But seriously...
Every now and then I realize that I truly am one of the lucky ones. I realize that God truly has been watching over me. True, I often forget this, and true, I have been through a lot. I have been molested and raped and beaten. I have suffered many forms of abuse from many different people - people who were supposed to love and care for me. And during these times (and times when I am feeling sorry for myself for what I went through), I often found myself asking if there really is a God. Is God and His angels just up there drinking beer and watching sports? Or perhaps they're playing chess... and I'm merely a pawn. Yes, I often thought these things.
Throughout the media lately, more and more stories come out that sicken me.... and make me realize that what I've gone through has been a party compared to what some suffer. A 4 month old who is raped to death by her mother's boyfriend - at the mother's request. A 7 year old sold into slavery and raped by dozens of men almost daily. Parents who hang colored curtains on their windows to let passers-by know if they have a boy or a girl under the age of 10 whose services are for sale. Parents who lock their child in a cage, feeding him from a dog dish, beating him with sticks. Teenagers forcing their girlfriends to provide sexual services to their friends. Boys opening fire on school children. Gangs of girls tormenting and torturing the girl who just doesn't quite fit in, beating her on camera just to make a cool YouTube video.
I could go on for days. But, I'm depressing myself and probably everyone else.
And just as I used to question God's existence when I went through torment and abuse, I am often confronted now by certain people with the question "How can you believe in God when things like this happen?" And, I can't answer with anything other than, "I just do."
Yes, there are still times when I think God must be on a coffee break. There are times when I seriously doubt there are guardian angels watching out for us (still really not sure where I stand on this topic anyway... ?). But I just can't help but believe that God is there. And He is watching out for us. Why do bad things happen? Why are babies killed and children raped and people tortured and tormented for no good reason? I don't know.
Perhaps God really does have a plan (although, I find a God who uses the rape of a baby as part of a "plan" to be a very cruel God indeed and not one I want to follow).
Perhaps God simply isn't that concerned with what happens on earth. He isn't tormenting us intentionally; He is simply more focused on our lives when we leave this earth. '
Perhaps the earth really is Satan's world, and we won't get a reprieve from the pain until we're in heaven (all the more reason to shape up and turn to God now).
I don't know. I don't have the answers. I only know that this world sometimes sucks, but I still believe in God and love Him.
God bless!
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