to give them to someone in need.

Who are we to judge what others wear?

And, I am just as guilty. The other day I was talking to someone about how this group of teenagers had all gone to church in jeans... which isn't really a bad thing... but that one of them had even gone so far as wearing sweatpants. I was brought up being taught that you dress as nicely as you are able to afford for church as a sign of respect to God. If all your family can afford is jeans... then wear jeans. If sweats are all you have, so be it. But when you have money and your parents are buying you all name brand things - you can afford to show a little respect to the Lord - the one who has given your parents the gift of being able to afford nice things.

Now, I do still hold to this belief. While true, it is not my place to judge others (and I will have to do better on reigning in my tendency to do this), I do believe you should dress as nicely as you are able as a sign of respect. Again, this may indeed mean sweat pants, or stained and ripped jeans. But if you have the money to afford $200 pairs of jeans, you should try to show a little respect and gratitude towards God that you can afford those.

That said, I don't think we need to hold to "social norms" when it comes to what to wear. There was a time when women weren't supposed to be seen in jeans/slacks. Well, the time has come when it shouldn't matter if women are seen in white shoes in February.

God really doesn't care what we wear to worship - he only cares that we show up... and if that's in open toed shoes, white slacks, and black lace panties, then so be it.