Maybe It's a Me Thing

Maybe it's just a me thing... 

When I was a preteen/teenager, I didn't deal well with my own high emotions (and those who know me, I hear you thinking "you still don't". Knock it off and keep reading...). Anger, hurt, rejection, fear... it was too much for me to handle. And so I took it out on things - usually trees. I'd punch them until the pain and anger subsided.

At times, and often subconsciously, I'd also strike out at people. Not physically, but emotionally/verbally. And throughout my life, I've often also found myself striking out at God. 

In my last post, I talked about how it's okay to question God and be angry with Him. And I do believe this.  While yes, the Bible does warn us about anger, anger is a natural emotion. We all feel it. We all find ways to express it. And this is okay, as long as you're not hurting anyone. Which brings me to my point...

Who are we really trying to hurt? 

When I punch a tree, the tree doesn't feel it. The tree can take it. But me? My knuckles end up scraped and hurting.

When I figuratively/emotionally punch a person, I choose someone whom I know won't feel it. I choose someone I know can take it. But me? Guilt, fear, and loneliness often follow.

When I strike out at God, it doesn't faze Him. He's God. He can take it. But me? With each attack on God, I find myself slipping further away from Him.

I choose to strike out when I know the only thing being hurt is myself.

Self-loathing = Pride?

I used to get irritated by people who were so full of pride in themselves. Didn't they know that pride is a sin? It's selfish, self-centered, and just plain annoying. Thank God I wasn't like that.

Instead, I'm a horrible person. I'm bad. I'm a sinner. I can never be good enough. I can never do enough good. I hate who I am. I hate how I am. I deserve the pain I inflict on myself. I... I... I...

am selfish and self-centered (and probably just plain annoying).

The point of this post...

There isn't one. It's just a personal rambling because I realized that the things, people and God I beat on don't feel it. They don't care. All I'm doing is hurting myself and driving myself further into my own little world of isolation, and driving myself further from God.

It's a me thing.

The Three (+100) Voices We Hear

This is so stupid. Why are we bothering with this?
Because it's important?
Why? Who really gives a shit?
Just shut up and...
I want a drink
Of course you do. You're a drunk
uh hello nimrod, you're me
Will you please just...
yeah yeah, shut up
Exactly
(silence)
...Oh c'mon, you know I wasn't serious
Maybe we should email him again.
No, maybe we should leave him alone
Why
Why not?
Stop guys! We need to figure this out!
Blah blah, emotionally detached
Blah blah, hyper-sensitive
emotionally immature
We don't care
I care
Stop trying to be an individual.
Stop telling me what to do
Think he actually cares?
...please tell me you're kidding??
Why?
Why not?
Knock it off! You guys are impossible
...improba...
Now's not the time 

-------------------

I Hear Voices:

This was an actual conversation that went on in my head just a few moments ago. It actually involved a few more voices, but it's hard to recall what all is said and in what order when they're all talking over each other. But regardless of how many are speaking, it's a common occurrence. In fact, it's pretty much 24/7.Yes, they may quiet down from time to time, but for the most part, it's so loud up there, I can't hear myself think.

While this may all be entertaining from time to time, there is one very annoying downfall - it's really difficult to hear God talking.

I read once that we all hear three voices whispering (and sometimes screaming) at us: God's voice, satan's voice, and our own. With the exception of the 100 voices whispering in my head, I can agree with this. But how do we know which voice is speaking?

God's Voice: 

In my experience, as humans, we always want to assume the other two voices are God's. I mean, wouldn't it be nice to think the voice telling us we're justified in smacking a moron upside the head is something God is telling us?

The easiest way to know if it's His voice - does what is being said match up with Scripture? From studying the Gospel, we know God wouldn't give us permission to smack people around. There's that whole "turn the other cheek" thing. So, voice doesn't match Scripture, therefore safe bet the voice doesn't belong to God. The more we delve into God's Word - reading it and studying it - the easier it is for us to ascertain if it's God's voice we hear.

Satan's Voice:

This one is the one we often like to believe just might be God. But, Satan's voice is pretty easy to differentiate. It's the opposite of God's. It doesn't line up with Scripture. It sounds nice...tempting... and we need to learn to ignore that voice.

My Voice: 

I, me, my, mine, myself...

Notice a common theme, there? Yup, yup... that voice is the selfish one. It's the fleshy, lusty, covetous voice. It's the one that wants what I want (whether or not it's mine to have), and is only looking out for me. It's self-gratifying, and not really caring who gets knocked over in the process.

And, quite often, this voice must be ignored.

How to know which is speaking... 

As I pointed out earlier, our best test as to which voice is speaking is to compare what is being said to what is found in Scripture. If it goes against God, it's not Him.

Pray, pray and pray some more! The more we engage in conversations with God, the easier it is to distinguish His voice.

Ask yourself:
Am I being told to do something that will hurt others?
Am I doing something that hurts myself or my relationship with God? 
Does it glorify God?
Does it go against Scripture?

Hold onto those things which glorify God and bring you closer to Him.
Ignore those things which harm you, others, or your relationship with God.

And those other 100 voices that just won't shut up? Well, if anyone has any ideas, I'm quite willing to listen...

God bless!

I Love You, But I Don't Like You Much

I remember early on in my relationship with my husband - I got upset with him. I can't remember why. I only remember saying something about not liking him, which scared him. He assumed I meant that I don't love him.

"No... I said I don't like you. I love you... but right now, I don't like you very much."

It was at this point that I had to explain to him that there are many different kinds of love, and in varying degrees. There are your selfish loves and your selfless ones. Passionate, physical ones, and loves that come from the soul. There are loves you feel towards family... towards friends... towards lovers... towards God. And you can feel multiple forms of love for one person.

Because of the different forms, and only having one word in the English language to encompass all of them,  miscommunication are commonplace. I will say I love someone else, and my husband will become jealous. Or, I will tell a friend I love him/her, and they will assume I mean something with sexual connotations. Or, they will assume I want something from them.

The Main Types of Love

Philia/Phileo: brotherly love - the love we have towards friends, companions. This love is found often in the Bible.

Storge: familial love - the natural love which exists between parents, children, siblings, etc. This love is not stated specifically in the Bible, but there are many examples of it existing.

Eros: erotic love - the sexual, physical love that exists between two people. While not stated in the Bible either, eros is the form of love written of in Song of Solomon.

Agape: unconditional love - the truest form of love. This love is often considered a divine love as it is God's love for us, and the love Christ wants us each to have with each other, is unconditional. This love is found in the Bible.

If You Love Me, You'll... 

All forms of love, with the exception of agape, generally have conditions applied. Because of our human nature, we often attach these conditions without even thinking about it.

If you love me, you'll stay. You'll be faithful. You'll share your time with me. You'll teach me. You'll hold me. You'll have sex with me. You'll cook for me. You'll give up your career for me. You'll give up your friends for me. You'll...

Well, you get the point. I've done it many times. I've had many people do it to me. But do you notice the common theme? You will do something for me. Love like this is the epitome of selfishness. But, we brush it off because we often reciprocate - we will be selfless to the person we love whom is acting selfishly. In other words - it's ok if I say "if you love me, you'll give up your friends for me" because last night, you said "if you love me, you'll have sex with me" and I obliged. We often unwittingly trade favors and expectations to justify our selfishness.

Because I Love You, I'll...

Because "God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son... " (John 3:16)

I have always disliked the phrase "If you love me, you'll..." even though I am just as guilty of it as anyone else. I may not say it, but the unspoken message is there. But this isn't how God wants us to love. He wants us to love as He does... "Because I love you, I'll..."

I'll be there for you. I'll hold you when you need comfort. I will wait for you. I will forgive you no matter what you do against me. I will not do anything to harm you. I will not take anything that is yours. I will show patience and understanding. I will not expect anything from you - including  not expecting you to do any of these things which I will do for you, and not expecting you to not do any of the things I will not do to you. I will accept you as you are.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Agape isn't easy. Some would say it's virtually impossible for us as humans to truly reach this form of love. And perhaps for us to love this way 100% of the time is impossible. We will always have human nature - human sin - human selfishness - pulling at us. But this is no excuse for us to not always aim for this kind of love with everyone.

Yes, with your spouse, there will be eros. But that doesn't mean there shouldn't also be agape. With friends, with enemies, with the beggar you met on the street corner - love them as God teaches us to love. With children, with teachers, with co-workers and bosses - love them as God teaches us to love. With God... love Him as He has taught us.

As soon as that "if he really loved me..." enters your mind, squash it. Pray on it. Pray for selflessness in your love. Pray for unconditional love.

Selfishness is a right - not a sin.

I was checking the stats on this blog, and it gives me the searched word or phrase that led someone to my site. One of these phrases struck me as interesting... and as a good topic to write about... "Selfishness is a right, not a sin"

Now, don't misunderstand me, I don't actually believe that phrase. But, I thought it was a good one, especially considering all the times I've mentioned selfishness as of late. We, as humans, by nature, are incredibly selfish, and I am no different - and perhaps worse in many ways.

Another phrase I heard was in regards to the definition of selfishness. It was a quote by Oscar Wilde -  "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." I found this quote to be interesting as well, especially considering it changes some actions one would otherwise consider as selfish to not be so. To me, selfishness is self-interest - it is quite simply to ignore the needs of others.

To address both definitions, let us consider Jack and Jill (yes, I realize, I'm not too creative - it is 11:30pm after all). Jack and Jill are very close friends and have been for several years. They have enjoyed Friday night drinks at the bar every week, and Sunday brunch. They've talked on the phone a few times a week (or day) for several years. But now, Jill has made the decision to leave - to move across the US. She met a guy, and found a job, and there were just many perks (in her mind) to make this move.

But, of course, Jack is not quite as excited about this decision. He's hurt and angry. He feels slighted. He doesn't believe Jill cares - after all, if she did, she wouldn't move away. And, he believes she is acting very selfishly. She isn't thinking about him, or her other friends and family, or anyone else that loves her. She's only thinking about herself and what she wants.. and of course, by definition, this must then mean that he is not something she wants.

And Jill of course will miss him and her other friends, but this move is something she is excited about, and a move that will be good for her. She knows it's time to move on.

So, who is being selfish here? If you go by the simple definition of self-interest - doing what you want without regard to anyone else... they are both being selfish: Jill, because she isn't considering Jack's feelings, and is instead chasing her dreams; and Jack, because he isn't considering her feelings - he wants her to stay for him.

Jack thinks Jill should live as he thinks she should; Jill thinks she should live as she wants to. By the Oscar Wilde quote, this would make Jack the only truly selfish one here.


So what does the Bible have to say about selfishness, and how can that be applied to our little scenario?

Philippians 2:4 - Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:21 - For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 10:24 - Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.

1 John 3:17 - But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?

The verses from Philippians would suggest that both Jack and Jill are guilty of selfishness - they are both seeking to fulfill their own interests.

1 Corinthians 10:24, and John 3:17 would both suggest it is Jill whom is the guilty party. She is seeking only her own good... not the needs of her friend.

But to me, the most important verse to consider is:

1 Corinthians 13:4-6 - Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Actually, it is simply... "Love... does not insist on its own way." Again, both of our characters are guilty to a degree of this, however, it is Jack whom is truly trying to push his way on Jill. 

So, we must cast aside our own desires, whether or not we believe the other person is also acting selfish. We must be the better person, and not allow selfishness to cloud our hearts. 

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Matthew 7:15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves."

It started several months ago - in a moment of weakness due to days of taxing physical labor - she allowed herself to be manipulated. she began to trust in someone, and believe in what they told her. She had a moment of clarity a couple days later, and even wrote about it. She chastised herself for allowing herself to be manipulated in such a way. 6 months later, she has continued to allow herself to be manipulated.

You see, we all want something to believe in. For some of us, we believe in ourselves only. For others, we believe in a higher power, or a God of some sort. And for others, we believe no one is worthy of believing in. But no matter what it is we choose, and to what degree, we need to believe. This woman was no different.

She believed in God. She believed that we should all do our best to help our neighbors. But just because she believed this, didn't mean that she believed we are all worthy of being saved, nor did she believe that God is all loving and kind and good. If this was the case, there wouldn't be so much sickness and disaster and pain in the world. Perhaps an accurate definition for her would be that she was a defeated believer. She didn't believe in the church, or in the church community. She believed you could worship in your own heart and that's all that was needed. And above all else, she believed that mankind itself is untrustworthy, and no one should be handed any kind of trust.

And in walked someone who made her question her beliefs. For six months this person forced her to reconsider, and forced her to allow trust and love back into her heart. For six months he had her convinced there was a better way. And then, just slightly into his teaching and guiding, he walked away. His reasons were selfish and petty. He who claimed to be doing "God's work" and following "God's path" took the path that was best to his liking. He didn't take the road less traveled. He took the one most appealing to himself.

2 Corinthians 11:14 "And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light."

Should he have such a right? Can he still claim to be such a follower of Christ if he follows his own desires? But, the same can be said of the woman in the story - she obviously desired him to remain her teacher, her leader. In her mind, the teaching was not done, the job was unfinished.

Switch out the characters in the story... the woman is now a young child, the preacher is a volunteer rescue worker...

This small child was out wandering around, and she falls into a deep well. She's cold, hungry, injured and tired. She's broken a bit. The rescue worker comes to her aid, dropping a rope down the well. He's able to instruct the girl how to place the rope around herself so he can pull her out. And he does pull. He puts in great effort to assist her. With each foot she is raised from the bottom of the well, her trust and love for the worker grows. Her hope grows. Her pain is lessened. Slowly, she reaches the halfway point. She knows she's almost free.

And then the worker releases the rope, having received a call about another job to do....

And thus endeth the lesson.  I'm quite certain I don't need to go into detail on how much worse her injuries to her body and spirit are after the rope was released.

Ezekiel 34:4 "The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them."

Sin - Synonymous with Selfishness?

As stated in an earlier post, going into depth on each of the seven deadly sins will have to wait, however, I am not yet prepared to completely leave the topic of sin behind. Therefore, tonight's lesson is on exactly that - Sin.

It was proposed earlier this week to me that sin and selfishness are basically synonymous with each other. I had never before considered this concept. But, if you think about it, it is somewhat similar. For example, take into consideration the seven deadly sins - these are all very obviously linked to selfishness. To conduct yourself in any way matching these sins would definitely be considered to be acting in your own self-interest. Lust? Envy? Greed? Gluttony? These are all wanting something for yourself, whether it be a person, money, food, and whether or not it already belongs to someone else. Sloth? Again, this is self-interest - this is a personal desire to do nothing - to not want to be active physically, mentally, or spiritually. Pride? Pride is egotistical which is in itself selfishness. And wrath? Wrath is generally an anger or hatred towards a person whom has done wrong to you. When this is the case, or perhaps no matter what the case would be to cause wrath, it is still selfishness.

But, what if you are stealing food to feed your children? Is this selfishness? Is this a sin?

What if you kill someone in an attempt to save someone else? Is this selfishness? Is this a sin?

How do you determine when something is a sin and when it isn't? I'm not sure it's always as clear cut as one would think. How many times have you heard or said the expressions "It's the thought that counts" or "you had good intention"? In regards to sin and selfishness being synonymous, I think this expression matters a great deal. If you are stealing food to help someone else survive, you are stealing with a good intention, therefore, it is not selfish and is not a sin. The law might disagree with this, however. And, I guess it could be argued that you were still acting in selfishness - you decided that your children (or whoever it is you're helping to survive) is more important than the person you are still from. Therefore, it is selfish in a sense.

But, moving along...

 

 The above image makes sense, and I don't think most of us would argue with any of these points here. But the one on this image that I think we often overlook is self-pity. This category points out one small contradiction. I grew up being taught that someone else always has it worse than I do, and therefore I should not feel pity for myself. Now just like the other categories, just because I was taught this doesn't mean I have always followed this. But, the teaching was still there. And so I learned not to discuss this depression, and not to seek help. Of course, there were other reasons behind my desire to not speak out, but one reason was that there are people out there who have it worse. 

But now, I have people telling me it is ok to feel depressed, and to have a bit of a pity party. It is acceptable to feel sorry for myself. But it is from these same people where I hear that selfishness is a sin. So which is it? 

Are sin and selfishness synonymous with each other - or only sometimes? It's an interesting question and concept. But then again, I find the whole concept of sin to be rather interesting... perhaps because I am a sinner.